HELP HELP HELP!!!

[Guest [...]]

Hi Mike,

I can't improve what Jan just said. The process that she explained is a way to get started and to get an idea of what your body needs. It doesn't depend on reductions so big that they would be hard to correct. This is a more conservative way to test the waters.

 

People so often say that the anxiety caused by tolerance  is far worse than the original anxiety. Then there's the experience of just losing the whole anxiety problem while tapering.

 

We need time and effort to squeeze ourselves out of this benzo mess. However we don't have to wait to the end of the taper to feel better. If we keep the benzo reductions in step with our repair abilities, this can start to feel better during the process.

 

Your recent Xanax dose reduction was not small. I'd expect you to feel it and badly. Now you have an idea of how to make smaller reductions. No matter how you chose to taper, the small reductions are the key to success. A 0.5mg Xanax reduction is like dropping 10.0mg of Valium. It isn't small.

Jana

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Why vodka?

 

M

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Also there are points during the day when I feel like I can't move. Totally feel like I want to go into a coma. I cant fall asleep but I feel drugged ro drunk. Could taking an Ambien CR and a Xanax .5 at night do that to me during the day like 12 hours later?

 

This sucks. I need something to sleep and i cant sleep but I feel like a zombie during the day, not tired but druggy. My doses are at 8:00 AM .25, 4:00ish .25 11:ish .5 and sometimes an ambien with the night one to sleep. When I get up I feel a little better but when I sit or lie down I feel drugged but cannot fall asleep.

 

Any answers?

M

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Is there anyway I am going to be able to do this by cutting pills? I dont think i have the strength or patience to do the liquid thing. I am scared though. I have not been on the steady xanax dose for long. I started at .5 three x a day but then switched to .25 .25 and .5. only after less than a week of the .5s.

 

The panic for me is that I was taking ativans to sleep since 9/06 stopped that about late jan early feb and now I am into the xanax. I dont know if the ativan has screwed me up and am at a loss with the xanax.

 

Should I just continue with .25 .25 and .5 for a while til my body adjusts or start a taper now with the dose level?

 

 

Very confused as usual. Don't know exact time Ive been on benzos. Like I said I took Ativan to sleep (up to 1.5 a night sometimes for a few months) and during that time I used Xanax PRN. Is there a way for me to take hold of this situation and figure out what the hell is goin on in my body? Again I throw the ambien cr in the mix at night sometimes to sleep. I know this sounds confusing to you guys but it is to me too. Will "stabilizing on a dose of xanax for a few weeks before a taper lead me to a longer tper because of increasing tolerance and dependancy?

 

I wish we could talk in real time. Waiting for post replies is agonizing.

 

M

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M:

I don't know 1 tenth as much as the moderaters do about this stuff, but I can tell you X + ambien really screwed me up, in much the same way as you. how much ambien do you take, mg-wise?

I didn't know or belive how strong X was till I started trying to cut on  my own in wierd ways, 1.5 one day, 1.0 the next day, .5 the next. then to recover I had to take 2.0.

So dont cut so much so fast. I did and felt like you. I didn't know how to do it with dry pills,as they bust up into powder.

My "doc in the box" wanted me to taper in two to three weeks, I fought him for 12 weeks. Sounds like you have access to a more reasonable Doc. I wanted off fast too,but my body wouldn't let me. I guess the time it takes to taper is the time it takes. There are all kinds of people here who took these things for years and are all right now, and they tapered slow.

bobers

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i take one ambien cr with a .5 xanax. I want to stop this but then i wont sleep.

 

M

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I'm really not good at the whole mixture thing. Isn't there anyway I can cut down by just cutting pills? Since I am taking .25 .25 .5 <------- the .5 is at night. I take them at 8:00 around 4:00 and 11ish.

 

The problem with benzos like Xanax is that they are so potent it makes it hard to make small cuts to your dose. Your body doesn’t have time to make up for the lost benzo.

 

When someone says, but I only take one mg of Xanax, what many don’t realize is that equates to roughly 20mg of Valium. It doesn’t sound like such a little dose any more. So when you cut 0.5mg off your Xanax dose, that was roughly equal to dropping 10mg of Valium in one go.

