So many years...how much more can I stand?

[[Ca...]]

 

Its the nature of depression that you think it gets worse and worse the longer it gets. I know this sounds paradoxical but I really felt the same way as you did. Maybe try not to monitor yourself and just live day by day. There is no other cure I assume. In most success stories you can read that a lot of us felt the same way like you are now, but recovered.

 

That's like saying you only 'think' you're depressed. Depression IS a thought. That it's getting worse is as real as if it's getting better. That it's protracted IS depressing. If they say it's getting worse then it is for them. It's insulting and patronizing to deny them that.

[[Ni...]]

More and more research shows that depression is not always psychological.

An inflammatory response can induce depression, as with chronic diseases. Depression is a symptom in many inflammatory diseases, not because of bad thoughts but because immune activation can have a direct effect on the brain and neurotransmitters. When this happens you can't "think" yourself happy or ignore the depression.

[[Sc...]]

Gilly, had another soul crushing day of depression myself. It's worse than ever - since this Benzo ordeal. I so understand what you are going through - it's not easily put into words but I can sometimes recognize it when someone is in mental anguish. Just as was said earlier, sometimes all we want to listened to and embraced. That's all I can offer but it's all that's really worth hearing/feeling, as far as I'm concerned. Love/Peace . . .

I’m sorry your going through what it seems many of us are right now. Sending thoughts of comfort. I can’t remember if we met before I left for awhile, trying to deal eyes specialist appointments & soul crushing depression. I made some wrong choices while gone. It gets very confusing, deciding to trapeat ms symptoms or not etc, really though I had so much pressure to be ‘better’ from my treatment resistant depression, still do, but it’s settled a bit. I’ve been sobbing for days now, pretty much straight out of bed, with the ya know other thoughts that can accompany it...

 

I hate to ask, but when you feel well enough, can we talk about klonopin generics. I posted about my diploma a ways back. Oh feeling barffy...

 

Hope you feel better soon & nice to touch base with a clonazapam person. I love & appreciate everyone, please no one take offense, but certain things can be benzo specific, like these k pin generics.

 

🌈🌸SC

[[ea...]]

Some very good points have been said here. Depression, to me, is a FEELING. Nothing looks right, nothing feels right, and you just feel hopelessly caught in its web. Drugs will not fix this, no matter what TV commercials tell you.

The research clearly shows that talk therapy is the best treatment for depression. NOT drugs. CBT therapy seems to be best.

Something I learned the hard way is that benzos and ADs may CAUSE depression. I had no idea this was true, so my thirty year habit of nightly benzos and spending 12 years on SSRIs only CREATED

depression.

Once I got off all those drugs, benzos and SSRIs, and started to heal, I was amazed to find I was NO LONGER DEPRESSED. I am so much at ease now, so much content with my life and feel NO depression now. It was ALL MY DRUGS. God almighty, when will humans learn not to hurt each other, just for money?

 

[[Sc...]]

Some very good points have been said here. Depression, to me, is a FEELING. Nothing looks right, nothing feels right, and you just feel hopelessly caught in its web. Drugs will not fix this, no matter what TV commercials tell you.

The research clearly shows that talk therapy is the best treatment for depression. NOT drugs. CBT therapy seems to be best.

Something I learned the hard way is that benzos and ADs may CAUSE depression. I had no idea this was true, so my thirty year habit of nightly benzos and spending 12 years on SSRIs only CREATED

depression.

Once I got off all those drugs, benzos and SSRIs, and started to heal, I was amazed to find I was NO LONGER DEPRESSED. I am so much at ease now, so much content with my life and feel NO depression now. It was ALL MY DRUGS. God almighty, when will humans learn not to hurt each other, just for money?

That’s very inspiring. Your signiture is not complete. Would love to hear how you tapered off & how your depression was throughout & how you’ve been since your recovery. What you’ve done to stay well. I’m on 4mg total daily of clonazapam, have been on for 9 years dose, slowly increased over years, am holding as just cold switched from Xanax back to clonazapam & am in bad depression, fatigue, cog fog, withdrawal from Xanax. Can’t dry cut my pills, as they crush so must find another way down. Best healing wishes fellow sufferers, Scaredie XX

[[Ma...]]

 

Its the nature of depression that you think it gets worse and worse the longer it gets. I know this sounds paradoxical but I really felt the same way as you did. Maybe try not to monitor yourself and just live day by day. There is no other cure I assume. In most success stories you can read that a lot of us felt the same way like you are now, but recovered.

 

That's like saying you only 'think' you're depressed. Depression IS a thought. That it's getting worse is as real as if it's getting better. That it's protracted IS depressing. If they say it's getting worse then it is for them. It's insulting and patronizing to deny them that.

 

No. It is NOT. Re-read my sentence. The nature of depression is that you cannot think "this will get better". In depression you are not able to believe it will get better, a real depression is so cruel that it cuts off any potential to have hope and in this pain you would always think that there is only one way - that it will get worse and worse. - that is what I meant. I did not insult or patronize anyone.

I was so depressed for years that I could not eat any more or leave the bed and nearly died. I do not know anything more brutal then a depression - and my advice would be to live and survive day by day and not focusing on the spiraling thoughts. Thats all I said here.

[[4G...]]

Almost four months since I asked this question and I'm in a scared, black hole again. I escaped for a few weeks but thought I'd better try tapering again. And now I'm back here again.

Anything anyone can say to help would be much appreciated. 😭

[[Ma...]]

Almost four months since I asked this question and I'm in a scared, black hole again. I escaped for a few weeks but thought I'd better try tapering again. And now I'm back here again.

