Insomnia support group

[[va...]]

The fact that I reacted terribly to all of them and made things worse definitely helped lol. It's tough. I had no idea I would react the way I did, but I got the hint after a number of nightmare days and nights. I only found BB after jumping, so I was pretty ignorant.

 

Hard to know what to recommend in that situation, but I wish I had just abstained from all meds and supplements. Probably the best thing you can do is learn to deal with the lack of sleep any way you can. It won't kill you, but I know it feels horrible. I should also say that I was not at all convinced it wouldn't kill me, so I know I'm speaking from a place of greater comfort now. If you can find a few things that will reliably relax and distract you, they will really help you get through the worst days and nights.

 

I know I am not much help. TBH I don't think I dealt with it all that well myself. I know MTfan had a brutal level of insomnia for quite awhile. She may have some good advice for you.

 

Oh you are helping us a lot, trust me. In many threads people don't want to talk about problems but I need to. Yes, my mental strategy is that I won't die of no sleep will we?

 

I have to take my daughter mornings to summer camp, teach a few classes (I teach English as a second language) pick up daughter, go to doctor, cook... All this on si little sleep. Once a week see a ver difficult family member... I worry I won't handle it. It's not only the insomnia, it's the acute wds terror. I've seen a woman and several men on YouTube working for years sleeping 2/3 hours. Sometimes less. Im so anxious now I'm scared, it's 10:41 at night and bedtime approaches. I've bought a puzzle to make in my sleepless nights, and color pencils to draw

[[Da...]]

 

Oh you are helping us a lot, trust me. In many threads people don't want to talk about problems but I need to. Yes, my mental strategy is that I won't die of no sleep will we?

 

I have to take my daughter mornings to summer camp, teach a few classes (I teach English as a second language) pick up daughter, go to doctor, cook... All this on si little sleep. Once a week see a ver difficult family member... I worry I won't handle it. It's not only the insomnia, it's the acute wds terror. I've seen a woman and several men on YouTube working for years sleeping 2/3 hours. Sometimes less. Im so anxious now I'm scared, it's 10:41 at night and bedtime approaches. I've bought a puzzle to make in my sleepless nights, and color pencils to draw

 

That seems like a solid strategy. My things that helped were reading, podcasts, meditation, progressive muscle relaxation, and keeping a similar routine. You'll find what works through trial and error. You may want to keep a journal. People find that the withdrawal tends to evolve, so it can be difficult to keep track of what works and what doesn't as new symptoms pop up if you are not writing things down.

 

I'm sorry I disappeared there, but the reason may be encouraging: I took a nap. While I was on the medication I could not nap at all. I don't think I took a single nap in about 15 years. Although it was difficult at first and the failure rate was high, I can now nap with decent reliability anytime between 12-5pm if I need it. It's a big help knowing that is there when you cannot sleep at night. You may also find certain problems will resolve themselves once you are off the drug. I had problems with my stomach for a long time which I had no idea were due to the medication. I had pretty severe gastritis when I ate anything too late in the evening. It seemed I could only eat a certain number of calories. I couldn't eat certain heavy foods. All of these things are much better now, in spite of the fact that sleep has not fully recovered. I used to think that everything was dependent on sleep, especially the stomach problems, but I'm finding now that the correlation is a lot weaker than I suspected.

 

I don't know if you have ever done CBT for insomnia or read a book on it, but you may find that very helpful. Even the books are very therapeutic. I've read a couple of them: "Say goodnight to insomnia" by Dr. Gregg Jacobs and "Ending the insomnia struggle" by Colleen Ehrnstrom and Alisha Brosse (both sleep psychologists). They were both very helpful.

