Post Benzo Freedom Withdrawal Support Group

[[La...]]

I'm 1.5 months off 1mg ativan. Not as healed as I hoped/expected by this time, but definitely manageable sxs. Still cycling between windows and waves, the latter of which include many mild to moderate sxs. Still very sensitive to stressors, including physical ones (like intense workouts). So I cant go full throttle on the surfing or cycling yet  , going 50-75% max effort/max duration.

 

Memory, focus, not completely back. Mistakes at home and work abound 

 

But looking back on the miserable road of benzo wd, its clear I've come a long way. 

 

Hoping not to get railroaded moving forward 

[[ve...]]

I'm 1.5 months off 1mg ativan. Not as healed as I hoped/expected by this time, but definitely manageable sxs. Still cycling between windows and waves, the latter of which include many mild to moderate sxs. Still very sensitive to stressors, including physical ones (like intense workouts). So I cant go full throttle on the surfing or cycling yet  , going 50-75% max effort/max duration.

 

Memory, focus, not completely back. Mistakes at home and work abound 

 

But looking back on the miserable road of benzo wd, its clear I've come a long way. 

 

Hoping not to get railroaded moving forward 

 

Great update LaserJet.  You sound like you have made good progress and are in a reasonable frame of mind about further healing and expectations ahead.

 

Cheers,

V

[[ve...]]

post benzo buddies?

[[he...]]

Im here vertigo....Still hanging in there. Have benzo brain still with facial numbness with a side of depression. My base line is pretty good. Had a great window a few days ago. I'm at almost 21months....bummed that I'm not healed, nothing I can do but wait it out Hey???    Jude

[[ve...]]

Im here vertigo....Still hanging in there. Have benzo brain still with facial numbness with a side of depression. My base line is pretty good. Had a great window a few days ago. I'm at almost 21months....bummed that I'm not healed, nothing I can do but wait it out Hey???    Jude

 

Hey Jude.  Sorry about the blues and facial numbness.  Hope the blues are not related to a vitamin D deficiency with it being winter.  Have you had a recent blood test?  Might want to check things out.  Keep hangin in there and hope you see some more windows as we approach Spring .

 

V

[[ve...]]

Any buddies recently finished with tapering off the benzo?  How are things going?  Sometimes one doesn't expect symptoms to still linger after the initial few months off, but they can wax and wane.  Anybody?

[[ma...]]

Hi Vertigo,

 

I will soon be 6 months out.  I feel like an extreme case.  I'm 63 and I don't know if that  has anything to do with my slow healing.  My legs are  my biggest problem.  From the time I plant my feet on the floor I feel like my legs are so weak they will hardly support me.  The worst part is standing in one position.  They ache so bad.  It doesn't seem anyone else has this problem with the legs. I also have allover body aches and the boatyness along with stomach pain, benzo brain.  I really don't feel like I have windows, it is just the same thing everyday.  When I push myself it will make everything worse. 

 

I wasn't on that high of a dose, and was on Xanax for approximately 3 1/2 years.  I'm getting to the point where I am fearful there has been permanent damage to the muscles in my legs.

 

Mama2

[[fl...]]

Hi vertigo,

 

First, I wanted to let you know I've just ordered the Acceptance Therapy workbook you recommend.

 

I am three months off, and my worst symptoms are mental.  I have no capacity to handle stress, and I'm really afraid it's permanent, though I have to believe others who've said they've healed.  I kicked myself into two pretty bad waves by blowing a moderate stressor WAY out of proportion.  It just feels like primal fear that I cannot control.  This is why I need to try other techniques, and am looking forward to getting the workbook.

 

Thank God for you, Vertigo, and all the other healed people who continue to stay here and tell others that there's life on the other side.  We'd all be like lost, desperate children without parents to guide us, were it not for you generous souls.

[[Wi...]]

