Post Benzo Freedom Withdrawal Support Group

[[An...]]

Just an update on my earlier thread of misery.

 

Yes I feel like cr*p but I do think Vertigo that you are absolutely right in what you said about this being down to stress - the whole anxiety and insomnia thing which only came on when I came to face my forthcoming situation with my mum.  Up to then I had been feeling a whole load better benzo wise so I do not think these are w/ds per se.  I think it is pure stress which, as you say, may have happened anyway.

 

When I didn't sleep pre-benzos I felt ill and terrible - with the nausea too but I don't remember the anxiety although maybe I had that too.

 

So now am just going to accept it for what it is and that I may actually feel like this until Mum is settled.  No, am not tapering my A/D Vertigo and if I have to updose further, which I hope I don't have to, I shall do it and worry about it when am back to normal.

 

Thanks for listening!

 

Angel

[[ve...]]

Just an update on my earlier thread of misery. Yes I feel like cr*p but I do think Vertigo that you are absolutely right in what you said about this being down to stress - the whole anxiety and insomnia thing which only came on when I came to face my forthcoming situation with my mum. Up to then I had been feeling a whole load better benzo wise so I do not think these are w/ds per se. I think it is pure stress which, as you say, may have happened anyway. When I didn't sleep pre-benzos I felt ill and terrible - with the nausea too but I don't remember the anxiety although maybe I had that too. So now am just going to accept it for what it is and that I may actually feel like this until Mum is settled. No, am not tapering my A/D Vertigo and if I have to updose further, which I hope I don't have to, I shall do it and worry about it when am back to normal. Thanks for listening! Angel

 

No worries if you don't feel up to writing lengthy replies, Angel.  Your mum is your focus now.  At the same time, be kind with yourself in terms of pacing yourself.  Some things might wait til the next day.  You can only do as much as you can handle in a day.  If you  need to take some periodic days for yourself or to visit your friends or other family, that's much needed refueling.  You're right, it's not likely "withdrawal".

 

Everything can seem all better as you get into the 6-12 month frame so long as things remain neat and tidy.  Then boom, something happens to shake things up, perhaps an illness or a relationship issue, some trouble at work, a trip, feeling well enough to reintroduce alcohol or some other foods that you normally don't eat, tapering off an a/d or other medication, and yes, a parental obligation.  It sounds like you've got at least two of the above mentioned things going on right now.  They can certainly trigger a sensitive nervous system that is improving yet not quite ready to handle too much too quickly.  Don't beat yourself up over having the setback.  It and you are normal just as you are!  Your CNS is still in recovery.

 

Vertigo

[[ve...]]

Any more post benzo buddies have an update?

 

Vertigo

[[ve...]]

b

[[br...]]

I think I've posted in this thread before.

 

Not sure if I'm technically protracted but at 10 months off... I figure it's worth a quick update.

 

I was on a very low dose of Xanax used daily for about 10 months. (ish)  My amount was sporadic, but it was daily for about 90% of that time... and only peaked at about .75 per day briefly. Most of that time, it was under .25 per day, and the last few months was probably around .125 per day. (I tapered super-slow, maybe too slow. I was afraid of what might happen... and then it did.)

 

In any case, months 1-3 were the usual hell you read about here. Massive anxiety, my first introduction to depression (never had it prior) benzo flu, weight loss, weakness, and just the whole host of symptoms... many involving the GI system, but primarily ramped anxiety and panic.)

 

Months 3-6 were up and down. I saw my first signs of windows. Thought I was healed at one point in there. Soon learned better.

 

Somewhere around the end of the year, I started to make some progress. Then, from Jan 1st until the end of Feb... I had about 60 much better days. Was jogging again, lifting some weights and generally planning my life out like a normal person again. In fact, there was a time during that stretch where I thought about writing a success story... even though I still had some anxiety/panic. It felt like it was more organic and that the drug effects had finally gone away, and I was dealing with the real me again. (Albeit still anxious to a degree.)

 

And then....... came March.  Well, technically it started end of Feb.  Huge wave started that is now about 7 weeks long, and MAY be fizzling out... but can't be sure. I've had tons of symptoms and a few of my worst all-time days. On top of it, I've had two seasonal illnesses in that 7 week span. (Could have contributed?)  I finally had a break in symptoms last Wednesday and saw improvement through the end of the weekend. But, I've had ramped panic/anxiety to start this week, so I'm holding off on declaring the wave dead just yet.

 

Now, I don't know if all 7 weeks of this has been purely WD wave symptoms. I did have anxiety prior to benzos. But, it rarely ever seemed like this. This wave also came with a host of "side-dish" symptoms that my regular anxiety never had. (Freezing hands, night sweats, sick feelings, itchy face, etc.) 

