If you are suffering from Insomnia, please read

[[Th...]]

Hi TheEway2  In what month of your withdrawal did you stop taking OTC sleeping aid ?

 

Hi White Swan,

 

I tried OTC sleeping stuff on and off until about month 4 or 5.  I never really took it too often as it never really worked for me.  It might work one night, two tops, then it did nothing.  I realized from a lot of veteran Benzo Buddies that the best course of action for most people is to take nothing and stop worrying so much about sleep.  Acceptance is only something you can do when you are mentally ready for it.  It will not make much sense until you are.  I never thought I could accept zero nights or poor sleep in general and here I am 19 months off of drugs and still getting an occasional poor night of sleep here and there.  But trust me, my sleep, although not back to pre-benzo form, is 100% better than it was a year ago.  Even my off nights are doable since I don't worry if I can't fall back to sleep and when I don't worry, then I typically nod off like I did last night.  I slept for about 4 hours then woke up and layed there for another 2 and then fell back to sleep for about 1.5 hours before finally getting out of bed for the day.  3 years ago I would have said 5.5 hours is crap.  But after what I went through, 5.5 hours is very  livable and I can function completely normally on that amount of sleep.

 

The other thing I have started doing is not talking about sleep with anyone....not even my wife.  If I sleep well I say nothing, if I don't sleep well I say nothing.  That seems to be a good course of action for me right now.  I know things will even out and I will eventually get back to or close to pre-benzo sleep.  I had 16 nights in a row now with pretty good sleep.  Prior to that I had a 4 week late wave that gave me a bunch of 2-4 hour nights along with 4 zero nights.  The last time I had a zero night was in April 2017 and a near zero night in June 2017.  You will get past this and get "normal" sleep back.  Hang in there!

[[wa...]]

Yeah, I agree about keeping your own counsel about the insomnia.  My civilian husband cannot identify at all with us insomniac soldiers.

 

I come here to complain, weep and pull my hair about the sleep and all concomitant sh*t that goes with having this lifelong malady, or whatever you want to label it.  WBB

[[Si...]]

Hi Theway2,

 

Glad to hear you have mostly gotten over the hump. I knew it would even out at some point. I had a 3 hour night on Sunday. That’s the worst night I’ve had in months though.

[[al...]]

Hi Siggy,

Haven't heard from you for a while. Glad to hear that you are doing well (except for that 3 hour night). Just stay away from any alcohol for a long time.

[[Th...]]

Hi Theway2,

 

Glad to hear you have mostly gotten over the hump. I knew it would even out at some point. I had a 3 hour night on Sunday. That’s the worst night I’ve had in months though.

 

Thanks Siggy,

 

It just really freaked me out getting 2 zero nights over a 4 day stretch (Jan 29 and Feb 1) and then another one on Feb 12 and Feb 18 after I went almost 10 months without any at all.  I still get 3-4 hour nights once in awhile. But you and Aloha were right, it did even out and I have had some decent nights lately, although I hate waking 3 or 4 times per night.  But it is so much better than one year ago.  Looking forward to the day when I only wake up 1 or 2 times per night or not at all! 

[[Ru...]]

Hi ThEwAy and Mtfan:

 

Well, I hate to complain, but my nights have been horrible for the past few weeks.  I fall asleep, then wide awake at about 1:30 a.m. or so.....and cannot go back...there is no sleepiness in me.....is this the withdrawal or is there something wrong with me?  I know I have only been off the Amitriptyline for only about 2 months (was on for7 years)....I guess I am expecting a miracle....as I have never experienced anything like this in my life.   

 

MtFan.....did you experience this after going off the Amitriptyline?  I have been off of Klonopin for 8 months (was on for 7 years)

 

I feel so non-functional everyday....I use to feel great everyday,,,,of course, that was the POISONS my doctor kept me on.  I feel like my health is suffering...There is NOBODY ELSE TO ASK ABOUT THESE HORRIBLE withdrawal symptoms.  Why don't we sleep?  There are days I feel I cannot take it anymore.  I have NEVER BEEN LIKE THIS BEFORE. 

 

ThEWay  you are right....about not talking about not sleeping.  It is futal to talk about not sleeping....I told my husband not to ask me anymore if I slept....because he knows the answer....he knows when I have a good day....there are not many.

 

Thanks to all of you for your concern and help.

[[NJ...]]

I find this thread interesting.

 

While I agree that not taking anything for sleep is the ideal situation, for many (including myself) it is not practical.