 

In terms of getting everything done, you may be able to do it. And if you can, people will look at you as if you are some sort of superhero. Most people cannot comprehend this level of sleep deprivation and the vast majority will never experience anything like it. But you do need to know when to back off. You may need to take disability from work in order to get all family responsibilities done, and there is no shame in that. Most doctors will be pretty helpful in that regard if they see how much you are suffering. But of course they will give you some diagnosis of "anxiety/depression" or some made up condition from the DSM rather than the actual problem, which is an adverse withdrawal reaction. I always found this pretty irksome and I still insist on calling BS on any doctor that claims it was not caused by the drug. Of course they don't like that, because they don't like their kingdom of omniscience to come tumbling down around them. I would try not to let their denials get on your nerves. When I first found actual help from others who had gone through BZD withdrawal, one piece of advice was to avoid doctors and listen to people who had actually gone through it. I said ok, but I thought that sounded pretty insane. Unfortunately most people need to learn why to avoid doctors for themselves. They have a stunning lack of a knowledge of this condition and will often just make things worse with their "treatments". They also don't seem too interested in learning about the condition. I don't think you'll find another profession that combines such spectacular levels of arrogance and incompetence as medicine. There are some very good doctors out there, but they are the ones who will admit that they actually don't know much at all. I hope you find one that is supportive. I only found a good one after the worst of it was over. As a small protest I have refused to transfer my medical records to them. I was always a pretty compliant patient before, but I've become a real pain in the ass lately. I feel I owe them

 

One useful bit of info for avoiding medications that many on this forum choose to willfully ignore is that whatever action the medication has, whether it be sedative, anxiolytic, or hypnotic properties, the nervous system will adapt to that by going in the opposite direction. It does not want to be sedated or made less aware of the world, even if you feel you need that. So, for example, with benzos, it adapts to the flood of inhibitory activity by getting rid of GABA receptors, along with other processes that we don't understand. This is what produces the horrible withdrawal. Some people accept that for benzos but ignore it for other medications. But if a medication actually works as a sleep aid, the body will adapt and eventually you will have to pay the piper. I think most of these medications make things worse long term for that reason. Drugs that make you less anxious actually erode an already weakened system further, while drugs that make you happier or make things more interesting will tend to produce a depression or anhedonia upon withdrawal. The denial of the withdrawal problem by medicine is pretty bizarre considering that is one of the first things you learn as a principle of addiction.

 

I think I've written a bit too much, and I hope in the meantime you've fallen asleep, but if you haven't, I hope I have said at least one helpful thing

[[va...]]

 

Oh you are helping us a lot, trust me. In many threads people don't want to talk about problems but I need to. Yes, my mental strategy is that I won't die of no sleep will we?

 

I have to take my daughter mornings to summer camp, teach a few classes (I teach English as a second language) pick up daughter, go to doctor, cook... All this on si little sleep. Once a week see a ver difficult family member... I worry I won't handle it. It's not only the insomnia, it's the acute wds terror. I've seen a woman and several men on YouTube working for years sleeping 2/3 hours. Sometimes less. Im so anxious now I'm scared, it's 10:41 at night and bedtime approaches. I've bought a puzzle to make in my sleepless nights, and color pencils to draw

 

That seems like a solid strategy. My things that helped were reading, podcasts, meditation, progressive muscle relaxation, and keeping a similar routine. You'll find what works through trial and error. You may want to keep a journal. People find that the withdrawal tends to evolve, so it can be difficult to keep track of what works and what doesn't as new symptoms pop up if you are not writing things down.

 

I'm sorry I disappeared there, but the reason may be encouraging: I took a nap. While I was on the medication I could not nap at all. I don't think I took a single nap in about 15 years. Although it was difficult at first and the failure rate was high, I can now nap with decent reliability anytime between 12-5pm if I need it. It's a big help knowing that is there when you cannot sleep at night. You may also find certain problems will resolve themselves once you are off the drug. I had problems with my stomach for a long time which I had no idea were due to the medication. I had pretty severe gastritis when I ate anything too late in the evening. It seemed I could only eat a certain number of calories. I couldn't eat certain heavy foods. All of these things are much better now, in spite of the fact that sleep has not fully recovered. I used to think that everything was dependent on sleep, especially the stomach problems, but I'm finding now that the correlation is a lot weaker than I suspected.

 

I don't know if you have ever done CBT for insomnia or read a book on it, but you may find that very helpful. Even the books are very therapeutic. I've read a couple of them: "Say goodnight to insomnia" by Dr. Gregg Jacobs and "Ending the insomnia struggle" by Colleen Ehrnstrom and Alisha Brosse (both sleep psychologists). They were both very helpful.

