Cancer Support Group

[[Tr...]]

Thanks Healingme!  Same to you

[[Fl...]]

Yes that does help a lot healingme,

I have been thinking its related to trigeminal nerve a bit too, possibly from a Tmj issue. I grind my teeth at night and clench during the day. The only things my docs have been able to find are; Tmj/ broken teeth and astigmatism and farsightedness ( to a very small degree). The trigeminal nerve runs through the Tm joint. I have the same feeling as you describe most days expect when I am rested and relaxed together. I wonder if Benzos or the cancer diagnosis was the catalyst for tmj???  Maybe both!!! I hate Cancer 

[[az...]]

Hi guys.

 

You may or may not have seen me around, today I found out I have cancer. I never thought this could happen. I'm in shock. They aren't certain whether it is non Hodgkin's lymphoma or thyroid cancer. The biopsy results have been sent to Stanford and we hope to hear by Friday. I don't even know what to say or think.

 

Many of the lymph nodes in my neck are swollen and painful. I'm tired a lot. I'm doing well w/d wise.

 

I started reading here the other night and I'm very glad you are here. It's scary, this whole thing. I have a lot of support in my life for this. I have a faith. So, here it is. My doctor was even shocked. We didn't see this coming.

[[Ho...]]

Hi guys.

 

You may or may not have seen me around, today I found out I have cancer. I never thought this could happen. I'm in shock. They aren't certain whether it is non Hodgkin's lymphoma or thyroid cancer. The biopsy results have been sent to Stanford and we hope to hear by Friday. I don't even know what to say or think.

 

Many of the lymph nodes in my neck are swollen and painful. I'm tired a lot. I'm doing well w/d wise.

 

I started reading here the other night and I'm very glad you are here. It's scary, this whole thing. I have a lot of support in my life for this. I have a faith. So, here it is. My doctor was even shocked. We didn't see this coming.

 

Azalea,

 

I am so sorry to hear this! I got my breast cancer diagnosis back in April during my taper (still tapering). It all seemed unreal and it still does. My biggest advice to you would be to stay off the internet until you have a confirmation on your diagnosis and discuss with your oncologist what the treatment plan will be. Right now you don't know the cancer type, stage, or prognosis so it's easy to let your mind wander to all sorts of bad places.  Take things one step at a time. Ask around and try to find the best oncologist (and surgeon if you need that) for your particular cancer type. The good news is things will move pretty fast and you will be on your way with a treatment plan soon, although time will seem to slow down. Please keep us updated!

 

Hope

[[so...]]

Hi Azalea, so sorry to hear this. I hope the tests give you some good news. We're with you.

[[so...]]

Talk with Tryingtobepostive. She had lymphoma - she's in remission and except for the benzo shit is doing very well.

[[Tr...]]

Hi guys.

 

You may or may not have seen me around, today I found out I have cancer. I never thought this could happen. I'm in shock. They aren't certain whether it is non Hodgkin's lymphoma or thyroid cancer. The biopsy results have been sent to Stanford and we hope to hear by Friday. I don't even know what to say or think.

 

Many of the lymph nodes in my neck are swollen and painful. I'm tired a lot. I'm doing well w/d wise.

 

I started reading here the other night and I'm very glad you are here. It's scary, this whole thing. I have a lot of support in my life for this. I have a faith. So, here it is. My doctor was even shocked. We didn't see this coming.

 

Hi there,

 

Just hang in there and take one step at a time.  I was incredibly shocked too when I was diagnosed.  It will be 1 year from this Saturday that I was told I had a mass.  I 'll never forget it.  It's a very surreal feeling.  Just know we are here for you.  If you need anything at all then please reach out!

 

Hang tight

[[az...]]

Hi, thank you all. I'm seriously at a loss too. I slept a lot yesterday and get very tired so I wasn't able to put a new post together. I don't really feel I am able to do an adequate job now either, but I wanted to thank you Hope for your advice not to look around on the internet. I haven't as per your advice, and I'm trying to just take it easy and rest a lot. Everything else you said Hope seems to make plenty of sense as well.

 

solitudeseeker, I find myself wanting to know more about nhl and looking over Tryingtobepositive's posts and I even thought of looking at all posts, but what Hope said seems right... Though I think they are leaning toward nhl.

 

Tryingtobepositive, thank you. I never thought I'd ever be in this situation. I'm trying not to wonder too far and just take it one step at a time as you suggested. I'm sure sorry we all had to get this news and I've read that you still can't believe that this ever happened. I guess I've been not over-thinking things too much and should try and continue in this manner- though I can't help wondering a bit. What kind for sure? What stage? Will I lose my hair?

