Looking for Buddies - LT High dose Xanax direct taper 1/2 way there!

[[to...]]

Thanks, Julia!

 

I've had 4 good days in a row so I guess I should take that as a sign that I'm going in the right direction.  This taper is such a crap shoot!  Three solid years into methodically tapering last month and I often can't believe that I'm still at it.  I also can't believe that I've had better days at lower doses than I did at 3 milligrams.  Yet, other times it's all over the place with symptoms.  There's simply no rhyme or reason.  It just is.

 

Made another reduction and it hit me the same day.  However, as of last night, it was simply pretty bad sleep. I'm exhausted this morning and curious as to what today brings.  One never knows.  LOL!

 

Hope all are doing well... with not only the taper, but the vaccine.

 

Fondly,

Lori

 

On a positive note... I've officially cut out 5.375 milligrams of my starting dose of Xanax.  WOW!

oops! Made a math mistake - got a little ahead of myself!  I'm at .6875!  Hence I've cut out 5.3125

 

Hey Lori,

That is awesome.  You are getting closer and closer.  I am hanging in there.  I had some issues come up and am not sure exactly where they came from so I am still at .625.  If I feel like I am ok to, I plan to make a cut next Sunday.  I plan a 10% reduction and see how I do and I would be at .5625.

It has been 45 days now since I have made a cut because I had to recover for the prior months double cut - by mistake - and then making 2 more cuts after that.  If the next cut is too much, I will get Dave to try to cut my pills even smaller.  That is not going to be easy!  But we will figure it out.  We are getting there.  It was 2 years for me on this taper in January and sometimes it feels like it has been forever.  I will never forget all the help you have given me since I started.  I do not know what I would have done without you!  I love you Lady!!!!

 

Hope to talk soon!! 

 

Everyone please take care.

 

Hugs and Love,

Julia 

[[Lo...]]

Right back at you, Julia!    I have no idea what I would have done if not for our many laughs and bitching sessions over the past 2 years! 

 

Here's to every single one of us for hanging in there and continuing to chip away at these little pieces of poison that somehow brought us here... We're a strong bunch!

 

 

Love,

Lori

 

 

[[to...]]

Right back at you, Julia!    I have no idea what I would have done if not for our many laughs and bitching sessions over the past 2 years! 

 

Here's to every single one of us for hanging in there and continuing to chip away at these little pieces of poison that somehow brought us here... We're a strong bunch!

 

 

Love,

Lori

 

I know that the venting and laughing have helped me so much!  I will be glad when we all get through this. 

 

For the last couple days I have not felt well, off balance and my eyes are blurring and yesterday my heart was beating fast.  I checked my BP and it  was ok and today too so I have no idea what is going on.  It gets on my damn nerves when I can not figure out what is going on when there is just no rhyme or reason to this.  I guess my body is adjusting and that is fine but I have not made a cut in 45 days so I am usually  done with issues from a cut by now.  Maybe I have hit tolerance again to this dose.  It is all so frustrating.

 

Hope everyone is doing well.

 

Love and hugs,

Julia

[[se...]]

Julia,

 

I have had the same symptoms, the usually last a couple of weeks and something else takes it’s place.  I feel like breathing is difficult today, can’t explain it, it’s strange.  I catch myself holding my breath, but I can’t seem to stop doing it.

 

This too shall pass, tomorrow is a new day!

 

 

[[to...]]

Julia,

 

I have had the same symptoms, the usually last a couple of weeks and something else takes it’s place.  I feel like breathing is difficult today, can’t explain it, it’s strange.  I catch myself holding my breath, but I can’t seem to stop doing it.

 

This too shall pass, tomorrow is a new day!

Hey Seasalt, Thanks. It's so strange how one thing stops and another starts.

Are you having trouble breathing?

Julia

[[se...]]

I’m fine, this has happened off an on throughout my taper.  I dosed down on Monday and I feel the effects on day three.. today.

[[to...]]

I’m fine, this has happened off an on throughout my taper.  I dosed down on Monday and I feel the effects on day three.. today.

Totally understand!  It's still frustrating and uncomfortable!!

I want to make a cut but we'll see.

Take care.

[[ba...]]

Hi guys

 

I get a lot of what feels like paradoxical reactions when I take the xanax. This is during the course when the medication is active in my system. The dosage is irrelevant. I have underdosed to test it, and it still happens.

 

Have been going through this for 5 days.

 

I did a pretty large cut of seroquel in the past few weeks, and reinstated the last cut last night. Regardless, the "paradoxical," reactions were with me prior to tapering seroquel.  I suspect that extra seroquel was calming my CNS,and with the second cut, my body is in hyper horror drive.

 

Best info I can get is that it is from tolerance.

 

Anyone else go through this during your taper.

 

It is the most horrible symptom of any I experience.  It makes me afraid to take the xanax doses. And shuts me down as far as any kind of functionality.

 

Thanks!

[[to...]]

Hi guys

 

I get a lot of what feels like paradoxical reactions when I take the xanax. This is during the course when the medication is active in my system. The dosage is irrelevant. I have underdosed to test it, and it still happens.

 

Have been going through this for 5 days.

 

I did a pretty large cut of seroquel in the past few weeks, and reinstated the last cut last night. Regardless, the "paradoxical," reactions were with me prior to tapering seroquel.  I suspect that extra seroquel was calming my CNS,and with the second cut, my body is in hyper horror drive.

 

Best info I can get is that it is from tolerance.

 

Anyone else go through this during your taper.

 

It is the most horrible symptom of any I experience.  It makes me afraid to take the xanax doses. And shuts me down as far as any kind of functionality.

 

Thanks!

Hi Baddove, I am sorry you are having problems.  What kind of paradoxical reactions are you having?

 

I read where taking Seroquel with xanax may increase side effects such as dizziness, drowsiness, confusion, and difficulty concentrating. Some people may also experience impairment in thinking, judgment, and motor coordination.  Seroquel (quetiapine) interacts with more than 500 other drugs and more than 20 diseases.

Xanax (alprazolam) interacts with more than 400 other drugs and 9 diseases.

 

Are you taking any other medications that may interact with either medicine? 

 

I can not take ibuprofen every day when I need to because it interacts with xanax.  I get dizzy and just feel bad so I have to only take it when I absolutely have to.  With my RA and fibromyalgia, my doctor recommends me taking it more often but I have found it causes issues for me.  I am also like that with other meds.  I have to be careful what I take and how much because it interferes with the xanax and causes me more issues.

 

I hope this is helping.  The only thing xanax does for me at this point and for a while now is help with withdrawal.  It is sad to have to take a drug that does not give you any benefit other than withdrawal relief and even then, it does not take care of all of it.