 

In a previous taper attempt, without any support medicines (I am currently on remeron), I was vomiting constantly from lack of sleep. I was missing a lot of work. I could not continue. I tried to taper twice and failed. I was near-suicidal from lack of sleep. Not sleeping can turn bad pretty quick.

 

I have been on remeron to help with sleep and nausea for almost two years now. I am now successfully tapering. I am tapering slow to keep myself functional. But I will get to zero this time I am sure about.

 

And the remeron? I may taper, I may not, it does not seem to be causing any negative issues for me. It does not have the same tolerance issue as a benzo. I have not gained weight on it.

 

I also supplement with magnesium, which is pretty awesome for sleep and anxiety. I use melatonin, not for sleep but because it helps with reflux. Recently started with low dose vitamin d because I am low. I don't know what the harm is in using these supplements if they are not revving symptoms. The original post takes a hard line on things that benefit many.

 

And I still continue to search for completely natural options. I just forked over $500 for hypnosis therapy last week. Three sessions. Had one last week and I am sleeping better now than I have in YEARS. I don't think it is a coincidence. Maybe it is the power of suggestion. But I slept great the night before I resigned from my job and the night before I had the final interview for the new job. This is amazing to me, during tapering.

 

No one should be made ashamed of the choices they make, and I feel like this is what the original post does. Quality of life matters more than being off all drugs.  And that is just my opinion.

[Guest [Kp...]]

I apologize up front if I come across as being harsh or cruel.  That’s not my intent.  My only purpose for this post is to HELP those struggling with drug withdrawal related insomnia.  It is my "tough love" talk.  I wish someone would have said the things I am going to say below after I jumped cold turkey in August 2016.  This is not medical advice, but my opinion based on my experience and the experience of others.

 

Why can’t you sleep?

 

Benzos work by attaching themselves to Gabba (Gamma Amino Butyric Acid) receptors in your brain. Gabba is a neurotransmitter.  Neurotransmitters are chemicals that enable your brain cells to transmit impulses to one another.  Gabba is the major inhibitory neurotransmitter that has the function to slow or calm things down.  When Benzos attach to Gabba, the Benzos, not the Gabba, do the slowing and calming.  Over time, your body adapts to the Benzo and does very little or no Gabba “activity” on its own.  When tolerance is reached, the Benzos no longer work and your brain doesn’t know how to keep you calm or relaxed without them, the only way they work is by taking a higher dose.  Your “Sleep” switch gets broken or literally unplugged by the Benzos.  It takes a long time, in most cases, for the brain to normalize regular Gabba activity.  In the meantime, you are constantly wired and tired at the same time.  That is why you can’t sleep well or not at all.  It all depends on how much your Gabba is shutdown.  Recovery depends on how fast your brain can repair the “damage” and how quickly your Gabba receptors start sending impulses to other cells to slow or calm things down some.

 

 

You certainly can have your opinion.  But drugs put you on this site, not tough love.  Drugs took away your sleep, not someone's opinion.  Drugs will continue to be the problem until you are off of them. 

...

There are always going to be exceptions to every rule.  I am not the only voice on this site.  If you look at other people's posts and opinions, you are liable to come up with 20 different solutions for the same question.

...

Also, people are not allowed to give medical advice on this site.  No one on this site is a medical doctor unless they happen to be one that is going through WD.  There is a time and place for tough love and insomnia is one such place where it DOES WORK for the vast majority of people.  Again, if you don't like the advice, don't take it, but don't try to deny it from countless others that it worked for by saying it doesn't work for anyone.  Maybe it won't work for you but it HAS worked for hundreds of others.

 

I am sorry you are suffering so badly from insomnia but you really only have 2 options:  1) get off of ALL Rx drugs and try to get your sleep back naturally 2) Look for non-benzo Rx drugs that can aid with sleep until your sleep resolves.  I caution against using additional drugs to sleep because for almost all people that take them long-term, it ended up hindering their recovery or completely resetting their recovery clock.  However, each person must decide what to do and what is best for them.  For the garden variety type insomnia, staying away from drugs is best.  In your situation, maybe a low dose seroquel or some other non benzo drug would help?  Each situation must be looked at uniquely and as a whole.  You wouldn't treat a person with the flu with Chemo drugs.  Please do what you believe is best for getting the sleep you need.  I am sure whatever you decide will be the best choice for you.  Good luck!

