18 - 30 Month Plus Group

[[Si...]]

I want to thank Nova and Siggy for babysitting me last night, reassuring me, once again for the hundredth time, that I will heal, holding my head above water while I was drowning in self-doubt.

 

I cannot put into words how grateful I am to everyone on this thread for being life boats in pitch back stormy seas.  You have saved me, once again.  I'm still spitting out salt water, but I'm alive.

 

Thank you all.

 

Love, Sofa

 

My pleasure to help out! In all honesty you were helping me out too though. 

 

Drew, what is PMR?

[[dr...]]

Drew,

 

I know how hard you are on yourself.  From the outside looking in, you did beautifully last night, pushing through horrific physical discomfort, behaving with dignity, professionalism and class.  If those around you truly knew what was going on inside you while you endured all the withdrawal twists and turns throughout the evening, they would be shocked and would stand up and applaud you for doing something they could never have done themselves.  Bravo, my man!  Bravo!

 

 

 

Sig-Progrssive Muscle Relaxation.  a form of meditation where you tense and release different muscle groups.  It is effective in releasing sustained tension and anxiety.

[[Si...]]

Drew,

 

I know how hard you are on yourself.  From the outside looking in, you did beautifully last night, pushing through horrific physical discomfort, behaving with dignity, professionalism and class.  If those around you truly knew what was going on inside you while you endured all the withdrawal twists and turns throughout the evening, they would be shocked and would stand up and applaud you for doing something they could never have done themselves.  Bravo, my man!  Bravo!

 

 

 

Sig-Progrssive Muscle Relaxation.  a form of meditation where you tense and release different muscle groups.  It is effective in releasing sustained tension and anxiety.

 

Ah ok thanks. My wife has me try that sometimes. Will have to try it some more.

[[dr...]]

It can be painful when you first start.  You must do it regularly as its a cumulative effect.  I found it a great help the last few weeks.  I've been able to avoid the big waves anf just have crap times more isolated like last night.  There are many free podcasts or YouTube.  Just find someone who has a good voice. 

[[He...]]

Hi Buddies!  It's wonderful to read of SO much healing in this thread, even in the midst of waves!!  I hope you recognize that healing within yourselves.    I know that there are several success stories that will be written in the next several months. 

 

I have been busy with teaching and being a fan of my daughters' volleyball team.  They are playing together for this one, very special, year....with my youngest a freshman and my oldest a senior.  I am enjoying watching them play together...it's this momma's dream.  Last week was an intense match between our team and our biggest rival.  It went to 5 sets and our girls had a come from behind win, after being down 8-12.  It was a packed gym, very loud, and also a place that triggered much anxiety last year for me.  This year I was able to cheer along with the fans and enjoy the intensity. 

 

I HAVE discovered the one negative of being healed.    I have gained TWENTY POUNDS since last March when I went on my East Coast trip!!!    I have been enjoying the fact that I can eat whatever I want, including having a beer or two with dinner, a bit too much!  As wonderful as it is to be able to eat sugar without being thrown into a pit of anxiety (candy corn! ), it's time to reign it back in.  Holy cow.....twenty pounds.  Ugh!! 

 

Some of you may remember last Fall when I was in a huge wave because of a field trip to Crater Lake?  I have another trip scheduled for Tuesday and I am looking forward to it.  It's so nice to be able to have excited anticipation for events again, rather than horrified anxiety.  Honestly, it's almost hard to even remember what much of withdrawal actually felt like.  I still have minor waves that give me a glimpse, but they are so weak compared to even 6 months ago. 

 

Anyway, I have got to get to school and write my lesson plans for this upcoming week.  Much love to you all!

HH 

[[dr...]]

Healing what a great update!!!  Never can have too much positive news here.  Right now I'm envisioning being able to attend a Broadway show with no feelings of death 

 

Twenty pounds...oh my!!! You deserve to splurge a bit after what you've gone through but you're good to know when to reign it in.  Treat your body well now. 

[[Si...]]

Great to hear from you HH! Can't wait for the day I feel healed and can drink a beer or have a coffee without being paranoid.

[[dr...]]

Speaking of coffee sig...  I just realized I had a cup at 4pm yesterday w Tylenol to get rid of a headache before the show.  I'm sure that didn't help my brain at the phantom.  I've cut back to maybe a cup total a day and yesterday it was closer to 2.5.  Sure I would have still had all that crap but maybe not as bad.  Although hose headaches are really bad.  Damned if I do or don't. Hope you get some sleep tonight.