 

Please let us know what symptoms you are having and maybe someone will have experience with that.

 

I do see where the cut you made was a big cut, I wonder if that was too much?

 

Hugs,

Julia

[[Lo...]]

Hi guys

 

I get a lot of what feels like paradoxical reactions when I take the xanax. This is during the course when the medication is active in my system. The dosage is irrelevant. I have underdosed to test it, and it still happens.

 

Have been going through this for 5 days.

 

I did a pretty large cut of seroquel in the past few weeks, and reinstated the last cut last night. Regardless, the "paradoxical," reactions were with me prior to tapering seroquel.  I suspect that extra seroquel was calming my CNS,and with the second cut, my body is in hyper horror drive.

 

Best info I can get is that it is from tolerance.

 

Anyone else go through this during your taper.

 

It is the most horrible symptom of any I experience.  It makes me afraid to take the xanax doses. And shuts me down as far as any kind of functionality.

 

Thanks!

 

This is my experience... I hope it doesn't discourage you.

 

I honestly have not gotten a shred of "relief" from Xanax since I started my taper.  Back in the day, pre-taper and early on in taper, I could take an extra dose on a rare occasion and it would help immensely... (My mom's emergency surgery, Dad's stroke, Friends funeral, etc.). Since tapering, this is not the case.  I do remember back when I got to 3 milligrams saying to my family, "This is odd but I actually feel worse after taking my doses".  I think once we start tapering, our CNS becomes destabilized and no longer responds to the doses in a therapeutic way that it did pre-taper.  Hence, this seems to be a common problem for many.  It's often why updosing, while helpful at first, loses efficacy after a period of time. Tolerance will continue to develop and affect an already confused CNS.

 

My one updose last year did help for a few months and it was definitely needed because I had been taper way too fast from a very high dose and long term use.  Even with the updose, I still experiened interdose w/d every single day.  The small updose did help me stabilize after about 2 weeks but the doses were still pretty toxic.  I simply wasn't bed bound and that was my goal at the time.  It allowed me to genuinely enjoy Christmas, New Years, and several months after.  I have no regrets because of that!  It was painfully obvious that my poor body needed a break!  However, By about the 5th-6th month, many of the symptoms I had updosed to avoid had started to come back.  Not too long after that, they continued to resurface as tolerance build up to that 1 milligram again.  I had two choices, 1) Updose AGAIN or 2) start to taper again.  Obviously the latter won.  I was NOT going back up only to have to do this all over again! Fears of the dreaded "Kindling" and "protracted w/d" that I had read about for years on these boards scared the living daylights out of me!  I knew I had to power through even though I also knew that my quality of life would probably suffer.

 

I do believe that having additional medications in the mix (in your case Seroquel) can make things tricky. Personally I'd be losing my mind trying to figure out which drug was giving me the most problems.  Although a direct taper from Xanax is one of the hardest to do because of its ridiculously short half life, I had no choice.  I wanted to try the Ashton protocol - it was the only thing I knew back in 2016.  My doctor prescribed me the Valium, I had done my research and was ready to tackle my taper with a vengence.  Then.... I had a true paradoxical reaction to the very first dose of Valium!  I'm talking full blown paradoxical.  I took a 5 mg pill and didn't sleep for 72 hours without even eliminating my Xanax dose.  It was awful!  Tried it again 3 weeks later with only 2.5 milligrams of Valium because I was terrified that if it didn't work, I'd never be able to taper and the same thing happend... zero sleep for almost 48 hours.  It was a nightmare! This was NOT all in my head. I was always a great sleeper.. even a napper! My nickname with friends is "Sleeping Beauty" lol! Anyway... My hopes of using the Ashton Method were crushed and I ended up putting off my taper for a full year beause I was so discouraged!!  At that time I didn't believe that a direct taper from Xanax was possible. My doctor suggested trying Klonopin as a replacement for the Valium since that was a disaster but I was so tramatized from the Valium experience that I decided to stick with the devil I knew.  And here I am! 

 

So.... back to you... LOL... I have to believe that the more meds you have in the mix, reducing or changing them both, the more difficult it can be to pinpoint the problem.  I know you've stated in the past that you've reduced seroquel, changed doses, etc.  I have seem many other buddies who stuck with tapering the benzo first and leaving all other meds to be tapered once off the benzo and have done much better.  This might be your best bet.  If the seroquel gives you relief (sleep, etc), then stick with a dose that works, be methodical about taking it (don't forget doses) and just concentrate on tapering the Xanax. 

 

Now for the part that you're probably not going to like.  I'm going to start off with an apology.... I mean this with the best of intentions.... I promise you that!....

Months ago I looked over your posts starting when you joined in 2016.  I know that you've had several taper attempts.  The reasons why don't matter.  What matters is that you've been at this awhile.  It's clear that you love the outdoors, and most especially you truly love your workouts, yoga, etc.  You seem like a "doer" in that being active is your lifeline... and I applaud that! What also seems to be a pattern is that when it gets tough, and it always does, you want to fix it immediately.  This coincides with your personality.  It's part of your fundamental makeup (much like my own until 2+ years ago). 

But... here it comes....

A first taper can be extremely uncomfortable (as you know) and these boards tell us many stories of how multiple tapers can be even more symptomatic and difficult. The risk of protracted withdrawl increases with each taper.  What it boils down to is needing to come to terms with gearing up and getting accustomed to not feeling well.  It absolutely sucks... period.  There's no getting around that but if the meds no longer work, you're already feeling poorly, then the only alternative is to 1) do yet another updose or 2) come to terms with the fact that feeling crappy is inevitable for a bit.... but with the knowledge that eventually it will end! 

 

I can tell you that so many of the extremely horrendous symptoms that I had early on in my taper (and during tolerance) have vanished.  I looked over my notes and was blown away at how bad off I was early on.  Here's a partial list of symptoms that are completely gone!:

 

Racing heart beat

POTS symptoms

Dizziness

Heavy Limbs

Panic attacks

Restlessness

Shaking

Diarrhea

Hypersensitivity to sound

Pins and Needles in legs

Blurred Vision

Insomnia (only get this once or twice per week now - early on it was constant!)

 

This is not a complete list but when I tell you that these are gone, I mean they are completely GONE! I never thought they'd leave.  Granted, a few new symptoms (nerve and muscle pain) replaced them but I'm still so much better the further down my dose is than I ever was at the beginning of the taper.  I'm convinced that healing is happening as we reduce becaue there's no other reason that all of those symptoms just disappeared!  I truly believe that the Xanax became toxic!  Here I am today, at the lowest dose I've EVER been taking and am feeling better than I have in 3 years.  Sure I still have the muscle and nerve stuff almost everyday, but I keep telling myself that it will eventually pass as well.  Frankly, there's no reason to believe that it wont since all the other issues resolved. 

