6-12 month thread....

[[Co...]]

Healing, ...WOWSA is right....what a way to walk into month 11!....I couldn't have done any of that in my pre-benzo days....really gives all of us confidence in healing.....now go take a rest girl.

.....looking foreward to celebrating your one year mark! .....coop

[[Ko...]]

Thanks Jenny21& NovaScotia for your comments.  Benzo Bellie is awful. Let's hope it fades away like other Sx have done.  Best to you both.

 

Korbe

[[No...]]

Good Morning:

 

Slept for nine out of the last twelve hours last night. And my beard didn't even grow. Hey I don't have a beard.

 

And I feel like yukkkkkkkkkk. Exhausted, vision out of whack, and vibrating. Oh well. At least for nine hours I didn't feel any side effects.

 

Have a good one, folks.

[[Sk...]]

Same to you NovaScotia!

 

 

[[pa...]]

I don't have benzo belly, but if it's swelling, would regular soaks in salt baths help?  An interesting experiment might be a day in the ocean now that the weather is nice (provided you're lucky enough to live near the coast).  If not, maybe a couple cups of regular salt in the bath water (epsom salt isn't really a salt, so just use table salt).

[[Sk...]]

I just realise that today my writing is slightly better, I'm writing a little better and switching letters less!

 

That does make a few things easier, at least for today!

 

 

[[...]]

Hi All,

11.5 months out. After almost a week of feeling quite decent, sometimes closed to 90% window. I am back to very bad wave. Sleep last night was a disaster, the wave morphed into some rush into my head, head pressure, confusion, racing thoughts, loping thoughts and songs. It was just impossible to fall into sleep again after I woke up at 12:30. The head sensations are very much still with me this morning.

When will this end ? I am just so tired of these. The on again, off again insomnia is driving me insane. I can't function without sleep. Let alone fighting this withdrawal and remain positive.

 

I am so glad I can still come here and vent though. Thank you buddies.

 

Ed C

[[Co...]]

Paper, I am not sure about regular salt.....I think I would stay with the epsome salts as they are used therapeutically for swelling. I have used lavender epsome salts from the beginning of acute p/w and find them to be extremely effective for swelling, pain, lowering b/p and taking the edge off of anxiety. ...I know nothing about the chemistry of epsome salts, I just know that for me they have been my number one go to after BBs.

........My Benzo belly has reduced significantly after my jump.....I don't know why....but I will take it.....good luck ....a swim in the ocean sounds wonderful regardless....enjoy......coop

[[Co...]]

Ed C,.. orry you are in a wavy day....it stinks...are your waves getting any shorter? ...not sleeping wears on on one fast. The looping dark thoughts , I think, are the worst. ....so discouraging after a window....Ed I hope this lifts soon. You are right there at one year by getting there one day at a time. I hope I get as far as you are. My windows are always shadowed a little bit by the knowlege in the back of my thoughts that a wave is sure to follow. Right now my wavy moments are not lasting forever and my s/x are not as intense, but I sort of live with the fear of the intrusive existential thoughts showing up again.

....Ed I am wishing you some decent sleep ....and healing .....coop

[[Co...]]

Nova....bounce out of that bed....jk.....glad you are getting hours of sleep....Ed C could use a few of the ones you don't want. ....The fatigue makes me depressed and feeds my health fears. I have never discovered a good defensexto it. Ride it out...you have such s positive approach to all of this nonsense. You are going to see healing for sure...landing there with a bounce. ......I hope the fatigue lifts ....any movies you have been waiting to see? .......we are all sending you thoughts of a very loooong window......coop

 

[[sa...]]

Bad wave today after about 5 days of feeling much better. back is the nausea and depression. Lots of fear and skin crawling. I find that when my mind is in a bad wave like this, I cry a lot. It all seems so hopeless. Hard to believe a couple days ago I was thinking I could go back to work. No way now. So depressing. I find the waves are as bad as ever. I hope the intensity goes down on future wave. I just feel so damn sad.

[[li...]]

