ASHTON TAPER / CUT & HOLD SUPPORT

[[ja...]]

Also snow White I have found that sometimes you can hold to long and that many times you will feel better if you just make the cut.

 

Good Luck

Love Jackie :smitten:

[[...]]

Benzy, I'm going to go out on a limb here and make a sweeping statement that I may or may not get slammed for (you just never know!): I think everyone on this forum is dealing with mental blocks and/or fears. How could we possibly not be? So, just in case you are, please don't think for one second that you're an odd man out. You will do this in your own time and in your own way.

 

Jackie has a pretty good method that she just posted to Snow White. Maybe consider trying it that way for now until you're ready to take the final Leap of Faith.

 

Anything to keep you moving forward. Whatever it takes, you know?

 

 

koko

[[...]]

Hi Snow White,

 

I'm really sorry that you're feeling so badly. It sounds like what I went through when I got down to 16mgs. I know that there's a big difference between 16mgs and 3mgs but I also think, at the same time, that it's pretty much all relative.

 

From 20mgs down to 16mgs things for me were really, really bad. That period of time was the worst ever for me so far (with the exception of about 1-1/2 weeks at 11.5). I was bad, really bad. So, when I got to 16mgs I held there. I told myself that I was going to hold there for however long it took in order for me to stabilize. So I held and I held and I held ... and I held some more. But I kept getting sicker and sicker the longer I held. Finally, after a 6 week hold, I gathered up all of my courage and just dropped again. I felt like I had nothing left to lose. I didn't get immediate relief but I was pretty shocked to find out that I didn't feel any worse! So, hey, if I didn't feel any better or any worse why not just keep cutting?

 

And that's how I managed to keep myself moving forward. I had obviously built up a pretty hefty tolerance to the Valium by holding longer than I should have. That was my body's reaction to holding too long. And maybe that is what's happening to you, too.

 

I think Jackie's suggestion is brilliant. Honestly, you're already feeling so badly, what do you have to lose? If cutting again doesn't work and you start feeling even worse than you do right now, you can always reverse directions and go back to your initial plan of doing a daily reduction. If you read back a few pages on this thread I think 'liljoe' mentioned that he switched back and forth between dry cutting and daily reductions once he got way down there in mgs like you are. That's what worked for him.

 

Whatever you decide to do, I wish you the best of luck and hope that you keep us updated on your progress.

 

 

koko

[[Vr...]]

Hi Snow white, I have been cutting .25 mg since about 2.5, I will be at 1 mg Friday. What I do is cut my 2 mg in 1/2 =1 mg, then I cut my 1 mg in 1/2 =.05, then I crush my .05 in a pill crusher and divide it into 2 lines on a mirror with a razor blade =2,.25 lines. I know I look like a druggy if anyone saw me doing it. I just lick my finger and eat one of the lines with my dose.

 

I have a scale, but to be honest I don't feel for me that I need to cut smaller then .25mg. So right now my 2 doses are .05 in the am and .75 in the pm =1.25mg. This has been working well for me. You can try this way and see how it works for you. I have always alternated my cuts to keep my blood levels as accurate as possible.

 

Whatever way works for you is what matters. I have always gathered my options and then made my decisions as to what I felt would work for my body and schedule. I wish you well and I hope this helps. Hang in there, your doing great!

 

Love Jackie :smitten:

 

Jackie Brown,

 

You've come up with an excellent and feasible way to dry cut after the dose, pills, and fractions of pills become unmanageably small.  Very creative. 

 

Benzy, I don't know what your Xanax dose converts to (whether you are still on a substantial dose or running on fumes) but perhaps you could cut a few more times before jumping.  Ease off gradually.

 

Snow White,  Jackie Brown has a lot of good ideas.  Sometimes after a cut, I'd feel dramatically better about 7-10 days later.  I'd feel some minor discomfort for a few days, feel like I was on speed and sleep less, then something would click, like my body had made the transition to the lower dose and thank me for it.  I'd get such clarity, that uberfocus Koko describes, I set personal bests at scrabble.  Tapering, for me, was better than any brain enhancement supplement or antidepressant.  I still miss the way my brain would smile and go into hyperdrive on the second week after a cut.

