95% - 9months off Xanax8mg, Valium15mg Lyrica300mg, Alcohol, rapid taper+kindle

[[My...]]

I didn't want to write a success story until I was 100% but I will provide an update if there's any random break/setback in the continuity of my healing, as this seems to happen to many after nearing 100% healed. I will provide all the important and interesting details.

 

I pray this provides hope for others in a tough spot as the circumstances contributing to my level of dependence and withdrawal were very unfavourable.

 

1. My Circumstances + story of usage

2. Rocky taper process + general symptoms timeline and pattern of symptoms

3. What helped me and what I avoided

 

1. The only favourable and I believe most crucial circumstance was my young age of 24. I kindled from valium 4 times prior to this withdrawal (all mild to moderate 5-10mg daily dose withdrawals, some alcohol involved). I had withdrawn midly from alcohol about 4 times prior also. My duration of use was relatively short at 4months, but my daily average dose towards the end was 8mg+ Xanax, 10mg valium, 15mg oxazepam, 300mg Lyrica and anywhere from 2 shots up to half a bottle of liquor. I was a total idiot and was in a bad place. This period began when I had decided to quit opioids as the guilt of my addiction was too much (turns out I actually do require them to even be able to work part time, will discuss reinstatement of opioids and my experience below). I decided to use Xanax for the opioid withdrawal for a period of 2 weeks

with whatever dose necessary and then switch to low 5-10mg doses of valium for my pain and anxiety while I completed my final year of study as it had worked fine in the past with a "normal" withdrawal. After 2 weeks the opioid withdrawal symptoms persisted as I had stupidly switched to tramadol thinking it would be easier to withdraw than Oxycodone. I decided to take the Xanax longer and by 3 weeks of use I no longer had control of my usage. I've abused most other drugs moderately and I've never lost control like I did with Xanax. I didn't even like it that much. I was already geared towards getting as high as I could and I was in a period of newfound freedom and money so my plan was to indulge lifes pleasures. But with Xanax I barely had control on how far that went. My inhibitions were so low I did not see the consequences of anything, all the money I was spending, how many drugs I was taking, how I was acting towards people, who I was becoming, and I'm a very reasonable person. I still believed I stopped much sooner than some would but it took 4 months rather than a typical one week of really fucking up before it sunk in that I had to stop. Then how bad the withdrawal turned out to be. Honestly the worst drug and combinations. I'd say it's up there with meth in terms of life shattering potential. At least meth is mostly extreme craving from what I hear and not these 100s of intense physical withdrawal symptoms.

 

2. Throughout majority of my withdrawal I smoked cannabis and took agomelatine 25mg. I first quit alcohol for a week. Then drank for 2 days. Then another week of no alcohol. Then I dropped the Xanax from 8mg to 4mg for a week. Then to 2mg for 2 weeks. Then the stupidest thing I did, 300mg Lyrica to 150mg and Xanax 2mg to <0.25mg. I was in absolute hell for a month. Verge of psychosis. Strange hallucinations. Heavy shaking. Nightmares. Burning under the skin associated with blood pressure rise. Rage. Heavy depression. Insomnia. Extreme panic, wanting to run/scream/cry. Brain zaps. New pains, particularly in shoulder.  Extreme cognitive deficiency, barely any memory (to the point of predominantly remembering memories from 5-10 years prior), slow reaction and mental processing times. and all those random combinations of symptoms that hit you out of no where that make the inconsistency of it all too much to manage.

 

After 2 months I came off the Xanax and went to 20mg valium. Also tapering Lyrica from 150mg by 25mg every 2-4 weeks. It took me another 4 months to wean valium and Lyrica 5 months down to zero. Whole taper was horrible but only got to about 75% as bad as the first month after the massive Xanax reduction so weaning is definitely worth it if you have the time, I was in a race against time though.

 

After 2-3months off I had markedly improved but symptoms were still erratic. Things really started to look up and stay predictable after 4 months but things were still horrible enough to make me fear being permanently suffering and unhappy. At 6 months I had grown very confident. My symptoms had followed a consistent pattern for months of hitting a wave every month on the mark from the date I totally stopped. Waves starts with 1.5weeks of anxious/physical excitatory symptoms followed by 1.5weeks of depressive symptoms with lesser but still prominent physical symptoms. The 4th week before the next wave I would have a reasonable window. By the 6 month the windows had me feeling basically 100% and waves I felt about 70%.

