12-18 month support

[[No...]]

Garton ... for me ... right now ... I believe so much of this lousy feeling day to day is just plain old stress and anxiety due to the recovery process ... and I am suspecting that most of the physical stuff, for me, is simply various manifestations of this stress and anxiety at this stage ...

 

This was not true before ... there were true nasty symptoms going on for a very long time ...

 

I am not trying to simplify anyone's experience ... for me, a feel a shift happened about a month ago ... and it has been difficult to be aware of because the type and quality of the symptoms has remained consistent ...

 

Perhaps this is a type of end-game stage ... I do not know yet ... premature to speculate ... for now, I just watch and wait ...

 

To use a metaphor ... the barometer still goes up and down ... and the "quality" of the experience is changing ... maybe ...

 

Enjoy your golf today ...

[[Co...]]

Green, ...yes!... huge...I am raising my tart cherry/spinach smoothie to you!.  Taxes.  Go get that return...So happy to hear that you slept ... healing here we come...coop

[[Co...]]

Nova...yes, I agree...almost like a secondary stress trauma from the process itself.. .I think you are right....end game stress and battle fatigue.. the barometer fluctuates but underneath things are healing..  good  thoughts.. thanks Nova..  coop

[[So...]]

After a nice day yesterday I'm back in the thick of it today.  Right now it seems like an every other day cycle. 

 

Yesterday morning I received a message from Challis with a quote from the post of a fellow buddy.  It was uplifting and I literally felt a wave of positive feelings within seconds.  I jumped in the shower and was able to enjoy it and think exciting hopeful thoughts.  I rode this all day.  When waves would come I'd positive talk my way out of it.  It was wonderful.  The way I'm able to pop into a better mood with some positive feedback so quickly tells me it's withdrawal and not what they call true depression.

 

Then...I woke up this morning...  Damn it,  the fear, dread, and hopelessness were back and my mind was trying to tell me yesterday was a mirage.  My body aching like a toothache in the shoulders and neck.  The fact that I'm fighting a cold might play into that.  I really hate this!  A flood of memories rolls in to remind me of pre-benzo periods in my life when I was anxious and stressed.  Then the doubts run wild and you feel like you're stuck.

 

Sorry I'm a downer today.  Need some encouragement.

[[ga...]]

Nova.....Hope your day is going well also.  I am guessing it is with the good nights sleep and nice weather there.

 

SoCal....I am still mired in it as you are now.  I know how bad some of the sxs are you are experiencing.  For me, as hard as it is,  I am trying to push through it today.  I haven't done that in the past couple of weeks.  This may be the reason I am feeling so poorly along with little sleep.  My suggestion is to push as much as you can..not wallow with the thoughts of how bad you are feeling today.  Distrction!  Easier said than done.  Best of luck...I know just how bad it is to feel this way...try and  stay strong the best you can.

[[Co...]]

SoCal...hold on buddy.. it is w/d...the 4-7-8 breathing helps me alot to get my center again. I am having every other day shifts too.. one fairly decent day and then the next day feels like acute again...I also get complete shifts during the day...get up in the morning feel ok...2 hours almost like clock work the jitters and anxiety set in....and then lift in the afternoon...I had this pattern of the daily shifting late in acute too so I know it's w/d... but like you, the voice of w/d is powerful and convincing....What works the best for me is constant distraction. Don't engage yourself in the way if conversation...physical motion helps alot.. any busy thing.. wash the dishes 3 times, go for a walk 4 times, clean the floor.  Anything that keeps you busy and moving.. .

....It is great news that you are having better days every other day... The positive internal conversation with yourself is also a great strategy... Sky gets every other day /good day - bad day pattern....You are doing good buddy.  It's going to be ok....coop

[[Sk...]]

Hi everybody, I am having a hard time writing today, my old problem is back. I am following your posts. Have a nice day, my heart is doing it's thing.

 

Green, happy to hear  about you sleeping ! You went to pay your taxes with a bounce in your step !

 

Speak later,

 

Sky

[[So...]]