Sasquach, know how hard it is to keep your mind off of the symptoms when you are feeling like in a bad wave BUT try not to second guess it. I hit a small wave two days ago and found myself reading Viivance Side effects -- I took viivance 2 years ago. I suddenly said what the  XXXX and just went out side and hit a distraction. I think many hear were put on benzos because they were anxious in the first place and we just have to understand that the anxiety gets worst in w/d. Anxiety is noting more than fear and doubt. Doubt your doubt and free from the fear!!!! I know -- better said than done BUT we have to put forth effort too. We are all healing. Part of the benzo w/d is kind of like having a nervous breakdown ( allot of stress associated and overwhelming) and guess what the average time is for someone to recover from a nervous breakdown??? 1 and 1/2 year or less. The brain is amazing. It heals itself in any circumstances.

 

life

[[...]]

My wave is getting worse today with no break. I just figured out I was waken up by my racing heart last night. 80 bpm and my normal rate is 65-70. It is still the same rate now. I feel restless and agitated. Can't take a nap. Racing heart was one of my wd sx in the early wd. I guess it is back.

I don't know how I am going to cope with this, along with insomnia that caused by it.

 

Gosh, in a way, I wish I just have a heart attack and get this over with, rather than suffering like this :-(

 

Has anyone tried beta blocker to slow down their heart rate ? Is it safe to even try this med in the middle of withdrawal ?

 

Ed C

[[ci...]]

ed c I think you will find there were many folks, myself included, that have used a beta blocker.  Your heart rate doesn't seem that high, but how is your blood pressure?  I think it really helped me control my heart rate, elevated BP and that pounding in my ears that kept me from sleeping.  It only took a small portion of the normal dose to keep things in check.  I also found that a month or two after jumping I had to stop because I was then dropping too low with the BP.  Do some research and talk to your doc cause it may work for you, but not if your heart rate and BP are normal.

[[...]]

ed c I think you will find there were many folks, myself included, that have used a beta blocker.  Your heart rate doesn't seem that high, but how is your blood pressure?  I think it really helped me control my heart rate, elevated BP and that pounding in my ears that kept me from sleeping.  It only took a small portion of the normal dose to keep things in check.  I also found that a month or two after jumping I had to stop because I was then dropping too low with the BP.  Do some research and talk to your doc cause it may work for you, but not if your heart rate and BP are normal.

Hi cirerecrem,

Thanks for your response. Does beta blocker affect gaba ?

 

Ed C

[[ci...]]

I don't believe it does.  it blocks the effects of adrenaline on the body, specifically the cardio system.  But it also helps block some other physical symptoms of anxiety.

[[...]]

I don't believe it does.  it blocks the effects of adrenaline on the body, specifically the cardio system.  But it also helps block some other physical symptoms of anxiety.

Hi cirerecrem,

I will put this in my back pocket for now. I just measured my pulse and it has returned to normal, 66 bpm. I have been trying to ride this wave out without med so far. Will continue on until I absolutely have no choice.

 

Thank you for your help.

 

Ed C

 

[[Co...]]

Ed, yes.  I took a low dose beta block in month 3 ( acute) of p/w...I had pounding palps, spiking b/p and a panic from hell. I was given the beta block in the er b/c I refused the Valium.  I continued to take the beta block ( 12 mg of atenolol) for about 10 days ..It helped a lot and was easy to discontinue when I wanted to. I have s prescription on hand for emergency use, but my palps and b/p have settled down reliably.

.......Ed, I hope your wave lets up...wishing you better days....coop

[[...]]

Ed, yes.  I took a low dose beta block in month 3 ( acute) of p/w...I had pounding palps, spiking b/p and a panic from hell. I was given the beta block in the er b/c I refused the Valium.  I continued to take the beta block ( 12 mg of atenolol) for about 10 days ..It helped a lot and was easy to discontinue when I wanted to. I have s prescription on hand for emergency use, but my palps and b/p have settled down reliably.

.......Ed, I hope your wave lets up...wishing you better days....coop

Hi coop, thanks again for your reply. What was your heart rate and blood pressure when you took beta blocker to deal with them ?

 

Ed C

[[Co...]]

