Protracted and Healed

[[lo...]]

I am 6 years off and never had any windows, when will this end ? Did you suddenly turned a corner 5 years off and realized you were fine ?

 

You say you didnt drive go shopping etc for years ? How did it happened when you went back ? Its like suddenly 5 years off you felt able to go drive etc ?

 

I would really like to know the answer to your question, also.  I hope Misty sees this and responds to you.  If I ever get to the point of any healing, I have had the same question...do we automatically just go back to driving, shopping, cooking, LIVING, like normal?  I just cannot fathom that happening to me, as I have been bed and couch ridden for 2 years now.

[[Ri...]]

Thank you for your story. It gives me hope. Im over three years off i hope things change for the better soon. I have many of the same symptoms you did. Im glad you are better xxoo

[[Hi...]]

Marja2

 

Attitude is everything!

[[sa...]]

Thanks guys.  Had a bad week last week.  All I had to do was organize my prescriptions that I am getting from # different specialists, a rheumatologist, a primary practice physician, and a gastroenterologist.  These are Lipitor for cholesterol, Prilosec for gastric reflux, and Boniva for Osteoporosis.  I had to put them in the weekly tender because I am 68 and because of Benzo brain my memory is not terrific. I was doing OK, then all of a sudden I had a wave and walked the floor for a whole day when my husband went to the senior center to do some volunteer work. All I needed to do was organize 7 days worth of meds in the little thing Sunday - Saturday organizer with my 3 vitamins.  I paced the floor for days.  I went into panic, because if my husband can no longer help me what happens, assisted living where they measure out your food and cook your meals?  My 45 year old daughter lives 30 minutes away and my son 60 minutes away, but they refuse to give me any support because they blame ME and consid  I am just a suburban grandma who used to work in education.  I always held a job and am a college grad.  In my "other life" I have a MEd degree, I was a school counselor and teacher, always had professional jobs.  my husband is a retired bank executive.  Unfortunately, I tried to dry cut the meds under a doctor's, a psychiatrist's guidance.  This man gave me scripts for TEN YEARS.  I feel like punching him in the face right now.  My husband has become my primary care taker because of the situation.  He is now 72years old and retired.  Instead of enjoying himself, he has to do all the housework, all the grocery shopping, drive me everywhere because I can not safely operate a car any more and I am only 68 years old, call and make my doctor and dentist appointments, cook the meals as I rarely feel good enough to cook.  My adult children are in their 40s and are ashamed of their mother and will give me no help. My daughter will not drive 30 minutes to help me, my son is to busy to make a one hour trip to help me, but the stadium where the Buffalo Bills play is every Sunday is a 60 minute drive as well and he finds time for that.  I live near the stadium.  Football is more important than his mother.  On top of that, our Fucking football team really sucks anyways.  So that is that.  They are ashamed of me.  They consider me a crazy addict because my poor husband, who is not their natural dad, my second husband, had to call the ambulance and I was rushed to the hospital having psychotic symptoms.  Oh well, that's life I guess.

 

i m really sorry that your son and daughter are not cooperative. I wish i could help you in anyway but i m 1000s of miles away from you. In anyway i can help please tell. I m in my 40s as well same like your son.

[[Ga...]]

Hi Misty93.  I came to BBs in October 2019, so have not had the pleasure of “meeting” you!  However, I went back and read some of your old posts and your story really pulled at my heartstrings   So, I am really thrilled to read your recent post that you are out living your life in all the ways you are entitled to, especially after such a long, horrific battle.  Congratulations and may your benzo free life be one of good health and much happiness!!!!

[[wa...]]

Thank you so so much for coming back and sharing your story. It gives me hope. I’m so glad for you and your new lease on life & sorry for what you had to go through.

[[Sh...]]

Hey misty.was wondering if u could talk a bit about the insomnia? This is by far my worst symptom snd I’m lucky to get 10-15 hrs a week of sleep. How did u cope? We’re u at all functional? Was it really bad the whole time or did it slowly improve? Xx

[[in...]]

Hello Shayna,

 

I read your concern about insomnia.  I have had the same problem too but have found 2 totally herbal supplements to be very helpful. One is called Theanine Serene (Theanine, Taurine, Magnesium, GABA, holy basil leaf, etc) by Source Naturals.  The second is AdreneVive by Orthomolecular( Phosphatidyl Serene, Ashwaganda, etc.  AdreneVive lowers cortisol according to my doctor.  I get both from Amazon.

I take 2 pills of each an hour before bed and it has been helping me.💤

 

I myself am starting to taper from my last 1.0mg Valium and have been very inspired by how quickly you have tapered from 1.0mg to 0.05 in 63 days.    From where you are now, are you still glad you tapered so quickly.  I would love to know how your symptoms are doing?  Are you having any decent windows? 

