New to this benzo mess

[[wa...]]

Hi everybody,

 

I've only started taking benzos regularly for the last 4 weeks, and I'm already experiencing problems.  I had been prescribed Ativan 0.5 mg PRN for years, but only took it very rarely, in case of the occasional really bad panic attack.  I usually managed without it, because I didn't want to be dopey or sedated.  This worked fine--I would self-talk through anxiety and panic, and only take the Ativan if I absolutely had to, which worked extremely well. 

 

Around the beginning of this month, however, I started developing really bad panic attacks while driving, which set off agoraphobia to the point I didn't even want to walk far from my house.  Then I started getting panicky and anxious trapped alone at home with thoughts that bothered me.  I was afraid to go out and afraid to stay in.  Emotional trauma issues form the past were coming up, too.  My doctor told me to take the Ativan on a regular basis, at least 3 times a day so that I could nip the agoraphobia in the bud.  I didn't want to take too much because I knew about dependence, so tried to take quarter pills, which I had to bump up to half pills or full pills, depending on how bad things were. 

 

To make a long story short, even though I was taking it "regularly", I was also taking it sporadically/erratically, because I was trying not to take too much.  This was a mistake.  My anxiety worsened (which I know now to be interdose withdrawals), and I was so messed up with anxiety and nausea from the side effects to be able to eat.  I was sensitive to light and feeling really horrible. I felt poisoned, so I went off cold turkey.  Bad mistake.  I had a horrible, horrible night where I was freaked out, anxious, slept only fitfullly, felt sanity was hanging by a thread, and took an Ativan which seemed to make me more restless.  I went to ER next day (this was just this last Wednesday), because I thought I was having a paradoxical reaction to it, plus I wanted to get my glucose and electrolytes and other things looked at because I have underlying metabolic problems and was worried that the stress of the bad reaction was putting a strain on my body.  The labs turned out fine, and I was sent home w/ a prescription for Klonopin, because the doctor said it would be longer-acting.

 

Well, I went home and tried to sleep and cope--my friends had calmed me down and reassured me, but I was afraid to take the Klonopin, and I hadn't had any Ativan for a day or so.  Needless to say, I couldn't sleep all night or into the next day, felt truly horrible, and finally, my fried brain just sort of snapped and my intuition was screaming at me "Take the Klonopin! Take the Klonopin!"  Which I did, hesitatingly, and instantly, everything was much much better.  Then I realized that I was going through withdrawals all the time from the Ativan, and that I shouldn't have quit it cold turkey.  I had my regular doctor switch me over from Ativan to Klonopin, which I figured I would take on the clock, stabilize a bit, then later try to taper off.  Right now, I'm on 0.5 mg 4 times a day.  The withdrawals come back every 6 hours, and I still feel anxiety.  I figured that Klonopin would be easier to quit than Ativan, because it is longer-acting (and I somehow thought it was lower potency), but from what I'm hearing, people have a lot of difficulty getting off Klonopin and it is actually a high-potency drug.

 

I am trying to keep on the clock with the stuff so I don't mess myself up again, but I took some last night before I went to bed, and woke up chocking/coughing/gasping with difficulty breathing at least twice.  This really bothers me.  I have obstructive sleep apnea and sleep with a CPAP machine to  begin with.  I felt upset this morning because even though I did get some fairly good deep sleep (even interrupted), I felt anxiety because I needed to take the Klonopin, which I don't want to take.  I feel damned if I do, damned if I don't.  I want off this stuff.  I feel like I'm being poisoned.  I never thought this would happen to me.  Normally, if I don't like something, I just quit taking it, but I can't do that with this stuff. 

 

The funny thing is, I've only been regularly on benzos for less than a month, and I feel horrible with them!  I hope that means I will be able to get off of them quicker with less rebound anxiety.  So I'm here to get information and support and to come up with a plan to get off of them as soon as possible, without shocking my system too badly.  I have had a very rough time emotionally and physically, and just want to get stable.  But I need to get off this poison that just only seems to set me up for more anxiety. 

 

[[Li...]]

welcome to BB, want2befree 

 

i'm sure one of the staff will be along soon to help you out with a plan to taper off of klonopin.

 

in the mean time, i suggest that you consolidate the info on your dosing of each benzo that you take.