 

Koko,  I probably just repeated what you had already said but I'm still looking for a way to recapture the uberfocus.

 

All of you have made tremendous progress. 

 

ibblius minimus

[[...]]

Also snow White I have found that sometimes you can hold to long and that many times you will feel better if you just make the cut.

 

Good Luck

Love Jackie :smitten:

 

Hi Jackie

I agree with you, I feel the same way. I find it strange but that's the way it is for me too. I see you are doing Ashton so am I. I would like to know how you are feeling as you are going lower dosage V. I am at 3.25V.

D21

[[Sn...]]

To Jackie Brown, Koko and Vribble, thank you so much for taking the time to reply to my post.

 

Jackie I think your idea is great and I agree with you that my problem now could be holding for too long. I think I've done that because suddenly having reached 3.mg I really wasn't sure of the way to go and have been agonising over what to do.  I am dosing once a day at 11pm.  Do you feel I would benefit from dosing twice daily  or keep as I am?

The reason I dose just a night is because I have been following Prof.Ashton's simple diazepam withdrawal and when she gets down low suggests taking only the nightly dose.  I am really pleased to have found this Ashton taper support group. It makes more sense to me than other taper methods which I feel are very fiddly.  I was quite confident, although not very well, until I reached 3mg and suddenly panicked and didn't know which way to turn.  I must say you all seem very pleasant, friendly Buddies and I will try my very best.

 

Thank you all,

Snow White

[[...]]

To Jackie Brown, Koko and Vribble, thank you so much for taking the time to reply to my post.

 

Jackie I think your idea is great and I agree with you that my problem now could be holding for too long. I think I've done that because suddenly having reached 3.mg I really wasn't sure of the way to go and have been agonising over what to do.  I am dosing once a day at 11pm.  Do you feel I would benefit from dosing twice daily  or keep as I am?

The reason I dose just a night is because I have been following Prof.Ashton's simple diazepam withdrawal and when she gets down low suggests taking only the nightly dose.  I am really pleased to have found this Ashton taper support group. It makes more sense to me than other taper methods which I feel are very fiddly.  I was quite confident, although not very well, until I reached 3mg and suddenly panicked and didn't know which way to turn.  I must say you all seem very pleasant, friendly Buddies and I will try my very best.

 

Thank you all,

 

 

Snow White

 

 

 

 

Hi Snow White

I am doing the same taper as you and am at 3.25 V would like to know how you are feeling.I am feeling better as I go down.

D21

[[No...]]

To Jackie Brown, Koko and Vribble, thank you so much for taking the time to reply to my post.

 

Jackie I think your idea is great and I agree with you that my problem now could be holding for too long. I think I've done that because suddenly having reached 3.mg I really wasn't sure of the way to go and have been agonising over what to do.  I am dosing once a day at 11pm.  Do you feel I would benefit from dosing twice daily  or keep as I am?

The reason I dose just a night is because I have been following Prof.Ashton's simple diazepam withdrawal and when she gets down low suggests taking only the nightly dose.  I am really pleased to have found this Ashton taper support group. It makes more sense to me than other taper methods which I feel are very fiddly.  I was quite confident, although not very well, until I reached 3mg and suddenly panicked and didn't know which way to turn.  I must say you all seem very pleasant, friendly Buddies and I will try my very best.

 

Thank you all,

Snow White

 

 

Welcome, Snow. 

 

You've gotten some great advice, and I can't really add anything to it, so I'll just offer my support and tell you I think you have the right attitude. Also, yeah, I didn't get any relief from holding, either. It was just the opposite for me, more often than not. Oh, and I agonized, too. I think I probably wasted a lot of energy doing that....

 

FWIW, I never went by percentages. At the lower doses, I cut .5mg a week until I was off. That seems fast by some standards on the forum, but the reality is that it's the slow side of the Ashton taper. I had to keep reminding myself of that, lol, when I'd see people reducing by a fraction of that amount.

 

You can do this. 

 

[[el...]]

Hi Koko -

ps - oh, I meant to tell you that you inspired me to start studying Spanish ... I've been doing fairly well going very slowly. It's fun! I hope that it's helping prevent brain freeze because I do hope that I still have a brain after this is all over. ha...

