Feel like I can’t go on

[Guest [Ka...]]

(((Hugs))) to you Shanya.  I do understand and it is really rough.

[[Be...]]

Nope not ready lottie. Every day I just think maybe this will magically just end.

 

I’m definitely not ready but some days I feel like slowly walking towards hell is worse than just sprinting to it and getting the hell out of there as soon as I can.

 

I know it’s gunna be bad. I’m just that unlucky. X

 

 

If .5 isn't low enough for you, can you try .25 and then jump. It's like you are in a catch 22 situation, maybe it'll be easier jumping at .25.  Feel better hugs.  🤗

[[Sh...]]

How much longer. I’m getting weaker and weaker. Nausea vomiting diarrhea. Sometimes I don’t think this is wd it’s something else. Because I feel like I’m never going to get better

[[ki...]]

Shayna, when I was in acute I had all of those symptoms in addition to insomnia and anxiety.

[[Sh...]]

Thanku kits. I feel like I’m going to be sick. My head is swimming. God I’m not even off yet.  :'(

[[De...]]

Oh Shay I am so sorry you are suffering so much  :'(

Whatever you decide to do please know there are so many people who care about and support you 

Sending you hugs 

[[mo...]]

Shayna, hold on. It gets better. You will get better. Don’t give up. You can do this.

[[mo...]]

Yeah I know. It’s gunna be real hard. I wish it wasn’t but I know it will be. I just hope I don’t lose the plot from lack of sleep in the mean time

 

It’s ok to loose the plot, all you have to do is not act on it.  It will all be OK.

[[Be...]]

Lovely Shayna,

 

I’m so so sorry you are suffering.  I wish I could maybe it better.  Lovely o know you don’t feel it but you are doing well.  It’s messy right now but I promise it so

T be this way forever.  You are healing - I know it doesn’t feel like it but you are.  I’m here for you which ever you decide to do.  Cheering you on from the side lines because you got this.  I know one day it’s not going to be like this for you.  In the meantime deep hearted, one breath at a time..  all you gotta do right now is breathe, eat & be good to yourself.  Xxx

[[le...]]

Sorry  Shayna that you're still struggling. My Mum just died, found out she and my sister secretly made another will 3 years ago,  and I've been cut out as her executor without my knowledge. Sister won't show me copy of will. Think the universe is conspiring against me!!!!! Hope things soon improve for you.

[[Sh...]]

Sorry about ur mum Leann x I’m sure ur sister will do the right thing

[[Sh...]]

Shay, Katz is right, it is going to be hard for a bit.  Insomnia has been my biggest (and practically only) problem since jumping 6/2020.  Last summer and fall were rough.  This winter, the sleep thing has gradually improved so that in the last couple of months I sleep well 5-6 nights out of 7.  I learned that I can survive and even do that I need to do on very little sleep.

 

We're with you!

 

Kate

 

Thanku Kate for the support. I am very scared I’m not going to lie. This is so very difficult x

[[Sh...]]

I just want to clarify for anyone that might come upon Shayna’s thread that the Ashton manual schedules for Valium do suggest jumping at 1 mg. That being said I know she later suggested .5 mg.

 

Shayna I hope you’re hanging in there. LY. ❤️

 

Thanku kits. My dad wants me to CT now. My hubby is the same but they know how scared I am. I’ve pretty much got total insomnia now unless I take unisom. It’s so awful x

[[Sh...]]

My doctor said me to jump at 2.5mg diazepam. Is this too much? That's half the pill. I could cut the pill in quarters and take 1.25mg two weeks more, but less than 1.25mg is impossible because I can't cut half of a quarter of the pill. My next appoinment is two weeks after the 2.5mg jump, so maybe I could tell her to rx me a smaller pill or liquid form, but I'm 100% sure she won't agree. And I'm too exhausted to do a liquid triatrion (I'm on 10mg right now, just imagine how I will feel when on 2.5mg, moreover considering that every cut is 2.5mg and that's more than the 10% advised, in fact when I will be on 5mg the cut will be 50%, that's too much).

 