 

Baddove, I honestly think that you need to pause and decide what you're going to do.  If you're going to taper with the intent to get off of Xanax, then you're going to need to hunker down with a plan and stick to it no matter what symptoms you're experiencing without any "bumps" or changes in dose to make the day more tolerable.  They will continue to mess with your CNS.  I honestly don't see how you can continue to put your body and mind through an erratic taper let alone, God forbid, taper 4, 5 or 6.  (This is simply tough love).  There's that "Acceptance" mode we spoke of a few months ago.  We all need to accept that this is no longer a mental issue. This is a physical dependence to a synthetic drug that has affected our brains and our entire central nervous system.  All the YouTube videos, podcasts, exercises, food changes, mindfulness exercises, therapy, etc. in the world are not going change this fact and will not be a magic pill to get us through a taper with no physical or mental discomfort.  They can, however, help us "deal" with the physical or mental side effects of tapering off this medication but they unfortunately will not help our bodies regulate damaged GABA receptors. Again, at the end of the day, this is a very physical issue.  In a nutshell, you're going to have to get very comfortable with feeling uncomfortable.  There's just no other way around it.

 

I know that this absolutely sucks (for lack of a more elouqent way of putting it) but it's a cold, hard reality that none of us bargained for the day we took that first dose.  We truly got a raw deal!  None of us asked for or deserved this!  It's downright criminal.  (I could go on).  But we have two choices...

1) Stay on this forever by upping our dose to crazy levels so that we get some sort of therapeutic response (and let's face it, how many doctors would agree to this?  And even if they did, what happens when they leave the practice?)

2) Create a solid plan to get off of this, hunker down, accept that it's not going to be easy, that it may force us to have to modify our entire world as we knew it, and tackle it anyway.

 

I think you already know the answer... it's why we're all BB members. 

 

I'm not sure if I helped or not. And if I haven't, I'm genuniely sorry!  For what it's worth, it took me a very long time to get comfortable with what was ahead of me.  I was in denial for almost 2 years.  I didn't want this and I procratinated like crazy.  Looking back, I wish I had been stronger and not so afraid... I would have been off of Xanax much sooner if I had just accepted my journey (fate).

 

Again, I'd leave the seroquel alone for now since you've stated numerous times in the past that it has truly helped you. Just find a dose that seems to help and stick with it.  I'd focus on tapering the Xanax since thats the true beast and worry about the seroquel after the Xanax taper.  YOU CAN DO THIS!!!!! 

If I can get this far, so can you!!! 

 

Love,

Lori

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[[ba...]]

Thank you both. Useful, wise and helpful responses. You are both treasures.

 

Tol-I am no other drugs apart from xanax and seroquel. No supplements. or CBD,I have never used alchohol, nothing. I get acute migraines, and have medication for it, but I try and get into my physical therapist to deal with it (she needles my neck, it's not the same as acupuncture.) If all else, I take my medication, which is a triptan.

 

Lori-xanax has never made me feel good either, even at the beginning. I also had a horrific reaction to Valium. Same reaction, acute paradox. That was one of my failed crossovers. However, now you know what I am talking about with a paradoxical reaction. The paradoxing I experience now is not near that severe. When I get one, the seroquel calms it down in evening after about 2 hours. Otherwise, I would be up all night.  I can't tolerate seroquel during the day, it makes whatever I am feeling worse because my brain goes zombie and I am encased in cement.

 

By the way, I would like to add your comment to my on site private blog if that's ok with you. They are something I can read when I am in trouble and not feel so alone. Do I have your permission?

 

FYI: 15 years ago I was cut off cold turkey from xanax after 3 years. I have been through CT.. I am confident that is a significant part of why it is so hard to taper, and also why the doses don't help much, even in the beginning. However, I did not know, even after getting cut cold turkey, that xanax would do what it does. Wow, I was so uninformed and unaware.

 

I was put on a 2 week dose during the course of a medical problem 6 years ago, and got hooked. Doc chose to leave me on it because he knew of my history with GAD, and thought it would help. Oh Goddess, in hindsight..

 

I have changed my approach to xanax, first with focusing on behaviors. Both my pdoc and therapist said this is how I would find my way. Not the xanax, not the seroquel, but by changing the emphasis from obsessive cutting and dosing to behaviors. Then, cut. I did. My goals became 1. getting out of the house every day. 2. to make needed appointments and keep them. and 3. To desensitize myself with going places even when wd is acute. Those things make a huge difference. I now will head to the gym even if I am panicking. I wont cancel an appointment because I am in hard withdraw. Much of this comes from the teaching of Claire weeks, someone who's book I have, and I follow. "Utter utter acceptance."

 

Then I made the cut. No bumps. No up dosing.  I have and continue to put my attention on allowing myself to experience the withdraw, not fighting it, but accepting it, then doing things my anxiety tells me I can't do. Sometimes I really struggle, and sometimes I get overwhelmed, but I am moving forward in both how I deal with the wd and I finally made the cut that seems best to start. I went from erratic (bumps) of anywhere from 9.5 to 9 to a solid 8.5.

 

I am at a  3 dose regime. Dose 1 and 3 are both low. They are both at 2.75, a dose I really struggled with, because it does so little. Dose 2, which is when I have to be the most on, is a bit bigger. The effects of withdraw during 1 and 3 I can completely feel. They are typical. Air hunger, panic, parasthesia, stomach issues, dizzy, I could go on. Quite a range of symptoms. Sometimes, I wake up and take my first dose, and am so agitated, I sit up and do nothing for a good hour but breathe and deal with pretty intense anxiety and panic. After an hour, I get up and start moving. I can handle that.  I distract, cry, clean, meditate, sit and become the chair, and it really doesn't upset me to go through those 2 periods of wd. I am finally making progress. With dose 2 being a bit bigger, it gives me a break in the middle where I can calm down and do things I want and need to do without so much of a struggle.  In fact, I am an hour and a half into my low dose 3, and I feel pretty normal. The wd is not as acute. And, like the 2 previous doses, it did not paradox. It will come down soon, however, and i will start coping as I go through interdose.

 

I can tolerate being "undermedicated," and the symptoms with cutting. I can deal with interdose withdraw, I have for a very long time. The "paradoxical" thing is different. It feels like  I am in CT.  I don't know how else to describe it, full blown everything, and once I get it, subsequent doses do not correct it. It is not interdose wd. It is a whole new hell.  It is not the same as withdraw, it is far more intense. It's as if the dose is doing the opposite of what benzos do: creating less gaba and more glutamine, and the experience is intolerable.  My pdoc told me to continue the behavioral work when this happens, and ride it out.