 

It is usually recommended that when cutting your entire daily dose by cutting pills, you only drop a portion of one of your doses.

 

The idea behind titrating with liquid is that you can make these minute cuts in your dose, sometimes daily, so that your body doesn’t get a big jolt. It gives your body time to adjust. Making such small cuts isn’t possible with a benzo as potent as Xanax simply by cutting your pills into quarters.

 

Even with the .25's and .5 I am still exhausted during the day. Plus I am not sleeping unless I take something like an ambien etc. I dont know if there is a non benzo way for me to ctach some z'sss out there. I have tried everything, well most everything.

 

We can’t say it enough; the Ambien complicates your withdrawal from benzos.

 

OK, so you have tried lots of things….try some more!

 

My son thought I was crazy with all my little tips and tricks to try to get a better night’s sleep. Guess what, now he is doing the same kinds of things! If you drink caffeine and don’t want to give it up entirely, don’t drink it after about 2pm. Don’t eat sugary snacks before bedtime. Don’t use your computer, play video games or watch stressful TV within a few hours of bedtime. Don’t do things like pay your bills when you should be winding down at the end of the day. Try an antihistamine before bedtime to help with sleep. Try loading calcium and magnesium about an hour before you want to go to bed. Drink warm milk; don’t like it plain, add a little bit of vanilla to it. Try putting a heating pad on your stomach; the warmth can induce sleepiness.

 

Does the dose of xanax need to be even thru the day? is .25 .25 .5 ok? I only did that quick cut cause I was barely able to function at points during the day? Seems I'm still exhausted because i take a .5 and a sleeping pill at night. I hate doing this, but I wont sleep without it. I have gone days without sleep.

 

Some find they want their dose even throughout the day. I think this may be more important when titrating as you want to keep your body on a steady, even dosing schedule. Though I would want Jana to weigh in on that.

 

What do all of you use to control your anxiety etc. if you dont take these drugs anymore?

 

Mike, I’m smiling. I’m probably smiling to keep from crying because I had these same exact fears. If I was this bad while taking Ativan, how the heck would I ever function at all without it? I know it’s hard for you to believe it just now, but the anxiety you are experiencing is not the same kind of anxiety you will experience when this journey is over. It is not the same kind of a thing at all! I had horrible anxiety. I would pace the floor and cry; sit on the floor and cry, all while pressing my husband’s dirty workshirt to my face so that I could smell him in an effort to keep hold of some sort of weird reality. It amazes me to this day that my brain didn’t overload and burn out completely. All of this is gone for me; I have healed.

 

Does it really take a long time for your brain to go back to the way it was? Should I go back to the .5 for a few days or weeks and then start slower? Is each day on it make the tolerance worse?

 

We all heal at our own pace, Mike. There’s no magic answer.

 

Each day on does not make the tolerance worse. When you start making those tiny little cuts, your body immediately starts trying to compensate for the lost benzo. Your body starts the healing process immediately.

 

Sorry Im so confused but this is all knew to me and I am in a very bad place psychologically in my life and dont want to have to worry about this tolerance stuff a year or so from now but I dont know what else to do.

 

Mike, don’t apologize for anything. You have questions; that’s what the forum is here for. Because at one time, we were all searching for answers about what was happening to us.

 

My Pdoc says take them, my mother-in-law is an RN and she says just take them to relieve your symptoms, dont worry about the other stuff just take it day by day. My wife says take them so I can calm down and be semi normal. I am the only one who seems to be scared and worried about taking these things. I am exhausted on them but can't sleep. When I lay down I feel like I am drunk or drugged but cannot fall asleep. I just lay there like I am in a coma.

 

Mike, I know that your family has nothing but good intentions, but they aren’t the ones going through this, are they? Do they really understand what has happened to your brain? Do they really know what changes are taking place the longer you keep taking this stuff at a consistent level? They want you to be healthy and happy, but they may not really understand what is going on here.

 

Sorry to ask so many questions and seem so confused. Could someone please take this post line by line and respond to my comments please.