 

In terms of getting everything done, you may be able to do it. And if you can, people will look at you as if you are some sort of superhero. Most people cannot comprehend this level of sleep deprivation and the vast majority will never experience anything like it. But you do need to know when to back off. You may need to take disability from work in order to get all family responsibilities done, and there is no shame in that. Most doctors will be pretty helpful in that regard if they see how much you are suffering. But of course they will give you some diagnosis of "anxiety/depression" or some made up condition from the DSM rather than the actual problem, which is an adverse withdrawal reaction. I always found this pretty irksome and I still insist on calling BS on any doctor that claims it was not caused by the drug. Of course they don't like that, because they don't like their kingdom of omniscience to come tumbling down around them. I would try not to let their denials get on your nerves. When I first found actual help from others who had gone through BZD withdrawal, one piece of advice was to avoid doctors and listen to people who had actually gone through it. I said ok, but I thought that sounded pretty insane. Unfortunately most people need to learn why to avoid doctors for themselves. They have a stunning lack of a knowledge of this condition and will often just make things worse with their "treatments". They also don't seem too interested in learning about the condition. I don't think you'll find another profession that combines such spectacular levels of arrogance and incompetence as medicine. There are some very good doctors out there, but they are the ones who will admit that they actually don't know much at all. I hope you find one that is supportive. I only found a good one after the worst of it was over. As a small protest I have refused to transfer my medical records to them. I was always a pretty compliant patient before, but I've become a real pain in the ass lately. I feel I owe them

 

One useful bit of info for avoiding medications that many on this forum choose to willfully ignore is that whatever action the medication has, whether it be sedative, anxiolytic, or hypnotic properties, the nervous system will adapt to that by going in the opposite direction. It does not want to be sedated or made less aware of the world, even if you feel you need that. So, for example, with benzos, it adapts to the flood of inhibitory activity by getting rid of GABA receptors, along with other processes that we don't understand. This is what produces the horrible withdrawal. Some people accept that for benzos but ignore it for other medications. But if a medication actually works as a sleep aid, the body will adapt and eventually you will have to pay the piper. I think most of these medications make things worse long term for that reason. Drugs that make you less anxious actually erode an already weakened system further, while drugs that make you happier or make things more interesting will tend to produce a depression or anhedonia upon withdrawal. The denial of the withdrawal problem by medicine is pretty bizarre considering that is one of the first things you learn as a principle of addiction.

 

I think I've written a bit too much, and I hope in the meantime you've fallen asleep, but if you haven't, I hope I have said at least one helpful thing

 

Hi Data Guy,

 

Thanks for your reply. I slept ONE hour. It's 4:39, don't think I'll get any more sleep. The problem is the terror and adrenaline all through my body. I'm self employed. I could stop, but my family or origin would suspect something strange and if they know I'm like this they'd force to a psychiatrist to make me take something else. I'm so desperate I'm considering doing that myself, but I know EVERYTHING you say is true. I hate psych drugs and it would be risky as I already came off of lexapro and messing up with one antidepressant and another is not safe. If only I knew how long this sheer terror is going to last, I could plan ahead my life, daughter, my students, make up an excuse for my family. I mean I have no real support and I've always managed alone so this is bad. I read everyone counting on a husband, wife, parents, but when you're the only engine of your life and it stops... That's why I'm considering one of the drugs the psych said but on the other hand I know it can be even worse. I've seen so much already on the internet about the effect of these drugs.

 

I totally and completely agree with you about doctors. I think the same about them. Many psychopaths in that field.

 

I'm glad you're so well that you can nap. Yes, stomach issues are all benzo related. My stomach is very very sensitive. Anyway these days I can hardly eat very little.

 

Thank you for lending a hand. I'm so glad you're off all meds.  Oh, what I'd give to say the same!

[[Da...]]

I know it's a pretty horrible situation to be in. How did you react when you updosed? As much as I hate to suggest it, that might be the best of the bad options available. There was another user who went through something similar but with even more extreme insomnia while tapering (FightingFox) and they updosed, held, and got some improvement.

