Eastcoast's Trip

[[ea...]]

I fiddled around with my keyboard and finally found something that worked. I think I hit shift and + and the type got bigger. Oh this stuff gives me a headache! Wish it came easier to me.

 

I moved my windchimes for Josh. Lauries only comment was a mumbled "I cant stand chimes" which I was meant to hear. Excuse my language here but screw her! I moved the chimes for her son, not her. I cant strand that she lets Baby Cat out at will, which has wrecked my feeding squirrels. I have told her this but I know she did not hear me. I know I am right, she is a subtly bully. My way or no way. Well, life just isn't like that.

 

 

She saw my new super short hair cut yesterday but obviously had forgotten this today because she commented on it. DRUGS do that to you, especially psych drugs. And she takes a lot of them..plus narcotics. Addle brained. Xanax, Flexeril, Lyrica....just do not produce a functioning mind.

[[ea...]]

The Computer Demon has plagued me today. Messages get removed or disappeared. I just wrote a bit here and off it went into never never land.

 

I have special thanks to three friends here. Paul, Shanti and Stella. Thank you for trusting me to help you. You need to understand that by giving to you, I give to myself. This is what life is all about for good humans. The bad ones just take, steal, lie and move on, gathering tons of debts they can never re-pay, nor will they ever want to. Please, you three, do not give up no matter how bad it gets. Please try to believe in what you read here, because it happens to be the truth.

 

I remember how I both consciously and unconsciously decided to believe what I read on BB. I figured I had no choice but to do this, because the alternative would have been to sign myself into the local psych unit. That surely did not appeal to me. So I kind of made myself believe what I read here, and damned if it did not turn out to be true!! Thank heavens it was true. When I tell you that without the help I got here on BB, I would now be dead...I am not exaggerating. Picture me: 85 lbs, 5'3" tall, and on enough benzos and ADs to kill a horse. A holy walking mess, except I couldn't walk, I used a walker. I couldn't eat I couldn't do practically anything. I kept falling, in that last year, almost every day, I fell. Usually on my lawn but the falls inside are what caused all those injuries. Benzos did almost kill me. And, if not for BB, I would long be in my grave, a Paupers Grave. I was broke and so in debt I ended up filing bankruptcy, all due to Benzo Thinking. Well. I went CT not out of choice, but that is what I was forced to do and it was the BEST thing that ever happened to me. Bar None. Best thing. Yes, my withdrawal was so awful its hard to describe it, but I hung on and hung on, with the help of so many people here. And slowly slowly I began to heal. I now walk without even a cane except on a few really rare super painful days. I work now! I am good at what I do.

 

ALL of this can happen to you too, as long as you give it enough time. Try to believe in what you read here. Learn to spot posts that maybe you shouldn't believe. Learn who to trust and who not to. BB can and does attract some people who just have mental problems unrelated to withdrawal. But the vast, vast majority, in MY experience, are trying just like you to get through WD and not go crazy.

 

 

Make some friends here. Reach out privately and PM people you think are somehow similar to you. I did this and the friends I made back then are very dear to me even now. Amazing that friends you make on the internet can be so real! Always feel free to start threads here. Over time, wehatever YOU write about will help someone else. Never doubt this. When I was so bad off I searched as many threads as I could, looking for answers and ideas. And I found so many of them.

 

 

But most of all, dont just lie in bed feeling miserable. Make yourself get UP and do something. Distraction will always be your best ally.

 

 

Second of all, try to help someone else. Even if you are really in a bad way, you CAN help someone else! Your story might just be the one that gets someone else over one of those humps where you feel like just giving up.

 

much love to ALL my friends here -

Annie

 

 

[[Ma...]]

The Computer Demon has plagued me today. Messages get removed or disappeared. I just wrote a bit here and off it went into never never land.

 

I have special thanks to three friends here. Paul, Shanti and Stella. Thank you for trusting me to help you. You need to understand that by giving to you, I give to myself. This is what life is all about for good humans. The bad ones just take, steal, lie and move on, gathering tons of debts they can never re-pay, nor will they ever want to. Please, you three, do not give up no matter how bad it gets. Please try to believe in what you read here, because it happens to be the truth.

 

I remember how I both consciously and unconsciously decided to believe what I read on BB. I figured I had no choice but to do this, because the alternative would have been to sign myself into the local psych unit. That surely did not appeal to me. So I kind of made myself believe what I read here, and damned if it did not turn out to be true!! Thank heavens it was true. When I tell you that without the help I got here on BB, I would now be dead...I am not exaggerating. Picture me: 85 lbs, 5'3" tall, and on enough benzos and ADs to kill a horse. A holy walking mess, except I couldn't walk, I used a walker. I couldn't eat I couldn't do practically anything. I kept falling, in that last year, almost every day, I fell. Usually on my lawn but the falls inside are what caused all those injuries. Benzos did almost kill me. And, if not for BB, I would long be in my grave, a Paupers Grave. I was broke and so in debt I ended up filing bankruptcy, all due to Benzo Thinking. Well. I went CT not out of choice, but that is what I was forced to do and it was the BEST thing that ever happened to me. Bar None. Best thing. Yes, my withdrawal was so awful its hard to describe it, but I hung on and hung on, with the help of so many people here. And slowly slowly I began to heal. I now walk without even a cane except on a few really rare super painful days. I work now! I am good at what I do.