 

Michael

[[Sh...]]

Hey Michael x well I would say things were going well until I dropped from .25ml to .12ml. Then things got difficult. Then I pushed and dropped again and things have been pretty awful since. It’s mainly the insomnia it is brutal. But other symptoms have definitely improved, if I think back to how I was the has definitely been huge improvements it’s just so upsetting I can’t get more sleep because I feel I would heal faster with more of that. It makes it very difficult to keep going.

 

I’ve decided to hold for a bit. But realistically that will probably be the end of next week because Valium takes about 3 weeks to leave ur system (the majority anyway some is still stored in fat cells) so I figure the cut accumulation should have caught up by then, I’m hoping so anyway . Am I glad I still reduced that fast, I am except if I had know it would get so hard after .25ml I would have held there for a bit. I held on higher doses of Valium and it didn’t help so that’s why I decided to go faster.

 

Thanks for the tips of things you use. I’m just a bit weary of using some of those herbs as they are listed in ashton manual to avoid. I was taking herb blends for a long time and they seemed to help, and I stopped because I was hoping I would heal faster without them, but if things don’t improve soon I may take another look at some herbs.

 

I wish u all the best with ur taper. I hope it’s smooth sailing for you x

If u ever need someone to support u thru this last hurdle, please just ask x u can do this x

 

[[in...]]

Hi Shayna,

 

Thanks for the update!  I’m so glad to hear that some of your symptoms have improved despite it still being rough.  I have held at 1.0mgs for 76 days and thought it was helping until about a week ago and I have had a rougher wave which is very discouraging.  I try to remind myself  that healing is not linear and setbacks are pretty common I think.

 

I’m feeling maybe I should just go ahead and start water titrating down again…if I’m going to suffer I might as well get closer to the finish line. My symptoms rotate from skin burning to muscle cramping to some type of muscle Ticklishness or paresthesia (which is my most agonizing symptom).

 

I really appreciated your encouragement and love your attitude through this challenge! I really needed that😊

 

Michael

[[Sh...]]

Well I’m glad I was able to maybe help in some small way, I have my moments that’s for sure, but when I can I try to have a laugh, it’s the one thing that keeps my spirits up.

 

I say go ahead and start reducing. I was waiting for relief, it never came. I might have stayed there for another 6 months. Sure I might be getting slightly more sleep than I am now, but how will I ever get back to normal by staying put? I won’t. So instead I’m almost off. Now I’ll hold coz I know I’m almost there. I’ve got one foot on the other side. One day soon I’ll just put this foot over there too and that will be it. Done. It’s scary but being stuck on is scarier.

 

Take that step and don’t be afraid. Do it at ur pace, and the biggest advice I can give is don’t set a date. I did that and was so disappointed in myself when I couldn’t jump I think that alone might be contributing to the waves. Now I’m just waiting til I feel like I can go again instead of having to do it on a certain date. U will know when it’s right to cut again or jump. X

 

 

[[in...]]

Thank you Shayna!

 

I have decided to start tapering at a pretty slow rate of maybe 0.01mg reduction every 2 days for a starter and see how I tolerate it.  I’d like to feel that I am moving forward but will be prepared to hold when necessary. You made me feel better just talking with you about it.  I’m so happy for you that you are so close to being free!  I look forward to hearing about your progress as you get all the way off!

 

Michael😊

[[Sh...]]

Aww I’m glad ur feeling better. I think that’s a wise choice. Ur almost there, and u can speed up if u tolerate those cuts well.

 

Michael I wish u all the best but I honestly have a feeling it will go really well for you. X do u have a plog? Be great to see ur progress? 

[[da...]]

[[kl...]]

Congrats, Misty!  Anxiously awaiting an account of how you got through the period of zero sleep insomnia.  That's my problem now and I don't know if I can get my natural sleep back.

[[Mi...]]

Hello Everyone,

 

In August, it will be three years that I am fully healed, and I wanted to come back to tell you all to hang in there. You. Will. Heal. There was a time when I sat with my legs curled under me on my living room couch for 12 hours a day, my skin burning, my muscles spasming, and with head pain so intense 24/7 that it felt like a 2 x 4 was being pressed down through my brain. I also had one of the worst cases of insomnia I've ever heard of--I went several years with either no sleep for days on end or just microsleeps.

 

Today? I am working, driving, shopping, reading, laughing, and able to feel love and joy again.

 

For all of you going through this: Don't give up! If you do, you will miss out on being the best version of yourself, which is what you will be when you come out the other side of this. Life will be beautiful--not because it will be perfect--but because you will appreciate every moment and be present in a way you never were before. So don't give up: your best days are still to come.

