Flumazenil & Pain

[[be...]]

I personally would seek the help of a doctor for this. I would never inject myself with anything, especially if I don’t know much about the medication.

[[Ma...]]

Yeah. I’m postponing it. I’ll figure out what to do. I’m pretty sure what will happen if I take it.

[[Re...]]

Rambling is okay RST. I'm a rambling man. I had to start shaving my head and all this has accelerated my male pattern baldness. I'm only 33. I'm debating getting a hair piece one day now because I don't feel comfortable with this look which is something that gives me anxiety. I have issues with being bald. I don't look bad but I just think I look way better with hair. But if the hair piece is obvious I can't wear it because that will give me anxiety. I'll probably start wearing hats on top of the wig and only show the wig when I had no choice. Because wearing a hat with a shaved head doesn't look as good as having hair on the sides of your head with a hat on. It's no comparison.  You need to start wearing skull caps. The whole thing just really sucks. Going bald fucking sucks. Especially when you took such pride in your looks and appearance. What a curse. It's hard to stay lean too now. I'm trying to get in shape at the gym but it is hard. I'm 18% body fat right now at 6' about 180lbs...not exactly a big guy....and I need to gain more muscle. I just feel like I don't look good. I lost a lot of muscle mass.

 

I'm taking several peptides right now as of two days ago. I'm starting to feel better and it's working well. BPC-157, delta sleep inducing peptide, GHK-Cu, and P21. I'm hoping to heal my injuries and stay off the tianeptine and get off the kratom real soon, in about 4 days. I'm going to keep going to the gym and try to eat as clean as possible. I'm hoping for a really good window to open up for me and sustain it once I'm off the peptides. I can't mess it up this time. I need forward progress. Once I lay a good foundation, I will test out the flumazenil. I haven't been sleeping well these past few days. I just have too much restless energy and missed a few naps that I'm used to taking, trying to adjust to a new sleep schedule, and other things like my friend wanting to meet up which ruined my opportunity to take a nap. Not sure if it is from working out or not too but sleep is escaping me. Going to the gym is important because I get out of the house.

 

You're doing good RST. You'll get through this one day. Do you think I will? I keep fearing that I took too many drugs and I will never recover.

 

I am actually pretty confident you WILL get through this.  The fact you can tolerate exercise is very encouraging.  I guess if I had anything to say it would be that microtapering the gabapentin or phenibut when you can would be a good idea.  I'm not sure how the other supplements are affecting you as an individual.  I know it can be difficult to predict.  I am wondering about the BPC 157 specifically.  Are you injecting it or ingesting it?  The more I study about the CNS the more I realize that adding any substance that causes a perturbation is like pulling a single strand from a sweater and watching it all subsequently unravel.  EVERYTHING in our CNS is so interlinked and it's intimately interconnected with our immune and endocrine systems (notwithstanding the significant gut-brain linkages).  So, supplementation could have a positive affect, or..................... 

 

I've looked at Dr. Bredsden's(SP?) alzheimer's protocol:

 

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/27294343

 

Essentially, he's looking at the symptoms of alzheimer's in a different way and this has changed his suggested treatment plan.  Essentially, his goal is to give the brain everything it needs to heal itself because (he argues), alzheimer's is merely the body pruning off it's own damaged neurons that have been affected by a variety of things such as exposure to toxic substances, high sugar consumption causing insulin resistance, sleep cycle disturbances, high stress, poor diet, lack of exercise, and genetic predisposition.  He points to the cascade effect of all these factors and how taken together they cause long-term neural degradation.  In such a circumstance, the b-amyloid plaque is actually a part of the body's defense mechanism whereby it prunes off damaged neurons and allows the body to safeguard the most essential neurons for survival.  However, unless one changes those damaging factors, the slow and relentless neural destruction will continue.  So, he turns everything on its ear and instead of looking for a single-drug solution, has developed a protocol with about 20 different elements that need to be maximized for producing healthy neurons.