 

I'm sorry you have so little support. I think even those who have support find that their caregivers rarely understand what they are going through, so they feel kind of alone anyway. You've already been more resourceful than 99.9% of people would be in your situation, so that is encouraging. I would try to work out a plan for stabilization, as well as a backup plan, then post it on the forum and follow through on it with the support you have here. You're doing great considering the circumstances.

[[va...]]

I know it's a pretty horrible situation to be in. How did you react when you updosed? As much as I hate to suggest it, that might be the best of the bad options available. There was another user who went through something similar but with even more extreme insomnia while tapering (FightingFox) and they updosed, held, and got some improvement.

 

I'm sorry you have so little support. I think even those who have support find that their caregivers rarely understand what they are going through, so they feel kind of alone anyway. You've already been more resourceful than 99.9% of people would be in your situation, so that is encouraging. I would try to work out a plan for stabilization, as well as a backup plan, then post it on the forum and follow through on it with the support you have here. You're doing great considering the circumstances.

 

Hi Data Guy!

 

How sweet of you to be so concerned for a stranger. I really appreciate it. There are some compassionate souls like you in the world. Well today  I went to this new family doctor. I tell him my medical history more or less. And my current situation. He swears I'm like this not because of valium considering I'm on a very low dose. He says its the lexapro I finished tapering 2.5 months ago. I thought it could be. And then of course he suggest I reinstate lexapro!!! Don't worry I'd never do that, I've seen three facebook friends from the lexapro should be illegal group become severely incapacitated permanently due to lexapro late reinstatement.

 

So anyway I'd never do that. I prefer to live like this than like them. But this is no life. The wave is horrendous. Is it the lex or the valium? We'll never know. I'm sleeping ONE hour many nights. This is horrible. And of course I take care of my daughter and work... imagine. AND tomorrow lunch with my father which is worse than work. Anyway the wave lifted up a bit at 3 p.m. (it's 5:14 p.m. now), let's see how much of a break it gives me. I'm guessing it's the benzo, don't ask me why. It's a feeling. I asked this doctor if he has any other suggestion for sleep not antidepressant. He mentioned zolpidem. Not so happily because now I'm almost certain they get money from the escitalopram manufacturer. He insisted so much!! So anyway zolpidem. Maybe once a week to get at least 3 or 4 hours sleep? Yeah I know it's a no no but desperate times you know. How is YOUR sleep going, has it improved some? And the gastro intestinal problems? One strange thing is that other than the insomnia and the severe depressive mood and terror I'm in with the wave (except for these little windows), can you believe that on one hour sleep I've done a bunch of things today? This benzo withdrawal makes you so anxious you're on fire and need to move all the time. I hate it, but it does allow me to work (so far).

[[Lo...]]

Please forgive "necro-Bump" old thread.

 

Is this SG for who's primary condition is "Organic Insomnia" before Benzo? (e.g. never had anxiety)

 

Has been almost impossible to find HOW to taper off single dose, @ night... Is it safe to assume I'll return to insomniac?

 

This was the "Default State" before Short acting benzo.

 

Any input is welcome

Thx

LC

 

 

[[Da...]]

Hi LostCause,

 

I think you can safely assume you've have insomnia again after stopping the benzo if you had it before, but you might feel better anyway (after you recover from the drug withdrawal). The support group is for anyone who has insomnia or wants to help those who have it. 

 

For tapering, I'd recommend switching to Valium (diazepam) from Xanax. From this table: https://www.benzo.org.uk/bzequiv.htm

 

You can see that 1.5mg Xanax = around 30mg diazepam. The conversion is not exact, but maybe you can play around with it a bit if it feels like too much / or too little. Diazepam is a lower potency benzo and has a shorter half life, so it should be easier to taper.

[[Da...]]

I know it's a pretty horrible situation to be in. How did you react when you updosed? As much as I hate to suggest it, that might be the best of the bad options available. There was another user who went through something similar but with even more extreme insomnia while tapering (FightingFox) and they updosed, held, and got some improvement.