 

I have been in that state for 5 days, and realized it coincided with my second seroquel cut. So I put the second cut back last night. No paradox today. I do believe my CNS was overwhelmed with too much  seroquel getting cut., hence, 5 days of horror. I have had paradoxes as my dosage climbed with each failed taper. They would hit harem-scarem.

 

I way over cut the seroquel, first by 20%, and then by 25% or something like that. My doctor told me if I wanted to taper xanax, follow the guidelines of 5-10% every couple of weeks after I told him I had dropped a dose.  However, I started sleeping through my 4th dose most of a week, so I just dropped it.

 

I do believe my CNS was overwhelmed, hence, 5 days of horror. I have had paradoxes as my dosage climbed with each failed taper. They would hit harem-scarem.  This has been my longest episode of being stuck  with doses paradoxing.

 

Adding back in the second seroquel dose will hopefully bring those paradoxical episodes down to once or twice a week.

 

It really is too bad, because the seroquel is not a nice drug. I felt better on so much less, then the daily paradoxes hit, and fast.  For now, as of today, going to park here with out any plan to alter the xanax, and add in a dose of seroquel and hope this stops the paradox cycle.

 

I honestly don't know which drug I will taper next , but I don't have to decide right now. Either way, slow, small and patiently. I am leaning towards seroquel, but will see.  Will listen to my body as well.

 

Today when I got up. I realized I had to make a plan. Dose 1 was it's typical low with sxs, but no paradox.  I had to plan what to do if dose 2 paradoxed. I decided to do the same things I do in withdraw. I took dose 2, then was out for a few hours doing all the things.  If it had paradoxed, I might have just driven around, Then gone into 1 place. Then breathe a while, then go into another place, then take a break again. Or I might have just driven to a calm place and sat there for a very long time with my kindle. I packed my day bag with gym clothes (optimistic,) and my kindle which has both a lot of great books and everything by Claire Weeks. and breathing exercises and meditations with affirmations. I was ready either way.  I decided I had to find a way through on those horrible paradox days, just like the typical wd days. I decided I had to apply the same coping mechanism to paradoxes. I did not paradox, just moderate withdraw, so don't know how effective my plan will be in future episodes.

 

For me, this is just how it is going to be. (Lori)

 

I am expecting younger daughters grandchildren next weekend. And, my other daughter asked me to take her 2 boys for a week the end of May as they are out of school, and she is not. (both daughters are teachers) I have done it, but with help from my spouse a couple times a year. Spouse is too committed to help this time, and voiced concern that having the children here for a week would make it difficult for him to  continue teaching music from home, preparing lessons, get naps, and is concerned that I will really be hurting having to do the kids all by myself, and take them out of the house all afternoon so he can work. Very valid points, so I am thinking about that today as well.  I really can't handle the kids all by myself, and my husband can't handle interuptions, so this is a problem. Will call daughter eventually, but I am concerned that she will feel hurt and stuck. This is a quandary.

 

I really wonder if others have experienced paradoxical reactions on xanax, just to commiserate.  Anyone else go through this? It makes my terrified to take the xanax. I have read of other buddies going through this on all the benzo's without coming to a solution.

 

 

[[Lo...]]

Thank you both. Useful, wise and helpful responses. You are both treasures.

 

Tol-I am no other drugs apart from xanax and seroquel. No supplements. or CBD,I have never used alchohol, nothing. I get acute migraines, and have medication for it, but I try and get into my physical therapist to deal with it (she needles my neck, it's not the same as acupuncture.) If all else, I take my medication, which is a triptan.

 

Lori-xanax has never made me feel good either, even at the beginning. I also had a horrific reaction to Valium. Same reaction, acute paradox. That was one of my failed crossovers. However, now you know what I am talking about with a paradoxical reaction. The paradoxing I experience now is not near that severe. When I get one, the seroquel calms it down in evening after about 2 hours. Otherwise, I would be up all night.  I can't tolerate seroquel during the day, it makes whatever I am feeling worse because my brain goes zombie and I am encased in cement.

 

By the way, I would like to add your comment to my on site private blog if that's ok with you. They are something I can read when I am in trouble and not feel so alone. Do I have your permission?

 

FYI: 15 years ago I was cut off cold turkey from xanax after 3 years. I have been through CT.. I am confident that is a significant part of why it is so hard to taper, and also why the doses don't help much, even in the beginning. However, I did not know, even after getting cut cold turkey, that xanax would do what it does. Wow, I was so uninformed and unaware.

 

I was put on a 2 week dose during the course of a medical problem 6 years ago, and got hooked. Doc chose to leave me on it because he knew of my history with GAD, and thought it would help. Oh Goddess, in hindsight..

 

I have changed my approach to xanax, first with focusing on behaviors. Both my pdoc and therapist said this is how I would find my way. Not the xanax, not the seroquel, but by changing the emphasis from obsessive cutting and dosing to behaviors. Then, cut. I did. My goals became 1. getting out of the house every day. 2. to make needed appointments and keep them. and 3. To desensitize myself with going places even when wd is acute. Those things make a huge difference. I now will head to the gym even if I am panicking. I wont cancel an appointment because I am in hard withdraw. Much of this comes from the teaching of Claire weeks, someone who's book I have, and I follow. "Utter utter acceptance."

 

Then I made the cut. No bumps. No up dosing.  I have and continue to put my attention on allowing myself to experience the withdraw, not fighting it, but accepting it, then doing things my anxiety tells me I can't do. Sometimes I really struggle, and sometimes I get overwhelmed, but I am moving forward in both how I deal with the wd and I finally made the cut that seems best to start. I went from erratic (bumps) of anywhere from 9.5 to 9 to a solid 8.5.

 

I am at a  3 dose regime. Dose 1 and 3 are both low. They are both at 2.75, a dose I really struggled with, because it does so little. Dose 2, which is when I have to be the most on, is a bit bigger. The effects of withdraw during 1 and 3 I can completely feel. They are typical. Air hunger, panic, parasthesia, stomach issues, dizzy, I could go on. Quite a range of symptoms. Sometimes, I wake up and take my first dose, and am so agitated, I sit up and do nothing for a good hour but breathe and deal with pretty intense anxiety and panic. After an hour, I get up and start moving. I can handle that.  I distract, cry, clean, meditate, sit and become the chair, and it really doesn't upset me to go through those 2 periods of wd. I am finally making progress. With dose 2 being a bit bigger, it gives me a break in the middle where I can calm down and do things I want and need to do without so much of a struggle.  In fact, I am an hour and a half into my low dose 3, and I feel pretty normal. The wd is not as acute. And, like the 2 previous doses, it did not paradox. It will come down soon, however, and i will start coping as I go through interdose.