 

also you can read about the choices you have for tapering off benzos at this link in the forum: http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=9522.0

 

once you have chosen a method, the buddies and staff can help you. they can also answer questions about how to chose a method that's right for you.

 

i wish you the best and welcome again,

love, truck

[[Te...]]

Hi want2befree

 

Welcome to Benzo Buddies.

 

Sorry to hear that you are having trouble with the Benzos.

 

Your as needed dose history could contribute to addiction in addition to your four weeks of continuous use.

 

Duration of use can be as or more significant in causing addiction than magnitude of dose.

 

2mgK/day is a significant dose and should be tapered slowly.

 

Check out the Ashton manual for good information on Benzos.

 

10%/ 1-2 weeks reduction of current dose is what is most often recommended.

 

Seems like buddies who tape to a low jump off dose have the smoothest post jump recovery.

 

You are wise to take your klonopin dose in 2 or more portions/day and may want to continue to do that all the way to your final dose.

 

Teakettle

[[Be...]]

Welcome to BenzoBuddies, want2befree.

 

You may be one of those people who gets a paradoxical (opposite) reaction to benzos, in which case you will feel less anxiety off of them.  Since you were only on 4 weeks and not 2mg/day every day, I think you could taper off faster than the average member if you want to be off sooner rather than later.  Klonopin is long enough acting that it really doesn't need to be taken more than 2x/day so 4x/day is kind of overkill in my opinion (imo).  I assume you have the .5mg tablets. 

 

With a razor blade or simple pill splitter from the pharmacy, you can cut the pills in 1/2s or evern 1/4s if you want to make smaller cuts.  Initially, if I were in your place of short, irregular use, I'd probably drop one of those .5mg doses and spread the other 3 out to about every 8 hours, hold there for a week or two and then maybe drop 1/2 of a pill (.25mg).  This is more aggressive than usual but I think you could get away with it because of your short, irregular use and seeming paradoxical reaction. 

 

Still, nothing wrong with a slow taper as Teakettle has suggested.  It's a very individual thing and we will support you whichever way you choose to go.  And, btw, you can start out with more agressive cuts, then hold longer or make smaller cuts as you go along.  A plan is only a plan, afterall, and not a binding contract. 

[[wa...]]

Thanks for the welcome, Teakettle and truck.  Right now, I am taking no Ativan at all, just the Klonopin.  Before these last three weeks (I realize now that it's more like three weeks, not four), I took Ativan very, very rarely, like once every few months or even almost a year, if I had a particularly bad panic attack during a stressful period. 

 

I've only been on the Klonopin since Thursday, and I'm already eager to try to get off.  I'm wondering if I should stablize on this dose for a few days (so I can get some sleep and stability and calm my brain down from the Ativan withdrawals), or should I start to taper now.  I want to make sure I can get sleep during the night.  I want to stabilize, but I also want to be off this stuff as soon as possible before I'm stuck on it too long.  I definitely don't like the breathing/choking/coughing problems.  But I've also had an emotionally rough, physically draining several weeks due to the anxiety/panic, trauma issues coming up, getting out and dealing with phobias, and Ativan withdrawals.  So I'm not sure when I want to start my taper. 

 

I'm thinking of doing the pill-splitting method, since I don't have to bother getting another prescription from the Dr. (though she'd probably be open to the Valium substitution method) I'm interested in getting some help on the pill-splitting method for my 2 mg dosage of Klonopin, like how much of a pill to split each time.  Is the reduction amount 10% each time?  So from 2 mg, to 1.8 mg, then 1.6 mg, then 1.5 mg, then 1.3, etc?  Seems kind of hard to split the pills like that, esp for someone like me who is taking them four times a day.  Has anyone done the pill-splitting method with a 2 mg, 4 times a day dosage of Klonopin?

 

Thanks so much for your help. 

[[wa...]]

Welcome to BenzoBuddies, want2befree.

 

You may be one of those people who gets a paradoxical (opposite) reaction to benzos, in which case you will feel less anxiety off of them.  Since you were only on 4 weeks and not 2mg/day every day, I think you could taper off faster than the average member if you want to be off sooner rather than later.  Klonopin is long enough acting that it really doesn't need to be taken more than 2x/day so 4x/day is kind of overkill in my opinion (imo).  I assume you have the .5mg tablets. 