Hi Vertigo

 

Good to see you. Hope you are doing well.  I'm somewhere in my seventh month I believe and many things have improved.  However at the moment I seem to have been hit with some symptoms.  It started out with the usual cortisol rush this morning.  Only difference, unlike most mornings, I bought into the particular fear that was generated this morning and took an action that while not wrong, has caused me significant stress today.  This has led to strong feelings of fear and loathing this afternoon.  I don't feel the level of intensity that I once did, but it is distressing nonetheless.  I expect this to be the last stuff that goes and I will be more then ready when it does. 

 

I'm hoping to come back and visit this thread when feeling a bit more positive. 

 

Thanks for having this thread Vertigo !

[[ci...]]

Wwwi

 

I'm a month behind you and found myself in the same boat today.  It will pass I keep saying!!

[[ve...]]

c

[[ve...]]

v

[[ve...]]

Hi vertigo,

 

First, I wanted to let you know I've just ordered the Acceptance Therapy workbook you recommend.

 

I am three months off, and my worst symptoms are mental.  I have no capacity to handle stress, and I'm really afraid it's permanent, though I have to believe others who've said they've healed.  I kicked myself into two pretty bad waves by blowing a moderate stressor WAY out of proportion.  It just feels like primal fear that I cannot control.  This is why I need to try other techniques, and am looking forward to getting the workbook.

 

Thank God for you, Vertigo, and all the other healed people who continue to stay here and tell others that there's life on the other side.  We'd all be like lost, desperate children without parents to guide us, were it not for you generous souls.

 

Hi Floc181.  Many thanks for the kind remarks.  I hope you like the book and more importantly, that it is helpful in some way.  There's that word "afraid" again, that WWWI just mentioned.  In very rare cases, benzo damage is permanent.  Many people at one time or another get the notion that this might be permanent and probably 90% come out of it without permanent damage.  I don't know the exact percentages but so many fear the worst and are pleasantly surprised how well they are doing a year out and at 18 months.  Three months is good milestone.  Things may continue to wax and wane for a while, but I am confident if you are reasonable in your recovery and work on some stress management skills, perhaps benefit from ACT or other means, you're going to be on your way back to better health than before this all began.

 

Best,

 

Vertigo

[[ve...]]

Hi Vertigo,

 

I will soon be 6 months out.  I feel like an extreme case.  I'm 63 and I don't know if that  has anything to do with my slow healing.  My legs are  my biggest problem.  From the time I plant my feet on the floor I feel like my legs are so weak they will hardly support me.  The worst part is standing in one position.  They ache so bad.  It doesn't seem anyone else has this problem with the legs. I also have allover body aches and the boatyness along with stomach pain, benzo brain.  I really don't feel like I have windows, it is just the same thing everyday.  When I push myself it will make everything worse. 

 

I wasn't on that high of a dose, and was on Xanax for approximately 3 1/2 years.  I'm getting to the point where I am fearful there has been permanent damage to the muscles in my legs.

 

Mama2

 

Hang in there Mama2.  I remember the days when I felt the weirdness in my legs.  This too shall pass .

 

V

[[ve...]]

Hi Vertigo

 

Good to see you. Hope you are doing well.  I'm somewhere in my seventh month I believe and many things have improved.  However at the moment I seem to have been hit with some symptoms.  It started out with the usual cortisol rush this morning.  Only difference, unlike most mornings, I bought into the particular fear that was generated this morning and took an action that while not wrong, has caused me significant stress today.  This has led to strong feelings of fear and loathing this afternoon.  I don't feel the level of intensity that I once did, but it is distressing nonetheless.  I expect this to be the last stuff that goes and I will be more then ready when it does. 

 

I'm hoping to come back and visit this thread when feeling a bit more positive. 

 

Thanks for having this thread Vertigo !