 

I can tolerate being "undermedicated," and the symptoms with cutting. I can deal with interdose withdraw, I have for a very long time. The "paradoxical" thing is different. It feels like  I am in CT.  I don't know how else to describe it, full blown everything, and once I get it, subsequent doses do not correct it. It is not interdose wd. It is a whole new hell.  It is not the same as withdraw, it is far more intense. It's as if the dose is doing the opposite of what benzos do: creating less gaba and more glutamine, and the experience is intolerable.  My pdoc told me to continue the behavioral work when this happens, and ride it out.

 

I have been in that state for 5 days, and realized it coincided with my second seroquel cut. So I put the second cut back last night. No paradox today. I do believe my CNS was overwhelmed with too much  seroquel getting cut., hence, 5 days of horror. I have had paradoxes as my dosage climbed with each failed taper. They would hit harem-scarem.

 

I way over cut the seroquel, first by 20%, and then by 25% or something like that. My doctor told me if I wanted to taper xanax, follow the guidelines of 5-10% every couple of weeks after I told him I had dropped a dose.  However, I started sleeping through my 4th dose most of a week, so I just dropped it.

 

I do believe my CNS was overwhelmed, hence, 5 days of horror. I have had paradoxes as my dosage climbed with each failed taper. They would hit harem-scarem.  This has been my longest episode of being stuck  with doses paradoxing.

 

Adding back in the second seroquel dose will hopefully bring those paradoxical episodes down to once or twice a week.

 

It really is too bad, because the seroquel is not a nice drug. I felt better on so much less, then the daily paradoxes hit, and fast.  For now, as of today, going to park here with out any plan to alter the xanax, and add in a dose of seroquel and hope this stops the paradox cycle.

 

I honestly don't know which drug I will taper next , but I don't have to decide right now. Either way, slow, small and patiently. I am leaning towards seroquel, but will see.  Will listen to my body as well.

 

Today when I got up. I realized I had to make a plan. Dose 1 was it's typical low with sxs, but no paradox.  I had to plan what to do if dose 2 paradoxed. I decided to do the same things I do in withdraw. I took dose 2, then was out for a few hours doing all the things.  If it had paradoxed, I might have just driven around, Then gone into 1 place. Then breathe a while, then go into another place, then take a break again. Or I might have just driven to a calm place and sat there for a very long time with my kindle. I packed my day bag with gym clothes (optimistic,) and my kindle which has both a lot of great books and everything by Claire Weeks. and breathing exercises and meditations with affirmations. I was ready either way.  I decided I had to find a way through on those horrible paradox days, just like the typical wd days. I decided I had to apply the same coping mechanism to paradoxes. I did not paradox, just moderate withdraw, so don't know how effective my plan will be in future episodes.

 

For me, this is just how it is going to be. (Lori)

 

I am expecting younger daughters grandchildren next weekend. And, my other daughter asked me to take her 2 boys for a week the end of May as they are out of school, and she is not. (both daughters are teachers) I have done it, but with help from my spouse a couple times a year. Spouse is too committed to help this time, and voiced concern that having the children here for a week would make it difficult for him to  continue teaching music from home, preparing lessons, get naps, and is concerned that I will really be hurting having to do the kids all by myself, and take them out of the house all afternoon so he can work. Very valid points, so I am thinking about that today as well.  I really can't handle the kids all by myself, and my husband can't handle interuptions, so this is a problem. Will call daughter eventually, but I am concerned that she will feel hurt and stuck. This is a quandary.

 

I really wonder if others have experienced paradoxical reactions on xanax, just to commiserate.  Anyone else go through this? It makes my terrified to take the xanax. I have read of other buddies going through this on all the benzo's without coming to a solution.

 

Feel free to use anything that I post.  If it helps you, then it's a win! 

[[to...]]

Hi all,

I hope everyone is doing ok today.  I made a cut yesterday of 10%, definitely making sure I am not making too big of a cut.  I was at .625 for over 50 days and only on the .5625 for a couple weeks when I went back to .625.  It was too much with the previous cuts I had made.  I am now at .5625 again and I hope I do well with it. 

I have been having lots of issues but am feeling some better and also I feel like my body is telling me it is time to cut again.  We will see how it goes.  I am going to hope for the best.  I just want to feel like I am making progress even if it is hard.  Like Lori says, you have to get comfortable with being uncomfortable.  It is the only way through this.  From 3.5-4 mg down to .5625 mg is a big deal for me and I am not going to stop now.  I am getting closer and closer to the end.

 

It is nice to have been completely vaccinated and do ok with it.  I am looking forward to this spring and summer being better for us.

 

Take care,

Hugs,

Julia

[[to...]]

I’m fine, this has happened off an on throughout my taper.  I dosed down on Monday and I feel the effects on day three.. today.

 

Hi Seasalt,

How are you doing?  Good I hope.  I have been thinking about you!

 

Julia

[[se...]]

Thank you Julia,I am doing well.  Dosed down today, how are you?

[[to...]]

Thank you Julia,I am doing well.  Dosed down today, how are you?

Hi, good for you!! I'm hanging in there. Dizziness and ear pressure but I'm not surprised. We'll see how it goes.

Take care!!!😊

[[to...]]

Welcome Ailuron,

We are glad you are here.  Sounds like you have been through hell like most of us here.  Your story is familiar.  I myself was up to 3.5-4 mg  of xanax a day and I was told to keep taking it but I was so ill that I knew it was the cause of so many of my problems.  I was fortunate that I found BB and like you, found Lori.  She has been so helpful to me and I am so thankful that when I got here and started tapering January 2019, she helped me and still does.

 

I understand the fear of running out of xanax before finishing your taper, I was in that same situation a year ago after I had moved to another state.  I would suggest that if you can, find a psychiatric nurse practitioner.  They can prescribe  xanax and help you with this if you can not find a doctor that will.  I was able to find a nurse here last April and we have only had virtual appointments due to covid.  She has been a God send to me.  I had been counting my pills every week until I found her.  You may want to check into that.  It for me, is a lot better than finding a psychiatrist.  She understands what I am doing and is so helpful in prescribing the xanax and encouraging me.  She knows I want off this poison so badly and she is helping me do just that.

 

Just a couple things - the first is, the Ashton plan does not work for everyone and not everyone can take valium, actually Lori is one of those people.  You have to find what works for you and what works for one person may not work for another.

 

Do not beat yourself up because you had gone back up in dose, the important thing is that you are tapering and working on getting off this drug.  We all have crap that happens in our lives and we all know xanax is not the answer.  It just makes things worse in the long run.  Tapering off xanax is hard and painful but we can do it.  It also takes some of us longer than others.