 

Some of it won't apply to us because of our unique situation, but some will apply.  For example, in terms of supplements, some he mentions are citicoline which supports synaptic growth and maintenance, acetyl-l-carnitine which increases levels of nerve growth factor, ubiquinol (coq10) which supports mitochondrial function, PQQ - pyrroloquinoline quinone to increase mitochondrial numbers.  Whole coffee fruit extract to increase brain derived neurotropic factor (BDNF), Hericium Erinaeus (lions mane) to increase nerve growth factor.  These are the non-vitamin supplements I've isolated from his protocol which seem least likely to rev up symptoms for us.  Some he lists would definitely rev up symptoms in benzo-damaged people but his protocol isn't specifically defined for us.  Nevertheless, I am right now trying citicoline first.  I've been taking it for a week.  Do I notice a difference that I can objectively define: Yes.  Is it due to citicoline?  I don't know.  I've had to hold my taper for a while due to burning pain which has lessened a few days after starting citicoline.  However, I cannot confirm the decrease in burning pain and overall discomfort is due to; a) the citicoline; b) the effect of holding on my taper or; c) some combination thereof.  Only time will tell when I resume tapering.  Not long ago I tried a 5 day cycle of bacopa monnieri and I felt uncomfortable taking it with some strange sensations.  However, when I stopped taking it I felt like a significant reduction in my symptoms overall, not just the specific bacopa symptoms.  Unfortunately, I also think this positive experience was merely coincidental with a hold on my gabapentin taper and not a function of the bacopa.  It's hard to be sure so I have to plan my trials a little more thoroughly.  Anyway, I will take the citicoline for another 3 days and then cycle off it and see how I feel.

 

Getting back to YOU though, Mamoot, as I said earlier I do think you will heal.  You are only 33 and you are exercising.  That is critical.  Do you know that exercise can increase the levels of BDNF in your brain SIGNIFICANTLY, which promotes neuroplasticity:

 

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/12424260

 

I can't really exercise which is a huge downer for me.  So, be happy for that huge positive in your favor.

 

Of course, then I read something like this; "Presynaptic GABAergic inhibition regulated by BDNF contributes to neuropathic pain induction" ........and wonder what the right thing to do in respect of BDNF is:

 

https://www.nature.com/articles/ncomms6331

 

So, it's a bit confusing at times as to what to do.  More research and conservativism is called for in the whole supplement side of this recovery.

 

We'll all get there, all of us.

 

-RST

 

 

[[Ma...]]

Hey how you doing RST....why can’t you exercise? After injuring my toe a few months ago I eventually stopped exercising. I used to take brisk walks and jog a little for about 6 miles every day. I walked on this walking path by my house. It was by lots of nature and helped me out. It was secluded too and I was able to yell and talk to myself when no one was around which helped me out. It was part of my routine and it helped me taper.

 

Now, I started going to a gym. Before, I was walking for about 90 minutes. I work out much harder now. Weights, swimming and stationary bike. I really miss the trail still and want to get back to it this spring hopefully. I’m not getting in the greatest workouts but I try to do something every day. I’m getting better at it. It isn’t easy to work out anymore though. It’s a struggle.  I have taken all of the supplements you mentioned. PQQ is a good supplement. I need to go back on a mitochondrial support stack. SUpplements are expensive though and not easy to stack. Sometimes it is hard to tell if you are helping or hurting yourself by taking them...or that me be paranoia not sure.

 

I like Alpha GPC for a choline source or alpha-glycerophosphocholine. It goes well with other nootropics I take in the morning like aniracetam, oxiracetam or phenylpiracetam....combined with coffee. Part of my routine is taking some racetams in the morning with coffee, posting on benzobuddies then meditating and going to the gym. Also things like medicinal mushroom stacks have been helpful. Like Red Reishi, Maitake, Cordyceps, Shiitake, Lion's Mane, and

Chaga. I combine all these mushroom extracts and take them on an empty stomach.