[[Si...]]

Speaking of coffee sig...  I just realized I had a cup at 4pm yesterday w Tylenol to get rid of a headache before the show.  I'm sure that didn't help my brain at the phantom.  I've cut back to maybe a cup total a day and yesterday it was closer to 2.5.  Sure I would have still had all that crap but maybe not as bad.  Although hose headaches are really bad.  Damned if I do or don't. Hope you get some sleep tonight.

 

Thanks drew! I know some OTC pain mess have caffeine too. I even tried decaf a couple of times and I can't even handle it right now. It doesn't bother me after I drink it, but my insomnia is bad enough to where it doesn't help. In months 5-10 when I felt almost 100% normal, I could drink a cup or two with no problems. That's why I'm so shocked to have all these symptoms after doing good for so many months. I use to be able to drink soda or sweet tea with dinner before benzos and still sleep easy. No idea why the insomnia is now one of my worst symptoms. I'm worried every night about it now. Hopefully I do sleep tonight. I hate the not sleeping.

[[dr...]]

Hey gang...I got a bit of health anxiety here.  Friends coming over in twenty minutes.  Even though I know it's a stess response and it only happens in stess situations(or what my body wrongly perceives as one).  It's that damn brain tingly/frying feeling in bed find my forehead. 

[[so...]]

Drew,

 

I get the stress response whenever my family is coming over, and even when I just go to the store 5 minutes from home to pick up a couple of items.

 

What I've found is that, the more I do things that are challenging, the less intense the stress response with each new event.  I'm still very uncomfortable, but I think limited exposure to "safe stress" is a good thing.

 

I also tell myself out loud, "You'll be fine.  You'll spend time with your family, they will go home, and you'll have the rest of the night to relax by yourself and regroup."

[[No...]]

Well ... it has been 10 days now and the symptom storms seem to have gone elsewhere ... this is now matching the 10 day "window" I had some 14 months ago ...

 

Hmm ... beginning to wonder ...

 

And am I ever out of shape ... groan ...

 

Getting back in touch with my body is a whole new ball of wax ... when the information starts flowing ... when I start getting reliable feedback ... and the picture ain't pretty ...

 

So ... I have a new mindset that I feel I need to put in play ... convalescing ... or a "heavier" word I do not feel very fond of, rehabilitation ... been sitting with this thought for a couple of days ... and it is looking like a new mountain to climb ...

 

And I have always enjoyed the mountains ... so ...

 

Some observations ... my neck is now tilted forward maybe 20 degrees ... my spine is all but inflexible ... my shoulders are round and pulled forward ... there is no play in my pelvic girdle ... and my legs feel like tubes, rather than discrete sections ... no stamina/energy beyond about 10 or 15 minutes ...

 

I reckon this is the result of six years of gradual contraction from a place of good flexibility and balance ... speaking of balance, well I suppose I would rather not ...

 

The body memory is there ... the proprioception has gone walk-about ...

 

So ... I seem to have something to do this Fall and Winter ...

 

Looking like recovery is not "complete" ... not if I want to be back where I started from physically ... gonna take some more time ...

 

Mentally ... sharp as a tack ... and there does not seem to be any residual symptom stuff hanging off me ... no panic/anxiety/stress stuff ...

[[Si...]]

Well ... it has been 10 days now and the symptom storms seem to have gone elsewhere ... this is now matching the 10 day "window" I had some 14 months ago ...

 

Hmm ... beginning to wonder ...

 

And am I ever out of shape ... groan ...

 

Getting back in touch with my body is a whole new ball of wax ... when the information starts flowing ... when I start getting reliable feedback ... and the picture ain't pretty ...

 

So ... I have a new mindset that I feel I need to put in play ... convalescing ... or a "heavier" word I do not feel very fond of, rehabilitation ... been sitting with this thought for a couple of days ... and it is looking like a new mountain to climb ...

 

And I have always enjoyed the mountains ... so ...

 

Some observations ... my neck is now tilted forward maybe 20 degrees ... my spine is all but inflexible ... my shoulders are round and pulled forward ... there is no play in my pelvic girdle ... and my legs feel like tubes, rather than discrete sections ... no stamina/energy beyond about 10 or 15 minutes ...

 

I reckon this is the result of six years of gradual contraction from a place of good flexibility and balance ... speaking of balance, well I suppose I would rather not ...

 

The body memory is there ... the proprioception has gone walk-about ...

 

So ... I seem to have something to do this Fall and Winter ...