 

Check out the post here on BB and see how others are tapering and if there is something you think will work for you, try it, if it does not, change your plan.  We have to listen to our bodies and brains.  Xanax has messed with our central nervous systems and that is why whenever we make a cut, alot of times, we will have withdrawal symptoms and it is uncomfortable and it sucks but it is what we have to do to get off this drug.

 

We are glad you are here and I hope you will find what you need here to help you taper and heal from xanax.

 

Take care.

Julia

[Guest [Ai...]]

Thank you for the reassuring welcome and commiseration, Julia! I've never known the old saying "misery loves company" to be more true than it is here right now.

 

I am very grateful for your suggestion to start looking for a psychiatric nurse practitioner - I'm not sure exactly how to look for one, but I will contact my Medicare advantage plan and see if they can help me locate one. How did you go about finding the one who is helping you?

 

You know, Lori's "tough love" advice has actually done my attitude a world of good, after reading so many, many times that the tapering should never, ever cause one to feel the cuts too severely, I think what Lori writes is the cold hard truth to end this xanax hell successfully, especially if we simply cannot tolerate the Ashton transition to valium:

 

The risk of protracted withdrawal increases with each taper.  What it boils down to is needing to come to terms with gearing up and getting accustomed to not feeling well.  It absolutely sucks... period.  There's no getting around that but if the meds no longer work, you're already feeling poorly, then the only alternative is to 1) do yet another updose or 2) come to terms with the fact that feeling crappy is inevitable for a bit.... but with the knowledge that eventually it will end!

 

And as she suggested, updosing really doesn't make me feel much better anymore. It's actually a relief to accept that I'm going to feel like crap with no great relief from any modest amount of updosing. The only thing that immediate updosing does (if I cut too fast) is keep my blood pressure from skyrocketing - but it doesn't make me feel a lot better. It does help to realize and accept you really can not go back again because it will be worse and worse every time you do. God, do I know that by now!

 

Dave

 

[[Di...]]

Dave welcome to the group!  I'm a fairly newbie here but have learned so much from BB and still learning.  You will receive lots of wonderful help and support here.

Wising you the best with your taper.

Hugs from Dianedeedee

[[ba...]]

Welcome Dave

 

I was over 9 mgs last year of xanax a few months ago.!!!  Also lots of paradoxical doses. And, I could not tolerate Valium, many people can't.

 

I am on my 4th taper. The first 3 I got down to around 6 mgs, then some chaotic life mess hit, or I had a failed crossover, or I was taken off for a medical procedure, and  each reinstated at a higher dose.

 

You are so not alone in your experience.

 

I am finally moving in my xanax taper (Thanks Lori)  And have hit 8.5 mg in 2 months.

 

I am now tapering my other psych med, seroquel, so leaving xanax as is.

 

Welcome. No matter what you may have done, others have done the same.

 

We learn. We push. We accept. We fall, we lay on the ground and cry, then get back to work.

 

And we are always here for support, no matter what. We accept you as you are, where you are, and will always have your back. This is one of the most genuine support groups in the forum.

 

 

[[to...]]

Thank you for the reassuring welcome and commiseration, Julia! I've never known the old saying "misery loves company" to be more true than it is here right now.

 

I am very grateful for your suggestion to start looking for a psychiatric nurse practitioner - I'm not sure exactly how to look for one, but I will contact my Medicare advantage plan and see if they can help me locate one. How did you go about finding the one who is helping you?

 

You know, Lori's "tough love" advice has actually done my attitude a world of good, after reading so many, many times that the tapering should never, ever cause one to feel the cuts too severely, I think what Lori writes is the cold hard truth to end this xanax hell successfully, especially if we simply cannot tolerate the Ashton transition to valium:

 

The risk of protracted withdrawal increases with each taper.  What it boils down to is needing to come to terms with gearing up and getting accustomed to not feeling well.  It absolutely sucks... period.  There's no getting around that but if the meds no longer work, you're already feeling poorly, then the only alternative is to 1) do yet another updose or 2) come to terms with the fact that feeling crappy is inevitable for a bit.... but with the knowledge that eventually it will end!

 

And as she suggested, updosing really doesn't make me feel much better anymore. It's actually a relief to accept that I'm going to feel like crap with no great relief from any modest amount of updosing. The only thing that immediate updosing does (if I cut too fast) is keep my blood pressure from skyrocketing - but it doesn't make me feel a lot better. It does help to realize and accept you really can not go back again because it will be worse and worse every time you do. God, do I know that by now!

 

Dave

Hi Dave,

The way I went about finding a psychiatric nurse practitioner was to do a search online.  I searched for psychiatric nurse practitioner's in my state and it showed me a bunch of names.  I started calling ones close to me and finally found one that was in my area that was accepting patients and has been helping me.  I am on Medicare and also Tricare and I can tell you that Medicare does cover this and if it is easier for you to do this virtually, they will cover it if the person you find to help you does this. 

When I moved here from another state, my new primary care doctor had told me he would help me but when it came time to get a prescription, he said no.  That put me into panic mode.  I was fortunate to find the nurse I did and it has been working out great for me.

 

I agree that Lori's tough love is so very helpful.  Some people want to do this what they think is the easy way, with no pain, symptoms etc but that does NOT work. 

 

You are welcome to come here and let us know what is going on with you and share your good days and if you have bad ones, we are here to help with those too.  It is ok to vent.  It is also ok to let us know when you are having a good day.  Lots of us have both.  What we all have in common is the nightmare that is xanax.  Lori is also right when she says, direct taper from Xanax absolutely can be done, as there are lots of us who are doing that right now.  There are some who say to try the liquid taper but I tried that and it did not work, Lori tried that too and it did not work for her either.

 

Just take one day at a time and remember, when you have a rough time, this too shall pass.  For me I get frustrated but get through whatever it is. 

 

This is hard but is doable!

 

Take care.

 

Julia

[[to...]]

Dave, a warm "Welcome to the Group!"

 

I told you that this group was extremely understanding, compassionate, and would appreciate your story!  They did not disappoint with their kind responses to you.  I'm so glad that you joined us!

 

For what it's worth I had a terrible reaction to Valium.  I'm sure my experience is documented in plenty of my posts over the years.  However, I'm here to tell you that a direct taper from Xanax absolutely can be done!  I wish someone had reassured me of this 4-5 years ago!  I only knew of Ashton and thought that her way was the only way. Hence, I put off my taper for a solid year while I wallowed in despair.  Additionally, I am genuinely surprised at how much better I have felt the lower I got in my dose.  Don't get me wrong, some crappy physical stuff creeped up (did not have for the first two years of taper) which is very normal due to the fact that benzo's are muscle relaxants, but I no longer suffer from anxiety, panic attacks, POTS symptoms, etc.