 

Somewhere around this time I stopped smoking cannabis as the negative effects on my motivation and general anxiety outweighed the benefits on withdrawal. After 2 months I realised my chronic pain was intolerable for work life and reinstated Oxycodone 10mg daily. Oxycodone immediately had me feeling close to 100% or more the majority of the time. Haven't skipped a beat from the remaining waves. It's just about 9 months and I'm at the point where even without the Oxycodone life is rarely even a slight struggle. Some days in the waves are annoying and uncomfortable but not hindering. Each wave is better than the last and my tinitus is at the point where is doesn't even go into a high pitch tone. My ear basically just gets that blocking sensation before it would start and then nothing happens. Muscles only slightly twitch occasionally so these phsyical indicators are promising.

 

3. I didn't experiment much with supplements. But used a few meds and illicit substances that all helped to a reasonable degree without any setback.

 

- Agomelatine is a great antidepressant. It kept my sleep good due to melotonergic agonism and did not rev me up as it is not an SSRI. Always helped with my previous treatment resistant depression. Withdrawal and side effects are also very minimal due to its action and short half life. Couldn't recommend enough.

 

- Cannabis kept me from sinking too low into despair and depression. Not only did it help ease most physical symptoms, it provided an outlet and literally the only enjoyment I was capable of experiencing for a very long time. The only downfall was it made me more anxious at times and less motivated.

 

- antihistamines: promethazine had unfavourable effects on RLS and strange revving in some areas. Doxylamine worked the best. Calmed be down and even made me feel pretty nice and relaxed sometimes. Like promethazine it can have some similar side effects at high doses. Normal doses are generally fine and can be used quite a bit without withdrawal. Benedryl is also apparently very good but never tried it. Doxylamine reports most success on here. There's some article out there discussing major positive effects on mice healing in benzo withdrawal who were given antihistamines.

 

Vitamin C and zinc helped me to feel energised and less depressed/anxious.

 

- Opioids while addictive, have helped the most. They apparently balance the neurotransmitters and it honestly feels like that is what has happened as almost all remaining chemical imbalance feels resolved, a thread talking about "brain in balance" references this with a diagram. The are some potential side effects at first like mild agitation, sleepiness or with Oxycodone stimulation, nausea, anxiety. But these all mostly pass after a week or 2. I never used to experience these symptoms but I became sensitive after benzos. Apart from that it's my personal miracle for benzo withdrawal  and some others I've seen. I became more confident than ever combined with my newfound skills, I'm not mentally or physically exhausted and can get a lot done again, barely any pain, think clearer, basically I just function properly. Apparently Oxycodone blocks GABA a tiny bit so I guess that's the agitation and anxiety explained, but the small impact on GABA is outweighed by the dopamine, seratonin etc and just the general anti-anxiety and feeling of wellbeing produced by opiate receptors. I also believe I have healed more quickly since being on it. I imagine not being stressed all the time and actually being able to gain weight allows my body to heal more efficiently. It's a drug that should be used with great caution. Never exceeding 40mg daily. But 20mg is preferable as this is the lowest of the moderate side effect profile and 40mg is the beginning of the high end. Don't ever take more than prescribed daily dose and taking less or leaving large gaps between dosing will maintain your tolerance well. If you think there's a good chance you would abuse it then don't try. Otherwise I couldn't recommend it enough if you have a life to maintain and can't afford a career or relationship setback. The withdrawal is no biggie compared to benzos, particularly at 20mg daily and the worrying risks of opioids like testosterone deficiency issues or hyperalgesia are extremely uncommon at doses below 40mg. Codeine or morphine works okay but less effective and more side effects. Hydrocodone seems like a similar less addictive alternative. Avoid tramadol or tapentadol which increase seratonin and noredrenaline. That's it besides maybe burpenorphine but it can have a long withdrawal.