Before I take the mushrooms I drink about 12 ounces of raw cabbage juice, with with 100mg of Sulforaphane Glucosinolate. I’ve been doing this for 2 days and the results are amazing.

I got this supplement from Thorne called Crucera-SGS that has the sulforaphane in it. I’m combining it with raw cabbage juice because cabbage has sulforaphane in it and it’s my hope that the raw enzymes in the cabbage juice will increase the bioavailability of the sulforaphane glucosinolate in the Thorne supplement. When I stack peptides and work out, I try to eat right and stay on a schedule. If I wasn’t so sensitive to withdrawal and didn’t have to deal with this nerve pain injury or my stupid broken toe I would of been off meds a long time ago.

 

This obscure peptide called P21 helps benzo wd symptoms a lot. It reverses neurodegeneration according to the research. P21 combined with BPC-157 for a few weeks will create a window. Once you stop taking the peptides you will still feel great and continue to feel better but it’s fragile. Major stress or alcohol will set you back still. I believe peptides are safe as long as you cycle them properly.

 

I’m down to 1.5g of kratom. Once I’m feeling better and I’m off the kratom soon I want to start microdosing psilocybin and DMT again. I started mircotapering the gabapentin and phenibut a few days ago. I just set it up for it to take a year. So that is 7mg of phenibut a day and like 4.3mg of gabapentin a day. Hopefully, I can speed it up once I stop feeling so weak and helpless.

I want to depend on cannabis, and stuff like CBD and CBG isolate and microdosing psychedelic tryptamines for depression and anxiety issues. Also, I may look into cerebrolysin. Not sure how much longer P21 is going to be around for. Only places that sell it are Ceretropic and Nootropicsource. I wouldn’t buy from Nootropicsource because they don’t have a good reputation. I would stock up on P21 from Ceretropic while it is still available. P21 was reverse engineered from Cerebrolysin, so Cerebrolysin should work just as well. People prefer P21 though because it has no side effects.

[[Re...]]

Hey, Mamoot!

 

I can't exercise because it really messes me up.  It causes intense increases in my symptoms.  I believe it is because I have a severely sensitive HPA axis and stress from exercise can throw the HPA axis into severe disregulation.  So, I have to take it easy with that.  I do walk and that is the limit of my ability to do anything physical.

 

I'm down to a low enough dose of gabapentin that while I am on a hold, I feel fairly normal.  Brain fog is gone and all the other symptoms are manageable.  When I cut, however, things get really difficult after a few days and stay that way for at least a couple of weeks if I hold.

 

This gabapentin seems to be fighting me down to the bitter end. 

 

Each time I was tapering comfortably in the past, intense physical activity would throw me into a major withdrawal scenario.  When I was able to taper again, I could only tolerate a smaller amount of cuts.  Now, I'm just very careful about exercise because I can't afford another episode causing me to updose like I did from 100mg up to 180.  That was in October and I've only been able to get down to 147mg from 180 since then.  So frustrating.

 

-RST

[[Ma...]]

I used to walk all the time. It really is the best form of exercise in my opinion for my condition. Especially walking outside by yourself away from everyone. I like the gym though. I don’t mind people most of the time either but I’m not happy with myself and it makes it uncomfortable, especially with my hair. I used to be considered a really good looking man. People used to call me handsome all the time and I feel like those days are gone since I started shaving my head. I look like a monk. I lost my confidence. I can deal with this though. Things I don’t want to deal with anymore is pain. Now I have sciatic nerve pain caused by some mild degeneration in my lower back most likely. I got this pain from limping too much and walking off balanced because of the toe. I didn’t get an MRI yet, not sure if I will, but I don’t have any slipped disks or hernias. I do have a bunch of lipomas and I’ve always been paranoid if I have any in my spinal column because that could compress nerves. I do have lipomas on my back near my spine so it makes me wonder if there are any of these fatty tumors buried in there. I had lipomas for a while but I started getting them like crazy in 2008 after being on Suboxone for about a year and taking all these workout supplements while bodybuilding. I had to get a bunch surgically removed in 2013. I feel like this surgery messed me up. The anesthesia I mean. I was sensitive to anesthesia I guess because I used to be on Suboxone maybe. I was off the Suboxone for over a year in 2013. I started doing drugs again after that surgery. Lipomas are a curse. I feel like they are a precursor for disease even though doctors say they are benign. I wish I could get rid of them.