 

Granted, all symptoms or side effects are crappy, whether mental or physical, but I've learned to just keep telling myself that if the other symptoms that plagued me early on disappeared, then eventually these will as well! 

 

Years ago when I started this journery I would read posts that often said, "The only way out of this is through it."  Back then I found it a bit discouraging ... but... It's the most accurate statement to date!  If you stumble into the mindset of obsessing over any one specific side effect or symptom of the taper, you start to overthink it with anticipatory fear which often hold you back from continuing.  I was there so many times only to find out that if you keep your cuts sensible and methodical (as best as you can), you will be fine!! 

 

Other than when I mistakenly started dosing 3 times per day when my body was accustomed to 4, did I truly run into horrible problems!  And truth be told, I did it out of sheer laziness!  I had reached .75 mgs and it was easier to take three doses of .25 mgs than to try to weight them out, etc.  BIG MISTAKE, HUGE!  However, it was a bump in the road and in hindsight probably a blessing.  I had to updose to 1 milligram and get stable.  In hindsight, it was probably needed as it gave my body a rest from 2 years of tapering!  Don't think that your body will need this as well.  I have many buddies from the past that kept plugging along and finished it in one taper.... And... did VERY WELL!  (e.g, Seakingpeace, Kristen, etc.).  They don't come on here any longer because they're out living life and doing very well! 

 

Again, there is HOPE for all of us!

 

On that note, I hope everyone is doing well!  I actually got out of the house and went to see my niece off to her Junior Prom last night with my entire family.  It was so nice to do something "normal" again!  I came home last night and couldn't help but think to myself, "Hang in there, Lori!... Someday this will be your norm!'    And yes, the muscle and nerve stuff has reared its ugly head this morning but I'm rolling with it!  I have no choice.  And I'm okay with it for today.  This mindset helps a TON!  I know that tomorrow or the next day, or the next, or maybe the next will be better.  I also know that I'm going to have some crappy days ahead when I want to scream, cry, or wallow in self pity.  I'm okay with that too!  LOL!

 

Sending healing hugs and strength to each of you!

 

Fondly,

Lori

 

Hi Lori,

I just want to say Thank you again for being here for me and for others.  I do not know what I would have done these last 27 months without your help, support, encouragement and love!  You are so REAL and that is what is needed here.  Tapering is hard, hard as hell, but there is so much hope that the day will come when we are off this poison! 

I am so glad you went out with your family last night and had a good time!  I know that means alot to you!  You are getting closer and closer to the end of this nightmare.

I have been having issues with balance and dizziness but am trying to get through it.  Some days are harder than others.  It will get better!!!! 

 

Love you lots,

Julia 

[[Di...]]

Dave, a warm "Welcome to the Group!"

 

I told you that this group was extremely understanding, compassionate, and would appreciate your story!  They did not disappoint with their kind responses to you.  I'm so glad that you joined us!

 

For what it's worth I had a terrible reaction to Valium.  I'm sure my experience is documented in plenty of my posts over the years.  However, I'm here to tell you that a direct taper from Xanax absolutely can be done!  I wish someone had reassured me of this 4-5 years ago!  I only knew of Ashton and thought that her way was the only way. Hence, I put off my taper for a solid year while I wallowed in despair.  Additionally, I am genuinely surprised at how much better I have felt the lower I got in my dose.  Don't get me wrong, some crappy physical stuff creeped up (did not have for the first two years of taper) which is very normal due to the fact that benzo's are muscle relaxants, but I no longer suffer from anxiety, panic attacks, POTS symptoms, etc.

 

Granted, all symptoms or side effects are crappy, whether mental or physical, but I've learned to just keep telling myself that if the other symptoms that plagued me early on disappeared, then eventually these will as well! 

 

Years ago when I started this journery I would read posts that often said, "The only way out of this is through it."  Back then I found it a bit discouraging ... but... It's the most accurate statement to date!  If you stumble into the mindset of obsessing over any one specific side effect or symptom of the taper, you start to overthink it with anticipatory fear which often hold you back from continuing.  I was there so many times only to find out that if you keep your cuts sensible and methodical (as best as you can), you will be fine!! 

 

Other than when I mistakenly started dosing 3 times per day when my body was accustomed to 4, did I truly run into horrible problems!  And truth be told, I did it out of sheer laziness!  I had reached .75 mgs and it was easier to take three doses of .25 mgs than to try to weight them out, etc.  BIG MISTAKE, HUGE!  However, it was a bump in the road and in hindsight probably a blessing.  I had to updose to 1 milligram and get stable.  In hindsight, it was probably needed as it gave my body a rest from 2 years of tapering!  Don't think that your body will need this as well.  I have many buddies from the past that kept plugging along and finished it in one taper.... And... did VERY WELL!  (e.g, Seakingpeace, Kristen, etc.).  They don't come on here any longer because they're out living life and doing very well! 

 

Again, there is HOPE for all of us!

 

On that note, I hope everyone is doing well!  I actually got out of the house and went to see my niece off to her Junior Prom last night with my entire family.  It was so nice to do something "normal" again!  I came home last night and couldn't help but think to myself, "Hang in there, Lori!... Someday this will be your norm!'    And yes, the muscle and nerve stuff has reared its ugly head this morning but I'm rolling with it!  I have no choice.  And I'm okay with it for today.  This mindset helps a TON!  I know that tomorrow or the next day, or the next, or maybe the next will be better.  I also know that I'm going to have some crappy days ahead when I want to scream, cry, or wallow in self pity.  I'm okay with that too!  LOL!

 

Sending healing hugs and strength to each of you!

 

Fondly,

Lori

 

Hi Lori,

I just want to say Thank you again for being here for me and for others.  I do not know what I would have done these last 27 months without your help, support, encouragement and love!  You are so REAL and that is what is needed here.  Tapering is hard, hard as hell, but there is so much hope that the day will come when we are off this poison! 

I am so glad you went out with your family last night and had a good time!  I know that means alot to you!  You are getting closer and closer to the end of this nightmare.

I have been having issues with balance and dizziness but am trying to get through it.  Some days are harder than others.  It will get better!!!! 

 

Love you lots,

Julia 

 

Lori and Julia you are both such an encouragement to me!  Even though I was switched from xanax to ativan I appreciate all of your posts.  I am having so much fear about the withdrawal symptoms that I am stalled on my taper...I keep trying to find an easy way out but I know there isn't one.  I have horrible morning thru afternoon anxiety then most of the time an evening window.  Everyone says listen to your body for your taper but I dont know what my body is trying to tell me I have been holding for 8 weeks I really feel like I need to continue with a slow taper but am so afraid.  Praying for continued success for both of you.

