Post Benzo Freedom Withdrawal Support Group

[[gi...]]

Xanax bottles were found in Whitney's room. There is no doubt in my mind this was the cause of her drowning in her tub.

 

Why? Because...

 

Michael Jackson had valium and ativan in his system in addition to propofel (why weren't these included in the charges against his murderer? Rhetorical question.)

 

Heath Ledger o.d.'d on valium, xanax and restoril (why are benzos always delineated between insomnia and anxiety; why are they never lumped together in the same class? This always boggles my mind. Again, this is rhetorical.)

 

Elvis Presley's cocktail included copious amounts of valium.

 

Anna Nicole Smith: ativan, klonopin and valium + 6 other drugs (that poor girl...)

 

Judy Garland: xanax (and lots of phenobarbitol)

 

This all just makes me sick.

 

Excellent article:

http://www.thefix.com/content/whitney-houston-truth-xanax-death7601

yet somewhat inaccurate, as it downplays how dangerous benzos are and says that only 1% of users are addicts - putting the stereotypical light on benzo users, and implying that benzos can only be abused. I'm trying to find a way to contact the author of the piece to correct him and urge more thorough article about them. Nonetheless, a good article.

 

 

RIP Whitney. May all of them be resting in peace.

 

g

[[gi...]]

Hi Vertigo..quick question...how long off were you before you tried alcohol? I am going to be 17 months off next week and I am thinking of trying a glass of wine or wine cooler and wondered when you tried it and if you think I should wait. I'm only talking 1 glass!

 

I know you're asking V and not me, but I'm going to chime in here anyway... 

I tried a wine spritzer at 9 months out and it made me feel hungover immediately; not drunk, hungover.  I tried again at 18 months out; it went right to my head, like I'd had a couple glasses of wine. I drank only a wine spritzer every couple weeks or so for many months. Now, at 3 years out, I can sometimes have 2 but usually only 1 glass of wine before I feel really drunk. (Suddenly, I don't like feeling buzzed anymore; it's too reminiscent of my seemingly endless days of wooziness, blurred vision, etc.).  I envy V that he can have spirits. I used to love martinis. Now? I have one sip - no exaggeration - and it goes right to my head.  Same with microbrews, which I've always been able to drink a lot of; one only and I"m soused.

 

My suggestion is to start with a spritzer (half wine, half tonic). Sip it slow. See how you do. Don't drink more than one drink the first time out.

 

Cheers!

 

g

[[Su...]]

Hi Vertigo..quick question...how long off were you before you tried alcohol? I am going to be 17 months off next week and I am thinking of trying a glass of wine or wine cooler and wondered when you tried it and if you think I should wait. I'm only talking 1 glass!

 

I know you're asking V and not me, but I'm going to chime in here anyway... 

I tried a wine spritzer at 9 months out and it made me feel hungover immediately; not drunk, hungover.  I tried again at 18 months out; it went right to my head, like I'd had a couple glasses of wine. I drank only a wine spritzer every couple weeks or so for many months. Now, at 3 years out, I can sometimes have 2 but usually only 1 glass of wine before I feel really drunk. (Suddenly, I don't like feeling buzzed anymore; it's too reminiscent of my seemingly endless days of wooziness, blurred vision, etc.).  I envy V that he can have spirits. I used to love martinis. Now? I have one sip - no exaggeration - and it goes right to my head.  Same with microbrews, which I've always been able to drink a lot of; one only and I"m soused.

 

My suggestion is to start with a spritzer (half wine, half tonic). Sip it slow. See how you do. Don't drink more than one drink the first time out.

 

Cheers!

 

g

 

Thanks Ginger! I've always only been able to handle 1 glass. My arms and legs feel super heavy after even 1 wine cooler...lol...but I haven't had but a sip here and there for 2 years. I would imagine that being away from it for 2 years might have increased my sensitivity to it so I'm thinking I will take your suggestions. I do love Amaretto Sours! Maybe I'll just add more OJ than Amaretto!