 

Hi ThEwAy2, while tough love is OK for those who benefit from tough love, it is not OK for those who do not benefit from it. I am glad that you have managed to cure insomnia without seeking drugs, but perhaps, you might wish to reconsider a few things:

 

(i) We do not know if tough love always works for insomnia and we do not have an objective statistic about how many people are able to cure their CT insomnia by enduring it alone. I don't think it is the majority experience. You might feel it is or ought to be because it worked for you, but then you have to stand back a little and see if it is the majority experience here and if not taking drugs to ride over the insomnia, can be more harmful.

 

(ii) We actually have several respected members here who used drugs to tide over their CT induced insomnia and who managed to quit the drug completely later and who are thankful they had the drug as a crutch. A few names I can shoot off the top of my head are: Carol Jean (mod), Parker (she is in neuro-medicine), eli1111, Builder (mod), and SusieQ. (They used seroquel and mirtazapine.)

 

So I hope you will stop seeing those who disagree with you as victims of the drug they are taking to cure their sleeplessness. I am not saying that your method is wrong. It is robust -- but those with contrarian views are certainly not in the set of exceptions!

[[So...]]

Hello everyone: First of all, I would like to apologize for my grammar, English is not my first language. I completely understand with all of your insomnia/anxiety/depression struggles. I am also in the midst of it. Las night I probably slept two hours, and I am so scared I won't be able to sleep again tonight. I have also, like some of you, tried all the supplements, OTC drugs, and herbs there are. Deep down I feel that TheWay2 is right to advocate 'no drugs'. I am glad it has worked for him this time. When I was in my early thirties I went through some very stressful events in my life with anxiety and insomnia. I had no close family around, my English was poor, and didn't know anybody in my community. My husband was not very understanding then, and I thought I was going crazy. I ended up in the ER like four times; at one point I was delusional from the lack of sleep. I had never done any drugs in my life. I was referred to go to psychiatrists, and I was labeled Bipolar II. I refused the lithium, but they prescribed another array of drugs that I tried but quit them all because the side effects were horrific. One night, I cried my heart out pleading to God to help me get through this. You see I was scared to lose my mind and leave my three little children motherless. I remember I prayed, I prayed for courage. I didn't accept the Bipolar diagnoses. Nobody then diagnosed me as having GAD, so I was never prescribed any benzos (I guess this was a good thing, otherwise I would have hooked for years). One doc prescribed me Wellbutrin for depression, and I have to say that it was the only drug that helped me for a short time. Until I got the courage to just stop all of them. Nobody suggested me therapy of any kind either. So I felt very lonely; but I was ready then to not do any drugs and just put myself in God's hands. That was a very big leap of faith on my part. Let me tell you that after that, I don't know whether it was a miracle or not, I started gradually feeling better. Throughout the years I managed to finish college (while taking care of my children). I had no problems sleeping, and I was able to handle my anxiety my way. Didn't do drugs did some alcohol socially. I became a fitness instructor. I worked in health care as medical interpreter for many years. I learned English, Italian, and French. Became a Spanish instructor as well. My husband nor myself nor my children believed I had Bipolar issues. That was a thing of the past and a misdiagnosis for me, I believed. Unfortunately, this long window of health changed about four years ago.