 

So, that's me through 10 months. (Or 11 depending on how you want to count... see sig.)  It's been nasty. But, I've made it through.

I'm hoping this last round signifies something significant as far as some healing... some final healing?  Not getting my hopes up, but I remain

optimistic because I know who I am, and I know this isn't it. Yes, I developed an anxiety disorder, but I believe when my body heals to it's normal state... I'll be able to beat it. I feel like I was doing just that before this wave kicked things up again.

 

Anyway, best to all of you... and I look forward to updating this thread with better news in the future, and ultimately writing my success story here at BB.

 

[[ve...]]

Hi Bryan,

Thanks for your update. I think it is not possible to be "protracted" at 10 months.  You still have plenty of time to heal before even thinking in those terms.  It sounds like you were on a relatively "low dose" which unfortunately does not mean you won't get hit hard with withdrawal as many here have.  I was also on less than 10mg valium for a short period but the doctors don't always warn you about how quickly dependency can happen and about tapering off.  At least you knew that much so you should be coming out of the worst of it soon.

 

Some do start to feel like turning a corner around six months but then get hit with a wave or setback of some kind around 6-12 months, often when one starts to resume former activities like going to the gym, perhaps having a beer or glass or two of wine, taking on more projects at work or travelling more, relationships can get testy after a couple of years of dealing with all this crap.  I think I've posted on some of  this on one of your threads. 

 

Rebound anxiety sometimes hits when you've been off a while and sometimes a mini panic too.  I had about two mini panics in my first year off and had never had any sort of panic attack before benzos or during taper.  It was all kind of new and odd to me.  I know what you mean when you say the anxiety before benzos was not quite like this.  Yet it is good to be mindful that some of it could be pre benzo set points trying to readjust.  Glad this last wave seems to be over now, who knows, could be your last .

 

Vertigo

[[pa...]]

Hi bryan!

I remember you posted to my success story about a month ago.

 

I also got hit with a wave at 11 months out. I'm still not sure if it was due to a benzo wave or w/d from remeron. the amount of remeron I was on (and still on) is  a very low dose. Perhaps my wave was a combo of benzo w/d plus the A/D withdrawal?

 

My bad wave lasted 2 months last year (Jan 3- Mar 7) and ended when I went back to small amounts of remeron. I had some rather strong insomnia during that time. I don't think that I have ever had it so chronically in my lifetime. I basically lost about 40% of my normal sleep. That issue plus an on call schedule at work was driving me pretty hard for a time.

 

Although I recovered with the remeron, it was right at that time that I injured my back and that sent me into a new problem.... back pain! :'( At least my sleep was better and after finally getting through physical therapy, I recovered well enough to feel like I could take on the world!

 

Hang in there bryan! I recovered well enough to post that success story, just not as soon as I'd hoped to. I'm sure that yours will come along soon.

 

Well V and all, I have a long work schedule to get through this week. The night time person decided last minute that he wanted the entire week off so I'll be working late night every night this week (5 ten hour shifts= 50 hours), plus there's talk of working Saturday. This is probably the biggest challenge to me right now to keep on adjusting to these work/sleep schedules.

It's often like feast or famine!

 

 

 

 

[[Li...]]

Pang, I hear you!! This week I only work 28 hours, but next week I work 52. It's great this week to have some time off, but I'll be crying next week I'm sure. Good luck!

 

Libby

[[ib...]]

Any more post benzo buddies have an update?

 

Vertigo

 

Hi V,

 

Nice to see you are still helping out all the buddies.  Coming up on a year here soon..May 24th 

Still not feeling 100%, but I am able to cope.  Still get that anxious feeling (especially when I first wake in the morning) and the ringing in the ears is still hanging around. 

 

Well I have to run, just for a quick lunch hour....

 

Take care,

Ibmom

[[br...]]

Hi bryan!

I remember you posted to my success story about a month ago.

 

I also got hit with a wave at 11 months out. I'm still not sure if it was due to a benzo wave or w/d from remeron. the amount of remeron I was on (and still on) is  a very low dose. Perhaps my wave was a combo of benzo w/d plus the A/D withdrawal?

 

My bad wave lasted 2 months last year (Jan 3- Mar 7) and ended when I went back to small amounts of remeron. I had some rather strong insomnia during that time. I don't think that I have ever had it so chronically in my lifetime. I basically lost about 40% of my normal sleep. That issue plus an on call schedule at work was driving me pretty hard for a time.

 

Although I recovered with the remeron, it was right at that time that I injured my back and that sent me into a new problem.... back pain! :'( At least my sleep was better and after finally getting through physical therapy, I recovered well enough to feel like I could take on the world!