 

Hi WWWI.  Glad some things are improving. Ah, the fear is something that can get the best of all of us sometimes.  I am having some fearful thoughts about how my father's cancer will progress and how it will all end.  I can not stop those thoughts, just have to accept them and try not to let them spin out of control. I know I am trying to process some difficult challenges that lie ahead. In some ways, that anxiety is quite normal.  Rather than wishing it will all go, maybe it's more realistic to cope with it better, let it bounce off you like a gentle breeze, well maybe not so gentle some of the time .  Hey, come back when you're feeling negative too!  No requirement to be feeling positive .

 

V

[[ve...]]

Any more post benzo buddies or even tapering buddies getting down to end of taper or last couple months?

 

Vertigo

[[Ne...]]

Dear Vertigo, I did not realize that it would not be possible for you to tell me either via PM or especially private mail about your oto neurologists suggested taper in time and dosage from Valium at the 2 mg level. I my not have been clear when I said I found a oto neurologist...ACTUALLY JUST HIS WEBSITE...Bernard Cohen MD at at the Mount Sinai Medical School in NYC. I have not made an appointment and I am not at 2 Mg's yet. I am at 2.5 Mg's and today will be day 12.  I crossed over from Ativan and have tapered slowly averaging 1 mg every 14 days until now. The TINNITIS has been my major w/d symptom for which there is no off setting help that I know of. From reading your post I presumed you too were a tinnitus suffer as you said your oto neurologist suggested a taper of several months from 2 Mg's to avoid permanent tinnitus. I thought you were allowed to be specific on his advise. Sorry if you could not be. Was I correct in that you were a tinnitus sufferer. Thanks for directing me here.

[[ve...]]

Dear Vertigo, I did not realize that it would not be possible for you to tell me either via PM or especially private mail about your oto neurologists suggested taper in time and dosage from Valium at the 2 mg level. I my not have been clear when I said I found a oto neurologist...ACTUALLY JUST HIS WEBSITE...Bernard Cohen MD at at the Mount Sinai Medical School in NYC. I have not made an appointment and I am not at 2 Mg's yet. I am at 2.5 Mg's and today will be day 12.  I crossed over from Ativan and have tapered slowly averaging 1 mg every 14 days until now. The TINNITIS has been my major w/d symptom for which there is no off setting help that I know of. From reading your post I presumed you too were a tinnitus suffer as you said your oto neurologist suggested a taper of several months from 2 Mg's to avoid permanent tinnitus. I thought you were allowed to be specific on his advise. Sorry if you could not be. Was I correct in that you were a tinnitus sufferer. Thanks for directing me here.

 

Sorry you are experiencing tinnitus, Needsomehelp.  It sounds like 1mg every 14 days may have been on the rapid side, particularly the last few months for you.  I think 10 to 15% cuts is the general recommended cuts beginning at higher doses, but as one gets below about 5mg valium, some people start to find they might need to reduce to about 1/2mg or even 1/4mg.    I began my taper off about 7mg.  I started with a 1mg cut and it was too much for me.  Tried .5mg and I felt that was also too big so I finally settled on a routine of .25mg every 10 days.  This was not the taper schedule that the otoneurologist recommended, but was something that a buddy on another forum suggested. In retrospect, I feel 10 days was on the quick side and I probably would do 14 days between cuts if I were starting today.  As for the oto doc, it was just a general comment he made that he tapers patients off even 2mg over several months.  When I told him my taper schedule, he was fine with it but truthfully, I didn't go back to him because I had another doctor who was willing to give me liquid valium script at 2mg so I tapered even more slowly from 2mg down.  I did have occasional tinnitus but never persistent I think because I was tapering slowly from 7mg on down.  In my view, you probably have tapered too quickly.  You might consider a slight updose here, maybe back to 3.5 or 4mg and try to stabilize for a few weeks, see if the tinnitus settles down some.  Always make final decisions with your own doctor.

 

Best,

 

Vertigo

[[he...]]

new to this thread! I'm having an issue. I'm waking up about 2-4 am with either a panic attack or this morning it was just like an adrenaline rush that then caused some palpitations (really weird ones) and then it was over. Anybody know what this is?  It's a new symptom.