[[gi...]]

You're taking good advice!   

Ooh..amaretto sours...that takes me back!   I'd think all that sugar would do a number on your CNS, too. That reminds me; I can drink baileys or kahlua in coffee but not straight up.

Let me know how that wine spritzer "works" for you!

g

[[ve...]]

Hi Vertigo..quick question...how long off were you before you tried alcohol? I am going to be 17 months off next week and I am thinking of trying a glass of wine or wine cooler and wondered when you tried it and if you think I should wait. I'm only talking 1 glass!

 

Hi Sunny.  Don't follow my path!  I think I had a glass of wine about a week after my taper ended .  Then I had a couple glasses of wine about five weeks later during Christmas .  Then I abstained until April, 2010 which was about five months off.  I seemed to do ok with it on that occasion.  After that, I overdid it with a couple glasses of wine about twice a week in the summer 2010 when I was on vacation .  It was not long after that I had my setback at 9 months where blood pressure was elevated, cog fog returned, gi symptoms...  As I say, don't follow my path.  I recommend abstaining for the first year off benzos if possible.  I can't say if you "should" have the glass of wine now.  Some folks are sensitive and have a reaction no matter how long it's been.  I can only say that at 17 months off, I would personally feel comfortable with having a glass of wine, assuming you are feeling at least 80% or better by that time.

 

Vertigo

[[Su...]]

Thanks Vertigo..I am more like 95% better..just some remaining nervousness that gets too intense to be ordinary anxiety...never had it before benzos and I still have hope that it will go away by the 2 year off mark.

 

I've been a good girl and stayed away from alcohol the whole time (except for a sip maybe twice in the last year and a half)...I'm gonna try the wine spritzer thing that Ginger recommended..maybe this weekend!

[[pa...]]

Hi V and all!

V, that was a very profound post that you wrote and I thank you from the bottom of my heart! Thank you so much for being a constant buddy to me even when I'm unable to post regularly.

I am going in tonight again working late. I have been having jet lag do to the late night shifts but I'm hanging in there! It is possible that I may have to work Sat, early morning. This after late nights. This is THE reason that I keep using melatonin because it's the only way I can sleep longer on the nights I don't get to sleep until 3:00am.

There's always a trade off for this and that's that I get better pay checks. I also really enjoy the people I work with and they let me no constantly how much I'm appreciated there!

As for the wine... I am probably one of the few who was actually able to drink small amounts even pre taper! I don't say that with any feeling of greatness because there were so many other issues I had to deal with that made me feel very weak indeed. I usually drink a small glass of dry red wine in the evenings and I drink it slowly. I usually drink a glass in about 45min-1 hour and this is how I can enjoy it without paying for it later. The only times I really had to abstain was when I was tapering from remeron. I had NO desire to drink then PERIOD!

As alawys, my thoughts go out to each and every member of this board and my wish is for a nice smooth rest of the week for everyone!

Take care and I'll post later...

[[ve...]]

Hey Mike. Hope you got through the late shift and were able to sleep well. I took 1mg melatonin last night and was in a deep sleep when the dog started whining downstairs and had to be taken out (gi problem ).  That was about 1:00AM.  Fortunately, I fell back asleep til about 6:00AM (total of about 6 hours).  I'm still hoping that after a week of low dose melatonin that I will get to 7 hours (if the dog will stop waking us up!!!!).

 

Vertigo

[[ve...]]

Thanks Vertigo..I am more like 95% better..just some remaining nervousness that gets too intense to be ordinary anxiety...never had it before benzos and I still have hope that it will go away by the 2 year off mark.I've been a good girl and stayed away from alcohol the whole time (except for a sip maybe twice in the last year and a half)...I'm gonna try the wine spritzer thing that Ginger recommended..maybe this weekend!