 

Anyway, so I got sciatic pain because of my stupid toe which feels better now. I was at a grocery store and just limping around there, then I was standing off balance looking at cereal for a few minutes...then my entire left leg became numb, throbbed and just gave out from my left buttocks all the way down my thigh, leg and bottom of my foot. Started seeing a chiropractor. It is just ONE THING AFTER THE OTHER...I can’t limp now and force myself to walk as normal as possible, punishing my toe because sciatic pain is no joke. Maybe I am a pussy but the drugs made me this way. I really have poor tolerance for pain but these conditions are painful at the same time so it disables me if that makes sense. It will probably take me some time to get over this too. Not sure if it is the piriformis muscle or my lower back. The chiropractor thinks it is my back, so we will see. I just want to catch a lucky break. I want things to be easier for me. I’ve been fighting so hard since I broke my toe and now that it is starting to get better, I have sciatic nerve pain that is more debilitating than the toe at times.

 

I was never able to push myself at the gym either these past few months. Now with this pain I feel like I’m out of commission. I really just want to start walking outside again at a quick pace and catch a lot of sun. I’ll stick to the gym for now. THis has been such a grueling process.

 

I’m trying to lower phenibut I guess. I’m using baclofen. I swapped a gram of phenibut for 10mg of baclofen. Gabapentin is harder to taper than baclofen so maybe I should just focus on lowering phenibut for now since it is more doable. I am getting to a point where I may just start making big cuts and suffer through wd. I’m just tired of doing this and if I have to suffer I rather speed up the process. I don’t know what I’m going to do. I just want things to get better for me.

[[Re...]]

I used to walk all the time. It really is the best form of exercise in my opinion for my condition. Especially walking outside by yourself away from everyone. I like the gym though. I don’t mind people most of the time either but I’m not happy with myself and it makes it uncomfortable, especially with my hair. I used to be considered a really good looking man. People used to call me handsome all the time and I feel like those days are gone since I started shaving my head. I look like a monk. I lost my confidence. I can deal with this though. Things I don’t want to deal with anymore is pain. Now I have sciatic nerve pain caused by some mild degeneration in my lower back most likely. I got this pain from limping too much and walking off balanced because of the toe. I didn’t get an MRI yet, not sure if I will, but I don’t have any slipped disks or hernias. I do have a bunch of lipomas and I’ve always been paranoid if I have any in my spinal column because that could compress nerves. I do have lipomas on my back near my spine so it makes me wonder if there are any of these fatty tumors buried in there. I had lipomas for a while but I started getting them like crazy in 2008 after being on Suboxone for about a year and taking all these workout supplements while bodybuilding. I had to get a bunch surgically removed in 2013. I feel like this surgery messed me up. The anesthesia I mean. I was sensitive to anesthesia I guess because I used to be on Suboxone maybe. I was off the Suboxone for over a year in 2013. I started doing drugs again after that surgery. Lipomas are a curse. I feel like they are a precursor for disease even though doctors say they are benign. I wish I could get rid of them.