 

ALL of this can happen to you too, as long as you give it enough time. Try to believe in what you read here. Learn to spot posts that maybe you shouldn't believe. Learn who to trust and who not to. BB can and does attract some people who just have mental problems unrelated to withdrawal. But the vast, vast majority, in MY experience, are trying just like you to get through WD and not go crazy.

 

 

Make some friends here. Reach out privately and PM people you think are somehow similar to you. I did this and the friends I made back then are very dear to me even now. Amazing that friends you make on the internet can be so real! Always feel free to start threads here. Over time, wehatever YOU write about will help someone else. Never doubt this. When I was so bad off I searched as many threads as I could, looking for answers and ideas. And I found so many of them.

 

 

But most of all, dont just lie in bed feeling miserable. Make yourself get UP and do something. Distraction will always be your best ally.

 

 

Second of all, try to help someone else. Even if you are really in a bad way, you CAN help someone else! Your story might just be the one that gets someone else over one of those humps where you feel like just giving up.

 

much love to ALL my friends here -

Annie

 

Wonderful post east, you are the woman and always give me hope, love ya Mary 🐱🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾

[[ea...]]

My customer today did something simply wonderful. She gave me a check for $200 to go towards my RN license. At first I felt awkward and uncomfortable about it, thinking that she sees me as poor and sort pitiful. But then I realized that giving me that check was her way of paying it forward. I decided to accept her check. Tomorrow is New Years Day and the Board will not be open. But I will call them asap. Before some financial crisis hits and I am tempted to use her money for that. Her money has to go towards my license.

It stinks being poor. And I wouldn't be if not for benzos and my long love affair with them. That IS the absolute truth for this woman.

 

 

But you cannot spend your time looking back and criticizing what happened. It happened and now you have to deal with the results. It is that simple. We ALL do stupid things. We all do things we regret. Some of us do a lot MORE things we regret than others, but that does not matter.

 

 

Benzo withdrawal can make or break a person. NO doubt in my mind about that.  Many people do just give up and reinstate and years later they hopefully will be back here to try again. Getting off benzos is NOT easy for many people. It may test your very soul to do this but if you make it, it might just be the best thing you ever did for yourself. Women in particular are sort of programmed to help others and often, we neglect ourselves. Benzos are an easy way out of life's stressors. But we pay a huge price later on. I sometimes think that women in WD have it a bit harder, because of how we are taught from Day One to help anyone BUT ourselves. But I also know that some men have a horrible time getting off these drugs. Benzos are sort of universally bad and awful drugs. Wish they had never been invented.

 

When I left for work this morning, Bear had found his ideal little nest. I had left a laundry basket full of newly cleaned washcloths (work rags) on the LR floor. He was curled up in that basket, snoozinbg away. He looked so adorable! I may have to get him his own special basket, just like I did with Oreo. That picture in my mind of Oreo purring away ion a large basket filled with flannels and other soft stuff will never leave me. He was SO happy and SO grateful, even though a part of him would also have been just as happy living outdoors. That was his personality.......laid back to the Nth degree. Bear is a different sort of cat. He knew he WANTED to be inside, safe and loved. He doesnt seem to miss the outdoors at all.

 

 

Happy New Year to all my dear friends, old and new. Let thias be YOUR year to heal and grow and get better. Every second that passes, you are healing. It just takes time for you to FEEL that healing.

Annie and Jackie Bear, who still is a huge kitten

 

 

 

 

 

[[Ma...]]

My customer today did something simply wonderful. She gave me a check for $200 to go towards my RN license. At first I felt awkward and uncomfortable about it, thinking that she sees me as poor and sort pitiful. But then I realized that giving me that check was her way of paying it forward. I decided to accept her check. Tomorrow is New Years Day and the Board will not be open. But I will call them asap. Before some financial crisis hits and I am tempted to use her money for that. Her money has to go towards my license.

It stinks being poor. And I wouldn't be if not for benzos and my long love affair with them. That IS the absolute truth for this woman.

 

 

But you cannot spend your time looking back and criticizing what happened. It happened and now you have to deal with the results. It is that simple. We ALL do stupid things. We all do things we regret. Some of us do a lot MORE things we regret than others, but that does not matter.

