Struggling . Please help.

[[Pa...]]

Your taper should be based on your symptoms not an artificial timeline proposed by someone who doesn't understand that rushing to get off of the drug will not aid in recovery, it just increases the pain as you taper.  There is much healing to be done after you take your last dose, healing that can last weeks, months or years, so having some control over the pain you feel during the taper is the humane thing to do.  I hope your Dr will work with you if things become unmanageable.

[[St...]]

I hope so too.  Both doctors I've been talking to keep reiterating that I'm on a very low dose and. The taper shouldn't be too difficult.  Obviously they have had to go through this themselves.  Just trying to keep positive. 

[[St...]]

Today is July 7.  Things don't seem any better.  Reduced my Valium to 3.5 mg daily.  2 doctors insisted I should take a high dose of mertazapine .  I think I'm losing my mind.  I have become so anxious about everything,.  Worrying that friends are angry with me for no particular reason.  Reliving small events and blowing them out of proportion  till I feel I can't handle it.  The insomnia is returning just like some in this site said about Mertazapine. I am so agitated I can't. Sit still.  My mother has written this for me because I can't seem to put a sentence together.

Just updating you.  I am so angry that I didn't know about benzos  and how they are attempting to destroy my life. 

[[go...]]

Take it easy on yourself.  None of us knew.  What you are experiencing is normal for withdrawal.  You will get your life back again.  What helped me the most was walking.

[[Pa...]]

Please look at chapter 3 of  The Ashton Manual, it explains why you're feeling this way, it's normal for this process, I know, normal isn't a word we can assign to this nightmare. 

[[St...]]

Thanks for the replies.  You are right.  Who knows what normal is anymore.  I found a site about ACT. Acceptance Commitment therapy.  It seemed to help somewhat.  I also saw something called "kindling".  Says that if you have  detoxed from alcohol or other drugs in the past certain parts of the brain remembers and often times when trying to taper the withdrawal is worse.  My doctor said if I wanted, I could go back up to 5mg.  After reading about kindling, I plan to stay at 3.5 for as long as it takes before continuing my taper.  Also decided to reduce the mertazapine .  Larger doses don't seem to make any difference.  I pushed myself today to add a bit of jogging to my daily walk.  Thanks again for your concern and encouragement . 

[[Pa...]]

Yep, kindling is real and the answer isn't going up in dose, so I'm glad you made that decision.  I'm not sure reducing the Mirtazapine is a good idea at this time, we typically suggest only reducing one medication at a time.  There is a support group thread for members who are tapering if you'd like to pop in there to see what they're up against.  http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=80102.0

[[St...]]

Has anyone suffered severe anxiety over another person.  A few years ago I helped a young girl who was in a very difficult family situation.  She finally broke free and is trying to make it on her own.  I am like a big brother to her, not a boyfriend.  Since taking Valium and trying to taper, I constantly worry about her well being.  If I text her and she doesn't immediately reply, I panic.  I keep thinking crazy thoughts, like someone has abducted her or is mistreating her.  I seem to be creating problems that's don't exist.  I'm so frightened.  Is this just another horrible side effect? 

[[Pa...]]

Yep, you're dealing with intrusive thoughts and memories, its very common, from The Ashton Manual.

 

 

Intrusive memories. A fascinating symptom in patients undergoing benzodiazepine withdrawal is that they often mention the occurrence of what seem to be intrusive memories. Their minds will suddenly conjure up a vivid memory of someone they have not thought about or seen for years. Sometimes the other person's face will appear when looking in the mirror. The memory seems uncalled for and may recur, intruding on other thoughts. The interesting thing about these memories is that they often start to occur at the same time that vivid dreams appear; these may be delayed until one or more weeks after the dosage tapering has started. Since recent sleep research indicates that certain stages of sleep (REMS and SWS) are important for memory functions, it is likely that the dreams and the memories are connected. In both cases the phenomena may herald the beginning of a return in normal memory functions and, although sometimes disturbing, can be welcomed as a sign of a step towards recovery.

[[St...]]

Thanks so much for your reply.  I'm thinking I'm  capable of another 10% taper.  What worries me is that if I taper too fast I will have more severe withdrawal, but if I continue with a very slow taper I'm extending my usage time which may make withdrawal harder.  Seems like a catch 22 situation.  I know I just have to trust that things will improve.  Have a good w/e.

[[St...]]

Had a bad few days.  No sleep, stomach problem.  Took an extra dose.  Regret it but it happened.  Do I resume my taper at 3,50 or what. 

[[Pa...]]

A one off dose doesn't seem to have much effect on either our symptoms or our taper so I feel you can resume your taper where you left off.  I'm sorry to hear things have been rough, the way our symptoms wax and wane is maddening.  Just when you feel you can hope again, you get slammed.

 

As for how quickly you feel you should taper, Professor Ashton addresses this conundrum and came to the conclusion that the slow taper is more important than worrying about lengthening your time on the drug, this is borne out to be the case from the thousands of posts I've read on the forum. 

[[St...]]

Thanks for your reply.  Today is not good, but surviving. 

[[Pa...]]

I don't remember having any good days when I was recovering, surviving is sometimes the only thing we can say. 

[[St...]]

Same here.  Some days a bit better than others, but never a good day.  This cocktail of drugs that were prescribed is doing me in.  Taking the advice of a doctor and a psychiatrist was a huge mistake.  I fear that I will never stabilize.  Thanks

[[Pa...]]

I see from your signature that you're a diver, have you been able to do it since your injury?