What can I do? I don't want to keep the suffering much more and I prefer to do the jump sooner (jumping at 2.5mg, which will be the 15th of April) but I am worried. I can't stand the anxiety, the stomach and swallowing problems (the worst of all symtoms), the intense headaches, the cognitive fog and feeling dumb and not being able to think clearly, and all the stress and frustration I'm experiencing (plus I'm having double withdrawal because I'm also withdrawing from social media addiction). My life is a mess right now and I'm on a very deep hole and I have to work to escape this life situation but I can't because this cognitive fog and exhaustion. I can't do anything and it stresses me too much. My work and my passions are the same one but I can't do them because I can't think clearly and I can't do any mental effort, less even physical effort. The anxiety is huge and my parrot don't stop screaming and this is also driving me nuts. The stress of benzo withdrawal + stress of social media withdrawal + stress of messy life situation (can't clean, can't shower myself, can't socialize, can't travel, I live on a budget so I'm stressed because danger of being out of money and not having freedom, I don't have a car, I live alone and in a very small town in the middle of nowhere, I can't swallow food, almost any food give me bad reactions, etcetera) + the stress of needing to work to escape all of this + the stress of wanting and not being able to get into my passions and do everything I want to do....all of these stressors add up and I think this will end very bad. And I'm still on 10mg diazepam..... In fact that's my major source of anxiety: the fact that I can't control this withdrawal thing. The duration of the withdrawal is what it is and I can't do anything to change it. In an addiction, you are responsible of your behaviour, being sober depends of your decision to abstain. But in benzo withdrawal, you have to follow a schedule and you can't control it (only when holding, which makes the suffering even longer). And further even, it wasn't my fault to being put on benzos. Stupid doctor gave me xanax to see if it would relax a neck muscle spam I had, and even although the leaflet of the xanax says you can't take it for more than 3 weeks, the doctor kept me on it, until I hit tolerance and started feeling a nightmare. And what he did? updose it the double!! And after 6 months I was worse even and what another doctor did? Updose more than the double I was taking!! And now I have to suffer all this withdrawal because of them...... I have so much potential and so many exciting things on my future and they had to be posponed because of this incident and this gives me lots of anxiety.

 

Please I need a bit of consueling. If somebody reads this, please help me, I'm losing my mind. In another post I posted nobody replied...

 

(I edit to add: in social media withdrawal, glutamate cortisol and adrenaline go up, gaba and dopamine go down, that's why it worsens benzo withdrawal, but only lasts 3-4 weeks, and I already getting the benefits of being free (or "sober"), but not still out of the withdrawal phase)

 

Honestly I have way too much going on. Print out the Ashton manual and take it to the dr. I wouldn’t drop that fast if I were u. Look at my signature I crept down snd I’m in a world of hurt.

[[Sh...]]

I'm sorry you are going through this but there is great advice from everyone. I agree that waiting to .5 to jump is probably going to be better than stopping right now. I know it all sucks but three weeks isn't that long and then you can know that you did everything as best as you could and after that, you will have to let the chips fall where they may. Sending you love and healing! 

 

Thanks SRR. I am going to keep going to .5. Very very sick right now so it’s going to be hard

[[Sh...]]

Shayna, hold on. It gets better. You will get better. Don’t give up. You can do this.

 

Thanku mon x god I hope so x

[[Sh...]]

Lovely Shayna,

 

I’m so so sorry you are suffering.  I wish I could maybe it better.  Lovely o know you don’t feel it but you are doing well.  It’s messy right now but I promise it so

T be this way forever.  You are healing - I know it doesn’t feel like it but you are.  I’m here for you which ever you decide to do.  Cheering you on from the side lines because you got this.  I know one day it’s not going to be like this for you.  In the meantime deep hearted, one breath at a time..  all you gotta do right now is breathe, eat & be good to yourself.  Xxx

 

Thanks Bessie xx

[[ki...]]

Shayna, I’ve been thinking about you a lot and I keep hoping that you get some relief soon. Big hugs. ❤️

[[Be...]]

Shayna, hope you feel better soon and can get some sleep.

[[or...]]

I think this would be bad for you, Shay.

 

My dad wants me to CT now. My hubby is the same

 

Hang on for just a bit longer. I think .5 is safe. Better to go by the "approved" guidelines than to freelance.

 

You will feel bad, but no worse than you feel now imo.  And then it will get better.

 

And there's no shame in using Unisom to help you sleep.

 

Best  to you,

 

 

Katz

[[Sh...]]

Shayna, I’ve been thinking about you a lot and I keep hoping that you get some relief soon. Big hugs. ❤️

 

Thanks honey xx

[[Sh...]]

Shayna, hope you feel better soon and can get some sleep.

 

Thanks becks x fingers crossed x

[[Sh...]]

I think this would be bad for you, Shay.

 

My dad wants me to CT now. My hubby is the same

 

Hang on for just a bit longer. I think .5 is safe. Better to go by the "approved" guidelines than to freelance.

 

You will feel bad, but no worse than you feel now imo.  And then it will get better.

 

And there's no shame in using Unisom to help you sleep.

 

Best  to you,

 

 

Katz

 

Thanks Katz yeah I’m going to wait. It’s only 3 more weeks. The unisom is hardly working now. X

[[le...]]

Hope you soon feel better must say I'm hitting the Unisom at moment. Thinking getting a punchbag pretending it's my mother and my sister. Still amazed how duplicitous and underhand your own family can be. Hope you soon get a bit of sleep. Guess the nearer you get to stopping the harder it's getting. Feel I could do with some Valium calm me down , only joking!!

[[Sh...]]

Oh god I wouldn’t ever want anyone to go thru this. Wd number 1 was hard enough now it’s round 2. At least my 6th month off zop will be the same date as my benzo free date. Trying to think that way instead of being scared.