Unbearable symptoms tapering Lorazepam (Anoushka)

[[An...]]

I am scared, as I am having these weird symptoms tonight  :'(

 

Tremors and restlessness inside my body  :'( I have the shakes because of them, and weakness also  :'(

 

My mouth is shaking, I have constant palpitations, elevated BP, a nervous stomach, pressure in the back of my head,

and cannot stop crying  :'(

 

I do not know what these tremors are, I worry I will have a breakdown of some kind  :'(

 

Also, I get these abrupt surges of dizzy, that I need to hold on. It appears that the light in the room dims, and my eyes get blurry  :'(

 

Kindly help me understand .. I took the dose about 40 minutes ago, and the situation got worse  :'(

 

I do not remember having this issue before  :'(

 

Please help me .. Have you heard of these constant tremors? This weakness?

 

This being in such a terrible shape? Consumed with fear?

 

I took an aspirin earlier, could this be the cause of the intensity?

 

Thank you for any thoughts.

 

Anu 

[[Ca...]]

Hi Anu,

Im sorry its pretty rough for you...

 

Im not sure on Asprin, -I hope others have experiences with this...

 

I imagine its possible to have problems if rather unstable and sensitive, but thats a thought not a fact..

 

Thanks for letting us know how you are doing.. My thoughts are with you..

 

I hope you can get your RX liquid soon, and get titration worked out...

Sing out if you need help, Im sure some of us can help if needed...

 

I Do Worry about 22mg being disolved in 11ml of alcohol...??

Perhaps Jim can explain if this is ok or not..??

I would hate to cause alarm if none is needed...

***Edit.. Sorry, I checked how you wrote it on this thread, -So thats 11mg in 11ml...??

 

Strength and best wishes Anu...

 

[[An...]]

Hi Anu,

Im sorry its pretty rough for you...

 

Im not sure on Asprin, -I hope others have experiences with this...

 

I imagine its possible to have problems if rather unstable and sensitive, but thats a thought not a fact..

 

Thanks for letting us know how you are doing.. My thoughts are with you..

 

I hope you can get your RX liquid soon, and get titration worked out...

Sing out if you need help, Im sure some of us can help if needed...

 

I Do Worry about 22mg being disolved in 11ml of alcohol...??

Perhaps Jim can explain if this is ok or not..??

I would hate to cause alarm if none is needed...

***Edit.. Sorry, I checked how you wrote it on this thread, -So thats 11mg in 11ml...??

 

Strength and best wishes Anu...

 

Hi dear Cant,

How reassuring to find you here, Thank you 

I am singing my complete distress

 

After a day yesterday consumed by these ongoing, debilitating internal tremors,

I woke this morning with this symptom still here  :'(

 

I try to make sense of it, especially the severity of it, and the fact that it does not let go,

but I fail to understand it, and am frightened by it, worrying that I may become bedridden 

 

I pray that it will go away soon 

 

Cant, I dilute 22, 0.5mg tablets in 11mL vodka. I measure out 4 doses for the day, from this mixture.

With each dose, I add water to the jar and drink the dose.

I keep adding water to the jar, until clean of any benzo residue.

I dose these every 6 hours.

 

Some time ago, I thought to change the taper from using a micropipette, to using syringes.

Here is the link, if you would like to see the instructions by builder.

"Help needed about how to transition from a pipette, to syringes".

 

Started by Anoushka « 1 2 »

 

 

It does not look like my GP will give me an RX liquid. He is already reluctant to write the prescription for the tablets.

 

Thank you again for your care. I am grateful

 

Wishing you healing blessings 

 

Love, Anu

 

 

 

 

[[Ca...]]

Hi Anu,

Thanks..

I will just place the link here if anyone wishes to find it..

 

http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=210762.0

 

Anu, I still wonder about the amount of alcohol you are using... I understand you havnt changed anything for some time, so it doesnt explain the change in how you feel.. (unless they have changed HOW they make the actual tablet, or something odd like that..)

 

My understanding, and I am far from experienced, is that one should use 2ml of alcohol (ie. vodka) per 1mg of medicine...??

Can someone pls clarify this...?

 

If you cant get the liquid RX, not to worry.. Following builders instructions would be a good option too.. Even if the numbers look like Chinese for a while..!!

 

 

 

[[An...]]

Hi Anoushka

 

Why is it that all these symptoms are effecting mostly my head?

And why this intensity?

...

I have not had this to this degree in my head, and it does not change any.

It stays up there ..

...

Is it really going to go away? Have you seen this with other people?