 

With a razor blade or simple pill splitter from the pharmacy, you can cut the pills in 1/2s or evern 1/4s if you want to make smaller cuts.  Initially, if I were in your place of short, irregular use, I'd probably drop one of those .5mg doses and spread the other 3 out to about every 8 hours, hold there for a week or two and then maybe drop 1/2 of a pill (.25mg).  This is more aggressive than usual but I think you could get away with it because of your short, irregular use and seeming paradoxical reaction. 

 

Still, nothing wrong with a slow taper as Teakettle has suggested.  It's a very individual thing and we will support you whichever way you choose to go.  And, btw, you can start out with more agressive cuts, then hold longer or make smaller cuts as you go along.  A plan is only a plan, afterall, and not a binding contract. 

 

Hi Beeper,

 

Thanks for your advice.  I actually now think my reaction to the Ativan was caused more by irregular dosing and withdrawals than a paradoxical reaction (though there might have been some of that too, because my body/brain was so confused).  With the Klonopin, unfortunately, it doesn't seem to last 8 hours for me, though I have tried to hold out--I am getting pretty icky interdose anxiety.  I seem to need it every 6 hours.  I was hoping to try to only take it three times a day because that would be easier, but I get pretty jangly and upset that way. Ugh.  It must flush out of my system more quickly than most people.  Or maybe it's because my brain is still getting over Ativan withdrawals? (I quit that totally cold turkey this Tuesday, and replaced it with Klonopin this Thursday).  I do feel better taking the Klonopin regularly than when I took the Ativan irregularly.  Anyway,  I'm still researching what way to go on the tapering, and how soon I should do it, and I'm happy to hear a variety of opinions, slow vs. fast, etc. 

[[su...]]

Hello want2befree,

 

Welcome to BenzoBuddies! I am glad you found us. Hey, I am tapering from Klonopin. I am so glad you found out about benzos early. So sad to hear you are having such a difficult time. We can help. We are here for you.

 

Hey, I cannot tell from your information so far what tablet size you have. Is it the 0.5mg Klonopin?

 

I want to answer some of your questions. The symptoms you are feeling are most likely due to the discontinuation of the Ativan. Your doctor is right Klonopin is a longer acting benzo. I am tapering from Klonopin and have been successful at dry cutting. Since you have already gone from taking Ativan, then replacing it with steady dosing of Klonopin. No need to cross over to a different benzo.

 

You have been on Klonopin 0.5mg 4 times per day since Thursday. I understand being eager to get off of this medication. Yet, having a plan that fits your life and tolerable withdrawal symptoms is more important.

 

The best plan would be to get stable on the Klonopin before cutting. Starting at a stable place makes for a much easier taper. It will help the body to adjust before making anymore dose changes. It is a good idea to stay at this dose get some sleep and let the symptoms calm down.

 

I was taking Klonopin 5 times per day, then 4, then 3, then 2 and now 1 time per night. I have experience in taking Klonopin 4 times per day and dry cutting from there. The first cut would be a .25mg cut. That is a 12.5% cut. We learn a great deal from our first cut. Once you are ready to cut. We are here to help with the rest of the plan. So, if it were me. I would cut the .25mg (that is 1/2 of the 0.5mg tablet). Pick the time of day that is best for you. So, one way would be to take the .5mg at 8am, .25mg noon, .5mg 4pm, then the .5mg around 8pm. That would be a good place to start. Once you feel ready.

 

I hope this is helpful,

Summer

[[wa...]]

Dear Summer,

 

Thanks for your help.  I think I will take your advice and try it that way.  I do need to get my sleep and such stabilized better, so I guess I will wait a while (a week or more, I guess, until I feel a bit better) until I try my first taper, but I really detest having to take the stuff.  Yes, it is the 0.5 mg Klonopin.  I don't know if the interdose withdrawals will ease up after a while, or whether those are partially a byproduct of the Ativan withdrawals, but it sucks feeling icky every 6 hours or so.  Mornings are the worst.  Anyway, I will keep everyone posted when I decide to do this, and thanks again for your help.

[[Be...]]

Somehow I missed the part about you quitting Ativan on Tuesday.    That explains a lot.  Sounds like you got some good suggestions from Summer and I know better days are ahead. 

[[su...]]

Hello want2befreee,

 

I think the inter dose withdrawals will ease. Klonopin has a really long half life. Just relax about the process. You are getting a plan. You are going to work on getting stable. Then when you are ready. Start the taper process.

