6-12 month thread....

[[No...]]

Good Morning - last day of month 7. That means tomorrow is a new month, the next marker on this journey. The old zen proverb of "chop wood, carry water" keeps floating in and out of my awareness the past few days. Looking after the small things as best I can, trust I am healing, imagining myself post-recovery, and staying connected to the here and now as well as I am able.

 

Take care, good healing, folks.

[[sa...]]

Green,

 

I find the my nausea is more in the head than the stomach. Like the ringing and vibrating get so bad that I start to gag and then throw up. I have Zophran. It will help the lower level nausea, but not the raging waves I get at the extremes.

 

I do feel that the nausea is getting better. Last month was horrible. But I have been able to eat more and more solid food as of late, which is a good sign.

 

On a good note I had a good morning today and took a walk in the woods. Lots of energy. I even made it to Walmart to pick up some summer stuff. Hopefully I can build on today.

[[je...]]

Hi everyone,

I just have to say even though I know a lot of us are still suffering that I am so thankful to be benzo free!!! I have been reading around the forum lately about all the people on here trying to taper and having a horrible time. They are suffering a lot and most are in tolerance or having interdose w/d. Iam so glad to be off these poison drugs and to givexmy body a chance to heal. I really don't think you can heal much while still taking these drugs. So we all have something to be thankful for today-- we are off the poison and healing everyday! Hugs to all of you, jenny

[[am...]]

Green,

 

I find the my nausea is more in the head than the stomach. Like the ringing and vibrating get so bad that I start to gag and then throw up. I have Zophran. It will help the lower level nausea, but not the raging waves I get at the extremes.

 

I do feel that the nausea is getting better. Last month was horrible. But I have been able to eat more and more solid food as of late, which is a good sign.

 

On a good note I had a good morning today and took a walk in the woods. Lots of energy. I even made it to Walmart to pick up some summer stuff. Hopefully I can build on today.

 

 

Excellent! I'll tell ya what, it is way better to be coming out of this nightmare in springtime than heading into it in fall/winter like I did at the end of my taper. The birds are singing, the sky is bright blue and life is getting to be good again !

 

[[Co...]]

Nova....congratulations!.  You are making headway too that year one mile marker. Yep, chop wood ..carry water...and a thousand mile journey begins with one step. ...That is all any of us can do...just to do the best we can on each given day. Some days my best is to get out of bed.

 

Sas. .....your nausea sounds like a nightmare...so sorry. I have had a return of morning nausea after a few months of relief.....but not nearly like your yours. I am glad to hear that you can eat some food some of the time.

 

.....I had a 2 hour complete window this morning....with happiness...singing along to some old song from the day....'My Girl ' I think....yay! .....I got up this morning with the usual anxiety, nausea,dread and fatigue.....but it lifted after about an hour!....Whoohoo.....Now a little of the cog fog is descending but not as bad as yesterday. ..Baseline feels a little improved today.

....I have an appointment to see a new physician ( my old one retired)  I have my " no thank you ' speech all rehearsed. for the moment he starts talking about medications. Currently I take NOTHING ...and I want to keep it that way. Next week I see a Wellness and nutrition specialist so hoping they can be somewhat on the same page.

 

.....We are all making progress....moving into the second half of year one....wishing all. really good day of hope and confidence.....coop

[[Co...]]

What a very good day....my physician appointment was excellent! .. This new primary physician is 100%  on board with no benzos. Gave me tons of support for being 6 months out and ordered a multitude of labs for adrenals, thyroid, pituitary, liver and kidneys.. diagnosed an upper respiratory infection and totally had no problem prescribing an older non z-pac antibiotic He prescribed erethromyiacin(?).....I am assuming that is a safe antibiotic for w/d?

. ... .I had some anxiety before the appointment but held it together. .. the cog fog of the late morning lifted.....and the rest of the day was a about an 85% window....so thankful for this day.

....wishing you all 100% windows....coop

[[Fr...]]

So happy for you Coop!  Keep on feeling better.

 

L.

[[Gr...]]

Yes, Coop, happy you're having a good day.  Happy you found a good doctor.  hell, we need doctors.  We just have to find ones we trust.  They're out there. 

[[...]]

Great to hear Coop!  So you are saying your doctor believes in Benzo WD that can last for 6 month+ ?

 

I got my MRI result back which was clear  

 

 

Fonz

[[Co...]]