Four years ago I started developing delay onset insomnia that landed me to see my GP. She suggested I see a psychiatrist because of my past history. She believed that because I was diagnosed with Bipolar years ago, I probably had a relapse. I should have know better (because of my past experience with psychiatrists) than to listen to her advice. I went to see one, and right of the bat she told me 'she knew I had bipolar' just like that. I asked her if there was a blood test to confirm it, and of course she denied it. She also told me on the first visit that I had GAD. My confidence was so low then because my lack of sleep and my belief about sleep (that I needed at least 8 hours to function)that I gave in to her protocol of 'drugs'. For the first time ever I was prescribed a benzo, Ativan, and anti-psychotic/seizure drugs. I was not even psychotic. I probably was going through menopause! After eight months of her switching me from one drug to another, and withdrawing from one drug to another, I told her I couldn't handle it anymore to please help me wean off because I don't believe her protocol was working on me. Even Seroquel sent me to the ER with respiratory restriction because she prescribed a high dose of it from the start. She refused to wean me off and told me I needed outpatient/group talk rehab. I knew I needed some kind of therapy, so I decided to go through. Unfortunately, at rehab they had another psychiatrist, and he prescribed his own set of drugs. To make things worse, he increased the Ativan to 1mg because by then my anxiety issues were up to the roof. Here I learned for the first time in my life about the side effects of benzo and how addictive they can be. By then I was going through some horrible headaches from a cold turkey of Lamictal; since the new doc prescribed another drug that couldn't take it with Lamictal. He told me I didn't need Seroquel because I was not psychotic. So I had to cold turkey that. The withdrawal was horrible. I was on Depakote and Ativan, and that seemed to hold me some. My sleep was a mess though even with the drugs because of was going through withdrawal from the other drugs. The side effects of Depakote started gradually appearing and becoming very uncomfortable like reflux/gastritis. I finished the damned rehab. On onehand I was glad I did it because I learned about CBT and benzos; but I wanted to stop all those drugs again like I did years ago. So, one day I thought I got the courage, and cold turkey Depakote and did a short taper of Ativan. Bad, stupid idea. I was so ill. This is the time I found BB and Builder helped me to design my schedule of a direct DLMT of Ativan with the liquid version of it. For this I needed to find me another psychiatrist who would fill the prescription for me. I had fired the other ones. I found a holistic psychiatrist who was very understanding of my situation. When I met her I was very sick from  having cold turkey Depakote and Ativan. She told me the only way she would help me is if I reinstated the ATivan to 1mg again and then taper from there. I took the deal because I was desperate, plus Depakote left me ill with so many GI issues and sensitivities. It took me four months to stabilize and heal my gut. This is when I decided to start my DLMT that took eleven months. In the meantime, this new doc recommended some amino acids at the beginning of the taper and I took them; on an off, which I have to say helped me, I was being functional; I tried some herbs and other supplements for high cortisol levels which helped me some, and the occasional Unisom. But they were all just crutches, and my sleep has never been the same since four years ago in spite of all these aids. It feels as though I have prolonged my recovery taking this and that. During the months of my taper I had major setbacks. Hurt my back from a bad fall and it took eight months of therapy to be pain free. My son was hospitalized for a month due to a car accident in September; my mother passed away in November; my husband and I were dealing with some serious financial issues; so all of these piled up on my already compromised nervous system, and finally on January of this year I had a setback with my sleep that scared me again. All in all I was determined to finish my taper without reinstating. Managed to continued working part time. My new doc doesn't think I have Bipolar, neither do I nor family. But my sleep has been so erratic, up and down like never in my life that I sometimes worry and wonder. My latest setback is that when I went to see my doc back in March she suggested I tried a new set of total/complete amino acids supplements, which after two days I could feel  they helped with my sleep and anxiety. Since I had a good experience with the individual ones, I was hopeful this was going to help. Then my gastritis relapsed again, and last night I was in pain and couldn't sleep at all. So here I am boring you with my life history. I am sorry, I just feel so frustrated and scare that I may have another underlying issue with me instead. One hand I respect TheWay2 opinion on toughing it out, but then I respect for the ones who have chosen other options like myself. Right now I am stopping the amino acids, and just taking magnesium and regular vitamins. I do have lumber arthritis and osteoporosis, so I have to take this seriously. The good thing is that I have been able to go back to exercising since I am pain free. On the other hand I have no choice to tough it out and see if I can sleep tonight without any of the supplements. I know I did it before and it worked; but now I am older and my confidence is not at its best; my damned anxiety and thoughts! Today I prayed and cried to God to give the courage to continue my journey and see if I can restore some of my sleep that I was getting. I know what  it is to have no sleep. I have learned to survive on little sleep, go to work, to the gym, do my daily chores with 2-3 hours sleep. I know I won't die of it, but I am very scared again and tired. I will pray that all of us get soe sleep and healing. Thank you for your patience and understanding. You are not alone! And I respect all opinions, everybody's journeys is different. I wish that we could all recover

[[MT...]]

Hi ThEwAy and Mtfan: 

 

MtFan.....did you experience this after going off the Amitriptyline?  I have been off of Klonopin for 8 months (was on for 7 years)

 

I feel so non-functional everyday....I use to feel great everyday,,,,of course, that was the POISONS my doctor kept me on.  I feel like my health is suffering...There is NOBODY ELSE TO ASK ABOUT THESE HORRIBLE withdrawal symptoms.  Why don't we sleep?  There are days I feel I cannot take it anymore.  I have NEVER BEEN LIKE THIS BEFORE. 

 

Thanks to all of you for your concern and help.