 

Very confused, very tired, very dejected and frustrated.

M

 

Again, Mike, don’t apologize. We all understand your confusion and your frustration.

[[...]]

Why vodka?

 

M

 

 

Doh! Sorry, Mike! 

 

Vodka is used a sort of preservative; you don't need that right now. Forget about the vodka! 

 

See...never be afraid to ask questions! 

[[Th...]]

Mike,

 

In addition to Jan's suggestions, have you tried Benadryl and/or melatonin for sleep?

 

Right now, I would not worry too much about when you're going to taper, how you're going to taper, how long it will take, etc. The first thing you need to do is find a dose of Xanax where you feel stable. You probably won't be symptomless, but you'll feel much better than you do now. And once you are stable, you will be able to think much more clearly and not be in a panic. Trust us on this.

 

One thing I found in my taper that was kind of paradoxical is that the quicker and more anxious I was to get off the benzos, the slower I actually had to go.

[[th...]]

We can’t say it enough; the Ambien complicates your withdrawal from benzos.

 

OK, so you have tried lots of things….try some more!

 

My son thought I was crazy with all my little tips and tricks to try to get a better night’s sleep. Guess what, now he is doing the same kinds of things! If you drink caffeine and don’t want to give it up entirely, don’t drink it after about 2pm. Don’t eat sugary snacks before bedtime. Don’t use your computer, play video games or watch stressful TV within a few hours of bedtime. Don’t do things like pay your bills when you should be winding down at the end of the day. Try an antihistamine before bedtime to help with sleep. Try loading calcium and magnesium about an hour before you want to go to bed. Drink warm milk; don’t like it plain, add a little bit of vanilla to it. Try putting a heating pad on your stomach; the warmth can induce sleepiness.

 

Im assuming we were/are all taking the xanax or whatever for anxiety. That is why I cant sleep. Milk and sleep hygienes dont seem to help when Im all keyed up and been thinking about not sleeping all day.

 

M

 

[Guest [...]]

Hi Mike,

If you're talking to your doctor, ask about using timed-release Xanax. I don't consider it as reliable as titration because the timed-release effect can be different for different people. It's still a decent step in tie right direction-making your blood levels more even.  That's the first step in tapering.

 

This effort is absolutely necessary after your body has become dependent. It's just a fact that the doctors who insist that benzos are safe, don't have a clue to how to help you off of them.  I suspect that many doctors assume that you'll be using a benzo as long as you live so discontinuing isn't their problem. This ignores tolerance and the need for increasing doses.  It ignores the multiple mystery illnesses that ongoing benzo use can cause.

 

We are here because we believe that although a benzo can save a life in an emergency ongoing benzo use has serious and sometimes tragic downsides. These are downplayed or even denied  by medical practitioners. That leaves you holding the bag, all alone, when things start going wrong.

 

If your doctor doesn't know what you are going through, can you expect family to understand? People will point to patients who just stopped a benzo with no problem. How does this square with the horrible experiences of  others? I was in both of these groups. The first time I stopped with not a symptom. The second time, I reached tolerance quickly, was wrongly treated, was left to get myself out of the quaking paralysis alone.

 

I suggest getting out while you're ambulatory. There really are ways of doing it. It just takes more attention than the average MD will  be willing to devote.

 

You now see Xanax as the only way to manage your anxiety. I told you that the remedy can be worse than the condition for which it was prescribed. I left you with the expectation that your anxiety can fade but with no quick way to manage it right now.

 

The quick and dirty effect of a drug will backfire. The real anxiety management will lie elsewhere. You must search for what's right for you and not for what was good for the others in the test group. 

 

Have you considered your nutrition? Is something missing? Have you used omega 3 fatty acids? These are just some parts of the management of decent health and mood. There will be no single miracle cure. Have you gone to <allaboutanxiety.com>? It's a start. I have mentioned EFT( Emotional Freedom Technique). I doubted it. Then someone showed me what to do. These things are parts of anxiety management.

 

Just remember that you have this extended release Xanax as a way to even your blood levels.