Anything anyone can say to help would be much appreciated. 😭

 

I would say this is just the normal cycle for lots of people when you taper. Not everyone is happy to get a taper without problems with each cuts. I was suffering with each cut also. Ativan is very hurtful to taper.

I have to say that after a while I somehow got used to that. I noticed that depression and other symptoms would come back with a cut, then I did a long hold, and when I started to cut again the hole cycle started again. BUT. Depression was gone when I reached the zero.

Sometimes we cannot avoid the worst symptom and if that is depression for you, you need to go through that. slowly, careful, persistent. And you can do that. Many of us did that. The fact you had few weeks in which it was better is a very good sign. So you need to ride and take the waves, so to speak.

I am so sorry that you have to go through that, too. I know it feels unbearable. But it has an end. The taper will be finished one day and then real recovery can begin. Sending you hope and strength,

Marigold

[[ea...]]

Scaredie, my sig is not complete because I joined BB seven years ago, after being forced to go cold turkey off a whole lot of benzos and ADs.

My story is pretty amazing. I fought through a really horrible wd, with severe symptoms lasting a year and only felt better at 3 years. But when you consider I took benzos nightly for THIRTY years, and went cold turkey, I guess that explains why I had such a difficult time. What I went through WAS a living nightmare, but I did survive and did heal, and isn't that what matters???

 

4Gilly, I urge you to taper off and STAY on that taper no matter what. So many people start "holding" and then updosing, and that just confuses your brain even morel The whole point of getting off benzos is to get OFF of them, because your brain needs time to heal from this. And it WILL heal, if you are off benzos and then dealing with wd symptoms.

Many people have liken bwd to a rollercoaster. And it sure can be. I also see it as a truly weird and scary maze, one you cannot find your way out of and your fear just gets worse and worse. Slowly slowly you inch forward, until you finally find your way out of this weird maze.

But you will find your way out. It just takes some people a bit of time.

east

[[4G...]]

Thank you so much, Marigold and eastcoast. I have never significantly updosed, but I do find that I have to hold when I'm feeling as depressed as I am at the moment. All I can do is my best. I am taking four other psych drugs and I'm sure my w/d is worse because of those. I cannot just steamroll through the w/d. I do feel that we heal to an extent during w/d. Then the rest of the healing takes place afterwards. Whether that will happen when I'm on the other four things, I really don't know.

I very much appreciate you getting back to me.

[[mo...]]

4Gillyblossom check the success stories, a protracted one but they still healed! “ thelinx “

[[Ma...]]

Thank you so much, Marigold and eastcoast. I have never significantly updosed, but I do find that I have to hold when I'm feeling as depressed as I am at the moment. All I can do is my best. I am taking four other psych drugs and I'm sure my w/d is worse because of those. I cannot just steamroll through the w/d. I do feel that we heal to an extent during w/d. Then the rest of the healing takes place afterwards. Whether that will happen when I'm on the other four things, I really don't know.

I very much appreciate you getting back to me.

 

I have seen it in your signature. You are polydrugged as I was. Of course everyone is different but "in my opinion", I think you will notice significant changes when you are med free. I tapered one med after the other and I did never regret that I stopped all the meds. I never had a depression like Ihad while taking and tapering them, again. Never.

But I tell you, what you learn now, will help you for all your life. Because you will never feel such a chemical depression again. And if life itself will lead to a depression, well, then you are prepared and will be able to go thought that much better than a normal person without this experience.

As long as you are on the meds, you need to take it minute after minute, day after day. Looking back, I do not know how I did that. How I survived the hosptials, the meds, the side effects, the agony, the taper that took over 5 years, then withdrawal... - but it was the best I could do. Be stubborn. Don't ever give up on yourself. Cause you cannot get access to all your gifts and skills as long as you are on the meds (my opinion) and while you are tapering anything is weird and scary.

Overall I really do believe that we learn in withdrawal and while tapering. We learn how we can cope, how much we can take. We learn to notice when we need something and then how to give ourself what we need. We learn to focus on our health. That is a lot. So if you need to taper more than one med, as horrible as this might be, you can profit from the first taper. I hope it will get better for you soon and that one day you will have good days in a row and hope and the will to move on and get yourself the best 

[[4G...]]

Thank you mon pilote and Marigold. It feels like I will never get better and I am a hopeless case. Then the horrible thoughts start. I've already spent years trying to get off this stuff. Still don't know how I can take any more. As you say, Marigold, that is the classic sign of a real depression.

[[Ma...]]

Thank you mon pilote and Marigold. It feels like I will never get better and I am a hopeless case. Then the horrible thoughts start. I've already spent years trying to get off this stuff. Still don't know how I can take any more. As you say, Marigold, that is the classic sign of a real depression.

 

When I was where you are now, a helpful thought was "Well, then I will suffer there instead of suffering in my bed". Later this developed into thoughts like "well, I can also be depressed in a club" or "well, I could die here or while having a hair cut. I do not care any more". I mean, when everything is lost and you feel like the end is near THAT IS A GREAT OPPORTUNITY to throw old habits away and just do things. Sound paradox, might be, was very helpful and I still profit from that. This - for me - was the only way to beat my depression, - to take it with me like an old shabby dog that wouldn't leave me, but I would get 5 minutes FOR ME each day..

[[4G...]]

Thanks Marigold. It's hard because I have bad agoraphobia, but I could still set targets. Much appreciated. Gxxx

[[Ma...]]

Thanks Marigold. It's hard because I have bad agoraphobia, but I could still set targets. Much appreciated. Gxxx

 

Agoraphobia is very common in withdrawal, too. You need to fake normal life til you can make it. You are doing a great job, I really think you are doing everything the right way. The results will come and it will be worth it.