Fonz, yes...he very readily agreed with me that benzo recovery takes up to 2 years. ..AND he said, "anti anxiety drugs are only helpful in the first few days..after that they can cause real problems ". He is not familiar with the Ashton manual, nor is he a w/d doctor.. just really aware of the dangers of benzos.  He is an unusual physician.,...eccentric...non-doctory...very non egocentric...asked me about my taper...how I wanted to proceed ..and how could he help...and then did exactly what I asked for....support in continueing w/d....respect for not wanting other substitute drugs and lab tests to assure me that. my s/x are indeed w/d.. he asked ME which labs I wanted ..suggested a few others,and ordered them. Unbelievable. 

. ....Fonz....so glad your MRI was good....( don't know how people get in those tubes!  .).

It is always so relieving to get good test erupts....helps to starve the health anxiety beast..

[[pe...]]

Fonz- I'm glad the MRI came out clear. Great news!

 

Coop- I'm so glad you had a good day and are digging your new doctor. He sounds like a good one. Did you do a special search to find him or was it just lucky? Good doctors are amazing. My doctor just had me do a blood test to look for an enzyme deficiency. She's thinking something's not present to help me break down medications since the benzos are just one of many medications that have hit me hard.

I hope your respiratory infection clears up soon. And Coop, I have to tell you, that in between your waves you are reporting a lot of good hours and even pretty good days. I find myself hoping to be doing as well as YOU in a couple months. I think you might be healing .

 

Jenny,

I totally agree with the relief of being finished tapering. I often remind myself that part of the nightmare is over and all we need is time for our bodies to heal.

 

Blessings and deep appreciation for all,

Peace2

[[li...]]

hey all,

 

had what I think would be considered a wave that started yesterday but it is so far not deep. When I am in a wave now I feel that it wont last and that the sun will come out tomorrow. After not investing in stocks for over 6 years I invested in a stock and the thing went against me badly which got me very nervous ( it was some money) and I hit a wall. Started a semi-spiral but caught myself and some positive self talk and I am feeling better today. I am convinced that I still have anxiety from the benzo w/d but I also believe that good CBT does wonders.

 

I was wondering??? One of the areas that I am really struggling with is connecting with people. I have a sincere desire to connect with people after being a 30 year benzo workaholic but I find it just hard to bond. What is that? Are there any others that have this? Maybe some more recovered BB can comment too -- although I would like to hear from everyone. I will also put this on a thread. I really would like to hear from some.

 

life

[[Co...]]

Peace....It was just luck....I didn't like the last 2 physicians ..and this one was closer to where I live. I had made up my mind that they were all the same and it wasn't going to change. .......It sounds like your doctor really cares too...makes a big difference, it really upped my confidence to have a doctor work with me.

....I am having bits and pieces of sun and a few entire days. The last wave was about 10 days, but maybe they will become a little shorter. In a wave I forget ( literally forget) what the windows are like. That's why I started. a window to track the windows..to help me see when there is progress. ..6 more months....I hope that's all.

.....How are you doing Peace? ...I hope you are getting sunbreaks and windows...every day...coop

[[je...]]

Hi life,

Great to hear your wave was not that bad. I feel like I can't connect with others either. I have always been a introvert even pre benzo, but it is hard to put into words or place what exactly is "off" but something about interaction with others doesn't feel natural to me anymore. I hope others chime in as well. Take care my jump date buddie! Jenny

[[Gr...]]

Life and Jenny

 

I think it's emotional blunting that keeps us from connecting with others.  Or maybe DP?  I know after attending my friend's wake I was aware I didn't "feel" sad, or feel anything, except relieved I was able to get through the experience.  I know even with my kids I have a coldness inside me. And if you knew me, you would know I am a very emotional, empathetic person. 

 

I hide it as best I can and act as if.  I think it's common in w/d,  but it's weird. Like being an alien in a human body with no human emotions.  I wonder if it's a protection, as if we're too fragile for intense emotion?

[[Co...]]

Life...sorry your investment fell a little. Just let it go...let it go ( as my grandsons sing ...over and over...from the children's. movie, Frozen..lol) ....The great thing is that you felt good enough to get back to it. .......

.......It sounds like your window is still holding, but the normal ups and downs of life shook your confidence. little. I feel like I am learning to live all over again and when I have a great windowing can be heady with confidence and the everyday normal disappointments shake me up more than they would have in life before benzos.

.....I wonder about connecting to, but it seems almost too intrusive.. During a window I want to do start a bookclub ( social for an introvert) ...go to a concert..go to a play...teach a parenting class.. but I am hesitant because I don't know when the next wave is going to hit me and I will be awash in anxiety and cog fog again. 

