Unwillingly addicted to benzos for over 10 years

[[Au...]]

Hi, I am a 37 year old male from Melbourne, Victoria, Australia.

 

I was initially prescribed Valium whilst I was studying at university to alleviate anxiety. I didnt really understand how addictive it would be I just remember being able to focus and be present during lectures and tutorials. Over the next couple of years the dosage went up from 2mg a day to 5mg a day which I didn't really consider an issue.

 

After about 5 years on Valium I went through quite a traumatic breakup with my partner and I noticed I was taking up to 10 to 15mg a day and having to go back to the doctor more often.

 

Eventually I reached a peak of about 60mg a day, 30 in the morning and 30 at night. I was also drinking quite heavily and started to have accidental overdoses and ending up in ED. It was at this stage that I decided I needed help after my family intervened and told me I had a problem.

 

My first stay in rehab was for alcohol withdraw so they kept me on a high dose of Valium so I did not suffer any major implications. At this stage I was probably on 80-100mg a day and met another benzo addict in the rehab which made me actually think about my dependence on Valium.

 

I began a gradual taper that has lasted almost 3 years, going down 1mg a month, this initially worked but about 4 weeks after no Valium a was basically in bed, my body was seized up and was close to suicide. I quickly called an ambulance and was put back on Valium.

 

I am back up to 15mg a day and I don't want this in my life anymore. I am sick of the doctor visits, I am sick of having to make sure if I go anywhere I always have my pills with a note from the doctor and I am sick of the memory loss and associated symptoms with long term Valium use.

 

Basically I have taken the time to create an account and write this introduction because I am in desperate need of help.

 

No one, I mean NO ONE has any idea how hard this is.

 

Please can someone give me some guidance or advice or even just to listen and hear other stories would help me. I am scared for my life at this stage, I do not want to go through another 10 years of addiction.

[[Pa...]]

Hello AussieMelbGuy, Welcome to BenzoBuddies!

 

We're so glad you reached out to us, we understand what you're feeling and we'll support you as you continue to taper from this drug.  I can see you understand the need to slowly reduce your dose, but if you need a little extra guidance, please feel free to start a thread on the  Planning Your Withdrawal (Taper Plans) board, our other members will be happy to share their experiences.

 

You've done a great job of reducing your original dose, but as you probably know, the last seems to be the most challenging.  We have a support thread for those on Valium and you can join in the conversation here:  Valium Support Group

 

And if you just want the acceptance and camaraderie we offer everyone, please feel free to post on the Withdrawal Support (during your taper) area of the forum.

 

I hope you're still alcohol free, this will make your journey a little easier, although easy is not a word we can associate with benzo withdrawal.

 

Welcome again and please ask questions, we're here to help.

 

Pamster

[[Ca...]]

Hi Aussie... -Welcome...

 

A big effort so far, -follow the path, long and winding that it may be...

 

[[Cr...]]

Hi, I am a 37 year old male from Melbourne, Victoria, Australia.

 

I was initially prescribed Valium whilst I was studying at university to alleviate anxiety. I didnt really understand how addictive it would be I just remember being able to focus and be present during lectures and tutorials. Over the next couple of years the dosage went up from 2mg a day to 5mg a day which I didn't really consider an issue.

 

After about 5 years on Valium I went through quite a traumatic breakup with my partner and I noticed I was taking up to 10 to 15mg a day and having to go back to the doctor more often.

 

Eventually I reached a peak of about 60mg a day, 30 in the morning and 30 at night. I was also drinking quite heavily and started to have accidental overdoses and ending up in ED. It was at this stage that I decided I needed help after my family intervened and told me I had a problem.

 

My first stay in rehab was for alcohol withdraw so they kept me on a high dose of Valium so I did not suffer any major implications. At this stage I was probably on 80-100mg a day and met another benzo addict in the rehab which made me actually think about my dependence on Valium.

 

I began a gradual taper that has lasted almost 3 years, going down 1mg a month, this initially worked but about 4 weeks after no Valium a was basically in bed, my body was seized up and was close to suicide. I quickly called an ambulance and was put back on Valium.

 

I am back up to 15mg a day and I don't want this in my life anymore. I am sick of the doctor visits, I am sick of having to make sure if I go anywhere I always have my pills with a note from the doctor and I am sick of the memory loss and associated symptoms with long term Valium use.

 

Basically I have taken the time to create an account and write this introduction because I am in desperate need of help.