 

I'm sorry you have so little support. I think even those who have support find that their caregivers rarely understand what they are going through, so they feel kind of alone anyway. You've already been more resourceful than 99.9% of people would be in your situation, so that is encouraging. I would try to work out a plan for stabilization, as well as a backup plan, then post it on the forum and follow through on it with the support you have here. You're doing great considering the circumstances.

 

Hi Data Guy!

 

How sweet of you to be so concerned for a stranger. I really appreciate it. There are some compassionate souls like you in the world. Well today  I went to this new family doctor. I tell him my medical history more or less. And my current situation. He swears I'm like this not because of valium considering I'm on a very low dose. He says its the lexapro I finished tapering 2.5 months ago. I thought it could be. And then of course he suggest I reinstate lexapro!!! Don't worry I'd never do that, I've seen three facebook friends from the lexapro should be illegal group become severely incapacitated permanently due to lexapro late reinstatement.

 

So anyway I'd never do that. I prefer to live like this than like them. But this is no life. The wave is horrendous. Is it the lex or the valium? We'll never know. I'm sleeping ONE hour many nights. This is horrible. And of course I take care of my daughter and work... imagine. AND tomorrow lunch with my father which is worse than work. Anyway the wave lifted up a bit at 3 p.m. (it's 5:14 p.m. now), let's see how much of a break it gives me. I'm guessing it's the benzo, don't ask me why. It's a feeling. I asked this doctor if he has any other suggestion for sleep not antidepressant. He mentioned zolpidem. Not so happily because now I'm almost certain they get money from the escitalopram manufacturer. He insisted so much!! So anyway zolpidem. Maybe once a week to get at least 3 or 4 hours sleep? Yeah I know it's a no no but desperate times you know. How is YOUR sleep going, has it improved some? And the gastro intestinal problems? One strange thing is that other than the insomnia and the severe depressive mood and terror I'm in with the wave (except for these little windows), can you believe that on one hour sleep I've done a bunch of things today? This benzo withdrawal makes you so anxious you're on fire and need to move all the time. I hate it, but it does allow me to work (so far).

 

Hi Val,

 

Sorry I never responded. I tend to post and then sometime I will read responses but I am too tired to write coherently in response so I tell myself I'll do it later, but then I forget. I hope you're doing better. I think I remember reading that the updose really helped and your sleep is more stable now (and longer than 1 hour )

 

That family doctor sounds like a bit of a jerk. I cannot stand doctors who deny drugs cause our problems. A doctor is supposed to be concerned about your health, not their reputation or the reputation of their drugs or colleagues. Clearly they are more concerned about the latter. It's perverse. I hope you've found someone better since then.

 

My sleep is a bit better. I'm also eating better and exercising quite a bit. The average sleep is still a little over 4 hours per night, but it varies. Usually I don't get much less than that. I was pretty tired last night. I was at a play that a friend was in and I kept falling asleep. I was holding my hat and I could feel it slipping out of my grip and the stage light was hurting my eyes, so I left at the intermission. But then I slept 5 hours and 45 minutes  . I feel a lot better. All of this stuff will fade eventually, it's just been a bit frustrating how long it is taking. I did use various sedatives for a good 15+ years though, so it's not totally unexpected.

 

Are you still sleeping better?

[[va...]]

Oh data guy so many things have changed since July thank the lord. I had serious SI every night. I had even started to plan. I updosed to 2.5. It took ages to work but I finally got better. I'm still awfully unstable but nothing like then, with the crash. In my bwd hyperactivity I visited five doctors. I finally found a "quite" benzo wise psychiatrist. I'll hold at least until January and when stable will consider tapering again. The psychiatrist put me on gabapentin (not sure it helps with anything) and I would've taken rat poison if someone had told me it would help with the constant terror 24/7. I know drugs are all bad etc but now I'm on it so I don't want to discuss it, that's why it's off my signature. Then he also gave me trazodone for sleep. Only 50 mgs. I must say that's the best thing ever for sleep and if I ever manage to come off the benzo I'll probably stay on trazodone to sleep. I admire your courage and perverance and mental strength. I hope your sleep keeps improving. Exercise really ramps up symptoms. I've started working out and when I overdo it I get worse depression, fear, etc. But I still sleep between five /seven hours with the trazodone even when I exercise. I'm a good mom again and working full time and exercising and cleaning my house. Being med free will have to wait.