 

Hi Sunny.  Glad to hear you are 95% better, which is about where I'd rate myself right now.  As for the alcohol, keep in mind that the alcohol spritzer may be harder on one's GI system and lead to quicker impact of the alcohol.  Carbonation as in a soda can be difficult for the GI system and when combined with alcohol can be a little rough as I've heard it can speed up the delivery/absorption of the alcohol.  On the other hand, there is maybe half the alcohol content in a spritzer.  I personally would suggest a slow glass of white wine if you wish to try to imbibe at this point. If you also have a glass of water and alternate water and wine at dinner, it might also help ease the transition as you try alcohol for the first time.  Also, eating something either before or during the consumption of alcohol can also be helpful, preferably before so that you are not on an empty stomach when you first try that glass of wine.

 

Cheers and enjoy the weekend!

 

Vertigo

[[ve...]]

One apple martini last night and it did cause me to wake up about 3:00AM, but I fell back asleep pretty easily.  My wife and I went to listen to some live music last night after dinner.  We didn't order any food so I was a little hungry when we got back and ate something about 10:45PM, which I normally do not do.  I purposely avoided decaf coffee or tea. To avoid stomach problems/acid reflux, I stayed up another hour until 11:45PM and then took 1mg melatonin. No stomach problems and woke up around 5:30AM with good energy.  We have a dinner engagement to go to this evening but will limit to two glasses of wine.  After tonight, no alcohol for about three weeks.  This weekend begins a new exercise program to try and take off about 12lbs in the next two to three months.  Unfortunately, I gained about 8lbs since Thanksgiving .

 

Vertigo

[[An...]]

Sounds good Verti!

 

Glad you seem to be getting along with the melatonin.  For some reason you can't get it in the UK but in Spain freely avaliable, like everything else.

 

I hear Whitney Houston's funeral today is going to be massive.

 

By the way I got bitten by a dog recently (not mine!) At first the doc gave me one of those Fluroquinine (sp?) antibiotics but fortunately I remembered a thread here on how bad they are, especially in wds. I returned them and he gave me Erythromycin (am allergic to penicillin). I have had them in the past no problem.  But this time I am having major bowel 'runs' GI problems and nausea. I thought I might be in another wave but I checked the sx's of these antibiotics and it is likely to be from them.  I finish them tonight thank goodness but am not a happy bunny right now

 

Take care and enjoy yourself.

 

Angel xx

[[pa...]]

Hi once again!

I have just survived 4 very late nights working and I'm looking forward to sleeping earlier again. Lat night, I did have trouble sleeping as I figured I would. I went to sleep at 10:20pm and then got jolted awake and when I looked at the clock it was 11:50. I did go back to sleep and then awoke again at 3:00am, then again at 4:00am and finally 5:00am and didn't get back to sleep after that. Total time sleeping: 6 1/2 hours with some wakings. This after 4 nights of lousy sleep.

Sorry to gripe since I know many of you have had worse times then that. Unlike some of you who are having insomnia as a w/d symptom, mine is brought about by an awkward work schedule.

Still looking forward to that full time permanent schedule.

I have an update to my sinus condition. I went to the doctor yesterday and it seems my eustachion tube is red. So I am now taking antibiotics for 5 days. I also left a message with my supervisor. Each week, I may get calls that someone needs a day off. I let him know that I'd be happy to cover a shift starting Thurs but not sooner. Our job requires wearing ear plugs and also being exposed to an environment where there's lots of chlorinated water sprays, cold air, fans blowing, etc, and I just don't want anything right now making my ears worse.

On a different note, I just want to say a big 'hi' to Angel! Angel, you recently posted to my 'nice story' thread and I thank you so much for responding to me there! I do have a nice update to that story and I plan to post this soon.