 

Hang in there bryan! I recovered well enough to post that success story, just not as soon as I'd hoped to. I'm sure that yours will come along soon.

 

Well V and all, I have a long work schedule to get through this week. The night time person decided last minute that he wanted the entire week off so I'll be working late night every night this week (5 ten hour shifts= 50 hours), plus there's talk of working Saturday. This is probably the biggest challenge to me right now to keep on adjusting to these work/sleep schedules.

It's often like feast or famine!

 

Thanks so much, Pang! I keep your story in mind when things are rough. Seems like so many of us hit waves at this time-frame. Just got to keep on keeping on, and knowing that

these states are transient. No state ever stays. It will get better.

 

 

 

[[ve...]]

Any more post benzo buddies have an update?

Vertigo

 

Hi V,

Nice to see you are still helping out all the buddies.  Coming up on a year here soon..May 24th  Still not feeling 100%, but I am able to cope.  Still get that anxious feeling (especially when I first wake in the morning) and the ringing in the ears is still hanging around.  Well I have to run, just for a quick lunch hour....

Take care,

Ibmom

 

Congrats on upcoming one year anniversary, IBmom .  I wasn't 100% either at one year, but I was well on my way as you are.    Hope the tinnitus lessens with time.  Did you enjoy your lunch?

 

Vertigo

[[ve...]]

Pang, I hear you!! This week I only work 28 hours, but next week I work 52. It's great this week to have some time off, but I'll be crying next week I'm sure. Good luck! Libby

 

52 hours sounds like a lot Libby.  You too Pange.  But I guess the upside is you'll be making more $$$ .

 

Vertigo

[[ve...]]

Just want to post something about L-Tryptophan.  I was chatting with a buddy here who informed me that he had a reaction last year to L-Tryptophan made by Source Naturals.  He became very ill and he has reported that he believes they use genetically engineered product from China.  I don't know if this is accurate or not. However,  I had not been feeling particularly great the last month in which I was taking it a few times a week.  In fairness, it's also been a very high pollen and allergy month here and that might have been part of my situation.  However, I've decided to stop taking the L-Tryptophan and in fact will throw the bottle out.

 

Best,

 

Vertigo

[[km...]]

Pang I can barely get thru my 8 hour day so I envy you for being able to work so many hours.

Hugs

Kmarie

[[ve...]]

Pang I can barely get thru my 8 hour day so I envy you for being able to work so many hours.

Hugs

Kmarie

 

How are you doing Kmarie? Are you still having agoraphobia? 

 

Vertigo

[[km...]]

Yep I haven't challenged myself lately which I think is a bad thing.  I've been hiding and ignoring it.  I just don't feel it getting any better but maybe worse.  then again maybe it's my mindframe.

Hugs

 

[[ve...]]

Yep I haven't challenged myself lately which I think is a bad thing.  I've been hiding and ignoring it.  I just don't feel it getting any better but maybe worse.  then again maybe it's my mindframe.

Hugs

 

You'll get there when you're ready, KM.  Sometimes you just take action even if you're not sure you're quite ready and find out that you are able to do it anyway!

 

Best,

 

Vertigo

[[ve...]]

Happy weekend to all post benzo pepes

 

Vertigo

[[mt...]]

Hi Post Benzobuddies!

 

I have been busy with a new puppy.  She is a 10 week old, 3lb CHUG- half chihuahua half Pug.  I was a bit reluctant to take on a new puppy but decided to take a leap...and glad I did.  So far she is doing very well with all her "training" and I so appreciate her "joy" of just being alive.  It's infectious... 

 

I just got back from my teeth cleaning which is a huge step forward...just could not bear the dentist...almost 3 years since last visit.  I also had blood tests yesterday to get a good look at where I am.  I am able to walk or ride bike 2 miles now so that is another big step forward.  Just keep chipping away at reclaiming my life.  Still looking at taking a trip to Hawaii in May for my 60th... we are also planning a trip to Paris in November....  Looking forward to my first benzo free back to life SUMMER!  I dreamt of these days for SO LONG.  One positive from the benzo experience is that even the most minuscule aspects of life are greatly appreciated.  I feel just like my puppy as she runs through the grass hopping with joy just because she is OUTSIDE in the sun!

 

Wow Vertigo that was scary news on the L tryptophan....geez what can we believe these days where supplements or drugs are concerned.  I only took the Ltryp a few times as it was the Ltyrosine that seemed to have the best effect on me.  I am taking Great Lakes Collagen Hydrolysate as it contains the full chain of aminos.  So far it has helped with deep sleep and hopefully will restore some of the muscle tone and joint functionality I lost on my taper.  I guess the best bet is to take something in the form that is closest to its source. 