 

 

Benzo withdrawal can make or break a person. NO doubt in my mind about that.  Many people do just give up and reinstate and years later they hopefully will be back here to try again. Getting off benzos is NOT easy for many people. It may test your very soul to do this but if you make it, it might just be the best thing you ever did for yourself. Women in particular are sort of programmed to help others and often, we neglect ourselves. Benzos are an easy way out of life's stressors. But we pay a huge price later on. I sometimes think that women in WD have it a bit harder, because of how we are taught from Day One to help anyone BUT ourselves. But I also know that some men have a horrible time getting off these drugs. Benzos are sort of universally bad and awful drugs. Wish they had never been invented.

 

When I left for work this morning, Bear had found his ideal little nest. I had left a laundry basket full of newly cleaned washcloths (work rags) on the LR floor. He was curled up in that basket, snoozinbg away. He looked so adorable! I may have to get him his own special basket, just like I did with Oreo. That picture in my mind of Oreo purring away ion a large basket filled with flannels and other soft stuff will never leave me. He was SO happy and SO grateful, even though a part of him would also have been just as happy living outdoors. That was his personality.......laid back to the Nth degree. Bear is a different sort of cat. He knew he WANTED to be inside, safe and loved. He doesnt seem to miss the outdoors at all.

 

 

Happy New Year to all my dear friends, old and new. Let thias be YOUR year to heal and grow and get better. Every second that passes, you are healing. It just takes time for you to FEEL that healing.

Annie and Jackie Bear, who still is a huge kitten

 

What a wonderful woman to want to help you with your goal that way, that was so nice!

Happy New Year to you and Bear, eastcoast, , love ya, Mary 🎈🎈🎈🎈🎈🐱🐾💥💥💥💥💥🎉🎉🎉🎉

[[me...]]

Happy New Yeat to you too Annie, and to Bear!  And to you too Mary! After tomorrow, no more "holidays" for a long time.  They seemed to go on forever this year!  I hope you  get you license soon and can find better paying work.

 

[[Ma...]]

Happy New Yeat to you too Annie, and to Bear!  And to you too Mary! After tomorrow, no more "holidays" for a long time.  They seemed to go on forever this year!  I hope you  get you license soon and can find better paying work.

 

 

Happy New Year to you too Megan!! 🎈🎈🎈🎈🎈🎈🎈🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉💥💥💥Mary

[[ea...]]

Yes. This was a super wonderful gift for her to make. I cant help but feel a little humiliated, but I am also very grateful; for her gift. I will call The Board tomorrow. PRN admissions will pay a lot better than $20 an hour that I make now.

 

I spent some time today looking at other benzo support sites. Bayliss's and several others. I signed up for BIC's newsletters some time ago. Figured I needed a touch up, for some reason. This WD stuff is so draining. You think you are healed and then you realize...well, maybe not that much. I am now quite functional and that is wonderful but totally healed? I don't think so. But I can live with the minor symptoms I still have. I am most surely in protracted withdrawal. Oh well. I am alive and healthy now so that's a whole lot better than almost dead and giving up living on my own! As one friend always says....."Ever onward." (British speak stuff but it amuses me.) Think of the millions of people on this Earth who are suffering and don't even know why, because they dont have easy internet access. We who live in educated countries have it so much easier. I still remember the relief and jopy I felt at finding BB, after trying to find support all over the place. And I first stumbled onto that weird guys site, the one who is demented about BB and makes us sound like crazy fools! That scared me so much I almost gave up. Glad I found the courage to keep looking. I looked at his silly site a couple months ago and he is still at it, quoting people here, even me - and making us sound like we are misguided, psychiatric idiots. I think HE is one, not us! LOL! I bet that guy makes damn sure he has a ready supply of whatever benzo he is addicted to!!!! And probably counts his pills every night in case one of his crazy friends steals some.

 

 

I plan to make Bear an official basket, not a laundry basket. I have this neat huge basket which right now stores my beading supplies. I emptied out a tall cupboard today in my office, with stuff to give the Humane Society thrift shop. The bead stuff can go in there, and the basket will become Bear's new safe place. I will do that this weekend. Plus go through a large wicker chest in my office that contains various linens I have collected and never use. Let them all go to help homeless animals.

 

 

Happy New Year, and lets pray that the political situation here in the US somehow gets normalized. That will be painful but I sure hope he gets impeached. He needs to be. A Pres who Tweets.....!!! Doesn't he get it that only idiots fall into Tweeting every other minute? I guess not.

[[Ma...]]

Yes. This was a super wonderful gift for her to make. I cant help but feel a little humiliated, but I am also very grateful; for her gift. I will call The Board tomorrow. PRN admissions will pay a lot better than $20 an hour that I make now.