I recently confessed to V that I have been feeling somewhat down about the forum. This is not aimed at anyone in particular. It's just that the first year I was a member here, there were so many members who I had friendly posts and feedback from. Last year, I noticed a sharp drop off in the amount of friendly interaction. I considered leaving the forum and I brought this to the attention of the moderation team. I started to feel as though I was 'over the hill' as far as benzo recovery and it just didn't seem like my presence here was making that much of a difference anymore. It is true that I don't post regularly and there are several reasons for this including the fact that I have an up and down work schedule, plus I have limited computer access. We are a 1 computer family and I have 2 kids who just love to play games... I have been informed that one of my brother in laws' is going to give us his old lap top and I plan to give this to my daughter. That should help free this one up for me.

I would very much like to continue here on the forum especially since Lent is starting next week and this is a great opportunity for me to help spread love and hope to those in need.

V, I have thanked you before, and I will again! Thank you so much for keeping me up to date on posts here on the forum. I can't always get back right away and post as regularly but just know from me that your updates are appreciated!

Take care all! My 2 year anniversary post taper is tomorrow! A benzo taper is no longer a challenge for me but as long as I'm alive, there are still many other, different challenges to get through. Take care all and have a great weekend!

[[jo...]]

Take care all! My 2 year anniversary post taper is tomorrow! A benzo taper is no longer a challenge for me but as long as I'm alive, there are still many other, different challenges to get through. Take care all and have a great weekend!

\

Congrats on your 2 years 

[[gi...]]

Hello V, everyone -

 

V, I checked and Silenor has an interaction with lamictal. It "may cause prolonged CNS repression" -!  Yikes! Been there, done that! I'm glad I checked. I hope it works for you. 

 

Meanwhile, I've found roserem. I talked to my psychotherapist and she said she knows a lot of people who've tried it, all with no side effects. She knows my bz history and even with biplar mania she said I shouldn't have a problem with it. It's only been proven effective for falling asleep, not staying asleep, however. It takes 2 weeks for it to really kick in so I'm going to give it 2 weeks and see how I do. At the first sign of any w/d sx's I'm stopping it. If I still wake up at 3AM I'll stop taking it.

 

Hubby's new mouth guard worked last night!  He hadn't been able to tolerate it longer than a couple hours until last night. He didn't snore at all!  I still woke up a couple times but did go back to sleep fairly quickly because I wasn't punching him in the arm off and on all night.

 

Then there's my cats...I have an autistic girl, Luna, who all of a sudden her new thing is to get up at 5 and gallop up and down the hall to wake me up to get her food. When I ignore her, she gallops hard enough to jiggle the glasses in the hutch, and when that doesn't work she also meows.  (This cat hasn't made a peep before 6AM in 2 years.)  I've taken to sitting on the floor in the dark (at 5AM) with a squirt bottle and I nail her as she gallops by.  She's now figured out how far away the water squirts so she can still do her run.

 

In addition to the squirt bottle (I'm changing positions tonight; that little shit will not get the best of me!), I've decided to do a Pavlov on her. I've set a timer on a light for 6:30, and won't feed them until it turns on. I'm thinking of also adding an alarm clock to the mix. Hell, if it worked for Pavolv's dogs, it's got to work for ginger's cats!

 

It's truly amazing I haven't thrown myself off the roof yet.

 

Have a good weekend everyone!

 

g

 

 

[[Li...]]

I've taken to sitting on the floor in the dark (at 5AM) with a squirt bottle and I nail her as she gallops by.  She's now figured out how far away the water squirts so she can still do her run.

 

In addition to the squirt bottle (I'm changing positions tonight; that little shit will not get the best of me!), I've decided to do a Pavlov on her. I've set a timer on a light for 6:30, and won't feed them until it turns on. I'm thinking of also adding an alarm clock to the mix. Hell, if it worked for Pavolv's dogs, it's got to work for ginger's cats!

 

g

 

Ginger, I'm quite sure it's not funny to you, but the mental image of this just CRACKED ME UP! I'm very interested to hear how long it takes to train the cats. 

 

Libby

[[ve...]]