 

Hey Runnergirl,

 

I really think this is still wd. Some of us have more sensitive brains/nervous systems than others. When I was where you were, most nights were just minutes at a time sleep and not much of that. One day I got cocky because I was up to 2-4 hours total of light, broken pseudosleep and I ate a whole bunch of chocolate chips. I was wide awake for 3 freaking days. I was probably 6 months out before I reached mostly 4-5 hour nights of light broken sleep. I worried so often that my brain was broken for good and despaired. But it got better. It crept closer to 6 and even some rare 7 hour nights. Give it time. You'll see progress. Your brain is doing the best it can. When those doubts and fears come up, remind yourself of what those of us who have gone before you have said. I won't lie-this experience has totally sucked and shaken me-but it also has been a journey to recovery that I can see transforming me into something better than I was. You'll get there. I accept that I may end up being a person who doesn't get a whole lot of sleep but that's not what my life has to be about. I'm not planning on competing in the sleep olympics. 

 

MT

[[Th...]]

I find this thread interesting.

 

While I agree that not taking anything for sleep is the ideal situation, for many (including myself) it is not practical.

 

In a previous taper attempt, without any support medicines (I am currently on remeron), I was vomiting constantly from lack of sleep. I was missing a lot of work. I could not continue. I tried to taper twice and failed. I was near-suicidal from lack of sleep. Not sleeping can turn bad pretty quick.

 

I have been on remeron to help with sleep and nausea for almost two years now. I am now successfully tapering. I am tapering slow to keep myself functional. But I will get to zero this time I am sure about.

 

And the remeron? I may taper, I may not, it does not seem to be causing any negative issues for me. It does not have the same tolerance issue as a benzo. I have not gained weight on it.

 

I also supplement with magnesium, which is pretty awesome for sleep and anxiety. I use melatonin, not for sleep but because it helps with reflux. Recently started with low dose vitamin d because I am low. I don't know what the harm is in using these supplements if they are not revving symptoms. The original post takes a hard line on things that benefit many.

 

And I still continue to search for completely natural options. I just forked over $500 for hypnosis therapy last week. Three sessions. Had one last week and I am sleeping better now than I have in YEARS. I don't think it is a coincidence. Maybe it is the power of suggestion. But I slept great the night before I resigned from my job and the night before I had the final interview for the new job. This is amazing to me, during tapering.

 

No one should be made ashamed of the choices they make, and I feel like this is what the original post does. Quality of life matters more than being off all drugs.  And that is just my opinion.

 

Hi NJstrength,  The intent of the fist post was not to make people feel ashamed if they took something to help them through WD.  As if somehow they were not "tough" enough to endure the symptoms and sleepless nights.  The intent was based on the experience of hundreds of other Benzo Buddies. I don't think anyone on this site is going to try out for the "benzo olympics?" As many know, Benzos are the most widely prescribed anti-anxiety / sleep drug in the US.  Millions take them and stay on them for weeks, months, or years and get off without any side effects or WD.  People are on this site because they were not part of the group that Benzos did not affect.  All drugs have a laundry list of side effects. Some people get one or two, some people more, some people none.  All drugs affect everyone differently.  So your experience is not their experience and vice versa.  And my experience is not their experience and vice versa.

 

However, most people on this site, that recovered, would stick with the don't take anything approach to completely be drug free and heal.     

 

Regardless of what anyone believes, every time you take any drug, you are playing Russian Roulette with possible side effects and WD.  So the best course of action is to not take Rx drugs.  If you can't tolerate your symptoms, then I would highly recommend OTC or natural remedies over more Rx drugs.  Yes, there are stories of lots of people that took other, non-benzo, Rx drugs to help them get through WD, but their ultimate goal was to taper off whatever drug they used to help them through WD and eventually be drug free.

 

Seeking a better quality of life through Rx drugs is a dead end road.  That is fact not opinion.  Eventually the drugs you are taking will stop working and then you will have to up the dose or switch drugs to get the same effect/relief. And who knows what type of damage they may have done to your body?  There is a lot of new research that suggests that Benzos, Anti Depressants, and Anti Psychotics increase the likelihood of developing dementia. 

 

Almost all people are on this site because they don't want to be on Rx drugs.  It makes no sense to me to tell people it is OK to stay on drugs as long as your "quality of life" is OK.  Isn't that why almost all of us went on Benzos in the first place?  We wanted to improve the quality of our life whether it was for sleeping, anxiety, depression, etc.  You are here to taper from Benzos but then to possibly stay on an AD?  So you are arguing to get off drugs (benzos), but arguing to stay on them at the same time?  I joined this site with the hope that I would get better after I was off the drugs, not hope there was another drug that could do the same thing as the drug I just got off.