 

I spent some time today looking at other benzo support sites. Bayliss's and several others. I signed up for BIC's newsletters some time ago. Figured I needed a touch up, for some reason. This WD stuff is so draining. You think you are healed and then you realize...well, maybe not that much. I am now quite functional and that is wonderful but totally healed? I don't think so. But I can live with the minor symptoms I still have. I am most surely in protracted withdrawal. Oh well. I am alive and healthy now so that's a whole lot better than almost dead and giving up living on my own! As one friend always says....."Ever onward." (British speak stuff but it amuses me.) Think of the millions of people on this Earth who are suffering and don't even know why, because they dont have easy internet access. We who live in educated countries have it so much easier. I still remember the relief and jopy I felt at finding BB, after trying to find support all over the place. And I first stumbled onto that weird guys site, the one who is demented about BB and makes us sound like crazy fools! That scared me so much I almost gave up. Glad I found the courage to keep looking. I looked at his silly site a couple months ago and he is still at it, quoting people here, even me - and making us sound like we are misguided, psychiatric idiots. I think HE is one, not us! LOL! I bet that guy makes damn sure he has a ready supply of whatever benzo he is addicted to!!!! And probably counts his pills every night in case one of his crazy friends steals some.

 

 

I plan to make Bear an official basket, not a laundry basket. I have this neat huge basket which right now stores my beading supplies. I emptied out a tall cupboard today in my office, with stuff to give the Humane Society thrift shop. The bead stuff can go in there, and the basket will become Bear's new safe place. I will do that this weekend. Plus go through a large wicker chest in my office that contains various linens I have collected and never use. Let them all go to help homeless animals.

 

 

Happy New Year, and lets pray that the political situation here in the US somehow gets normalized. That will be painful but I sure hope he gets impeached. He needs to be. A Pres who Tweets.....!!! Doesn't he get it that only idiots fall into Tweeting every other minute? I guess not.

 

You shouldn't feel humiliated, from your posts , I bet she cares for you because you treat her so well and she wanted to do something to help your situation, the last thing she would want is for you to feel humiliated, so don't, gratitude and love, eastcoast.  Love to you and Bear my friend, Mary ☮️💜🙏

[[ea...]]

I'm sure you are right.

 

Mary, please consider becoming a Mod here! You certainly have the experience to do it and you are comfortable with words.

 

It has been a long day. I am tired.

 

I called the FL Board of Nursing and listened to 2 lengthy recording with various options. NONE of those options led me to a human being. WTF!!!! Florida needs nurses, so why put up such roadblocks??? I tried to register on their website and that failed too. So I sent them an email which will probably be ignored.

 

My new Nook tablet arrived but it would not connect to the damn internet no matter WHAT password I used! I keep an address book just to store passwords, so I know I tried ALL that are related to WIFI. FRUSTRATING! And if I call either Barnes and Noble OR Comcast for help, I will be on hold for a long time and end up speaking to someone NOT fluent in English and SO polite they waste TOO much time talking and being so polite. UGH. I am sure many of you know that feeling. Is it the USA's job to hire all the Phillipinos on the planet,. but NOT offer jobs to Americans? And no I Phillipinos tend to be pretty nice people, quiet and sort of humble. I worked with quite a few of them herer in FL, especially at the hospital I worked in.

 

 

Hope ther Board answers my email, cuz if not, I will not be able to renew my license.

 

 

 

[[Ma...]]

I'm sure you are right.

 

Mary, please consider becoming a Mod here! You certainly have the experience to do it and you are comfortable with words.

 

It has been a long day. I am tired.

 

I called the FL Board of Nursing and listened to 2 lengthy recording with various options. NONE of those options led me to a human being. WTF!!!! Florida needs nurses, so why put up such roadblocks??? I tried to register on their website and that failed too. So I sent them an email which will probably be ignored.

 

My new Nook tablet arrived but it would not connect to the damn internet no matter WHAT password I used! I keep an address book just to store passwords, so I know I tried ALL that are related to WIFI. FRUSTRATING! And if I call either Barnes and Noble OR Comcast for help, I will be on hold for a long time and end up speaking to someone NOT fluent in English and SO polite they waste TOO much time talking and being so polite. UGH. I am sure many of you know that feeling. Is it the USA's job to hire all the Phillipinos on the planet,. but NOT offer jobs to Americans? And no I Phillipinos tend to be pretty nice people, quiet and sort of humble. I worked with quite a few of them herer in FL, especially at the hospital I worked in.

 

 

Hope ther Board answers my email, cuz if not, I will not be able to renew my license.

 

Oh that so sucks Annie.  Is there a building you can go to, hey, you use to be able to take their tablet to their store and they would help you get signed up.  I don't know if they still do but check. Can you write somewhere?  Don't give up, tell everyone you know your story and maybe the Universe will put the person that can help in your path.  I have faith.  Love for you and Bear, Mary 🐱🐾🐾☮️💜🙏

[[ea...]]

I got a canned reply from The Board that gives yet another phone number. I will try that one tomorrow. They have always been difficult to deal with. Sort of like most States Motor Vehicle Departments. I will find  way to get this done no matter what new obstacle I run into.

 

Thanks for your constant support, Miss Mary. You are very much appreciated by this old warrior.

[[Ma...]]

I got a canned reply from The Board that gives yet another phone number. I will try that one tomorrow. They have always been difficult to deal with. Sort of like most States Motor Vehicle Departments. I will find  way to get this done no matter what new obstacle I run into.