Hi once again! I have just survived 4 very late nights working and I'm looking forward to sleeping earlier again. Lat night, I did have trouble sleeping as I figured I would. I went to sleep at 10:20pm and then got jolted awake and when I looked at the clock it was 11:50. I did go back to sleep and then awoke again at 3:00am, then again at 4:00am and finally 5:00am and didn't get back to sleep after that. Total time sleeping: 6 1/2 hours with some wakings. This after 4 nights of lousy sleep. Sorry to gripe since I know many of you have had worse times then that. Unlike some of you who are having insomnia as a w/d symptom, mine is brought about by an awkward work schedule. Still looking forward to that full time permanent schedule. I have an update to my sinus condition. I went to the doctor yesterday and it seems my eustachion tube is red. So I am now taking antibiotics for 5 days...V, I have thanked you before, and I will again! Thank you so much for keeping me up to date on posts here on the forum. I can't always get back right away and post as regularly but just know from me that your updates are appreciated!   Take care all! My 2 year anniversary post taper is tomorrow! A benzo taper is no longer a challenge for me but as long as I'm alive, there are still many other, different challenges to get through. Take care all and have a great weekend!

 

Congrats on 2 years off the benzo, Pangelingua .  That's awesome.  Hope your sinsus infection gets better soon too. A virus can really put stress on our bodies, particularly when not getting enough rest.  Like some of us other post benzo lack of sleepers , you have posted here about still having some sleep troubles, in part due to the night shifts at your job.  I hope that this third year off will be a charm both in terms of getting more steady daytime work and improving your sleep.

 

Best,

 

Vertigo

[[ve...]]

Interesting article on "non benzo sleep meds" compared with benzodiazepenes...  Ginger, there's something mentioned about roserem too (don't mix alcohol with it!)...  Very comprehensive explanation also about ambien and impact on GABA... I'm sticking with melatonin for now and maybe try Silenor when I travel next month.  Either way, stay hydrated!

 

http://www.pointofreturn.com/benzodiazepines.html

[[pa...]]

Thanks V for the congradts @ years off today!!

I'll check out the post you recommended and then it's off to Mass.

[[Li...]]

Congrats Pangelingua! 2 years is a huge accomplishment.

 

Libby

[[le...]]

 

Then there's my cats...I have an autistic girl, Luna, who all of a sudden her new thing is to get up at 5 and gallop up and down the hall to wake me up to get her food. When I ignore her, she gallops hard enough to jiggle the glasses in the hutch, and when that doesn't work she also meows.  (This cat hasn't made a peep before 6AM in 2 years.)  I've taken to sitting on the floor in the dark (at 5AM) with a squirt bottle and I nail her as she gallops by.  She's now figured out how far away the water squirts so she can still do her run.

 

In addition to the squirt bottle (I'm changing positions tonight; that little shit will not get the best of me!), I've decided to do a Pavlov on her. I've set a timer on a light for 6:30, and won't feed them until it turns on. I'm thinking of also adding an alarm clock to the mix. Hell, if it worked for Pavolv's dogs, it's got to work for ginger's cats!

 

It's truly amazing I haven't thrown myself off the roof yet.

 

Have a good weekend everyone!

 

g

 

Hi Ginger,

 

One of our little boy kitties did the same thing, only his galloping would include jumping up on the bed and giving us a good bounce. We discovered a product called SSCAT while watching the show "My Cat is From Hell." It's a motion sensitive spray system that we set outside our bedroom door. When our cats get too close it releases a harmless spray that sends them running the other way. It only took a couple of times before our cats figured out that the hallway and bedroom are off limits while we are sleeping. It might be worth a try and keep you off the roof. Here's how it works:

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_QB3ab--9WA&feature=related

 

Hope you get some relief soon.

 

Leslie 

 

 

[[le...]]

Hi Pang,

 

Congratulations on 2 years! I've appreciated the compassion and support that you give to the members of this forum. Your presence is making a difference!  I'm glad to hear that when your computer is freed up we will be hearing more from you.