From the different testimonials I happened to read, and I must have read several thousands of them here and elsewhere, one thing is certain: YOU DON'T NEGOTIATE WITH BENZO! It dictates alone its law and its way is mysterious, not linear, not easily understandable! Some days you may wake up in the morning like benzo has never been in your life then the day after you wake up in the thick of anxiety, lack of sleep, head pressure, dizziness, blurred vision, tinnitus, nausea... and wonder when this hell is going to have an end. Once I read about a buddie who, so tired to fight against awful symptoms, wished to dig a hole, crawl in it and ...die! This post let a scar in my psych that I recall that buddie's wish every time I read about rough taper like it is in your case. When you are in this harrowing ordeal, there is no light anywhere. All you can see around you is darkness and you believe there won't be any light beyond. But you are wrong. There is light. Just hidden by the thick curtain of fear, distress, despair, a cascade of mental, cognitive, emotional, sleep, and physical problems that can be utterly debilitating, disabling, and long-lasting following benzo damages. Benzo lies to you, it severely distorts feelings, thoughts and prevents you to see how things actually are.

 

Many posts I happened to read asked if symptoms improve while tapering. As replies a large number of buddies came up with their testimonials when somewhere in the middle of their taper they realized they've a got out of darkness a few glimpses of how they were before they took the first benzo dose long time ago. In few words, they heal during taper. All this frequently happened not in a linear manner but in a hiccup pattern, between waves and windows. One day you may wake up debilitated then feel fine the day after for 2 , 3 days then again back in the black mud. But be certain that the windows will be more and more numerous and you will be back functional in your day-to-day life. It takes time but you will come out healed like many buddies in here.

 

I can be tiring you with my same things repeated over and over. But in all this story, the key words are: time and acceptance. You proceed slowly and gently giving time for your CNS to restore its functional balance. During all this time, you will have to adapt your mindset. You will no longer be fighting against your symptoms. You just give up. You just accept them as part of your now conditions. As long as they do not disappear symptoms will be your companion in the daily life and not your enemy any more. This acceptance mysteriously has changed the life of many buddies and made things more bearable.

 

Hope your symptoms will give you some break.

 

 

Hi dear Jim,

I am responding late, as I have been overwhelmed and totally consumed by these latest symptoms  :'(

In your message you relate many points, which are helpful and encouraging beyond words.

Thank you so very much. 

 

Jim, I am confused, and cannot understand that these symptoms are happening to this severity,

when nothing has been changed.

I still make the same solution that I have been making for a long time.

How frightening they are  :'( Internal tremors and turmoil, also in my jaw, legs, hands, head, :'(

Constant, unrelenting palpitations, and tremendous pressure, in the back of my head

 

 

Your words give me courage, that there is a light at the end of this torture.

I hope that I will find this light too, soon.

 

About the liquid RX, my GP will not prescribe. He is not benzo wise at all, and threatens here and there that I may not needed any more 

 

Another potential problem, is that the manufacturer of the lorazepam I am using, Sandoz, is not making it any longer. I have moved to another manufacturer, but have not tried it yet ..

A long time ago, I had many symptoms, when my usual Sandoz was interrupted, and I was forced to use a different manufacturer.

 

Thank you again, dear Jim for your care, for your encouragement and uplift. 

 

Love, Anoushka 

[[An...]]

Just want to jump in and tell all of you that its wonderful how you support and help each other.

I had no idea how to taper my 1001 meds and Lorazepam was the worst because the only way I thought there was -  was to make cuts of 1mg pills and I went too fast..

 

Anoushka, no matter what kind of taper you do, the liquid one seems to be better than to cut pills because its just not possible to do such little crumbs as needed. Lorazepam seems to be a benzo that is an ashole more than others. But on the other side I felt the difference between being on Lorazepam and being free of it much more intense than from other meds I tapered. So even if you need to walk through hell, after being free and being recovered the profit will be huge. In my case the abilities of the brain were on 150% then, my personality was completely back after 10 years without any humor for example I developed my old sarcastic humor again.. , and depression never has been so bad again as while being under lorazepam and in withdrawal from it.

 

Wishing you all here the best! 

Never forget - its not YOU its withdrawal.

 

Hi dear Marigold,

Thank you so much for stopping by, with words of encouragement 

Your caring, means so much 

I am saddened that you went through this pain, but delighted that it is all in your past 

May you be happy and healthy always, dear Marigold.

Wishing you blessings.

Love, Anoushka

[[In...]]

Hi Anu,

Im sorry its pretty rough for you...

 

Im not sure on Asprin, -I hope others have experiences with this...

 

I imagine its possible to have problems if rather unstable and sensitive, but thats a thought not a fact..

 

Thanks for letting us know how you are doing.. My thoughts are with you..

 

I hope you can get your RX liquid soon, and get titration worked out...

Sing out if you need help, Im sure some of us can help if needed...

 

I Do Worry about 22mg being disolved in 11ml of alcohol...??

Perhaps Jim can explain if this is ok or not..??

I would hate to cause alarm if none is needed...

***Edit.. Sorry, I checked how you wrote it on this thread, -So thats 11mg in 11ml...??

 

Strength and best wishes Anu...