 

Thanks for your constant support, Miss Mary. You are very much appreciated by this old warrior.

 

You support me every day with your posts Annie ❤️

[[ea...]]

Where do you live, Mary? I am in Florida.

 

My customer today is a neurologist turned psychiatrist. WELL educated. He is the Director of Addictions in a local mental health program. Nice guy and he knows what I went through, or at least sort of. I had spare time today because I worked so efficiently and while eating lunch I read some of his addictions books. NONE of them said WD can last as long as it can! One of the books did talk about switching patients to Valium, but did not give Ashton the credit due for realizing this. All three books said benzo WD can last about a month. Oh for heavens sake. ARE we all nuts? I don't think so.

 

I finally got through to the FL Nursing Board and spoke to a human being. He wasn't too helpful, but at least he was pleasant. He told me (sort of) what to do and I have done just that. They require a certain amount of CEUS, which is a total joke because you can answer the questions ANY old way and get passed. I will start that process soon. I had to send them an official email asking for what I want. This guy couldn't tell me how much it costs, but I will find out some way. I want my license back even if I never use it, dammit! I worked so hard to get ity, and worked 30 years as an RN. Wish I had never let it lapse. I have always been so proud of being an RN.

 

I cleaned the condo of an Addictions Specialist (Psychiatrist) today. I have cleaned his condo for about two years. He knows I went through WD but he doesn't know the awful details. I had some time today because I worked VERY efficiently, and ate my lunch while reading three of his addictions books. ALL three said that benzo WD lasts about a month, MAX, and only one book said to switch patients to valium. Same old crap. We here on BB are not crazy. We are not imaging this stuff. We are VICTIMS of benzos and its a cryin' shame doctors still do not know the whole truth. I DO believe that the majority of people get off benzos without a bit of trouble. IF it were billions of people - more would be known about this now. But a select few people DO have extended withdrawal that last FAR longer than usual. I was one and so are all of you. That IS the truth.

 

Picture this: you turn your TV on one evening and there on the screen is an infomercial for, say "Benzo Free". The voice sounds reassuring and says that millions of people suffer because of benzos, and that getting off themn can be extremely difficult. At the end, this voice tells you to call Benzo Free or write Benzobuddies for help." Wouldnt that have madde it better for you, knowing this stuff EXISTS and is known of? It would have helped me.

 

 

I urge all my friends here to check out other websites devoted to being benzo free. There are a few of them and all will offer you even more support and information.

 

 

Bear Cat is on the floor, looking up at me with that san!weet face, wanting to be petted. I used the Furminator on him and have about half a cat (hair) in the trash can! He loves being brushed, which is a bit unusual for a male cat. He has such a thick coat--- mackeral tabby on top and a LOT of guard hairs--- and sheds more thabn most cats. I founbd out long ago that brushing does NOTHING for the shedding issue. But if it makes a cat happy, brush the heck outta him!

 

[[Ma...]]

Where do you live, Mary? I am in Florida.

 

My customer today is a neurologist turned psychiatrist. WELL educated. He is the Director of Addictions in a local mental health program. Nice guy and he knows what I went through, or at least sort of. I had spare time today because I worked so efficiently and while eating lunch I read some of his addictions books. NONE of them said WD can last as long as it can! One of the books did talk about switching patients to Valium, but did not give Ashton the credit due for realizing this. All three books said benzo WD can last about a month. Oh for heavens sake. ARE we all nuts? I don't think so.

 

I finally got through to the FL Nursing Board and spoke to a human being. He wasn't too helpful, but at least he was pleasant. He told me (sort of) what to do and I have done just that. They require a certain amount of CEUS, which is a total joke because you can answer the questions ANY old way and get passed. I will start that process soon. I had to send them an official email asking for what I want. This guy couldn't tell me how much it costs, but I will find out some way. I want my license back even if I never use it, dammit! I worked so hard to get ity, and worked 30 years as an RN. Wish I had never let it lapse. I have always been so proud of being an RN.

 

I cleaned the condo of an Addictions Specialist (Psychiatrist) today. I have cleaned his condo for about two years. He knows I went through WD but he doesn't know the awful details. I had some time today because I worked VERY efficiently, and ate my lunch while reading three of his addictions books. ALL three said that benzo WD lasts about a month, MAX, and only one book said to switch patients to valium. Same old crap. We here on BB are not crazy. We are not imaging this stuff. We are VICTIMS of benzos and its a cryin' shame doctors still do not know the whole truth. I DO believe that the majority of people get off benzos without a bit of trouble. IF it were billions of people - more would be known about this now. But a select few people DO have extended withdrawal that last FAR longer than usual. I was one and so are all of you. That IS the truth.