 

We sure were spoiled with the unseasonably warm temperatures we had this winter. But I guess winter isn't over yet. 

 

I hope you had a blessed time at mass this morning.

 

Leslie 

[[pa...]]

Thanks everyone for the heartfelt congratulations on the anniversary of my post taper!

This has been a challenge for me these past 2 years... lots of ups and downs.

I appreciate hearing that my presence on the forum is still making a difference to others. It can be hard to tell being this far out.

I realize that there have been many new members here. I sure do miss the ones who I used to blog with. I see Legos that you are still around. Yes, I had a blessed time at mass and I prayed about any future decisions I may make.

One thing I thought about was Ash Wednesday which is coming up this week. There is a special song that we sing during Lent called "In These Days of Lenten Journey". There is a verse which struck my heart and I think would be appropriate for this forum:

"We open our ears to the weary and hear the cry of the poor. To the voices that echo the song of despair, we will show our compassion and care."

And so, my friends, I will continue on...

Specifically, thank you to: Joaskren, Vertigo, Libby, and Legos (did I leave anyone out?).

Also to V: My sinus condition has improved. This is my 3rd day on the antibiotic. I have had some dizziness the past 2 days plus some stomach upset. I'm not sure if this is do to sleep loss or perhaps a sensitivity to the antibiotic pill I'm taking?

I also think that some of the side effects I've experienced from medication could be do to a sensitivity to whatever dyes are used in the medicine. This, unfortunatley can be difficult to trace but worth considering.

Anyway, I am feeling somewhat better and I look forward to sounder sleeps this week!

Yes, Legos, we were spoiled here with warmer than normal temps. There was that snow last month that got us. I measured 6 1/2 inches in the backyard and it made for a snowday for mom and kids!

Again, thanks to all! Have a great Sunday and I'll post back this week...

 

[[mc...]]

11 months off, I just keep getting worse, I just dont know what to do any more.I am dealing with numbness, muscle tension, insomnia, some anxiety, dr/dp, swollen legs, lumps and bumps. I feel weary, not myself and beat up and I just dont know any more, is this withdrawl? Have I been wrong all this time? Is it normal to get worse with more numbness, now including my face and feeling weird in the head? If it is withdrawl I know that it is probably another year of dealing with issues, but is it going to be to this degree? I don't think I can do it, I think I will have a heart attack or just die, because I dont see how a body can take this for long. Can anybody relate to getting worse this far out and give me hope, because I just dont know if I can believe any longer, but then what do I do if I dont? This is probably the most desperate for reassurance I have been during this whole withdrawl process and the first time I have asked for real support. I really need BB's support right now. Thanks. Marta

[[ve...]]

Hi Marta.  I'm sorry to read about the rough time you're having at 11 months off.  In reading your history, it appears you have been on and off different benzos and/or sleep medications.  Are you taking any other medications today?  Any antidepressant or over the counter sleep aids?  Other supplements?  Are you avoiding alcohol, caffeine and high sugar foods?  Those would be my first questions.

 

That being said, even if you are being very careful, your history could make you a candidate for kindling, which basically means that it is a little harder to come off a benzo if one has gone on and off them several times.  I don't know if there is any study or evidence that it also means it will take longer but I do believe the recovery period may be a little more intense if kindling is involved. 

 

Despite this, I believe eleven months is still early in the recovery period.  I had a pretty strong wave at 9 months and I was not a poly benzo user.  I had another setback at 14 months.  Many have reported on forum and elsewhere that 18 months to two years is a reasonable time frame for the CNS to heal more fully.  That does not mean you will feel as badly as you may today, for the next year.  Some symptoms will likely ebb and flow, some will go away, others may oscillate.