[[ve...]]

new to this thread! I'm having an issue. I'm waking up about 2-4 am with either a panic attack or this morning it was just like an adrenaline rush that then caused some palpitations (really weird ones) and then it was over. Anybody know what this is?  It's a new symptom.

 

Hi Healingslowly.  Have you had your blood pressure checked?  It is possible you may have fluctuating BP.  Have you been to your doctor recently?  Ever had a cardiac stress test?  Are you over 40?  Any recent change in diet or consumption in alcohol?  Alcohol can cause wake up at 2AM and some anxiety.  Perhaps you can elaborate some on your recent history.  Perhaps others can weigh in too.

 

V

[[St...]]

Hi Vertigo I've been benzo free since October 22,2013 I've had a major setback for a little over 6 weeks now I'm beyond devastated after tapering for a year and going through hell. But after  I hit 5 mg of Valium things were looking good felt great. I jumped and I had no symptoms. Then the holidays came around over I ate over indulged in sugar and coffee wasn't watching my intake then I did the unthinkable in January I drank and I was extremely stressed I didn't sleep for 24 hours I went in full blown acute withdrawal I haven't been feeling good. Anxiety tremors head pressure and blurred vision and ears are ringing and killing me. Night terrors and all sleep is horrible I wake up 4am every morning. Please tell me how your setback was I know I need more time but some reassurance and hope I need I have major plans this summer to go to Europe. And I'm devastated I've been crying my heart out wish I never went out that weekend it ruined my recovery. And me not being careful and taking care of myself I thought I turned a corner and could handle anything and this happens I know it was too soon but I didn't think it was going to hurt me like this. I feel like I can't relate to anybody and my family can't believe this is happening again I did have some windows but get slammed the next day I feel like I'm on the roller coaster from hell I'm traumatized that this is happening again

[[ve...]]

Hi Vertigo I've been benzo free from October 22,2013 I've had a major setback for a little overv6 weeks now I'm beyond devastate after tapering for a year and going through hell. But after  I hit 5 mg of Valium things were looking good felt great. I jumped and I had no symptoms. Then the holidays came around over ate over indulged in sugar and coffee wasn't watching my intake then I did the unthinkable in January I drank and I was extremely stressed I didn't sleep for 24 hours I went in full blown acute withdrawal I haven't been feeling good. Anxiety tremors head pressure and blurred vision and ears are ringing and killing me. Night terrors and all sleep is horrible I wake up 4am every morning. Please tell me how your setback was I know I need more time but some reassurance and hope I need I have major plans this summer to go to Europe. And I'm devastated I've been crying my heart out wish I never went out that weekend it ruined my recovery. And me not being careful and taking care of myself I thought I turned a corner and could handle anything and this happens I know it was too soon but I didn't think it was going to hurt me like this. I feel like I can't relate to anybody and my family can't believe this is happening again I did have some windows but get slammed the next day I feel like I'm on the roller coaster from hell I'm traumatized that this is happening again

 

Hi StacyB.  Sorry about the setback after you drank alcohol.  I can only say my experience was that I had some wine too early off valium too.  I ended my taper in November 2009 and a little over a month later it was the holidays and I had a few glasses of wine.  I can't say it was that because I also was under a lot of personal stress at the time, but I ended up with shingles in January 2010 (hard to believe it's been 4 years), which shocked me.  Despite the shingles, I was able to heal a lot in the next few months, even attended a wedding in April and consumed two glasses of wine without a problem (not advocating that for anyone, probably best to wait at least six months post benzo, some may wish to abstain completely or for the first year).  However, my point is that it is possible to overcome setbacks after the first couple months of acute withdrawal.  I suggest not drinking again until after you fly out to Europe.  I believe you can heal in the coming months, but be prepared for the possibility of a rough month or two.  Are you currently working?  Functioning?  I had elevated blood pressure and a host of other things in that first few months as well as a couple of mini panic attacks (never had panic before benzo or during taper!!!).  I did find books on mindfulness and ACT to be helpful to cope better with stress.  I already posted about "The Happiness Trap" by Russ Harris.  I also post other books on my success thread on forum.  The other setback I had was when I overdid the wine, caffeine, sugar... at about 7 and 8 months off that first summer, thinking most was behind me.  By 9 months, I was back with the elevated BP, some mild dizzies (not vertigo), DP... I focused on eating healthy, exercise... most of this is probably posted earlier on in this thread when I started it in February 2010 when I was about three months off.  You will heal, but be gentle with yourself.  Patience is a virtue.  Try to take a breath, don't get yourself worked up if you are not healing as quickly as you want.  It will come.