 

Picture this: you turn your TV on one evening and there on the screen is an infomercial for, say "Benzo Free". The voice sounds reassuring and says that millions of people suffer because of benzos, and that getting off themn can be extremely difficult. At the end, this voice tells you to call Benzo Free or write Benzobuddies for help." Wouldnt that have madde it better for you, knowing this stuff EXISTS and is known of? It would have helped me.

 

 

I urge all my friends here to check out other websites devoted to being benzo free. There are a few of them and all will offer you even more support and information.

 

 

Bear Cat is on the floor, looking up at me with that san!weet face, wanting to be petted. I used the Furminator on him and have about half a cat (hair) in the trash can! He loves being brushed, which is a bit unusual for a male cat. He has such a thick coat--- mackeral tabby on top and a LOT of guard hairs--- and sheds more thabn most cats. I founbd out long ago that brushing does NOTHING for the shedding issue. But if it makes a cat happy, brush the heck outta him!

 

I live in TX.  It doesn't surprise me at all they didn't mention Ashton or that he hasn't been interested enough to sit you down and ask you , what your experience was really like.  My pain Dr knew nothing but I know from things she has said, her and her partner have been studying it some.  My physical therapist has also studied some.  I still of course know more than they do, but at least they made an effort .

I'm so glad you have a pet that loves you so much and that you love.  It makes a world of difference in your life.  Mine is laying on his bench, looking out the window, he should see his dad's truck any minute.  He gets so excited, he barely knows what to do with himself.

You will get that run license back.  You are one determined woman.  Love ya, Mary 🐱🐾🐾🐾

[[ea...]]

Do you have a dog, or a cat? I have always been a cat person, but that's just me. I really relate to cats, for some reason. And they almost always trust me, which I consider a compliment.

I have only been to Texas twice. Northern Texas, which was ugly as sin, and so dry and barren, at least the part I went through. You guys in TX have had a bad time with the storms. Florida, for the most part, has been sort of spared, but our time IS coming. Only a matter of time and some huge hurricane will wipe us out. I am SO scared of hurricanes.

 

 

Today, I paid a small fee so I can take the necessary CEUS to get my license back. Ceus are a joke now, you can answer some totally wrong answer and pass anyway. This makes me wonder how good current nurses really are. I have to take about "30 hours" of Ceus, but in all reality, it will only take me an hour to do that. A total joke. CEU: continuing education and I don't know what the U stands for!

 

Its hard to believe that the person I finally spoke to could not tell me he could send me the application! WTF! Why not??? I wish I was computer savvy and owned a damn printer, but I am now almost 69 and DO NOT have those skills. The guy couldn't even tell me what fees I will have to pay. But he was nice, and at least THAT helped making the darn phone call a bity easier. I wonder if Nursing Schools are now so much easier than they used to be...God help us, if that is true. When I went to school I had to study hard and memorize a lot. Had to read things over and over until it began to make sense to me. The math part was especially painful, but in the end, I aced that, much to my surprise. The human body is very complicated. The brain, even more so.

 

Amazingly, never ONCE in school, or on the job, did I ever read or hear that BWD could be so bad. This came as a HUGE shock to me. I used to consider myself well informed about drugs and withdrawal. Turns out I was woefully lacking in knowledge, because it just isn't readily available.

 

 

On a different note, I have agaibn decided to let my hair go natural. I will have to live with half red and half silver hair for about a year. Its time. Time to LOOK my age and not try to be younger than I am. I only wish my hair was MORE white thabn it seems to be. I think white/silver hair is gorgeous!!!

 

 

[[Ma...]]

Do you have a dog, or a cat? I have always been a cat person, but that's just me. I really relate to cats, for some reason. And they almost always trust me, which I consider a compliment.

I have only been to Texas twice. Northern Texas, which was ugly as sin, and so dry and barren, at least the part I went through. You guys in TX have had a bad time with the storms. Florida, for the most part, has been sort of spared, but our time IS coming. Only a matter of time and some huge hurricane will wipe us out. I am SO scared of hurricanes.

 

 

Today, I paid a small fee so I can take the necessary CEUS to get my license back. Ceus are a joke now, you can answer some totally wrong answer and pass anyway. This makes me wonder how good current nurses really are. I have to take about "30 hours" of Ceus, but in all reality, it will only take me an hour to do that. A total joke. CEU: continuing education and I don't know what the U stands for!

 

Its hard to believe that the person I finally spoke to could not tell me he could send me the application! WTF! Why not??? I wish I was computer savvy and owned a damn printer, but I am now almost 69 and DO NOT have those skills. The guy couldn't even tell me what fees I will have to pay. But he was nice, and at least THAT helped making the darn phone call a bity easier. I wonder if Nursing Schools are now so much easier than they used to be...God help us, if that is true. When I went to school I had to study hard and memorize a lot. Had to read things over and over until it began to make sense to me. The math part was especially painful, but in the end, I aced that, much to my surprise. The human body is very complicated. The brain, even more so.