 

People don't have to take any advice from anyone on this site.  It is like watching TV, if you don't like the channel you are currently viewing, then you can change it.  I didn't like a lot of the advice I received in the first 6 months of my WD, especially from those that said I could be one of the few that could benefit from reinstating benzos and doing a slow taper.  So, I tried to be positive in all my post and tell others looking for hope what I wished I would have been told in my early WD.  It is my experience and the experience of dozens of other people on this site that eventually getting off of everything and letting time do its thing is the only way to a complete recovery.

 

I cannot be part of a site that was designed to get people off of drugs and yet still have users that advocate for "other" drugs in the name of quality of life, etc.  Good luck with that!  One day people will wake up and realize that our country is way to quick to put a piece of electrical tape over the check engine light by prescribing drugs that DO NOT address the underlying cause of your symptoms and merely mask them. Big Pharma has always been about the $$$$.  Almost all doctors are clueless about Benzos and other Rx drugs especially when it comes to WD.  Drugs never cure anything, with a few exceptions, such as antibiotics, etc.

 

So if you are suffering, and cannot bear your symptoms, then by all means take OTC or natural things to get some relief.  Experiment.  See what works and what doesn't.  But i cannot advocate for anyone to take another Rx drug.

 

So with that said, this is going to be my last post.  If people need to reach me, they can PM me.  I wish everyone still struggling a speedy recovery.

 

 

[[al...]]

Well said ThEwAy2! I totally agree with you. Don't need to leave due to a differing of opinion (unless you feel that it is time to anyway). You have offered good counsel to many and I am sure that they are thankful for it.

[[Ru...]]

TheEwAy -----Here Here!!!!    I applaud you!!!  PLEASE DO NOT LEAVE....JUST BECAUSE OF THIS BAD APPLE....NOBODY MAKES YOU FEEL ASHAHED, YOU HAVE TO FEEL THE SHAME INSIDE....IF PEOPLE DON'T LIKE THE ADVICE, THEY DON'T HAVE TO TAKE IT. THEY SHOULD NOT BELITTLE THOSE WHO HAVE TRIED TO HELP. 

YOU ARE HELPING SO MANY OTHERS.    DON'T HAVE HER RUIN IT FOR OTHER PEOPLE.......

[[Th...]]

Hi Runnergirl and Aloha,

 

I guess I am not leaving since I am posting here! 

 

Thanks for the vote of support.

 

I am not trying to be contentious, but it really ticks me off when people push Rx drugs.  The commercials on TV make me want to vomit when they show people smiling as they read that a potential side effect is "death."

 

After my Benzo WD experience and my experience with about a half dozen different doctors, I am very much against Rx drugs unless they specifically treat a known condition such as an infection, Hepatitis, TB, cancer, etc.

 

I very much appreciate your friendship and support!

[[NJ...]]

TheEwAy -----Here Here!!!!    I applaud you!!!  PLEASE DO NOT LEAVE....JUST BECAUSE OF THIS BAD APPLE....NOBODY MAKES YOU FEEL ASHAHED, YOU HAVE TO FEEL THE SHAME INSIDE....IF PEOPLE DON'T LIKE THE ADVICE, THEY DON'T HAVE TO TAKE IT. THEY SHOULD NOT BELITTLE THOSE WHO HAVE TRIED TO HELP. 

YOU ARE HELPING SO MANY OTHERS.    DON'T HAVE HER RUIN IT FOR OTHER PEOPLE.......

 

For the record, I am not a bad apple.

 

The reality is that this board is a forum for getting off benzos. Many of us cannot do it without supportive medications. I would have taken my own life by now without those support meds, or I would be on a higher dose of my klonopin by now.

 

I also am not a fan of prescription drugs. I have weaned myself off of asthma and reflux medications. But I know what I need to make it to the end of my journey with benzos. I need to remain functional as I have to work and raise my children. I should not be crucified for that decision and referred to as a bad apple.

 

I thought this forum was supposed to share what works for people, recognizing that what works for one does not work for all. The original post was not in that spirit, it was don't take drugs to help you sleep no matter what. Someone else posted in this thread that this tough love approach doesn't work for all. We all need to do what we need to do get through the day. You don't have to like how I get through the day. It doesn't make the choice wrong.

[[Th...]]

TheEwAy -----Here Here!!!!    I applaud you!!!  PLEASE DO NOT LEAVE....JUST BECAUSE OF THIS BAD APPLE....NOBODY MAKES YOU FEEL ASHAHED, YOU HAVE TO FEEL THE SHAME INSIDE....IF PEOPLE DON'T LIKE THE ADVICE, THEY DON'T HAVE TO TAKE IT. THEY SHOULD NOT BELITTLE THOSE WHO HAVE TRIED TO HELP. 