 

Looking like recovery is not "complete" ... not if I want to be back where I started from physically ... gonna take some more time ...

 

Mentally ... sharp as a tack ... and there does not seem to be any residual symptom stuff hanging off me ... no panic/anxiety/stress stuff ...

 

Glad you're still feeling good symptom wise. Yes, this stuff I think has taken a toll on a lot of our bodies. You may be able to get back into shape quicker than you think though. The toughest part may be the beginning.

 

Luckily i slept last night. Still feel like crap, but not as bad as Saturday. I can't even exactly put my finger on what it is that's making me feel bad. That plus the depression of going through this doesn't help.

 

drew, hope your visit with friends went well last night.

[[Mi...]]

Nova,  sharp as a tac and no anxiety!!!  Wow do you know how to make a girl smile!  Can't wait for that day!  Thanks for the hope today 

[[dr...]]

Nova-that's impressive!!!  I'm sure your body will come back quickly as sig said.

 

Night went well.  The health thoughts kept popping up but I pushed them away pretty quick.  Laying in bed and going to try and have a pleasant birthday. 

[[Si...]]

Nova-that's impressive!!!  I'm sure your body will come back quickly as sig said.

 

Night went well.  The health thoughts kept popping up but I pushed them away pretty quick.  Laying in bed and going to try and have a pleasant birthday.

 

You take the day off work then?

[[dr...]]

Yup

 

 

 

[[Si...]]

Yup

 

Sweet!

[[be...]]

Morning all,

 

Nova, that's good news...Sharp as a bell...I long for it. My brain still feels somewhat " not with it". I still  struggle for words and I'm still feeling like my brain is frozen.

Yes indeed, we just need more time.

 

HH- So good to hear from you. Out enjoying your life and able to eat what you want.

 

I'm enjoying the cooler temps here. My distraction is cooking and baking whenever the temps will allow  me to leave the stove on.

Today I'm baking beer bread and Shepard pie.

 

This is our healing life, not out healed life.

[[dr...]]

Hi Beulah! 

 

Well my birthday is symptomatic.  Had a headache this am which mostly left after meditation.  I ate out breakfast and ran errands this am.  I have had stuffed sinuses since yesterday evening which just left.  I did get a 90 min massage and my sinuses got way worse with my head in the cradle.  I was so dizzy after massage and now just feel wavy. Racing heart and all the other fun stuff    was hoping for a better birthday but we know where hope can land you on this journey.  Let's see...2 meditations, one massage, tried napping, and still feel yucky.  Guess a bath is up next. 

[[Si...]]

Dang drew! I hate that you didn't have a better day. I'm sure the bath will help some. I still feel pretty bad today. Very down in the dumps. My head is absolutely killing me. Even after sleeping ok last night. I'm so ready for this crap to be over. Guess we have 5 more months to hit the one year mark drew. I'm having a hard time concentrating at work I feel so bad. Debating on taking ibuprofen or something although I don't usually like taking anything. My eyes are being really sensative to light too. Not sure what that's about. Haven't had that since acute. The head pressure and burning down my neck and spine really are very uncomfortable.

 

Guess coop, green and some if the others are doing ok?

[[dr...]]

Nova-I can't stop reading your post where you say no anxiety stuff right now.  Did you have anxiety/panic pre benzo?  Regardless, this with hh, coop, and you are giving more hope that my journey can see a substantial improvement at any time.

[[dr...]]

Siggy...did you mean 7 months more until two years?  I don't want to be in month seven again!! 

 

Sorry you're my buddie in suffering today.  I'm in pass the day w distraction mode.  Oh well...it's not too much of a panicky day just yucky.  Light sensitivity has been with me all the time including years on the drug. Hope you get a break.

[[dr...]]

Just time for my depressing rant...I remember how bad my birthday was last year yet I still went to the Ren Fair.  I said ' my next birthday will be so much better!"    Well...it wasn't.  I'll get back on my happy horse in a bit....just feel stuck and frustrated at the moment. 

[[Si...]]

Ha wow yeah that is some crazy bad math! Yes I meant 7 months to two years. Just took a 800mg ibuprofen that I got when I had my root canal a few months ago. Hopefully it will knock some of this headache out. We're both feeling stuck and depressed. This wave has almost been one if the most brutal to me. Especially after feeling pretty good for almost two weeks. We're suppose to go apple picking in north Georgia next weekend with my wife's parents. Hope this wave is over by then.

 

Feel better bud!