 

Hey, I understand the feeling of detesting taking the benzo. I think most of us felt that way when we found out about all of this. I was shocked and it took some time to relax into the process of what is the best plan to get free of Klonopin.

 

You are going to do great.

 

I hope you sleep well tonight,

Summer

[[su...]]

Hello want2befree,

 

How did you sleep last night? When did the breathing, choking, coughing problems start? I understand you went to the ER (Wednesday) due to the cold turkey from Ativan. The doctor there prescribed Klonopin 0.5mg to be taken 4 times per day. So, then your regular doctor switched your prescription from Ativan to Klonopin. You had been taking Ativan 0.5mg 3 times per day for several weeks and that was 1.5mg of Ativan. And prior to that had taken Ativan as needed for panic.

 

Did you sleep better last night? How are the symptoms doing? Are they calming down?

 

Summer

[[wa...]]

Summer,

 

Thanks so much for asking me how I am doing.  I did sleep last night and actually got a full night's sleep for the first time in several days, even dreamed a bit, which I guess is a good sign.  I only remember waking up once to use the bathroom, which was about 6 hours after my last dose and I was feeling anxious to take a pill (weirdly enough, I was dreaming/thinking of taking an Ativan), so took the Klonopin at 3 am.  I didn't wake up from coughing/choking, but my friend who was sleeping over in the other room noticed I did cough/throat clear at least 3 or 4 times that night.  I had problems with the coughing/choking/throat clearing thing when I was taking the Ativan, too, but not quite as pronounced as with the Klonopin. 

 

When I was taking Ativan regularly for the last few weeks, I wasn't taking an exact dosage.  I had my old prescription of Ativan that said 0.5 mg up to twice daily when needed, but when I called my doctor about the panic attacks I was starting to have while driving that started to spill over into other situations (I got to the point where I was nervous walking a few yards from my apartment), she wanted me to take daily Ativan at least 3 times a day so that I could go out and do normal stuff so I wouldn't develop full-blown agoraphobia again (used to have serious problems with that in the past). 

 

Where I messed up on that is that I was cautious about taking the Ativan and didn't want to take too much--I wasn't used to taking it as a daily medication, AND I wanted to be able to drive without being sedated,  so I took tiny doses (quarter pill, about .125) and tried to drive a little around my neighborhood, etc., but I got too phobic to even drive at all.  I developed a tolerance and started taking half and whole pills, especially when the anxiety was higher or when I had to go out on the bus and do something.  I was still trying to figure out a dosing schedule.  I kept wanting to take it often, probably because it was so short-acting.  I was taking it sometimes between 2-5 times a day.  Probably my maximum dose was 2.5 per day.  I started having this weird feeling of dread and felt something wasn't right, that a lot of the anxiety seemed to be set up by the Ativan.  I kept wanting to take it more often.  I started feeling really sick and icky and "chemically poisoned" and nauseous, plus started having more disturbed thoughts and sleep, so that's why I ended up quitting cold turkey, which turned out to be a truly horrible mistake.  I'm pretty sure I set myself up disaster with my erratic/irregular dosing and my cold turkey quit. 

 

Prior to that, I would just take 0.5 mg of Ativan when needed for panic, which worked extremely well.  I would only take it very rarely, and only when I had at least a moderately severe panic attack, which was not common for me in recent years.  I only started getting severe panic attacks again after getting a car and starting driving, plus I'm sure other life stresses contributed as well.  When I had agoraphobia and panic attacks years before, I recovered just by gradual exposure, and only taking Ativan if I really really needed to.  It used to be my emergency ace in the hole for panic, and was just reassuring to carry it around and not even take it.  This time, I think my agoraphobia got more serious in a shorter amount of time, and I kept having more and more panic attacks, so that's why the doc thought I should be on Ativan regularly.

 

I'm feeling more stable taking the 0.5 Klonopin on the clock, which I'm accepting is something I might have to do for a while.  At least I think it is easing/fixing my Ativan withdrawal and stabilizing my poor messed-up brain, and it is definitely helping me sleep.  I've only actually been taking it since mid-Thursday.  My schedule seems to have settled around 9 am, 3 pm, 9 pm, 3 am for now.  Thanks so much for inquring about how I am doing today. 

 

[[su...]]

Hello Want2bfree,

 

Nice to hear from you. It sounds like you are finding that the Klonopin is helping and that the regular schedule is part of that. That is great. So, when you get stable and feel ready we are hear to support you in your taper.