YOU ARE HELPING SO MANY OTHERS.    DON'T HAVE HER RUIN IT FOR OTHER PEOPLE.......

 

For the record, I am not a bad apple.

 

The reality is that this board is a forum for getting off benzos. Many of us cannot do it without supportive medications. I would have taken my own life by now without those support meds, or I would be on a higher dose of my klonopin by now.

 

I also am not a fan of prescription drugs. I have weaned myself off of asthma and reflux medications. But I know what I need to make it to the end of my journey with benzos. I need to remain functional as I have to work and raise my children. I should not be crucified for that decision and referred to as a bad apple.

 

I thought this forum was supposed to share what works for people, recognizing that what works for one does not work for all. The original post was not in that spirit, it was don't take drugs to help you sleep no matter what. Someone else posted in this thread that this tough love approach doesn't work for all. We all need to do what we need to do get through the day. You don't have to like how I get through the day. It doesn't make the choice wrong.

 

No, you are not a bad apple.  You are not being "crucified"  That is a pretty extreme comparison.  This board is for sharing what works.  How do you know what "spirit" the original post was in?  I clarified that in an above post, but apparently you don't believe what I posted?  I tried every drug and natural remedy out there and nothing worked for me for more than a day or two.  There are a lot of other people in the same boat on this site. I was "forced" to take nothing and recover.  I too considered suicide, but never acted on it.  The thought was there many times.  What choice does a person have if nothing works for them or doesn't work for very long or not long enough for them to get through WD.  No where in the original post did I "attack" anyone for deciding how they want to get through their WD.  I had no idea what you did or didn't do to get through your WD until you were offended by my original post and decided to post something against it.  You found the post offensive, so you replied to it.  In your previous post, you said quality of life was more important than not being on a drug.  So the "spirit" of your post was to promote drugs!  See how that works?  It is very easy to "read" into a post whatever you want to read into it. 

 

Again, no you're not a bad apple, you're not being crucified, and yes, take whatever Rx drugs you need to in order to recover.  For the record, I am not condemning or attacking you for doing that.  Again, the intent of my original post was to give the advice that most would give AFTER they were much better or recovered.  There are always going to be exceptions to everything.  I wish you well and hope your recovery is fast and one with the least amount of symptoms and good sleep.  Good luck! 

[[Ro...]]

Thanks ThEwAy2, for this clear and powerful message!

 

[[MT...]]

Theway,

 

Thank you for being willing to come back and engage.

 

All,

 

All of us have these sensitized brains that make it difficult to express ourselves clearly and interpret accurately what others say and do. My feelings get more easily hurt these past few years than at any other time in my life (OK, puberty was like this). I have to keep reminding myself of my sensitivity and checking perceptions. When I have a strong one that leans in a particular direction (someone being upset with me, for example) I know to be suspicious that it's just my internal experience, not reality. The more I do this, and check my assumptions at the door, the better I do.

 

Let's do our best to practice kindness, compassion, and patience with ourselves, and each other.

 

MT

[[Ru...]]

MtFan,,,,,,very good reply......  WE are all here to help each other....Be nice and be kind...

 

TheEwAy....PLEASE DON'T LEAVE :'( 

[[st...]]

The Way2 and MTfan,

 

I feel the need to apologize to both of you and all because I ranted pretty badly about the insomnia. I went through most of the withdrawal symptoms on my own and my mantra was "whatever it takes" I did not have a crutch I went 6 weeks CT and was trying to train for a new job and I just was burnt out. The rant had to do with not my intention of suicide but my experience of how hard it was for a psych ward patient to deal with depression and other things.  It just hit me hard. I know I would never attempt suicide as the girl did because it was such a traumatic experience for me because I was there. I thought WAY you took your suicide ideology lightly and did not realize until I read your first post how you as I do knew it was not the answer. It is when You run out of hope and this site is for people that need hope and facts. Just as cruel as you said it would be we finally get to hear from someone other than a doctor who wants to you try this and try that and you just spelled it out because you tried everything. After reading both of your posts the first and the second I saw you tried just about everything and we sufferers were getting advice to save our money and our time and just have Faith for one thing and know it will get better. You really had a lesson to tell on both posts and it was like the "voice of reason". You ask a Dr. what next for the insomnia and they will give you anything to keep you coming back. I found the less I tell a Dr who has no clue or tells me I am delusional, that I would die if I do not sleep, your post because you went through it was factual, something we do not get from the people we trusted in the first place. I apologize for my rant. I did not want to hurt you are anyone I just had an unrelated experience that I hope keeps others from thinking taking their life is the answer. It never is. You gave us all hope no matter how brutal it was or was perceived by me. You also did your best to try to solve your problem and those things you took, or advice you were given just do not work. being honest is something we do not hear from the Dr or ER people, they just say "stay on the drug".. The key and best part of this site is that everyone is going through it and there are so many Dr's Hospitals, Clinics , you name it who do not have a clue.. Only someone like yourselves know what to expect and there is no miracle cure. You have tried them all and saved us time and encouraged us to know we will be benzo free, be able to sleep, and get our life back even better before Benzo's. Again I apologize to the group and both of you for the rant. I now understand we all are hurting and I am coming off 30 plus years of benzo BS. In this World of benzo's you have to be an active participant in your recovery. Believing these high priced clinics, and snake oil sales sites, plus the advocates of every cure their is make us all confused. You set me straight and even thought it will be difficult you honesty is the best advice we all could have gotten. Stay here I think you inspire. In fact I know you did. You turned me from a ranter to a believer. God bless you both and everyone. 

