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Deeply depressed but AD bring on overwhelming anxiety


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I feel trapped between a rock and a hard spot because I can't find a way out of my current situation which is combo of deep depression and anxiety. I tapered and jumped from the benzos 3 months ago and am having a difficult time functioning at all. I have tried two different AD, Paxil and Lexapro, but find the anxiety and dread too intense and stop after a couple of days. I used to be on 20mg Paxil and .75 xanax at night to sleep. I stupidly tapered the AD first about a year ago, before I had ever heard of the Ashton manual or benzo dependency. I thought insomnia was my biggest enemy, but little did I know what benzo tolerance and withdrawal was awaiting me.  Anyway, now I don't know what to do. I am thinking of reinstating both at a tiny dose and again taper the benzo in 2-3 weeks when the AD starts to support me and AD induced anxiety begins to subside. I read on forums that we should never, ever reinstate the benzos but I am getting desperate and my family is suffering a lot as well. I am searching for the lesser evil and a way to move forward in my life, even if I have to take a couple of steps backwards first. Thanks for reading.
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