Jana

 

Just for now, think about using the timed release Xanax. Maybe there is a way to use this to decrease the dose gradually. Maybe you will be the one who discovers this way.

Jana

 

The bottom line

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What bottles do you use for the three doses? Do I then drink the doses? Do I have to refrigerate them? If I am not in a good frame of mind psychologically is it a bad idea to start tapering? I feel like crap every time I go to swallow one of them but really feel like i have no choice now. I need sleep and family life is very diffficult feeling anxious all the time. I feel like cught between a rock and a hard place.

 

M

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M

I think I can answer the first 3 questions, I used 1 bottle a jar of whatever Baby food? anything that doesn't leak when you shake it, 2) yes you drink it. 3) If its in milk you treat it like milk so refrigerate it. I found a measuring cup that went from 5ml to 50ml. since Jana suggested 1.5 mg Of Xanax  to 60 ml of milk, then take the mixture how ever many times you need during the day till its gone. I put water in after it was finished and drank that to make sure I got every thing. At this level you can buy a baby dropper that goes from 1ml to 10 ml.to be more accurate. that 1.5 X in 60ml of milk is one days dose. then same thing next day to get used to it. after that ask a moderater to tell you how to do tapering

[Guest [...]]

Mike,

Baby food jars sound like a good idea. I used some small glass spice jars . If you keep it cold, it will last as long as milk usually lasts.

 

Being stable is a usual requirement for tapering. Being stable doesn't mean without symptoms. It means that your condition is not changing from day to day. Tapering involves accepting some symptoms but also managing the doses to minimize those. It may sound contradictory, but the low doses are tricky to manage as well as producing milder symptoms.

 

 

I like the better precision of a liquid. You still could stabilize on a timed release Xenix.

Jana

What has happened if you are late in taking your dose? Are the symptoms anxiety only?

Jana

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What I am trying to do now is take .25 in morn, .25 in afternoon and .5 at night. I hit pockets of anxiety and profound fatigue. onna keep track of the symptoms today. Still taking an Ambien at night. Aittle afraid to stop it for fear of no sleep at all. I seem to get out of bed alright. I take an effexor 75mg at 7ish. The xanax parade satrts around 8 for every 8ish hours. Sometimes I seem to have a headache in the middle of my forehead and like a band around the rest of my head. There is general depression but I think that is from being on this stuff, my predisposition to depression.

 

I have no energy at all most times. When I sit down I feel like Ill never be able to get up. I dont fall asleep I just feel drugged. Can anyone help with why that is happening. I cant interact with my kids and it makes work difficult. I know I wake up around 4:30 am after my little cocktail and just basically lay there and drift.

 

Is this any kind of plan for now or is this just bad news. I dont feel like Im getting stable in fact I feel like the opposite. It's hard not to feel like wanting to end it all when you have so man ups and downs throughout the day.

 

Anymore help out there?

M

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M

    Hi. I am CC. I am a long time visiter here. It is not hopeless. I wouldn't take the Ambien at night. Try Benedril. I am tapering from Clonazepam. I did it once and these people here are the best. They helped me through it. Something happened and I went back to them. Bad move. I was almost there with hardly any problems. Hang in there and listen to them. I cut my tablets, when I get down farther I will switch to a lower dose pill. My thoughts are with you,

CC

[[th...]]

I think I can answer the first 3 questions, I used 1 bottle a jar of whatever Baby food? anything that doesn't leak when you shake it, 2) yes you drink it. 3) If its in milk you treat it like milk so refrigerate it. I found a measuring cup that went from 5ml to 50ml. since Jana suggested 1.5 mg Of Xanax  to 60 ml of milk, then take the mixture how ever many times you need during the day till its gone. I put water in after it was finished and drank that to make sure I got every thing. At this level you can buy a baby dropper that goes from 1ml to 10 ml.to be more accurate. that 1.5 X in 60ml of milk is one days dose. then same thing next day to get used to it. after that ask a moderater to tell you how to do tapering

 

So does this mean that I drink 20ml of the solution 3x a day? Right now I am trying to be on .25 in am .25 in afternoon and I am still on .5 at night. I have not been on the xanax consistently for more than a week or so though if you look back in my posts I had been taking ativan for a few months with intermittent as per needed xanax use. Do I definitely have a tolrance to this yet or is it just psychological? The biggest problem I am having now is I am EXHAUSTED. I am profoundly tired. I am not sleeping well, obviously from my ambien xanax cocktail. Could that be screwing me up all day and making me extremely tired? I mean I am so exhausted when sit I can hardly get up. I feel like I have no energy.