 

  Are you able to sleep 6 or 7 hours now?  Do you have any other health problems?  Fatigue or chronic fatigue?  If you are nto getting enough rest, this can create a host of other health problems during the withdrawal and recovery phase.  In my case, I got Shingles about six weeks after my taper ended.  I believe my immune system was dealt a difficult blow with the combination of tapering and my father being very ill and in the hospital at the end of my taper.  The stress was too much for me.  Are you under any other strain or stress in your family?  Other stressors like financial, marital... can also impact healing.  Hopefully things will start to turn the corner for you in the coming Spring months. If things continue to be very intense, you might consider a low dose a/d such as elavil to help with the muscle tension, sleep and depression if you have some.  Professor Ashton has indicated that there are some cases where an a/d can be helpful.  Perhaps it's something to think about discussing with your doctor.  The elavil/amytriptoline is one that I've read can help with sleep, depression and muscle aches and pains, it's sometimes prescribed for chronic fatigue. 

 

If you think you can ride it out without additional medication, it's up to you and your doctor.  Others here on forum have recently posted about remeron to help with sleep and take the edge off in recovery.  You might also take a look at "The Mood Cure" and discuss with your doctor whether it might be worth looking at some amino acids to help your recovery along.  Ultimately, folks like Pangelingua and others have expressed a desire to taper off the a/d but have indicated a low dose has been hepful to some in the first year or two off the benzo.  I'm a couple years out and have tried L-Tryptophan and melatonin recently to try and improve my sleep and overall health.  One has to be careful about supplements if one is already taking an a/d so check with your doctor.

 

Vertigo

[[mc...]]

Hi Vertigo, Thanks so much for responding to my post. I am not currently taking any medications. I off and on take fish oil, vit d and a multi. I just recently starting taking a probiotic and I off and on recently starting using tart cherry juice at night. I have had no alchol in over a year. Every once and a while my husband and I will split a bottle of starbucks frapaccino, but other than that no caffeine. Sugar is my down fall and I have eaten a lot of processed foods throughout my withdrawl and befor as well.

 

I do believe that i am experieincing kindling, because I can look back at coming off of xanax before and see withdrawl issues, and in fact that is why I was put on the klonopin. I wished I had know at the time that it was withdrawl and I would have never taken the K.

 

I have some nights of decent sleep and other nights not so good. I have not been diagnosed with any other health issues. I have been working p/t out of my home this entire time as a massage therapist and in mid December I did take a full time job sitting for 8 hours on production in a bank and just resigned last Tuesday. I was also doing some massages. I took the job to help with stress from running a business to  make a certain $ amount. Now I am going to have to build up my massage business again, but at a lower level. I have thought about trying to get disability, but not sure what to do financially while waiting to get it and then all the worry of will I get it and how long will it take makes this a very scary proposition. Sometimes all of this withdrawl has caused stress on my relationship with my husband. I also was born and raised in California(San Francisco Bay Area) and moved to the upper mid-west 7 years ago. I think going through this and being away from my sister and just being away from her in gerneral has been stressful for me.

 

I have tried many times in the the past to take a/d's and they for the most part have made my anxiety worse. I am sensitive to medication, I believe. Also, I have heard remeron is pretty intense, and I would rather try something a little milder, if I was to try anything at all. So afraid of making things worse.

 

I appreciate you taking the time to post to me. I have recently thought that maybe I should consider an a/d, but I am afraid to due to  my history, but maybe I should conside it. I would like not to. I am working on trying to change my diest and maybe that will help. I do try to walk on the treadmill, but since a week ago last wednesday I have not because of my whole right leg going numb including my butt. I am going to try the treadmill again today. I also am trying to do more breathing and restorative yoga since quiting the bank job to get and keep my anxiety to a minimum.

 

For me if the legs had never swelled or at least had disappeared by now and that I did not get any lumps on my legs, I would be handling things much better. But since this does not seem to be a very common issue here at the forum I worry that it is something else, becuase the Dr is only guessing, nothing seems to be for sure and what if something is not being diagnosed properly.

 

Thanks again Vertigo for listening to me and making suggestions, just hearing from someone helps me to not feel so alone. This is a lonely journey.