 

Jean

[[Ju...]]

I see so many replies that mirror my experience on this post. Years of suffering and paranoia, pain and insomnia. Luckily we have this website as proof that others heal within a few years time, rather than never. I hated Benzo Buddies for a while, but now I look at it like the thing which got me nearly to the end of this journey.

 

Imagine if we didn't have benzo buddies and head to guess what we were going through, with nobody else giving us any guidance or tips. I don't think a lot of us would have survived, without this website.

[[Ha...]]

Thank you Misty93. You have given me tremendous hope.

HOPE = Hang On Pain Ends

Hardy.

[[He...]]

Oh Misty, thank you from me also. Thank you so, so much.  I'm glad you are feeling  much better now. 

I am especially grateful to hear that the burning stopped.  It's my worst symptom along with balance issues.  Thank you and keep enjoying your life! 

 

Helen

 

[[ge...]]

Thank you for posting this. It is so great for you to come back and offer us hope. So happy for you.

 

Did your healing happen quickly toward the end? In other words, was it really bad for all those years and then things started to click into place at the end?

 

Jim

 

Hello Everyone,

 

In August, it will be three years that I am fully healed, and I wanted to come back to tell you all to hang in there. You. Will. Heal. There was a time when I sat with my legs curled under me on my living room couch for 12 hours a day, my skin burning, my muscles spasming, and with head pain so intense 24/7 that it felt like a 2 x 4 was being pressed down through my brain. I also had one of the worst cases of insomnia I've ever heard of--I went several years with either no sleep for days on end or just microsleeps.

 

Today? I am working, driving, shopping, reading, laughing, and able to feel love and joy again.

 

For all of you going through this: Don't give up! If you do, you will miss out on being the best version of yourself, which is what you will be when you come out the other side of this. Life will be beautiful--not because it will be perfect--but because you will appreciate every moment and be present in a way you never were before. So don't give up: your best days are still to come.

 

Jean

[[Sh...]]

Hello Everyone,

 

In August, it will be three years that I am fully healed, and I wanted to come back to tell you all to hang in there. You. Will. Heal. There was a time when I sat with my legs curled under me on my living room couch for 12 hours a day, my skin burning, my muscles spasming, and with head pain so intense 24/7 that it felt like a 2 x 4 was being pressed down through my brain. I also had one of the worst cases of insomnia I've ever heard of--I went several years with either no sleep for days on end or just microsleeps.

 

Today? I am working, driving, shopping, reading, laughing, and able to feel love and joy again.

 

For all of you going through this: Don't give up! If you do, you will miss out on being the best version of yourself, which is what you will be when you come out the other side of this. Life will be beautiful--not because it will be perfect--but because you will appreciate every moment and be present in a way you never were before. So don't give up: your best days are still to come.

 

Jean

 

Beautiful. Thanku x

[[le...]]

Misty, did PM  you but wasn’t sure if you picked it up. How long was it before you started seeing improvements. Also was it a slow process, and did you feel back to square one at times. After 40 long months this up to recently was feeling bit more optimistic.. Not a window, but had bit more hope was turning a corner.. But just gone down with a virus, plus weather turned unbearably hot here, thrown me back into acute again. Really don’t want to be here anymore, just would like to know is that what can happen in recovery?

[[jo...]]

On 16/02/2020 at 21:41, [[B...] said:

6 years off here and never healed, when did you turned a corner ?

I saw you jumped on march 2014 , i jumped in july 2014 and never recovered the withdrawal gave me neurological dysotonomia now and am in the worse wave ever 6 years off.

Healing is a big lottery

How are you feeling these days? Any improvements 🤍 @[Ba...]

[[jo...]]

On 18/03/2020 at 06:25, [[T...] said:

THANK YOU SO VERY MUCH, Misty!!!

At 6 years off, this is so grueling. I have thought of death almost every single day. But you've given me much hope that this will end someday and that I will truly regain my sense of self that's been so absent during the benzo mess.

Bless you for coming back and giving us all hope!!!

@[Te...] how are you doing now? 

[[ap...]]

On 15/02/2020 at 13:09, [[M...] said:

Hi Everyone,

It's Misty93. I haven't been on Benzo Buddies in a few years.

It got better. I got better. I am healed and living life again: SLEEPING, cooking, driving, shopping, reading, interacting with my kids, laughing, looking for a job, etc. etc. etc.

I stopped frequenting BB as I had given up hope of ever getting better, but I did.

What Baylissa and all the others said is true: it does end.

I will post in more detail but wanted to let everyone know I healed. There were messages in my inbox from people who had seen my old posts and how desperate I was and who were wondering what things were like now.

Keep going. You will get there too.

Jean

Thank you so so much for coming back and reminding us we heal.