 

As far as sleep aids go Benadryl might put me to sleep but wont keep me asleep. I have been going a few months with severe sleep deprivation. I am at my wit's end on what to do. Has the xanax and ativans screwed up my cycle so much that I cant get to sleep without them? How do you win? I really need sleep but since I am so exhausted and anticpate not sleeping I usually cant fall asleep and am awake all night. I guess the effexor isnt helping but everyone here (wife, pdoc, family) thinks that as soon as the effexor kicks in I will start to feel better and everything will begin to fall into place. I dont see it that way. I see it as just another drug in this mix. I have been on it for many years and went off effexor in 2/06. I am no stranger to it but I was never on it with any benzos.

CAN THE BENZOS BE AFFECTING MY THROAT AND BREATHING? This seems to be something that's going on lately too. I seem to be shallow breathing, when I breathe out I consciously have to breathe back in or it seems I dont. weird.

 

I hate taking these things when I am so tired. There doesn't seem to be a point to it. I know I have underlying anxiety but to take a xanax when I am profoundly tired seems silly. This exhaustion doesn't seem natural and it will not let me nap it just feels druggy or drunklike. What do I do about this or any of this. I fear Ill have to take a leave from my job. It reduces my pay 60% and who knows if Ill even be better after the leave. This has been going on for five months or so and I see no end in sight to the anxiety, depression and medication. I dont know if I am doing the right thing by the medicines. Sleep is very elusive to me and I worry about it. I know that adds to the problem but I cant shake it. I think it will end up killing me. This seems to be an unatural insomnia cycle. I cant even nap during the day. My brain just wont shut down with my body. I dont have racing thoughts I just cant nod off. Can anyone please answer the questions in this post?

 

Thanks agin,

M

[Guest [...]]

Hi Mike, I do understand.  For years, I slept forunder two hours in 24. I felt just the way you described. The body and mind aren't in touch. One wants to sleep while the other chases its tail. It's a true horror, but I did live through it. The recovery is discouragingly slow. I could have benefited from some ideas from other benzo insomniacs.

 

As you see, I think that the possibility that Xanax is disturbing your sleep cycles is great. You already know that you can't just stop the problem drug and be okay.

 

I am still not sure about your symptoms. DO you have either new symptoms or increased symptoms when you don't get your Xanax on time? It's important to have that answer because it tells you whether you are physically hooked or psychologically hooked or hooked at all.

 

Have you tried timed release Benadryl? Have you tried Atarax or other old style antihistamines? How about Valerian from a reliable manufacturer?

 

I agre with your expectations of Effexor. This drug cannot substitute for a benzo. It doesn't  have the same action. It also has a reputation for causing some sorts of anxiety. We differ in our responses to drugs. Effexor was  a very bad choice for me. It might be better for someone else, but the overall opinion of users is that it has a stimulating effect.

 

Breathing problems are common. The sensation of not being able to get a full breath is common. What is a totally autonomic nervous system response suddenly seems to have to be managed by a conscious effort to breathe.

 

This is distressing, but we do seem to breathe well enough anyway.

 

If your body is not yet dependant upon Xanax, the 0.25, 0.25.0.5mg dosing may work for you. If you are dependant, you will need more consistent doses. This means dividing the total dose into at least four doses taken at even intervals.

 

I did a lot of trial and error with Xanax. It is possible that if you didn't use any Xanax at all, you would have the same effect that you have right now. Then in days to two weeks, you could have a true emergency condition. So you can't EVER just stop Xanax. The risk is too great. You can, however test the amounts.