[[to...]]

Dave, a warm "Welcome to the Group!"

 

I told you that this group was extremely understanding, compassionate, and would appreciate your story!  They did not disappoint with their kind responses to you.  I'm so glad that you joined us!

 

For what it's worth I had a terrible reaction to Valium.  I'm sure my experience is documented in plenty of my posts over the years.  However, I'm here to tell you that a direct taper from Xanax absolutely can be done!  I wish someone had reassured me of this 4-5 years ago!  I only knew of Ashton and thought that her way was the only way. Hence, I put off my taper for a solid year while I wallowed in despair.  Additionally, I am genuinely surprised at how much better I have felt the lower I got in my dose.  Don't get me wrong, some crappy physical stuff creeped up (did not have for the first two years of taper) which is very normal due to the fact that benzo's are muscle relaxants, but I no longer suffer from anxiety, panic attacks, POTS symptoms, etc.

 

Granted, all symptoms or side effects are crappy, whether mental or physical, but I've learned to just keep telling myself that if the other symptoms that plagued me early on disappeared, then eventually these will as well! 

 

Years ago when I started this journery I would read posts that often said, "The only way out of this is through it."  Back then I found it a bit discouraging ... but... It's the most accurate statement to date!  If you stumble into the mindset of obsessing over any one specific side effect or symptom of the taper, you start to overthink it with anticipatory fear which often hold you back from continuing.  I was there so many times only to find out that if you keep your cuts sensible and methodical (as best as you can), you will be fine!! 

 

Other than when I mistakenly started dosing 3 times per day when my body was accustomed to 4, did I truly run into horrible problems!  And truth be told, I did it out of sheer laziness!  I had reached .75 mgs and it was easier to take three doses of .25 mgs than to try to weight them out, etc.  BIG MISTAKE, HUGE!  However, it was a bump in the road and in hindsight probably a blessing.  I had to updose to 1 milligram and get stable.  In hindsight, it was probably needed as it gave my body a rest from 2 years of tapering!  Don't think that your body will need this as well.  I have many buddies from the past that kept plugging along and finished it in one taper.... And... did VERY WELL!  (e.g, Seakingpeace, Kristen, etc.).  They don't come on here any longer because they're out living life and doing very well! 

 

Again, there is HOPE for all of us!

 

On that note, I hope everyone is doing well!  I actually got out of the house and went to see my niece off to her Junior Prom last night with my entire family.  It was so nice to do something "normal" again!  I came home last night and couldn't help but think to myself, "Hang in there, Lori!... Someday this will be your norm!'    And yes, the muscle and nerve stuff has reared its ugly head this morning but I'm rolling with it!  I have no choice.  And I'm okay with it for today.  This mindset helps a TON!  I know that tomorrow or the next day, or the next, or maybe the next will be better.  I also know that I'm going to have some crappy days ahead when I want to scream, cry, or wallow in self pity.  I'm okay with that too!  LOL!

 

Sending healing hugs and strength to each of you!

 

Fondly,

Lori

 

Hi Lori,

I just want to say Thank you again for being here for me and for others.  I do not know what I would have done these last 27 months without your help, support, encouragement and love!  You are so REAL and that is what is needed here.  Tapering is hard, hard as hell, but there is so much hope that the day will come when we are off this poison! 

I am so glad you went out with your family last night and had a good time!  I know that means alot to you!  You are getting closer and closer to the end of this nightmare.

I have been having issues with balance and dizziness but am trying to get through it.  Some days are harder than others.  It will get better!!!! 

 

Love you lots,

Julia 

 

Lori and Julia you are both such an encouragement to me!  Even though I was switched from xanax to ativan I appreciate all of your posts.  I am having so much fear about the withdrawal symptoms that I am stalled on my taper...I keep trying to find an easy way out but I know there isn't one.  I have horrible morning thru afternoon anxiety then most of the time an evening window.  Everyone says listen to your body for your taper but I dont know what my body is trying to tell me I have been holding for 8 weeks I really feel like I need to continue with a slow taper but am so afraid.  Praying for continued success for both of you.

 

Hey Dianedeedee, Know you are not alone.  Many of us have had a stall but then kept going.  I understand the fear - very well.  Even recently I knew I needed to make a cut but did not want more withdrawal symptoms especially when you never know what symptom will show up next.  I am having some cog fog right now too and that bothers me alot but I know it will get better.

A suggestion may be to make an even smaller cut than you normally do - like if you normally do a 5% cut - try 2.5% instead.  Then if you do ok with that, the next time go back to 5% etc.  I was given some sound advice recently about percentages - this cut I am on now is 10% and I did it all at once - instead of doing it all at once - try doing the first week at 2.5%, then if you are doing ok, the next week do 5%, the 3rd week 7.5% and the 4th week do 10% - then you are not doing the whole 10% cut at once.  I would suggest trying to do a smaller cut than you normally do and see how you do.  You may find you do great and that would relieve some of the fear.

 

Another thing, I take my highest dose first thing in the morning, then I take my second dose about 3 hours later, then 4 hours later and 4 hours later.  I take 4 does a day.  That is how I have always dosed - 4 times a day.  What this does for me is gets the xanax back in my system faster because usually it has been 12 hours since my last dose from the night before.  Doing this makes me feel better by 1 or 2 in the afternoon and I am usually ok - or as ok as I can be with the symptoms I am having at this time. 

 

I was on Xanax and then Ativan, then back to Xanax at one point early on when I was put on these drugs for anxiety.  The xanax withdrawal from a cold turkey almost killed me then I was put back on xanax and within a few months put up to 3.5-4 mg a day.  I am now at .5625 mg a day after 27 months of tapering.  It takes time to get off this.  I believe that if you are slow but steady, you do more healing along the way!

 

The anxiety does get better - I do not usually have the anxiety issues anymore - I do have anxiety sometimes but it is not caused by the taper.

 

Do not beat yourself up - yes it has been 8 weeks since your last cut, but sometimes that is what our bodies need.  You will know when you are ready to do another cut - it is hard to explain how you know- but for me- I can tell physically and mentally it is time.  This does not happen each time but it does happen sometimes.  I would try doing a smaller cut and see how you do.  You may find that you do well and can keep going forward.

 

The only way to get off this is to taper and remember that being off this will give you your life back and hopefully that will help with the fear too. 

 

Take care and thanks for being here too.  Let us know how you are doing and we are always here for support.

 

Love, Julia

[[Di...]]

Julia thank you so much.