 

I've been watching a lot of TV and resting. I dunno what to say but I am so thankful for each of you all's responses and the time and care it took to make them.

[[so...]]

I lost my hair. Actually chose to get it shaved off before chemo took it. We had a party with champagne and shrimp, and my hairdresser came over with her clippers.

 

If you are going to lose your hair, go get some awesome hats and big sparkly earrings. Or go around rocking the "cleanhead" look and bow to people like a Buddhist nun. Bald women have style. 

[[az...]]

Hey guys, found out it is Hodgkin's Lymphoma... Not "non."

 

I'm really pissed and my question truly is: what the fuck?

 

I'm upset.

 

Thanks solitude. I guess the hair thing doesn't matter at all, just surviving this. I hope it has not progressed too far. I'm afraid to say how long I had a swollen lymph node. It could have been as long ago as... I dunno, a while. At least spring of 2015, I'm almost thinking even possibly a year before that. Would have never anticipated this. Never thought this was a possibility. Feeling very angry. Yeah, I know that's "not good" but it's how I feel.

[[so...]]

Well, shit. I'm so sorry to hear this, Azalea. Fuck whether it's "not good" to feel anger, sweetie. You have every right to feel every emotion in the book. Sometimes our rage is all that we've got to propel us forward. I was blindsided by my diagnosis too.

 

I intensely dislike the platitudes that are handed out to cancer patients by well-meaning people, like these:

 

"You have to think positive!" Retort to the ignorant: our thoughts do not bring on cancer, nor do they make cancer go away. I'll think any way I want to.

 

"You have to fight! Never give up!" Nope, today I'm going to curl up in my closet and suck my thumb. And you need to let me.

 

Lean on your cancer buddies all you need. We're here for you. Let us know your treatment plan and when it will start - maybe some of us have gone through the same and can give you advice.

 

~SS

[[az...]]

Well, shit. I'm so sorry to hear this, Azalea. Fuck whether it's "not good" to feel anger, sweetie. You have every right to feel every emotion in the book. Sometimes our rage is all that we've got to propel us forward. I was blindsided by my diagnosis too.

 

I intensely dislike the platitudes that are handed out to cancer patients by well-meaning people, like these:

 

"You have to think positive!" Retort to the ignorant: our thoughts do not bring on cancer, nor do they make cancer go away. I'll think any way I want to.

 

"You have to fight! Never give up!" Nope, today I'm going to curl up in my closet and suck my thumb. And you need to let me.

 

Lean on your cancer buddies all you need. We're here for you. Let us know your treatment plan and when it will start - maybe some of us have gone through the same and can give you advice.

 

~SS

 

God, I'm so glad you said this SS. I freaking "thought positive" my whole life and always affirmed that I would "never have cancer" that "my body is extremely healthy and very strong" and I "my cells are singing with health" and it didn't prevent this! Also I've fought my whole GD life all kinds of battles and I'm TIRED OF FIGHTING. Thank you for responding and taking the time and energy. I so get what you are saying. I also "have a faith" and have felt I have a "relationship and not a religion" and I am just so annoyed when I hear how many people have such faith going through this and are so strong with such positive attitudes. That's all you ever hear!

 

I feel like I've had a crisis of faith, I'm freaking ANGRY and annoyed and as flawed and negative and weak as ever!!!

 

So I call BS!

[[Ho...]]

Well, shit. I'm so sorry to hear this, Azalea. Fuck whether it's "not good" to feel anger, sweetie. You have every right to feel every emotion in the book. Sometimes our rage is all that we've got to propel us forward. I was blindsided by my diagnosis too.

 

I intensely dislike the platitudes that are handed out to cancer patients by well-meaning people, like these:

 

"You have to think positive!" Retort to the ignorant: our thoughts do not bring on cancer, nor do they make cancer go away. I'll think any way I want to.

 

"You have to fight! Never give up!" Nope, today I'm going to curl up in my closet and suck my thumb. And you need to let me.

 

Lean on your cancer buddies all you need. We're here for you. Let us know your treatment plan and when it will start - maybe some of us have gone through the same and can give you advice.