 

As so many of us have said, you must be using a consistent amount of Xanax for at least a week. You must adjust the amount and schedule so that you don't have interdose withdrawals. Then you are ready to make small reductions.

 

If a Valium cut is 0.25mg, the comparable Xanax cut is 0.0125mg. So you can see why even a quarter of a mg on Xanax cut can do so much damage.

 

Valium isn't for everyone, but have you considered  crossing over to  Valium? Klonopin has a reputation for being difficult, but its halflife is long enough for many people.

 

Can you tell us about your symptoms? Is this insomnia only?

Jana

[[th...]]

When I tried to stop totally for a few days I had a freak out. N o sleep at all. But then I wasnt sleeping before the benzos either. Terrible anxiety. real bad, But then that might have been what I was experiencing before the benzos. pain in forehead and band around head pain. now I dont seem to have interdose withdrawals just a little jumpiness before the next pill. However i am so fatigued it is unbelievable. How do I know if am tolerant or just hooked? How do I cross over to valium and how do I know the doses? If I stay consistent for a week or so on anax wont that increase my dependancy or tolerance level? I am terrified everytime I put one of those goddamn pills in my mouth. Again .25 am .25 afternoon .5 night. The .25s are broken .5s.

 

I know if I stop it all now I will pay for it but it is causing me such distress I am terrified to take them. I am terrified not to take them. I think about this shit all day. Any idea the quickest way I can try out any of your solutions. I was taking ativans to sleep almost nightly for a few months. The xanax use has not been consistent over those months only within the last week or so. Could someone just please advise as to how to test the tolerance/ dependancy stuff. I dont want to stop c/t but this stuff is really freaking me out even if it does help my anxiety.

 

M

[[Co...]]

therionnn,

 

I recall that I suggested that you look at the possibility of trying 1mg over the whole day. I suggested this because your dose had been fluctuating, and you had only been taking 1.5mg for a few days. I did also write that the dose is for you top determin though. It may be that 1mg is just not enough for you to stabilise at. We often have difficulty with a new cut, but we should not expect to be climbing the walls either. You could either give it a bit more time, or introduce another 0.25 mg during the day. This is for you determin though. Because your dose was so variable, there was always going to be some trial and error. It is important to stabilise before we begin our taper, so if you decide that the 1mg is not enough, that's no failure, it is part of the trial and error. It is important to do this now, as it's important to avoid rises in our dose later when tapering off.

 

What do you think? What seems best for you right now? Wait and see, or make that increase and maybe stabilise sooner? All you can do is look towards yourself; you know best!

[[th...]]

how do i know what stabilizes me? What if I am not dependant yet. Wont stablilizing on a dose make more dependent?

 

 

M

[Guest [...]]

Hi Mike,

The jumpiness before doses indicates some dependence. You know better than anyone what you are feeling.

You are now using 1.0mg Xanax per day. I have to agree  with Colin that you'd do better by distributing this more evenly over the day.

 

Now I don't know of anyone who has done this. However 1.0mg  Xanax has the strength (for W/D purposes) of 1.0mg Klonopin or 20.0mg Valium. This is when you must chose the benzo that fits your own circumstances. We  can do no more than tell you what has happened to us or to guess.

 

If you want to do the Xanax liquid experiment, you can mix 1.0mg Xanax in 40.0ml of homogenized milk. This is now a 1:40 strength mixture. You would start titrating downward by using 0.0025mg less each day. At this strength, this means using 0.1ml less of the mix each day.

 

You can just make the liquid  with 1.0mg to start and take out 0.1ml each day. If this works for you, we can tell you a better way later.

 

Once you have that day's dose with the deduction done,  divide that liquid into at least four doses for the day. Take them at even intervals. If you feel symptomatic too soon, divide the day's dose into more doses. This keeps your levels close to even but still declining. You face no big jumps so nothing big should happen.

 

To measure mls, get a measuring syringe from a pharmacist. You can say that you need to measure tenths of a ml for titrating  off of a benzo. You may even get some help from the pharmacist. Just don't be discouraged. Write everything that you do on a log that you can't misplace. It may be important to remember what you did yesterday.