[[MT...]]

Stlsrms,

 

We've all had the experience of getting off track and misinterpreting what someone says or does. It take a lot of courage, wisdom, and compassion for yourself and others to acknowledge when you've done this. Thank you for being open with us about your experience. We all mess up on this incredibly difficult journey and we're all doing the best we can. There's grace here for all of us, the wounded benzo warriors.

 

Peace,

 

MT

[[Th...]]

Stlsrms,

 

No need to apologize.  I completely understand your position and the fact that Benzos mess up our brains and thought patterns.  I guess I over-reacted to your post a bit too.    Sorry about that.  This road to recovery is tough, long and full of ups and downs.  As MT said, thanks for sharing your story.  It really helps others to be able to empathize with other people when we know your story.  You will get past this.  Just be strong and do what you need to in order to recover.  God's speed for a some relief soon.

 

Be Strong!

[[Ba...]]

TheEwAy -----Here Here!!!!    I applaud you!!!  PLEASE DO NOT LEAVE....JUST BECAUSE OF THIS BAD APPLE....NOBODY MAKES YOU FEEL ASHAHED, YOU HAVE TO FEEL THE SHAME INSIDE....IF PEOPLE DON'T LIKE THE ADVICE, THEY DON'T HAVE TO TAKE IT. THEY SHOULD NOT BELITTLE THOSE WHO HAVE TRIED TO HELP. 

YOU ARE HELPING SO MANY OTHERS.    DON'T HAVE HER RUIN IT FOR OTHER PEOPLE.......

 

 

Agree with you, NJ!

 

Maybe there is another thread out there you could direct me to?

 

 

No you are not a bad apple.

 

 

 

For the record, I am not a bad apple.

 

The reality is that this board is a forum for getting off benzos. Many of us cannot do it without supportive medications. I would have taken my own life by now without those support meds, or I would be on a higher dose of my klonopin by now.

 

I also am not a fan of prescription drugs. I have weaned myself off of asthma and reflux medications. But I know what I need to make it to the end of my journey with benzos. I need to remain functional as I have to work and raise my children. I should not be crucified for that decision and referred to as a bad apple.

 

I thought this forum was supposed to share what works for people, recognizing that what works for one does not work for all. The original post was not in that spirit, it was don't take drugs to help you sleep no matter what. Someone else posted in this thread that this tough love approach doesn't work for all. We all need to do what we need to do get through the day. You don't have to like how I get through the day. It doesn't make the choice wrong.

[[ku...]]

I am going thru this just now.  Past month has been on and off and past week I sleep 1, 2 or 5 hours.  I have no energy.  Thank You for this.  Its good to know I am not the only one.

[[Ru...]]

Hi MtFAn,

 

I am just wondering how you are doing.....

 

I am having horrific insomnia and horrible anxiety...I feel wired all of the time...I am lucky to get 3 hours of sleep, but it is not sleep,,,,it doesn't feel like I am sleeping....what does everyone do when they cannot sleep.....I just lay there and hope that I go out...and try to stay calm...

 

I have been off Klonopin for 9 months now .......I was still on Amitriptyline (because I didn't think tapering off both would be good),  I since have tapered off Amitriptyline and have been off for 2 months now.  Do you know anything about withdrawal from the Amitriptyline?  Is it about the same as Benzo withdrawal?  I feel so lost with no information about all of this crap.....I know you were on a lot of stuff and are you getting a little better?  I just need hope. 

 

Thanks MtFan.