Thanks Coop.  I've got to be careful where I go to read posts on here in BB.  The depressing ones can be a HUGE trigger when I'm feeling vulnerable right now.  I don't know what's wrong with me but when I can't stop myself when I start reading a negative thread.  It's like I'm torturing myself.

 

So much of life is our attitude.  I know that but yet it's hard to change it.  I read of things other people are going through and I "feel" it and get sucked in and depressed by it.  W/D makes us more sensitive to this kind of stuff, doesn't it?

[[dr...]]

The mornings are the bad for me too.  Wake up with the fear and all the fun stuff.  I just do my self talk and I know it will pass but every time it feels the same.  I was reading a thread on how many people feel like crap in the morning and the best in the evening.  I am almost normal by 8pm every night unless I do something stupid like read Dr. Google.

 

I had a bad night of sleep.  For some reason I was crazy ass jittery(not anxiety) at bed time.  Slept terribly and was sweating a bunch.  I am pretty sure this has been a warning sign for a migraine but doing my CBT has showed me how many times I have had signs and not got one.  I am 18 days and counting:)

 

Lots of suffering today and I hope that changes for everyone.

[[Sk...]]

Thanks Coop.  I've got to be careful where I go to read posts on here in BB.  The depressing ones can be a HUGE trigger when I'm feeling vulnerable right now.  I don't know what's wrong with me but when I can't stop myself when I start reading a negative thread.  It's like I'm torturing myself.

 

So much of life is our attitude.  I know that but yet it's hard to change it.  I read of things other people are going through and I "feel" it and get sucked in and depressed by it.  W/D makes us more sensitive to this kind of stuff, doesn't it?

 

Socaler, I read that our brains( not our minds , big difference ) are attracted to the drama and hunger for that sort of stuff.

[[ga...]]

Along with the lack of sleep one of the biggest issues I am dealing with is the "I can't stand the thought of this being how I will be in the future".  Not wanting to do much of anything, fear of doing anything fun because I will feel so poorly.  Just beating myself up, over and over with this stuff. We just did a 2 day outing with my daughter before she journeys out of the area for a new job.  Starting a new life in Florida.  At least I decided to go but I sure did feel miserable those two days...just kind of tagged along.  This was all about her, not me, but I sure made it about me an how poorly I was feeling.  That's why I let this stuff get to me.  Got to take the focus off of me an how I feel.

 

I am told..by those smarter than me...that I whine too much and just need to live my life regardless of how I feel and accept where I am at.  This making excuses means I continue to miss out on living life. I am reminded, frequently, by my wife of how much of life we have missed over the years because of how I am responding to the lack of sleep.  This leads to me beating myself up even more for allowing this to happen.  I so much want to feel like going and doing things without feeling exhausted and focused on how I am feeling on a particular day.  Some of you might just say than...GET OUT THERE AND JUST DO IT!

[[Co...]]

SoCal.. yes, I think we go to the the threads to see if others are having our sx...in an attempt to see u he reassurance that we are not alone in our sx.  And then we go off the cliff...For me, I find it more stabilizing to kind of stay with one one thread for the most part so I can follow people who are similar in my time frame...over time. That allows me to see the day to day ups and downs of others. Someone might be really depressed for 3 days and then pop out if into a window...etc. This is much more reassuring to me than just reading sx.  You are right....gaurd your sensitive mind very carefully. My health fears can be triggered by a simple single word....I work on it constantly...Find an encouraging thread or blog and kind of stick with it and be careful of sx surfing....coop

[[be...]]

I have to share this!!!!

I asked my husband if he would make a run into Amish town for me to get some of their local honey.

It's an hour drive there and back. He said they had a lot of samples out...

He brought home roast beef, potatoe salad, homemade bread, an Apple pie, cinnamon rolls, homemade noodles and No honey...he forgot the honey!!!!! Men....is all I can say.

 

[[Co...]]

Beulah...hilarious!  Classic husband goof...what a nice guy though to bring home all those other good things....enjoy!...I know what you mean though ...I am really particular about what I eat.. organic.. raw honey.. no GMOs etc etc.. You sound like you are starting to feel better.  You laughed instead of threatening divorce.  Good sign...love to you...coop

[[So...]]