 

Hey, I was prescribed Klonopin for anxiety. I have found that a slow taper from Klonopin to be a great opportunity to work on my non-drug ways to manage my anxiety as I work on the goal of becoming benzo free. We are here for you.

 

I wish you well,

Summer

[[Be...]]

even dreamed a bit, which I guess is a good sign.   

 

 

  It is a good sign, Want2bfree.

 

I'm very pleased to hear that you slept well and are feeling much more stable.  That's great news.

[[wa...]]

Hey everybody,

 

Thought I would give an update.  Well, have had my 4th full night of good sleep, and things are settling down some.  Am now taking 3 Klonopin (0.5 for a total of 1.5 mg/day) per day rather than 4, because I was taking the 4th one during the middle of the night, which I now just sleep through, so that pill just sort of dropped off by itself.  Feeling less anxiety between doses, and think I'm getting over that cold turkey Ativan withdrawal mess.  I think I'll hold steady with what I am taking for a while and try to take care of my health and other things I've put off for so long before my recent crisis.  Thanks so much for all your help and advice--I'll keep you all posted. 

[[su...]]

Hello Want2befree,

 

So nice to hear from you. I am very happy to see that you were able to settle at the 1.5mg of Klonopin. That is great. How nice the other 0.5mg was just dropped in the process. I am glad you are sleeping well. And that you feel less anxious between doses.

 

I am also happy to hear you are getting over the cold turkey from the Ativan. How nice. Good to have that behind you.

 

So, when you are ready we are here to help with the taper process off of the 1.5mg of Klonopin.

 

I am glad you found BenzoBuddies. We are here to support you any way we can.

 

Summer

[[wa...]]

Hi All,

 

An update:  Well, I've been on the Klonopin for almost a couple of weeks, and can sleep very well, unlike when I was withdrawing off the Ativan.  But I think it's making me more depressed--I keep crying and crying and crying all the time, as well as being still anxious.  I think part of is emotional stuff coming up, but I'm convinced a good part of it is the drug, too.  I really don't feel like myself.  I'm still getting anxiety, and I think some of it is rebound/interdose, not just my own stuff.  I would like to start tapering off this stuff, but I'm scared to.  I bought a pill splitter, anyway.  I cut my middle of the day pill in half (actually, it was smaller than a half because I didn't buy my pill splitter yet, so was uneven) on Monday, but took my full dose today and yesterday (because anxious later on Monday).  I don't know if I am even doing the right thing--feel damned if I do, damned if I don't.  Anyway, just writing to rant a little. 

[[wa...]]

Ok, today I cut my middle pill by a quarter, so I am now taking 0.375 instead of 0.5 for that dose.  That will be a total of 1.375 mg per day instead of 1.5.  I'll see how I do with that for a few days.  

[[Pa...]]

I wanted to let you know that at this point, it's very difficult to distinguish between what is us and what is being caused by the drug.  I'd put my money on the drug though.  Everything I felt, feared and suffered with when in withdrawals has left me now, so try to see that for yourself too.

 

You're doing the right thing in tapering, this process we're going to suffer on and getting off of it.  At least getting off, you have a future, staying on, it's just more of the same misery.

[[Da...]]

Hi want2befree was following your thread, I made the same mistake with ativan recently myself taking it as I thought I needed. Your right very big mistake indeed for me as well coming off of 3mg a day from 2 months, Ignorant

 

abuse I was calling it lol. Your symptoms and anxiety are very similar to mine and I have had problems with sleep apnea as well, I wanna say something that doesn't seem to get talked about on this side of the forum much. 

 

Whats been helping me this time around alot with stress and panic is watching my diet and exercise, Ive been into physical fitness and martial arts for about 12 years and both are my passion. Just remember that mind, body,

 

and spirit or all linked together and one can and will affect the other. Exercise can seem daunting when going through w/d and can seem to exacerbate the symptoms at first but it can help you get through it faster. This is not

 

professional advice mine you as I am not allowed to give over the web, but just remember to look at some of the other sections of the forums if you havent already on stress and anxiety management. Also "ALWAYS" talk to

 

your doctor about exercise as Iam not aware of your physical health and conditioning. Meditation can also be very helpful which is also something I do and remember to keep your meditation positive and relaxing there or also

 

links to quides on thats stuff within these forums. All this might not be for you but should be considered seriously for overall health and stability.  Anywho I think your doing great and keep at it and try not to get discouraged if

 

symptoms return or you feel bad or make a mistakes, It takes time to heal and I know you can do it! This site is proof that people get better and were all here for you. You will get better

[[wa...]]