My b/p was 190/ 90......heart rate..not sure...palps thumping chest and back...scared out of my mind. .knew I was dying. Beta blocker ( 12 mg is half of the lowest dose of atenolol....) even at that low dose the beta block ( given orally but instructed to place under tongue until completely dissolved) it was effective. Within 15 minutes my b/p was 160/ 90.....I left the er after monitoring and observation with a b/p of 145/85.....and no palps. By morning my b/p was 122/75. It continue head to bounce around mildly ( 125 /80- 120/ 70) for a couple of days and then became stable at a out 110/ 70. Now it is a little elevated in the morning if I have a cortisol spike ( 130/80 or so), but straightens itself out to reliably 110-115/70.-75.....Now if I get a big spike in anxiety or panic even 3 mg is effective). ...The first few days of the beta blocker made me a little dizzy, but that faded.

....Ed, I am glad your hr came down on its own...even though it is scary 80 beats/minute is not dangerous. ....its going to be ok Ed....you have gotten this far all in one piece...I know how awful the health fears are they are my worst s/x. We wont always live in fear....coop

 

 

[[Co...]]

Ed, that was a little confusing. I only took the beta block daily for about 10 days. It is not a benzo. I take it now only if my anxiety is at panic level.  I have used it twice since Feb. ...It was worth it to me at that time .....feel better Ed.....coop

[[Co...]]

My window is closing....I had a nice little string of mostly good days. Last Monday was my last panic day...I could feel this coming at 10 this morning. Health anxiety is ramped, depression and d/r have homed in and mild palps are skipping all over my chest. ...It is all manageable, but disappointing. I am able to distract with mindless TV and the d/r helps me disconnect from the health fears....

.........The good news is that it is not as terrifying as it was months 3, 4, and 5. AND it could open up again tomorrow. ....It is the health fears that torture me the most. I know its benzo b/c during a window it is a mere whisper.......at least it is not acute...

.....Hope everyone else is doing better....coop

[[je...]]

Sorry you are back in a wave, I hope you feel better soon. Sounds like you are doing a good job of distracting, maybe it will lift by tommorrow. Take care, jenny

[[No...]]

Coop - hope you can get some decent rest, hang in there. This too shall pass for all of us. Almost no sleep for me last night. Sitting here with the flutterbees and the dreadies. Very tired. It is tough to stay positive during this kind of morning but I am determined to do so. One foot in front of the other and more time.

 

Yuk, this stuff stinks.

 

Take care, folks.

[[No...]]

Went off and did my "self-talk" routine. For me, the biggest difficulty I have is to not speed things up, to not get into my "hopeless" mode. I do this by slowing everything down, everything, to a crawl. My moving about, my thinking, my speaking, everything I can get a handle on. Then I go and make my coffee, or tea, or get a drink. Doing this as slowly and deliberately as possible. Doing it slowly intentionally. And then I take a sip. Taste whatever I have gotten. Then I get out my pen and make a list of the things I want to do today. Not what I need to do, what I want to do. I have found these are usually congruent. Then I slowly move into the list. One step at a time, slowly.

 

The mental and physical side effects are still swirling around. But I have "my list". This seems to be my way of distraction, my way of getting into the moment and staying there.

 

For me, this accomplishes my not adding to my suffering. Not escalating my suffering. And I helps me stay untangled from my suffering. It feels like getting out of my own way and let the healing do its own thing in its own time.

 

This journey is hard enough for me without my adding to its difficulties. This is hard for me to do. I am a "dragon-slayer" type personality with an often warped sense of humour. If something needs doing, well, go and get it done. If it is broke, fix it. Energy in motion.

 

Well, for me, that does not suit this healing process. I am not the one getting this done, I am not the one fixing this. My task, challenge, it to just "keep house", look after what I can and get out of the way. My body knows what it is doing. It will fix itself.

 

I have finally found somethig I cannot DO. And for me that is a brain-bender. For a long time I took this as a defeat. Well, guess what, NovaScotia, it ain't.

 

This is Healing. So, sit back and watch the show. Yep, take your shower, get dinner ready, go to the library, and so forth. I am not in charge. And you know, not being in charge, once I learned this, feels just fine and its a hell of lot less stress.

 

Well, there I go, got long-winded again. As I have said before, my posts are often as much for myself as for others. I just needed to hear this again today.

 

Thanks for listening.