 

Anyway, so I got sciatic pain because of my stupid toe which feels better now. I was at a grocery store and just limping around there, then I was standing off balance looking at cereal for a few minutes...then my entire left leg became numb, throbbed and just gave out from my left buttocks all the way down my thigh, leg and bottom of my foot. Started seeing a chiropractor. It is just ONE THING AFTER THE OTHER...I can’t limp now and force myself to walk as normal as possible, punishing my toe because sciatic pain is no joke. Maybe I am a pussy but the drugs made me this way. I really have poor tolerance for pain but these conditions are painful at the same time so it disables me if that makes sense. It will probably take me some time to get over this too. Not sure if it is the piriformis muscle or my lower back. The chiropractor thinks it is my back, so we will see. I just want to catch a lucky break. I want things to be easier for me. I’ve been fighting so hard since I broke my toe and now that it is starting to get better, I have sciatic nerve pain that is more debilitating than the toe at times.

 

I was never able to push myself at the gym either these past few months. Now with this pain I feel like I’m out of commission. I really just want to start walking outside again at a quick pace and catch a lot of sun. I’ll stick to the gym for now. THis has been such a grueling process.

 

I’m trying to lower phenibut I guess. I’m using baclofen. I swapped a gram of phenibut for 10mg of baclofen. Gabapentin is harder to taper than baclofen so maybe I should just focus on lowering phenibut for now since it is more doable. I am getting to a point where I may just start making big cuts and suffer through wd. I’m just tired of doing this and if I have to suffer I rather speed up the process. I don’t know what I’m going to do. I just want things to get better for me.

 

I hear you, my friend.  I haven't been much for communicating as my work has been challenging and I've had alot of problems related to my taper (still holding).  I had a window and I made what was perhaps a foolish decision and tried citicoline for a week.  I had a significant uptick in symptoms.  It has an effect on acetylcholine which I didn't run across until I took it.  I guess my bad for missing that critical piece of information.  I know my HPA axis has been really messed up (even prior to benzos / gaba) and that acetylcholine is significant to the HPA.  Anyway.  Live and learn.  But I'm pretty much out of it right now with burning pain and mental fog.

 

Just wanted to respond so I didn't leave you hanging. 

 

All the best,

 

-RST

[[Ma...]]

Hope you get better soon. I take a CDP-choline supplement occasionally along with aniracetam, which I usually take every morning once a day. It is hard to tell how things effect me sometimes. I don't really notice much if I take a choline supplement. But it is known that they can cause brain fog. Several years ago before I got into this mess, like in 2012-2013 choline would give me issues like you are describing when I was sober of GABAergics and opiates. My HPA axis possibly got screwed up from years of taking Suboxone. Opiate maintenance therapy is not so good for the endocrine system. It takes a long time to bounce back sometimes RST. I'm sorry that all this happened to you. I know you never really used benzos that long after trying to quit them before going on the diazepam.

I was dealing with a mentally traumatizing issue when I started taking benzos daily. I remember opening a benzo buddies account about 3 months after starting my daily benzo ride. I wanted to quit but I didn't because I was looking at things wrong. I was afraid that my injury wouldn't heal and that I couldn't deal with what was happening to me. Little did I realize that these medications would prevent me from healing my injuries all the way. As for you RST you are close.  I think you will notice an improvement once you get completely off gabapentin. Have you considered trying Gotu Kola? It increases the enzyme glutamate decarboxylase. This may help make the taper more bearable. I bought some but I haven't tried it yet. I took some people advice and put more focus on getting off phenibut. I decided to cross over to baclofen again. I'm making progress but it has been kind of difficult. I'm trying to settle on 30mg of baclofen a day. Then I will start tapering that. My family, friends and doctor will be happier to see me on baclofen because phenibut is technically not even a medication in the US. Also, if I am ever hospitalized it will be easier to treat me I figure. Crossing over from phenibut to baclofen can be hard. Switching from baclofen to phenibut is effortless. I'm also taking a slightly more potent version of regular phenibut HCl. It is the free amino acid (F.A.A.) version. 1g of phenibut is supposed to be equivalent to 10mg of baclofen. I'm finding it a little difficult to adjust but it is not so bad. I was taking 2.7g of phenibut every day. It just felt like too much with all that gabapentin. I'm tired of going in circles though.