[[Lo...]]

...safely assume you'll have insomnia again after stopping the benzo if you had it before, but you might feel better anyway

 

THANKS Data

 

A stroke in '96 created "organic" sleep disorder. e.g. my Faulty sleep switch became NONE. Not resolved 10 years prior to Medications. If I have a pulse, there'll be insomnia    I'm okay with that if I can have my MIND back

 

For a while, Xanax was the "insulin" for missing "sleep pancreas", the cure! NOT.    I know now there is no "sleep insulin" outside Dependency.

 

For now I gotta work with the 3 (.333_) 1/2 mg tabs. Doc wouldn't consider "cross over".

 

Cautious Doc. He knows I didn't tolerate Klonopin, years before X. With ADHD (inattentive) - SIDE effect was like a moldy towel'd been stuffed in my head, & the ritalin couldn't work. Next day was zero-stupid-thirty, took days to CLEAR my head... YuCk. He says Diazepam will probably be the same.

 

Doc feels it won't benefit, cause I've got no Anxiety. He was "on the money" - taking X in afternoon MIGHT be "uncomfortable" 

 

To avoid exacerbating poly-SUD "interdose", he wants to see if I can 'Get Stable' before next move.

VERY grateful for this SG 

LC

[[Da...]]

Oh data guy so many things have changed since July thank the lord. I had serious SI every night. I had even started to plan. I updosed to 2.5. It took ages to work but I finally got better. I'm still awfully unstable but nothing like then, with the crash. In my bwd hyperactivity I visited five doctors. I finally found a "quite" benzo wise psychiatrist. I'll hold at least until January and when stable will consider tapering again. The psychiatrist put me on gabapentin (not sure it helps with anything) and I would've taken rat poison if someone had told me it would help with the constant terror 24/7. I know drugs are all bad etc but now I'm on it so I don't want to discuss it, that's why it's off my signature. Then he also gave me trazodone for sleep. Only 50 mgs. I must say that's the best thing ever for sleep and if I ever manage to come off the benzo I'll probably stay on trazodone to sleep. I admire your courage and perverance and mental strength. I hope your sleep keeps improving. Exercise really ramps up symptoms. I've started working out and when I overdo it I get worse depression, fear, etc. But I still sleep between five /seven hours with the trazodone even when I exercise. I'm a good mom again and working full time and exercising and cleaning my house. Being med free will have to wait.

 

I'm sorry about the severe insomnia and SI. You're doing really amazing, working and raising a kid under those circumstances. I don't think many people would have the strength to do that without collapsing. Sounds like you found a good psychiatrist too, all those meds are being used appropriately. I hope no one is pressuring you to get off them anytime soon. Holding is a good plan until things look more favourable 

 

Here is a post by perseverance that shows Gabapentin may attenuate benzo withdrawal symptoms. She said an addiction treatment doctor she knows has had some success with it. I'm glad the trazodone is working too. ADs are most appropriately used when the depression is severe. Good risk / benefit tradeoff.

 

http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=77803.msg1855630#msg1855630

 

Also, I'll probably be joining you in the working w/d group sometime soon. I'll be starting work again in the next couple weeks unless some miracle happens. Still sleeping around 3-5 hours. Not exactly looking forward to it    Doctor said the return schedule could be modified as needed in her note, so I guess I should be grateful for that.

[[va...]]

Data guy thanks for your encouragement. Yes, I read that post by perseverance back in the day and it put me at ease. I wouldn't touch an ssri as I was on Lexapro and that one was very hard to come off. Four years taper. If you have a kid, before you collapse you updose. Yes, I was lucky finally finding this psychiatrist. I feel you'll do great at work. 3 hours is not great but I found with 3 we can go on. Would you give trazodone a try? I don't see too many horror stories about that one, although some unlucky men get this side effect that consists on a persistent erection. Yes, scary I know. But not too frequent I would guess by the number of people I see on trazodone. Hydroxyzine can also work for sleep and I understand it's more benign. Though I guess you've tried that already.

[[Da...]]