 

~SS

 

God, I'm so glad you said this SS. I freaking "thought positive" my whole life and always affirmed that I would "never have cancer" that "my body is extremely healthy and very strong" and I "my cells are singing with health" and it didn't prevent this! Also I've fought my whole GD life all kinds of battles and I'm TIRED OF FIGHTING. Thank you for responding and taking the time and energy. I so get what you are saying. I also "have a faith" and have felt I have a "relationship and not a religion" and I am just so annoyed when I hear how many people have such faith going through this and are so strong with such positive attitudes. That's all you ever hear!

 

I feel like I've had a crisis of faith, I'm freaking ANGRY and annoyed and as flawed and negative and weak as ever!!!

 

So I call BS!

 

Azalea,

 

So sorry to hear but glad you are starting to get answers so you can get a plan going. When do you see your oncologist and have further testing? From what I remember Hodgkin's is the better diagnosis to have because it responds well to treatment. Don't quote me on that though. Please keep us updated and I will keep you in my prayers. This benzo and cancer crap really just is too much to take at the same time. I totally get your crisis of faith. With my withdrawal right now, God feels so far away. It's like the part of my brain that can connect to him is broken. Honestly I still haven't really truly processed the fact that I have cancer thanks to the withdrawal. Feel free to vent here any time you need!

 

Hope

 

P.s. Now that you have an actual diagnosis, you can Google a little just to see what you are dealing with, but I would save the serious research for after you have been staged and spoken with the oncologist just so you don't scare yourself silly!

[[so...]]

It's hard not to torture ourselves with why me? and is it karma, did I do something bad to deserve this?, and so on. I never drank, never smoked, was a clean-eating organic yoga girl. My sister and my brother, both much older than me and both much more into the unhealthy aspects of life, do not have cancer. I got it due to a genetic condition called Lynch Syndrome. They didn't inherit it, I did. If I had been a clean-living organic yoga meditation girl from the day I was born, it wouldn't have made any difference.

 

This isn't punishment or anything planned by some version of God or whatever. We got cancer because we have bodies, and things go wrong with bodies. It's just the way biology works, unfortunately. I try to look at the big picture. I'm one little body, one of billions, running around on this planet. I try not to take it personally, because it's not really personal. But then again, it's ME, so of course it is very personal. And very terrifying.

 

And I think a lot about how I had plans, things to contribute to the world, I have a daughter who needs me, I want to take care of old dogs and run a sanctuary, and write poetry, I'm a good person.... it's all been derailed. So WTF???!!!

 

I actually found comfort, silly as it seems, in something the character Dr. House said on the TV show. "People don't get what they deserve. They just get what they get."

 

I have lost a lot of my spiritual confidence since getting cancer and having the benzo thing happen. I do wonder what the point of all of this is. And I wonder if we will ever get any answers.

 

Meanwhile, we cling to each other to get through. 

 

 

[[so...]]

You out there, Azalea? How's it going?

[[Tr...]]

Hey guys, found out it is Hodgkin's Lymphoma... Not "non."

 

I'm really pissed and my question truly is: what the fuck?

 

I'm upset.

 

Thanks solitude. I guess the hair thing doesn't matter at all, just surviving this. I hope it has not progressed too far. I'm afraid to say how long I had a swollen lymph node. It could have been as long ago as... I dunno, a while. At least spring of 2015, I'm almost thinking even possibly a year before that. Would have never anticipated this. Never thought this was a possibility. Feeling very angry. Yeah, I know that's "not good" but it's how I feel.

 

Hi Azalea,

 

How's it going today?  Reading this post brought me right back to a year ago.  For me I drove myself to the ER because I had trouble breathing.  Before I knew it I was in a different hospital with a very busy schedule of tests, consults, etc.  2 weeks later I was home recovering from my first round of chemo.

 

We all have a story and yours is starting right now.  From all I've read HL is more curable than NHL and NHL has a very high cure rate.  It probably doesn't feel like much right now but there will be times that any hopeful information can give a psychological boost.  You will most likely feeling different emotions a lot of which will probably be driven by fear.  I'm a pretty tough cookie but getting cancer shocked me and scared me to death!  Now that I'm healing I can undoubtedly say what I went through changed me.  I live my life better now, much better.  Even while tapering which is no picnic.  You will have good days and bad and if you want we can help you when needed.

 

Keep me posted with your treatment.  I'm not sure if it will be similar to mine.  I know you're scared, it's ok it's an unknown.  Let yourself feel what you feel but know in the end you can absolutely get through this.  This is a marathon not a sprint.  If possible train yourself to mentally proceed in that way.  Remember, you're stronger than you think you are.  If you can't find the strength then please feel free to lean on me and I will be there!