 

Cant, Jim Hawk,

 

Thank you for trying to help Anoushka.

 

Anoushka and I have known each other for years. We first “met” on Surviving Antidepressants when I joined there myself for their “brand new” Benzo board.

 

SA primarily addressed ADs, but added the Benzo board because Alto (chief administrator at the time and may still be) said that SA had noticed that people often take a Benzo to help them with the anxiety and often sleep problems that accompany ADs.

 

I haven’t taken a look at SA in years myself, and I don’t think Anouska has either. But we have corresponded by email, pm, and once in awhile on the phone before my voice got so difficult. I can still call her early in the morning if necessary when my voice is a little more audible.

 

She has been using that pipette for years to taper her Ativan and has been using 22 tabs with 11 mls of vodka.

 

I know now that this is not enough vodka to be using to taper the Ativan, and I have often mentioned that I wish she would stop using that “crazy pipette” and transition to using syringes.

 

Just to clarify, I think the idea of using 1 ml vodka to 1 mg of Benzo may have started with Diaz-Pam who used 1 ml of vodka to 1 mg to titrate her Valium and then added 99 ml of water.

 

I wasn’t sure where to find that so I went through her posts and found it on Post Page 6, Post 59. It’s most likely on other posts also as she did end up using the prepared solution for Valium somewhere along the line. She was trying to help others who could not get the commercial solution because of expense or because their doctors would not prescribe it.

 

From what I can remember, others here on BB at that time may also have used the same method as in 1 mg vodka to 1 ml vodka. Where this changed to 2 mls vodka to 1 mg Benzo, I do not know.

 

Since the two of us have communicated for so many years, she has told me for years that those ADs have made her feel sick which is why she wanted to stop them. She just didn’t know that ADs need to often tapered just like benzos do. I didn’t know that either, but I guess I was fortunate in that my original pdoc Rx’ed me Prozac which I tried to get on but made me so sleepy, I fell into a deep sleep within a half hour. So I just stopped taking it with no sx whatsoever. And the same thing happened with Zoloft. When another doc gave me a boxed sample of Paxil, I just threw it away. The only one that me feel completely strange was celexa which made me feel like I wanted to jump out of my skin so I stopped that one too after a week.

 

The other thing that Anouska has often told me is that the Ativan made her feel sick also from the very first time her doctor gave it to her. So basically, she’s had bad side effects from both ADs and Ativan. Adverse effects? I don’t know what we want to call these affects.

 

From my understanding, Jim Hawk advised her to stay exactly where she is as far as the Ativan because of the detox of those ADs years ago. Those sx from that detox need to settle down, and no updoses of the Ativan. Nothing should take place other than a very long hold.

 

Anouska and I have corresponded today through pm, and she can speak for herself, but this is what I understand. Hold, hold, hold.

 

Actually, in certain places of this reply, I’ve mistakenly left off the “h” in Anoushka’s name.

 

So it’s officially “Anoushka.”

[[An...]]

 

 

Hi dear Intend,

Thank you so much, for your care and encouragement 

I appreciate your presence, and kind words.

Take good care,

Loving blessings, 

Anoushka

[[Ma...]]

Just want to jump in and tell all of you that its wonderful how you support and help each other.

I had no idea how to taper my 1001 meds and Lorazepam was the worst because the only way I thought there was -  was to make cuts of 1mg pills and I went too fast..

 

Anoushka, no matter what kind of taper you do, the liquid one seems to be better than to cut pills because its just not possible to do such little crumbs as needed. Lorazepam seems to be a benzo that is an ashole more than others. But on the other side I felt the difference between being on Lorazepam and being free of it much more intense than from other meds I tapered. So even if you need to walk through hell, after being free and being recovered the profit will be huge. In my case the abilities of the brain were on 150% then, my personality was completely back after 10 years without any humor for example I developed my old sarcastic humor again.. , and depression never has been so bad again as while being under lorazepam and in withdrawal from it.

 

Wishing you all here the best! 

Never forget - its not YOU its withdrawal.

 

Hi dear Marigold,

Thank you so much for stopping by, with words of encouragement 

Your caring, means so much 

I am saddened that you went through this pain, but delighted that it is all in your past 

May you be happy and healthy always, dear Marigold.

Wishing you blessings.

Love, Anoushka

[[An...]]

Dear Jim,

I am deeply grateful for your help. I appreciate you taking the time to approach my pain and suffering,

in a way that has depth, it is caring, and encouraging.

 

Through your guidance, I have learned things that I was oblivious to.

Through your guidance, I can see a light at the end of this tunnel.

Thank you, I am truly, truly grateful.

Kindly return so that we can figure out a comprehensive taper for me to follow, as promised.

I am looking for you each day  :'(

 

Wishing you abundant blessings, dear Jim