 

Thought you dog lovers might enjoy  a photo of Lulu... my reward for all my hard work and focus in getting benzo free!!

 

Big Hug to all!!

Mimi

http://i1051.photobucket.com/albums/s440/badmimi/babylulu01.jpg

 

 

 

 

[[ve...]]

Nice update, Mimi and cute pic of your new puppy .  I was under the impression you had taken the L-Tryptophan for some weeks but glad you didn't.  Do you recall what brand you took?  Unfortunately I took the Source Naturals brand but I've stopped it now.  I also tried tyrosine but it seemed to rev me up and increase anxiety.  What brand of Tyrosine did you take?  Maybe it varies from brand to brand, who knows. Since the industry does not seem to be regulated, it might be hit or miss.  I've been fairly pleased with the melatonin I've been taking though.  Coming up on 60, eh?  Are you also due for a colonoscopy?  I had mine last month.  Oh the joy of getting older!  Of course I'm kidding.  It's just good practice to get checked out and yes, to keep your gums and teeth taken care of.  Glad you finally got back to the dentist.  It helps if you floss and also, some swear by the electric type brushes.

 

Hope you enjoy your summer Mimi. You've definitely earned it and a nice trip to Hawaii.  Paris in the fall sounds lovely too.  By the way, have you partaken in any alcohol yet?  Just curious.  It might be nice to have a glass of vino in Paris but I'm not promoting it.  However, I do recommend trying it out at home first, before you go out of the country for the first time! (if you're going to do it at all).  Sounds good about the bike riding and exercise.  By the way, I started another thread here in withdrawal support called "12-24 months and only a few remaining issues" in case you or anyone might like to check it out.

 

 

Vertigo

[[km...]]

Mimi so cute !!!

Hugs

 

[[ve...]]

Just curious.  Where did the idea to take collagen hydrolysate come from? Also, are you still taking tyrosine and if so, which brand?

 

Vertigo

[[An...]]

Mimi

 

Love your doggy!  You should put him on the Pet Corner thread I started a while ago but which seems to have become quite inactive of late!

 

Angel

[[mt...]]

Hi V

I took the L Tryptophan for about 2 weeks I think but not every day and I ended up opening the capsule and removing half.  It was Source Naturals.  I took the NOW Brand L tryrosine twice a day as it seemed to give me energy and calm me at the same time.  Taking them definitely restored some of my sleep as before I was struggling again.  However I had read that you should only take individual aminos for a short time as taking them out of "the chain" can cause deficiency so I stopped after a month or so and began looking for something with the full chain of amino acids in it.

 

I kinda stumbled across the collagen in looking around for help with inflammation and elevated cortisol.  I had elevated C reactive protein levels and know I have high cortisol as I get my energy in the evenings.  This is a classic symptom of adrenal fatigue.  Anyway I discovered this slide presentation http://roth-communications.com/MP3/SanJose1640/1640-0240-WK02d.pdf and looked up the Dr and read more on his work as well as collagen.  Interesting I was on Facebook that day and a "friend" who is a physcal trainer had posted a comment about the benefits Great LakesCollagen (in the green can).  She was very happy with the results she has had as well as her clients.  I found it is high in Aminos so thought I would give it a try for a month or so.  So far I notice deeper sleep, lots of dreaming and an overall sense of "calmness".  Definitely less "reactive", more calm.  I take a tablespoon in the am and one in the pm.

FYI-The Dr who produced the PDF is speaking in SF in 2 weeks and I may go hear what he has to say....  Dr Friedlander.

 

I still think I have thyroid/adrenal issues and in looking back- had them pre benzo.  Might be the reason I had to taper so slowly.  I am waiting on blood tests to check thyroid but from what I have read if adrenals are not working properly taking thyroid meds can cause symptoms similar to benzo withdrawal.  So its important to address adrenals before taking thyroid meds (for me I think I would use armour natural as it contains T3 and T4 etc).  I found a Local guy who is familiar with thyroid adrenal issues and he ordered blood work.  I will see what he has to say.  Getting older is MORE WORK and MORE CARE.  Can't take my health for granted any more...so focusing on diet, exercise and some supplements that are "food based" to get me back on track.

 

I can tell I am healing as just exercise made me feel worse and now I get the "after workout glow".  I am able to manage SO MUCH MORE like cooking cleaning shopping-all back to normal.  I still have tiny episodes of tinnitus and a small sense of blahs when I wake but I have faith this will continue to disappear as I continue to recover. 

 

Angel I will check out the Pet Corner thread!

 

Hope everyone has a wonderful weekend!

Mimi

[[ve...]]

Thanks Mimi. I will respond further over the weekend

 

Vertigo