Data guy thanks for your encouragement. Yes, I read that post by perseverance back in the day and it put me at ease. I wouldn't touch an ssri as I was on Lexapro and that one was very hard to come off. Four years taper. If you have a kid, before you collapse you updose. Yes, I was lucky finally finding this psychiatrist. I feel you'll do great at work. 3 hours is not great but I found with 3 we can go on. Would you give trazodone a try? I don't see too many horror stories about that one, although some unlucky men get this side effect that consists on a persistent erection. Yes, scary I know. But not too frequent I would guess by the number of people I see on trazodone. Hydroxyzine can also work for sleep and I understand it's more benign. Though I guess you've tried that already.

 

If things got really bad I would just go on disability again. Sometimes it's more difficult to get if you've tried to come off, though. I think I've tried every possible sedative in the last 15 or so years, including Trazodone and Gabapentin, and I tend to react badly to all of them, if not immediately, then eventually. I think maybe the fundamental problem is that my system just does not want to be sedated, regardless of what drug or supplement does it.

 

I think work will be ok, but I am pretty nervous about going back full time, which will be in about 10 weeks. I'll be starting with a couple days a week, then 3, then 4 etc. Probably be in for some rough days (and nights). I may have to take advantage of the "modifiable" clause in the return to work note. Even just anticipating the return seems to have sent me into a wave. I'm going to have to be pretty careful about what food I eat, what I do in the evening and when and how much I exercise 

 

Yikes, I keep having to edit my posts for dumb mistakes. Even my writing is suffering!

[[va...]]

Data guy the good thing is, as you're off the benzo you can only keep improving from here! One thing I've found with this is that our fear of situations is usually worse than the situation itself. Yesterday I read a great post from my friend Stutt in the LHSG. She said, replace the catastrophic what ifs by "What if I can cope with withdrawal? What if I can manage the situation?". My psychiatrist, when I tell him what if I end up in hospital in an emergency and he says "Or what if you win the lottery?". You will manage. You sound strong enough.

[[Lo...]]

Valiumno, I totally relate - I don't voice feelings well. Inspired by your courage...

 

on WORK  I don't know whether to feel sad, or envious...

 

I tried going back to work (part time) in spring. And couldn't figure how my work, which ALWAYS felt good, no matter how hard, cold, hot etc. - had become tedious, joyless? As my mind sunk into - things Vnm shared - this wasn't "normal" PTSD

 

WHILE interdose wd had my head in the vice, I discovered... Dear god, I've stepped in a blivit of schlitz!! e.g. didn't know it's NOT okay to 'contract' under 20 hours (or under SGA) over age 55. Learned that 'til age 65, basically - IF able to work even part time, only by walking a tight rope of Red Tape.

 

Spiraling down the "What have I DONE" bunny hole delayed seeing what's REALLY wrong (benzo hell).

 

The months digging outa the NEW! Improved! Rabbit holes SSA & Medicare have invented ... I've never had anxiety and doubt feeling like a fugitive (for sound reason) "counts". But I do know chronic fear. Too well.

 

None of us need more worry, or troubles. If at all possible, steer clear of SSA. You all have been through too much - and handled so well - to invite this chaos.

 

Best hopes, and THANKS to everyone here

LC

 

PS - It's normal to feel "Uck" taking the daytime (Afternoon) dose? I've never taken X during the day. Have to take Afternoon, or else shakes. Over 7 days now @ 1.5 tho.

[[va...]]

LC I feel like crap half the time, two months ago all the time. The only thing that helped was focus on what I do, not how I feel. My todolist was the only thing I tried to focus on otherwise I'd go crazy. Well I was crazy anyway. I read constantly MTfan posts. Anyway I updosed and still took me three months for the updose to help. Now holding. I try to focus on the present moment. It takes work though. Eckhart Tolle videos are helping. No idea about the xanax dosing. Maybe ask in the xanax group?

 

Dataguy, sleep 8 hour hypnosis on YouTube help me immensely. Especially the Thomas hall hypnosis. He has many. I use the depression and anxiety hypnosis the most but sometimes others.

[[Lo...]]

The only thing that helped was focus on what I do, not how I feel.