In our current fragile state, I feel like falling apart when someone not in benzo withdrawal asks me for encouragement.  Last week a good friend was really depressed because of a painful breakup with her boyfriend.  It sent me right into a wave of hopelessness.  I start feeling scared and afraid I'll always be this fragile.  Then this morning this was a thread on the post-withdrawn board from a guy really struggling.  It sent me to the moon.  Can you guys relate?

 

You all help calm me back down.  I'll do the same for you guys too.  Thanks.

[[dr...]]

Thanks Coop.  I've got to be careful where I go to read posts on here in BB.  The depressing ones can be a HUGE trigger when I'm feeling vulnerable right now.  I don't know what's wrong with me but when I can't stop myself when I start reading a negative thread.  It's like I'm torturing myself.

 

So much of life is our attitude.  I know that but yet it's hard to change it.  I read of things other people are going through and I "feel" it and get sucked in and depressed by it.  W/D makes us more sensitive to this kind of stuff, doesn't it?

 

I feel the same way with DR. Google   He is verboten to me now.

[[No...]]

Beulah ... I will trade you some honey for some noodles ... 

 

 

[[No...]]

SoCaler ... I can relate ... I cannot go to that board ... I still find it either overwhelming or frustrating ... I hang out here, read success posts, and off and on maintain a little blog ... and follow Mindseeker and LookingForward because of all the Memes ... brings me a least three laughs a day ...

[[So...]]

Thanks NovaScotia!  This thing is so minute to minute.  Damn.  I can feel like I've got complete control and then lose it all if I hear the wrong word or read the wrong thing.  I was naturally sensitive to negative stimuli before benzos but it wasn't so intense.

[[No...]]

SoCaler ... the "intensity" will likely tune down some ... I was very "raw" ... or perhaps "too open" for a long time ... that is getting more manageable ...

 

Empathy is very healthy for me ... and for a long time it was very overwhelming ... your sense of "boundaries" will return ... it is good to know where you are right now and accept it and take a few precautions if necessary temporarily ...

[[So...]]

Thanks Nova.  My body and CNS is really wound up and that makes the fear and thoughts very intense. 

 

I learned at a young age to "fall apart" and run from anything remotely stressful.  My dad was an alcoholic and would fall apart at the slightest issues.  Everything was an emergency.  I learned to fight everything and panic when the issues were very minor and didn't require fight or flight at all. 

 

I have re-learned how to handle those things.  But, i benzo w/d, it feels like I lost all that and am juts a scary little kid again.

[[So...]]

I was getting really antsy at my office (I'm a commercial real estate broker) so took a very brief 5 minute walk around the neighborhood.  It made my anxiety worse.  So many people talk about walking helping them but for me it makes things worse.  My mind races and I think of so many things to worry about, etc.

[[dr...]]

socal-sometimes when I have anxiety and I go for a walk it takes much longer than 5 minutes to lessen.  many times the whole 20 minute walk can be hard and my anxiety will die down about 45 minutes after I am done twith the walk.  I then have several hours of feeling okay.

[[mr...]]

Good Evening from sunny, balmy, the bloody snow mountains are melting, Nova Scotia ... made it to 50 F today ... it has been almost six months since we have seen that temperature ... unusual for us ...

 

I too "accidently" came to realize that the source of my issues was the drug ... yes, I have/had some pre-existing issues ... however, I now believe the use of the drug became a process independent of any existing issues ... and ... once the drug process is over, I can sit back and have a look at what, if anything, may still be going on ...

 

So it goes, live and learn ...

 

Stink, man...I don't know how you do this, but daaaaaang...you seem to always hit the nail on the head. I tend to say many words in order to communicate a few meaningful things, but you have the gift...the gift of saying just a few words that communicate many meaningful things...

 

God bless you, brother. And I couldn't agree with you more!

 

Mrs.

[[No...]]

Mrs ... I have a very attentive hammer ... no matter where I am looking it protects my thumb ...