Thanks for your replies, Pamster and Dagaz.  I'm an hour overdue for my 2nd dose of poison, and I don't want to take it at all.   I'm seriously considering skipping it and just taking my evening dose--I've had such a positive therapy session (I have a fantastic talk therapist) and feel good.  But I'd better take the wretched stuff.  My doc says I can cut out a dose every few days (!) but I know that's not good.  I don't want to end up where I did with the Ativan.  Well, I just took my .375.  Uck. 

 

About excercise--I actually have been excersising a lot lately, and it does help.  Mostly bike riding.  My morning anxiety is so bad that I sometimes HAVE to get out of the house and move or I feel I will explode.  At least it is helping the agoraphobia some, because I feel like if I don't get out, I will die/go crazy, etc.  So at least I get around and about in my neighborhood, walking and biking.

 

I have to eat frequently (shaky blood sugar plunges), and that has gotten SEVERAL TIMES WORSE with the benzos.  So, I have to watch that I don't overexercise and not eat enough.  The Klonopin makes me nauseous and sometimes food is hard to get down, so eating is hard.  I've been eating a lot of fresh fruit (canteloupe and blueberries), cottage cheese, milk, chicken broth, salmon, roast beef (easy to cook in crock pot right now)--basically, easy to eat, mostly protein foods.  I've gotten so sick and shaky at times I've had to lay down and my friend has had to fix me broth with a teaspoon of sugar in it, get me milk, etc.  I've noticed my anxiety climbs exponentially when I need to eat--something that happened before, but not as extreme. 

 

It seems that this stuff (or the rebound effect of it, or both) amplifies the mental and physical stuff that is bad with me (anxiety, obsessive/weird thoughts, depersonalization/derealization, agoraphobia, needing to eat frequently, etc).  I also have a problem with my adrenal glands to begin with, so I don't even know how this stuff is affecting that. 

 

I'm lucky to live near beautiful creeks, lake, and woods and bike trails.  Getting out in nature has been helping me a lot.  I also try to connect with people as much as I can and do fun things, but not wanting to be near busy, noisy places or stores or to travel too far from home lately has made that difficult. 

 

Anyways, thanks so much for the support and encouragement. 

[[Pa...]]

It sounds like you're doing everything right, but you still get to suffer it seems.  Where you live sounds wonderful, I'm glad you have such resources available when you need to get away.  I used nature a lot too, the privacy it affords helped me when people became too much for me.

[[Da...]]

I really feel you on the morning anxiety, its very bad for me also I defiantly feel the worse when i get up. I have to do the same thing get up and get moving or the anx will linger. Yea having your diet tweaked just right takes

 

time and effort, I myself try to stick with complex carbs such as brown rice and beans which keeps my energy level and my glucose intake stable. Then supplement that with fruit or fruit juice if I need a bit more of a sugar kick.

 

And I work out alot myself so protein is very important to me too. Just keep yourself informed and make the best decision you feel is correct for you and work your plan. I got a decision to make on the 13th weather to

 

go to my docs or not and get more posion. My condition seems to be stablizing a bit as I have been ct since the 28th of aug 2010, will see what the future holds for me I just try to keep a positive atittude that ill be ok so I 

 

dont have a panic attack for no reason. Keep hanging in there though and I hope you start feeling better and dont even think about giving up, stay strong and remember were all rooting for you. 

 

 

[[Da...]]

*definitely) not defiantly, darn spell check

[[wa...]]

Thanks, Dagaz.

 

I was reading some of the threads on morning anxiety, and some people said to eat something right away, like a high-protein snack by the bed.  I did--had a handful of raw pecans right when I woke up, and it helped.  I actually was able to go back to sleep for a couple hours, until it was time to take the poison again at 9 am.  I still had pretty bad morning anxiety when I got up, and still had to get moving, but having the pecans right away helped me get a little more rest and feel better, I think. 

 

Anyway, I hope we all make it through this yucky time.  Take care of yourself.  Good luck yourself, on the C/T...maybe you won't have to have the pills on the 13th, if you're better and more stabilized.