 

Amazingly, never ONCE in school, or on the job, did I ever read or hear that BWD could be so bad. This came as a HUGE shock to me. I used to consider myself well informed about drugs and withdrawal. Turns out I was woefully lacking in knowledge, because it just isn't readily available.

 

 

On a different note, I have agaibn decided to let my hair go natural. I will have to live with half red and half silver hair for about a year. Its time. Time to LOOK my age and not try to be younger than I am. I only wish my hair was MORE white thabn it seems to be. I think white/silver hair is gorgeous!!!

 

I think white silver hair is gorgeous too, but I don't think mine will be that color, so I am still coloring    I am sorry the nursing license is turning into such a pain, but you keep at it.  I can envision you taking  care of an elderly person and adding so much to their life.  You would just be so good at it. Love, Mary ☮️💜🙏

[[ea...]]

Mary, you are peach!!! Such a sweet person and I am so sorry you, too, got miuxed up with benzos. Never again, right?

My guess is that the front of my head will be mostly silver but the back will still be mostly very dark brown. Once its all grown out it will be so much healthier! I wish I could fast forward to when Im done with the growing out phase. I am gonna looks silly having half white hair and half light red hair.

Went to Goodwill and found the perfect solution for my back (patio) door. Bear HATES my neighbors mostly outdoor cat and that cat enjoys bugging Bear through the door. Because Bear is so big and strong I know he could rip throough the screen just to get that stupid cat. But I found at Goodwill a 4.5 ' metal piece of "art" - brand new from Walmart (tag still on) for 4.99! Its the perfect height and because its thin but strong metal I can shut the door onto it, still letting air in but preventing Bear from ripping the screen up. Once again I got darn lucky!

[[Be...]]

I still have a double screen on the lower portion of my screen door that I put on when I had to feed that mean feral cat out my door all the time.  He'd try to scratch the screen and rip it when she wanted her food.

[[Ma...]]

Mary, you are peach!!! Such a sweet person and I am so sorry you, too, got miuxed up with benzos. Never again, right?

My guess is that the front of my head will be mostly silver but the back will still be mostly very dark brown. Once its all grown out it will be so much healthier! I wish I could fast forward to when Im done with the growing out phase. I am gonna looks silly having half white hair and half light red hair.

Went to Goodwill and found the perfect solution for my back (patio) door. Bear HATES my neighbors mostly outdoor cat and that cat enjoys bugging Bear through the door. Because Bear is so big and strong I know he could rip throough the screen just to get that stupid cat. But I found at Goodwill a 4.5 ' metal piece of "art" - brand new from Walmart (tag still on) for 4.99! Its the perfect height and because its thin but strong metal I can shut the door onto it, still letting air in but preventing Bear from ripping the screen up. Once again I got darn lucky!

 

Never again girlfriend, never.  Lucky and good at improvising, what a woman.  How lucky was Bear to find you  .  Luv ya, Mary 🐱🐾❤️☮️💜🙏

[[pr...]]

east answer my PM

[[ea...]]

Hi PG,  did you get my reply to your PM? I sent it last evening.

 

Nice day. It is finally a bit cool here. High of 79 today. I SO dislike the hot months and mostly, that is all you get here in yucky Florida. Heat, humidity and insects. Ugh! But right now its "winter" here, so the climate is again bearable. Everyone LIVES for this time of year.

 

Decent day for work. Cleaned the new condo for an older couple who I truly like. They are SO appreciative, and always pay me a bit extra. The new condo wasn't filthy but the dust was awful especially in the many closets. I went through 4 Swiffer dusters today, a record for me. The place is half carpeted (yuck) and half white tile that turned out to be really hard to clean. Maybe because it has a slightly raised pattern, but my mop kept flipping over (I use a Swiffer mop but not their icky wet pads. White washcloths fit on the mop perfectly and I mop a small- ish area and when the cloth is white, its clean. My own method, I made it up myself and it works like a charm. They are on the second floor but it also has an elevator. Yay! Their old house was huge and two floors, and carrying a ton of stuff up stairs is difficult for me because of my leg. Vic, the man of the house always helps me, and I deeply appreciate that.

 

 

You will know you are finally healing on the day you realize you hadn't focused on your symptoms for nearly as much time. When your symptoms get milder or even disappear, your mind will be free to think normally again.

No matter how bad you are right now....you may be better tomorrow. Healing is going on all of the time, even though you aren't aware of it. For many people healing is a gradual lessening of symptoms.

I still believe that everyone heals, no matter what you might read. There are always going to be a few people who get their kicks from "being in the sick role."  Benzo withdrawal has just given them a whole new reason to "stay sick". Always remember that most people took benzos for reasons. To get high? Some but not many here on BB. Anxiety, insomnia, life crises - that describes the vast majority of BB people. Well, anxiety DOES have causes, and childhood hurts and traumas often cause it. Did for me. My chronic insomnia was caused (I think) because of the mild abuser my father did to me when I was 8 years old. After that, I had such trouble falling asleep, out of fear, I guess. Benzo people, like ALL people, have personal issues and problems. Some people may even have serious mental illness. But no matter what, everyone can heal from benzos.