 

Nevermore is doing this but with Klonopin. She can take her's once a day. You can't. Xanax's half life doesn't compare to Klonopin. You need to use very small doses distributed over the day.

 

Keep the ml measuring cup and syringe very clean and refrigerate  these items immediately.  If you find that this works for you, you may want to increase your cuts and/or  make a bigger supply for later use.

Jana

[[Co...]]

Hi Mike,

The jumpiness before doses indicates some dependence. You know better than anyone what you are feeling.

You are now using 1.0mg Xanax per day. I have to agree  with Colin that you'd do better by distributing this more evenly over the day.

 

Yes, but what I was also suggesting by that is that you could - if you think you need to - is take an extra 0.25mg during that day. I would take this as an extra dose, and not add to one of the others. Xanax is so short acting, I'd take it 4 or 5 times a day to avoid interdose withdrawals.

[[Co...]]

Following Jana's suggestion is great way to easily and evenly distribute your dose over the day.

[[th...]]

I feel these things are really making me sick. I was on the ativan for a while three months or so only at night and the xanax on and off and never really took it evenly until now. I feel sick making it even. I want off this stuff now. I am scared to take even one more pill. I dont know what Im doing and fear I could be making things worse. I feel severe fatigue during the day and feel like when I lay or sit down Ill never be able to get up. Leaden legs. I can't sleep, even with a .5 at night and a sleeping pill on I only got 3 hours yesterday. Between the insomnia and these pills I think I am getting very sick. I am really scared of this shit and fear even taking one more pill. Today I planned on taking 4 .25s by breaking the .5s in half but I am so tired from not sleeping I fear taking so much throughout the day will make the fatigue worse. I dont think I am up for this and fear taking anymore of this poison. I also fear wds. I know I havent been on this as long as a lot of you but I do feel something between doses and after doses and am afraid these will continue and get worse the more I take this stuff. My breathing seems to have been affected and, though many of these are probably from lack of real sleep I am shaky, light sensitive (always have been though), tired. I never should have started with this crap. I am literally afraid to take my next does for fear of what it is doing to my body. I dont know what dose I need to stabalize? What if I am taking too much now and only really need .75 to stabalize. I dont think I am equipped for this or the long drawn out process of getting past this? 6-12 months? years to get rid of all symptoms? Is this true? I've never really gone over 1.5 mgs and that wasn't even for more than a few day because I felt it was too much. I dont think I can stabalize. This is all too frightening. Too confusing. Between no sleep and this poison I feel like Im going to lose my job, my mind and my family and worse maybe my life. When I got my perscription to take this crap the quantity was for 120 pills! that's .5 120x. If I only took a .5 that is a four month supply. What the hell is wrong with these drs. I know my anxiety was bad but isnt there another way to help sleep and anxiety other than benzos. Another PDOC I saw wants to give me Klonopin and seroquel to sleep. I think I'd rather die of sleep deprivation than ever take another benzo. But I might not have a choice. What happens if the xanax and ativan screwed up my GABA so bad I can't sleep naturally anymore? What do I do? I am so tired but I can never nap. I sit down and feel like I am underwater. I cant sleep but I just drift. This is all too much to handle on top of whatever crappy disorder they say I have. I am scared. Sorry if this makes me sound like a wimp but I was never much of a pill taker and never really did any illicit drugs (just pot twice, and I'm 40!). I have spoken to so many therapists and doctors they all say, just take it, calm down, will get you off it when you need to, we won't let you just flap in the wind we'll titrate you down. My PDOC says I should cut half a pill or half a dose everyweek as I see fit or am comfortable with. This is all too overwhelming for me and I fear the damage i did/am doing to myself.

 

Could someone please help with a lengthy reply. I feel like I am out of options. I havent taken a dose so regularly like a lot of you. 10 years, 4 1/2 years etc. Those numbers terrify me. The idea of having to go up in dose when tolerance hits is scary. I think I am real sensitive to drugs and fear this one very much. How do I calm down and just get going as to what needs to be done? I am so tired and so worried.

 

M