 

Vertigo

[[ma...]]

Stacy....

Booze is a major problem for most in withdrawal.

The way it has been explained to me,the receptors in the brain that deal with alcohol are the same ones that are used,and damaged,with benzos.

I wish I could give more comfort(and info) than that,but the reality is,the damage is done.But it will get better.Time as always.

I got my start with benzo addiction because of booze.I had been experiencing severe anxiety attacks due to a gastric issue a few years ago.

And I had been a heavy drinker for years before that,tho had been dry for 20 years.When I was put on Valium for the attacks,my addiction was immediate...within the first few doses.It was soon after that I learned of the connection between booze and benzo from a neurological standpoint.

But you really want to know what to do about it now,don't you.I can't tell you that,but I can give a recommendation or two.

First off,think of yourself as being sick,in WD,and in need of careful attention.This will help you keep on track with feeding yourself properly,and being careful with everything you put into yourself.While it is true for many that recovery comes faily easy,especially for those few weeks after jumping.But again,for many,the road is a little more difficult,with many bumps....and all of them come as a surprise.

I am 17 months off now.I have had several really nasty waves....most recently just before Christmas,about 13 months off.I had thought I was doing really well,and planned a trip with my kids,just for a long weekend,to see a big game a few hours from home.I was so stoked about going with my boys( They had been denied a lot through my long taper of almost 4 years).As it turned out,the excitement of going turn quickly into stress,and it laid me out flat...for about 3 weeks.Missed most of Christmas as well.

The waves are getting "smaller" now,both in length and intensity.In the past few days I have had a couple where the tinnitus starts in,and I get a little foggy...maybe some lethargy too...and I say to myself "Here we go again".....but it does seem that maybe it will go no further.

And that is at 17 months off.WillI get another nasty wave?...dunno...am cautiously optimistic,at the same time being very careful.

Everyone is different,and you know now that maybe you are one of the more sensitive ones.So treat yourself that way...with caution for every thing you eat,do,and even the plans you make.

Knowing what I know now about myself...and I do mean myself...I wouldn't be making any big plans at this time.For me,Europe is out of the question...at least for a year after I am symptom-free.

But that's just me.

Yer gonna heal...make no mistake about that.But proceed with caution!

Cheers

Mac

[[he...]]

I'm 9 months off this started last month only happened once and now it happened this month. Just wake up with adrenaline rush palpitations and then it's over.

[[St...]]

Yes I've realized I'm much more sensitive to stress i remember drinking and something stressful happened that night and I started shaking everywhere I was going to have a panic attack but talked myself out of it. After that I was awake for 24hrs hadn't slept mind you I was wearing heels in the hospital waiting for them to put my friends shoulder back it was dislocated  I was stressed out to the max. Left the hospital couldn't eat had done fries went to bed woke up went out around 6pm to get dinner  had dessert and a cappuccino which I didn't have caffeine for over a week that night full blown panic attack. Went home was sick ever since I really do think I won't be healing anytime soon and I think I shouldn't fly either I don't need anymore stress good or bad. I've finally realized

I cannot Drink ever again don't want to jeopardized being this sick again

I cannot be over stressed CNS is fragile

I cannot eat whatever I want

I've learned a lesson be kind to my body and my body will be kind to me

Have to treat it with extra care from now on