[[pr...]]

Hi PG,  did you get my reply to your PM? I sent it last evening.

 

Nice day. It is finally a bit cool here. High of 79 today. I SO dislike the hot months and mostly, that is all you get here in yucky Florida. Heat, humidity and insects. Ugh! But right now its "winter" here, so the climate is again bearable. Everyone LIVES for this time of year.

 

Decent day for work. Cleaned the new condo for an older couple who I truly like. They are SO appreciative, and always pay me a bit extra. The new condo wasn't filthy but the dust was awful especially in the many closets. I went through 4 Swiffer dusters today, a record for me. The place is half carpeted (yuck) and half white tile that turned out to be really hard to clean. Maybe because it has a slightly raised pattern, but my mop kept flipping over (I use a Swiffer mop but not their icky wet pads. White washcloths fit on the mop perfectly and I mop a small- ish area and when the cloth is white, its clean. My own method, I made it up myself and it works like a charm. They are on the second floor but it also has an elevator. Yay! Their old house was huge and two floors, and carrying a ton of stuff up stairs is difficult for me because of my leg. Vic, the man of the house always helps me, and I deeply appreciate that.

 

 

You will know you are finally healing on the day you realize you hadn't focused on your symptoms for nearly as much time. When your symptoms get milder or even disappear, your mind will be free to think normally again.

No matter how bad you are right now....you may be better tomorrow. Healing is going on all of the time, even though you aren't aware of it. For many people healing is a gradual lessening of symptoms.

I still believe that everyone heals, no matter what you might read. There are always going to be a few people who get their kicks from "being in the sick role."  Benzo withdrawal has just given them a whole new reason to "stay sick". Always remember that most people took benzos for reasons. To get high? Some but not many here on BB. Anxiety, insomnia, life crises - that describes the vast majority of BB people. Well, anxiety DOES have causes, and childhood hurts and traumas often cause it. Did for me. My chronic insomnia was caused (I think) because of the mild abuser my father did to me when I was 8 years old. After that, I had such trouble falling asleep, out of fear, I guess. Benzo people, like ALL people, have personal issues and problems. Some people may even have serious mental illness. But no matter what, everyone can heal from benzos.

 

Yeah got your PM and thanks. I went to the ER last night but it is better today.

[[ea...]]

PG, never give up. It really does get better even though right now you don't know this. One of the major things I learned from going through BW is to try to never lie. Oh maybe a white lie now and again. But I try never to lie about anything. Benzos ARE a lie. We think they make us feel better but in reality, all they are doing is hurting us. And when we finally realize this, we have to suffer to get off those awful drugs. Never again, for this little old lady of 69.

Annie (east)

[[ea...]]

Bumping it up for a Buddie.

 

I wish I could figure all this benzo stuff out. But its beyond me - perhaps it can be be fully explained.

I know what I went through was so awful that it is impossible to describe. How do you describe living in utter fear and terror for over a year? How do you describe DP or DR?? I tried but it was beyond mere words.

 

My heart breaks for all of you, trying to get through this mess. It can be done but none of the journey is pleasant until you are healing well. Then, and only then, will you realize what a long, strange trip it has been.

 

 

I still love Jimi Hendrix music. "All Along the Watchtower" is such a class ic rock song. Beyond words beautiful. I was lucky to see him live twice, in DC. The show was pure magic.  That soaring guitar, his rich voice....still sends shivers up my spine. Back then, in 1967, I was 17 years old and a young hippie. We thought our way of thinking would cure the world. Well, it didn't, but we sure did make a HUGE impact! Our music STILL rules. My hip[-dom didn't last long due to drugs. I quickly got addicted to meth, and then got hepatitis. Returned home to Maryland to recover. My life then changed yet again. I realize now how truly immature and stupid I was, thinking drugs would make me feel better. But most hippie drugs did not make me feel better. Marijuana made me paranoid, and acid scared the shit outta me. I stopped using them quickly. Then I began drinking beer, and that love affair lasted many years. When I was 29 I decided to go to Nursing School. And I did. Put myself through a 2 year college and did very well. Only Chemistry kept me from graduating with honors. Got out of school and got my first job as an RN. Inner city hospital, which was the BEST teaching I ever had! I saw things most doctors only dream of seeing. Weird diseases, advanced cases...our patients were Black and dead poor. NO medical care until the ambulance brought them to us. I saw 2 patients with leprosy, for heavens sake. But the bad part is that I now had access to benzos. And I, like others, (nurses and doctors) helped myself. Back then benzos were not controlled or counted. They just were poured into themed carts. And that was the very beginning of my thirty year journey into benzo addiction.

 

 

Hang in there, friends. It does get better. You may not like how you feel now but ibn time, WD will get better.

Annie and J Bear, the worlds best cat