 

So kind - and so TRUE, VnM

I had the id-wd  3-4 months, took couple weeks to get less worse. Since then I've had only 'reminders' of the Black-Place. And 1 accidental Window. Now it's flat-land, my brain's lost it's verbs... Avoiding the 'Cant' worm-hole helps live within a CAN "do list". The 'what is life without a TRADE' loop's stopped!! "do" is humbly short, #1 is don't punish self. "More will be revealed" as I learn workless living. Which thread is MTfan posting? I'll see if I can do E. Tolle videos after PT (when Son's at work) Videos seldom hold my attention. Or retain well. I can add "Local Library" on DO! I've checked about dose @ the X sg, but all are prescribed for "not insomnia" so ... BUT! I'll see when pharmacist is on duty. Therapist is a LADAC, she might turn something up.

 

Dataguy, big kudo's over your WORK. Hope it's meaningful for you. Today digging fence holes would have meaning for me

LC

[[Da...]]

Data guy the good thing is, as you're off the benzo you can only keep improving from here! One thing I've found with this is that our fear of situations is usually worse than the situation itself. Yesterday I read a great post from my friend Stutt in the LHSG. She said, replace the catastrophic what ifs by "What if I can cope with withdrawal? What if I can manage the situation?". My psychiatrist, when I tell him what if I end up in hospital in an emergency and he says "Or what if you win the lottery?". You will manage. You sound strong enough.

 

Yes, I should definitely be more positive. I think I get discouraged when I have nights where I sleep 3 hours or so and the next day is terrible. I feel all weak and usually get nothing done. Hopefully I can avoid that.

 

You seem to have good energy, Val. I could not write that many posts. Plus you are working and taking care of your kid. You have good mitochondria, so maybe you already won the lottery

 

 

[[Da...]]

...safely assume you'll have insomnia again after stopping the benzo if you had it before, but you might feel better anyway

 

THANKS Data

 

A stroke in '96 created "organic" sleep disorder. e.g. my Faulty sleep switch became NONE. Not resolved 10 years prior to Medications. If I have a pulse, there'll be insomnia    I'm okay with that if I can have my MIND back

 

For a while, Xanax was the "insulin" for missing "sleep pancreas", the cure! NOT.    I know now there is no "sleep insulin" outside Dependency.

 

For now I gotta work with the 3 (.333_) 1/2 mg tabs. Doc wouldn't consider "cross over".

 

Cautious Doc. He knows I didn't tolerate Klonopin, years before X. With ADHD (inattentive) - SIDE effect was like a moldy towel'd been stuffed in my head, & the ritalin couldn't work. Next day was zero-stupid-thirty, took days to CLEAR my head... YuCk. He says Diazepam will probably be the same.

 

Doc feels it won't benefit, cause I've got no Anxiety. He was "on the money" - taking X in afternoon MIGHT be "uncomfortable" 

 

To avoid exacerbating poly-SUD "interdose", he wants to see if I can 'Get Stable' before next move.

VERY grateful for this SG 

LC

 

Ok, LC. If you run into trouble tapering Xanax, maybe you can try switching to Valium then. It can be tough to taper straight from Xanax because it is a powerful benzo and also has a short half-life, so you will get interdose withdrawals between each dose. Much easier with Valium (diazepam), since it has a half-life that is over twice as long, plus an active metabolite with an even longer half-life. It is also less potent, as I mentioned. Something to consider if you get stuck.

 

Interesting that you didn't tolerate Klonopin. Could be a number of things. The potency, the half-life, the specific receptor targets (I believe K targets serotonin to a degree, unlike most other benzos). If it is the half-life, you could always try switching to Oxazepam as an alternative to switching to diazepam. It is milder in potency. But no sense experimenting if the taper is going ok thus far.

[[va...]]

Good morning everyone. Dataguy, most of my posts were over the summer when I have very little work. I'm a self employed English teacher in companies and at home. Now is high work season for me so now my posts are much less and I keep them short. However, benzo buddies is my lifeline. I don't know where I'd be without this forum. Hope everyone has slept a bit better and if you haven't, remember what Theway2 says: when you don't sleep you feel terrible but you won't die.