.....I feel like I don't really know ( or have forgotten) how to connect anymore...half of me is always listening to s/x. ...I would start with people who you are uber comfortable with and plan short open ended get togsthers that you can leave if you get tired or overwhelmed. and build on that as you can.  I think it is wonderful that you are feeling like you want to make social connections again. ....I think that is a big happy sign of healing.....coop

 

[[Co...]]

Greenice....yes! I think it is exactly what you said...d/r and d/p and cog fog ..make it impossible to truly connect...it feels so plastic and distant...making your mouth smile, but not feeling the smile. . hoping no one knows that you are literally just going through the motions. It exhausts me and I just want to go home after 30 minutes and isolate. Even in s window I have to keep it short ( an hour at the most) .

.......it just amazes me when I start adding up the 500 ways this drug has reduced my life.

...By next summer we will all be social butterflies.....I am hoping to be better enough to go to Midnight Mass this Christmas....and truely enjoy it....coop

[[...]]

Thank you Coop and Peace 

[[pe...]]

Coop- I am struggling this morning. My days are never symptom free. I've always got something going on that reminds me that I'm still healing, but usually I can manage. I have a nasty headache and really dark sad thoughts today. I just want this nightmare to be over. I've got two possible triggers, but also understand this wave might have nothing to do with either. The first is a monthly cycle kind of thing. I got all the lovely PMS symptoms but no period…yet? Last night I tried a new magnesium supplement recommended by my doctor. It's magnesium l-threonate and it's supposed to be the only magnesium that crosses the blood brain barrier. I took it before bed and an hour later my brain felt like it was on fire and my anxiety went through the roof. It's a little better this morning. I feel like when that magnesium washes out and my period comes, I'll feel better. That is my hope. Ugh and oof. I'm sooooo weary.

 

Peace2

[[No...]]

peace2 - is there a something that might soothe you for a while? A song - a story - a picture?

 

I use this one very often:

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z2e7VMqJKt4

 

May you find something to soothe you for a while.

 

Take care.

[[...]]

peace2 - is there a something that might soothe you for a while? A song - a story - a picture?

 

I use this one very often:

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z2e7VMqJKt4

 

May you find something to soothe you for a while.

 

Take care.

Hey Nova Scotia, love the song. For some reasons, Celtic music always touches my inner most being and I feel joy listening to them. Thank you.

 

Ed C

[[No...]]

Ed C - the pictures are from the shore nearby where I live ... someone did a wonderful job piecing the music and the pictures together. And the rainbow at the end.

 

There are rainbows waiting for each of us not only when we are finished with this journey ... but everyday, just over there, all I need to do is look.

 

Cheers.

[[je...]]

I'm sorry peace. I felt the same way last week. Men are seriously lucky because these periods are sending me into a wave every month. I hope you feel better soon, keep us posted. Jenny

[[Gr...]]

Coop- I am struggling this morning. My days are never symptom free. I've always got something going on that reminds me that I'm still healing, but usually I can manage. I have a nasty headache and really dark sad thoughts today. I just want this nightmare to be over. I've got two possible triggers, but also understand this wave might have nothing to do with either. The first is a monthly cycle kind of thing. I got all the lovely PMS symptoms but no period…yet? Last night I tried a new magnesium supplement recommended by my doctor. It's magnesium l-threonate and it's supposed to be the only magnesium that crosses the blood brain barrier. I took it before bed and an hour later my brain felt like it was on fire and my anxiety went through the roof. It's a little better this morning. I feel like when that magnesium washes out and my period comes, I'll feel better. That is my hope. Ugh and oof. I'm sooooo weary.

 

Peace2

 

Peace, try the topical magnesium.  It's called Ancient Minerals magnesium oil.

[[Co...]]

Peace...so sorry ...waves and pm's..tough tough

I would not take the magazine again...some people can not tolerate it. I do take low dose magnesium malaete. I take the lowest dose ( only 200 mg) with dinner. It helps soothe my palps. I would be careful about adding anything during a wave even though I know the desperation and agony of a black wave. I do use Hylands Calm Forte for anxiety ..it is a homeopathic and I had no problems with it...and I react to everything. For me it was the most effective in combination with a hot bath soak with Teals Lavender Epsome Salts....really takes the razor edge off of anxiety. For pain I use Excedrin...On really bad days I take one Calms one Excedrin and soak ( use about a cup or a cup and 1/3c lavender salts).. .do your deep breathing with the soak. The Excedrin is good for headaches, but it has aspirin in it as well as acetomenifen so if you have a problem with aspirin it wouldn't be good. for you

.......I know how you are suffering Peace....I hope any of this helps ...I hope tomorrow is much much better for you....coop