 

No one, I mean NO ONE has any idea how hard this is.

 

Please can someone give me some guidance or advice or even just to listen and hear other stories would help me. I am scared for my life at this stage, I do not want to go through another 10 years of addiction.

Hi AussieMelbGuy, and welcome to Benzobuddies! 

 

Cantfly and I are from Australia too! G'Day mate! 

 

I come from Adelaide in South Australia.

 

I can tell you that you are in the right place. Many of us are completely understanding of what you are going through. Benzo withdrawal is one of the toughest challenges a person can face, but it's not to say you aren't able to come through the other side a better person! You will have lots of help and support on this forum.

 

I agree with Pamster, a long and slow taper is required to safely come off your Valium. You are on the right benzo to come off with - Valium has an extremely long half-life between 30-200 hours. The chances of having interdose withdrawals on Valium are minimal.

 

Big congrats on getting down to 15mg of Valium from 100mg! That is a huge achievement! You are doing very well! 

 

I would continue your taper down, going at a rate of between 5 and 10% of your dose every two weeks. You can always go slower than this, the aim is to remain functional. You can also hold or pause your taper if you need to, this just means staying at say 15mg of Valium for a while. It's important to keep moving forward in this process.

 

Don't be worried, even from high dose use, it is possible to reach your benzo free goal! It does take time though, be patient and you will be successful. There is no need to rush your taper, in fact those that do end up in more trouble than those who complete a nice, slow taper.

 

Definitely arm yourself with the Ashton Manual, and follow that schedule as close as possible.

 

Once you get below 5mg, I would highly recommend doing a liquid micro taper. There are boards on here which can show you how to do this.

 

Try to avoid updosing as much as possible. It is hard, but we are all here to support you.

 

It's equally important to take your doses at regular times, don't skip doses.

 

Also, don't ever Cold Turkey or just cut off your medication cold. You can risk withdrawal seizure.

 

As mentioned by Pamster, it is absolutely vital that you avoid drinking any alcohol in this withdrawal process. It is advised to wait until you are at least 2 years fully healed from benzos before drinking again. The reason is because alcohol potentiates or strengthens the Valium, and the alcohol you drink is more potent too. In extreme cases you risk respiratory trouble, so it's best to completely cut out the alcohol. Some members have permanently abstained from alcohol altogether.

 

Don't be afraid, your withdrawal process is not the same as others.

 

If you have questions, don't be afraid to ask on the forums. We'll be here to guide you.

 

I see you are in Victoria. There is a website for an organisation based in Melton called Reconnexion. They are fantastic, and will also help you with benzo dependency. They are well versed in the Ashton Manual, so if you need that extra reassurance, they can help you too. They have a helpline with a counsellor who can talk to you one-on-one as well.

 

Reconnexion - Anxiety, Panic and Tranquilizer Dependency help

 

Best of luck, and welcome to the forum! 

 

Dave. 

[[Do...]]

Hi AussieMelbGuy,

 

Unfortunately I too battled/battling a 10 year war with Benzos and I can tell you it does get better!  I posted my story "10 Year War - 1mg Xanax 4 times a Day "as needed".... " on January 17th if you would like to get a better idea of what I went through.  I was prescribed 4mg of Xanax daily for 10 years and took my last dose end of November 2018. 

 

I can promise you it does get better and light does eventually appear at the end of this tunnel of WD.  I for the longest time was asking when was my brain not going to feel like it was constantly on fire or if I was ever going to feel how I used to before WDs.  I really didnt ever want to leave the house unless forced to for work or food.  I didnt want to drive or interact with people for the first full year after completely ending using benzos.  Im not back to 100% but eventually does get much better.  I still have memory and cognitive issues but much less problematic than 3-4 months ago and no where near how bad it was 6-7 months ago.

 

One piece of advice I can offer is to not compare yourself to others who have had similar doses to you and start to question "I dont think I am ever going to heal.  Persons X,Y, & Z who were all on similar doses for the same time period as me are all better and I am not even close to feeling any better than I did the first week into tapering." or the other extreme of finding posts of those with similar situations to yours that have not healed much or at all. Everyone is DIFFERENT! Keep in mind that doctors dont even know why some feel the effects of WD to be much more intense than others who have had same dose for same amount of time.  Do your best to not be so hard on yourself.

 

I am not sure if I am giving you the response you are looking for to keep your hope alive but I promise it is worth it.  Please do not give up.