 

Take care

[[az...]]

Thanks guys, I'm radioactive today and will write back soon. Your replies are like water in a desert and more valuable than gold. Not exaggerating. I'm serious. You may as well have scooped up the moon to gift to me.

 

I'm so lonesome.

 

First benzos to disconnect us from connecting and now this. What next, lightning and a shark attack... ? I have other "fat chances," a whole slee of them that have happened to me as well. Afraid to ask.

 

In general feeling more accepting but still, big WTF here.

[[Ki...]]

I just wanted to say that I'm blown away by the strength, bravery and compassion this thread holds. What an utterly amazing, and courageous, group of kick-ass women.

 

I wish each of you health and happiness 

[[Ho...]]

Thanks guys, I'm radioactive today and will write back soon. Your replies are like water in a desert and more valuable than gold. Not exaggerating. I'm serious. You may as well have scooped up the moon to gift to me.

 

I'm so lonesome.

 

First benzos to disconnect us from connecting and now this. What next, lightning and a shark attack... ? I have other "fat chances," a whole slee of them that have happened to me as well. Afraid to ask.

 

In general feeling more accepting but still, big WTF here.

 

Hang in there Azalea and write more when you are up to it. We are here for you. And thanks Kiddo, we are kick-ass!!! 

[[so...]]

It is a really lonely thing to deal with benzos and cancer. We become coccooned in a very weird place inside our own heads.

 

More lonely to be radioactive and no one can come near you, but that's temporary.

 

So is your Hodgkins. You're going to whip it good. Keep us up to date on your treatment plan.

 

Thanks Kiddo. We figured a thread for the doubly challenged would be a good thing to start up here on BB.

[[Fl...]]

I just thought I say hi to everyone. I cut my dose again and have bad head and face pain!!! I hope you all are doing well and fighting the good fight 

[[so...]]

Flame, look at you at 1 mg! Just remember to take this last part nice and slow.

[[az...]]

Hey guys, found out it is Hodgkin's Lymphoma... Not "non."

 

I'm really pissed and my question truly is: what the fuck?

 

I'm upset.

 

Thanks solitude. I guess the hair thing doesn't matter at all, just surviving this. I hope it has not progressed too far. I'm afraid to say how long I had a swollen lymph node. It could have been as long ago as... I dunno, a while. At least spring of 2015, I'm almost thinking even possibly a year before that. Would have never anticipated this. Never thought this was a possibility. Feeling very angry. Yeah, I know that's "not good" but it's how I feel.

 

Hi Azalea,

 

How's it going today?  Reading this post brought me right back to a year ago.  For me I drove myself to the ER because I had trouble breathing.  Before I knew it I was in a different hospital with a very busy schedule of tests, consults, etc.  2 weeks later I was home recovering from my first round of chemo.

 

We all have a story and yours is starting right now.  From all I've read HL is more curable than NHL and NHL has a very high cure rate.  It probably doesn't feel like much right now but there will be times that any hopeful information can give a psychological boost.  You will most likely feeling different emotions a lot of which will probably be driven by fear.  I'm a pretty tough cookie but getting cancer shocked me and scared me to death!  Now that I'm healing I can undoubtedly say what I went through changed me.  I live my life better now, much better.  Even while tapering which is no picnic.  You will have good days and bad and if you want we can help you when needed.

 

Keep me posted with your treatment.  I'm not sure if it will be similar to mine.  I know you're scared, it's ok it's an unknown.  Let yourself feel what you feel but know in the end you can absolutely get through this.  This is a marathon not a sprint.  If possible train yourself to mentally proceed in that way.  Remember, you're stronger than you think you are.  If you can't find the strength then please feel free to lean on me and I will be there!

 

Take care

 

Me too, hard to breathe. Have wondered about asking about this and many other things. Trying, this post makes so much sense to me and is very helpful. I will write back better soon.

[[az...]]

1mg! You'll be through in no time I hope, Flame. Good work.

[[Fl...]]

Thanks guys, my head feels like it's going to implode!!! I'm amost in tears  . How do people do the liquid titration? Or cut such small cuts? I want to take this last stretch slow but I'm not sure how.

 

-Azalea32 welcome to the group. I'm sorry you have to go through cancer but their is hope and new life on the other side. It won't be the same but there are amazing possibilities awaiting you. I am working for a cancer coalition teaching young adults how to protect themselves from the sun so they don't get melanoma like me. It's rewarding  . I just wish I could be 100% me. This benzo crap has gone on long enough!!