 

Psilocybin mushrooms almost totally healed my mental depression that's been an issue since before benzos. It healed my OCD and addictive tendencies. I would not be able to use Oxycodone responsibly if I had not microdosed mushroms for a couple of months. I take a mild to moderate dose once a month or two to maintain the effect. There is an effect on seratonin that seems to stay present for a long period of time. The drug honestly seems to reset preconceptions and experiences that cause depression and compulsive behaviour. You're able to rethink your issues with a clean slate and reason with yourself unlike before. That's the great thing, they don't just automatically heal you, they give you the ability to heal yourself without it taking years of therapy. Careful intention and an open mind is the key.

 

- Paracetamol/acetaminophen sometimes and it's fine and helps pain but I avoid taking it often due to anti-inflammatory effects that can cause setback

 

- I drink sustagen which is a multivitamin that's not overloaded and take vitamin d with no issue and it helps general well-being and energy

 

- started drinking coffee again at 6 months without much issue. More than 1 cup revved me up though, particularly store made coffee. 1tsp instant coffee was ideal for helping mental performance and motivation/depression. Avoid energy drinks, v gave me a small setback once.

 

- msg particularly revved me up but most bad foods and all take away did for a while. The rev is barely noticeable now or not at all and since being on opioids.

 

- I took GABA supplement during taper and seemed to help IBS. Cautiously didn't take it after taper ended.

 

- quitting smoking was essential, you may not realise but it somewhat subtly makes everything much worse and is proven to prevent GABA-A healing. It's confusing because it makes you feel good at first. I switched to nicotine vape. Still revved me up but no where near how tobacco does and didn't prevent healing. Improved my mental function 50% after 3 months off tobacco. Gum/lozenges didn't work properly but nicotine salts works great in moderation if you're addicted.

 

Obviously don't drink alcohol, be very careful if you take supplements/meds, always cross check them on here and Google their GABA action and avoid certain antibiotics, don't even consider a rescue dose. Just stick it out, it will get better before you know it, you'll thank yourself for taking the quickest route to success and wonder how it was ever so bad. Do everything in your power to have your body functioning at it's best. Eat right, exercise lightly-moderately, sleep right, if it means taking some of the things that don't hinder healing I mentioned then so be it. Try not to avoid socialising. The bad habits of this withdrawal can be hard to shake and regain lost skills. It's all about what your situation and providing yourself with the ability to heal and cope. Basically if stress is low you have the best chance at healing. If life's falling apart don't feel guilty in taking yet another medication, or something that may be unconventional or looked down on. The worst that can happen is it isn't for you, so long as you do your research and it doesn't have a terrible withdrawal like many SSRIs, antipsychotics or gabapentoids. Your run of the mill opioids aren't even in the same league of dependence as psych meds. It's just that they're mentally addictive to some when misused. You have no one to impress so do what you need to do. Don't buy into the panic on here that you can't take anything or that every medication is just as bad as each other. It definitely feels that way after benzo wd though. Just research and don't stay overly cautious. Even if things don't effect GABA directly effecting other neurotransmitters can have unexpected effects on your generally dysfunctional system. E.g SSRIs increasing seratonin but lowering GABA, antipsychotics lowering histamine but also lowering dopamine which increases RLS and involuntary movement. Most of the time with problematic non-gaba drugs you just experience immediate increases in symptoms. But playing with any level too much while very sensitive seems to have the potential for at least a minor setback by throwing your system out of whack temporarily. Although likely not a true setback like with substances such as alcohol.

 

This experience has made me truly appreciate life along with the help from the psilocybin. A typical normal bad day or week is barely enough to shake me these days. It's almost unbelievable that I'm mostly better after being severely impaired for so long and I promise it's worth it once you get here, even if it had of taken 5 years it would have been worth it and that's etxremely uncommon even if you are experiencing horrific symptoms early on. Life is a wonderful thing, especially when you realise how bad it could really be. I also deeply thank all those who document their experiences for the rest of us to learn and speculate.

 

All the best everyone and if you have any questions I'd be happy to answer. Will update when I'm at 100% consistently for several months to confirm a totally successful healing.

[[co...]]

Congratulations, very happy for you.

 

How were your mental symptoms? Did you suffer with DPDR at all?

[[Ar...]]

Congratulations!  Sending you blessings of joy and peace in your life. Keep having faith. Thank you for sharing.