 

Good for you for keeping your brain going!  I feel that if I study a new language at least I will have something to show for it in the long run.  If I can remember it    I'm sure I will get some good info here and hope to provide some too. 

 

Snow White -  You have been given some great info and support from fellow buddies.  I want to offer my support too and wish you the best as you finish your taper.  FYI - my doctor says the starting dose he uses for valium is 5 mg. so you are way below that.

 

Benzy - Good luck on completing your taper.  You are right - there is a large mental component to jumping.  As someone said, maybe you will have more confidence if you do one or two more cuts.  Good luck to you.

 

Ellen

[[No...]]

I don't know how helpful it will be for anybody if I post updates, because benzo withdrawal makes no sense. I'm going to do it, though, because during my taper, I searched like a maniac for post-Ashton-jump updates, and there weren't enough of them. (I'm not sure there could have been enough of them, but there weren't, lol.)

 

________

 

UPDATE ONE WEEK POST-JUMP

 

Nothing dramatically bad has happened. Not even close. I had a couple of nights of bad sleep and an all-day headache yesterday, but I can't, with any certainty, attribute that to withdrawal, since I have a long history of insomnia and people get headaches. The far more amazing thing is that I've slept better in the past couple of months than in the past 10 years. Go figure.

 

A couple of things have ramped up a bit: brief, but intense, surges of vertigo, and hypersensitivity to sound. Both of these are standard withdrawal symptoms for me. The sound thing isn't any worse now than during my taper, but it had lessened a lot the past few weeks and I hate to see it return. Oddly enough, as it got worse, the tinnitus got better. I'm guessing all of this means precisely nothing in the broad scheme of things, but it's hard not to pay attention.

 

The only thing that's completely new since jumping is that the benzo belly has disappeared--twice. Ee-gad, I had NO idea how bad it was until it was gone. It doesn't stay gone for long, but geez, it feels good when it happens. Gives me hope.

 

And that's it. It's better than I expected so far, but I rock at catastrophizing. I'm in the "waiting for the other shoe to drop" stage, I guess, hoping I won't be squished.

 

I'm really, really happy to be free. 

 

[[...]]

I don't know how helpful it will be for anybody if I post updates, because benzo withdrawal makes no sense. I'm going to do it, though, because during my taper, I searched like a maniac for post-Ashton-jump updates, and there weren't enough of them. (I'm not sure there could have been enough of them, but there weren't, lol.)

 

________

 

UPDATE ONE WEEK POST-JUMP

 

Nothing dramatically bad has happened. Not even close. I had a couple of nights of bad sleep and an all-day headache yesterday, but I can't, with any certainty, attribute that to withdrawal, since I have a long history of insomnia and people get headaches. The far more amazing thing is that I've slept better in the past couple of months than in the past 10 years. Go figure.

 

A couple of things have ramped up a bit: brief, but intense, surges of vertigo, and hypersensitivity to sound. Both of these are standard withdrawal symptoms for me. The sound thing isn't any worse now than during my taper, but it had lessened a lot the past few weeks and I hate to see it return. Oddly enough, as it got worse, the tinnitus got better. I'm guessing all of this means precisely nothing in the broad scheme of things, but it's hard not to pay attention.

 

The only thing that's completely new since jumping is that the benzo belly has disappeared--twice. Ee-gad, I had NO idea how bad it was until it was gone. It doesn't stay gone for long, but geez, it feels good when it happens. Gives me hope.

 

And that's it. It's better than I expected so far, but I rock at catastrophizing. I'm in the "waiting for the other shoe to drop" stage, I guess, hoping I won't be squished.

 

I'm really, really happy to be free. 

 

Hi Nono

Glad you are doing well, thank you for your update. I find them very helpful.

D21

 

[[ja...]]

Hi Jackie

I agree with you, I feel the same way. I find it strange but that's the way it is for me too. I see you are doing Ashton so am I. I would like to know how you are feeling as you are going lower dosage V. I am at 3.25V.

D21

 

D21, Congratulations for getting to 3.25 mg :yippee: We all know this is no small feat. I am doing pretty good. I have the body pains and such, but am far better then I was. I am one who is getting better as I go lower Take Care D21 and all my best to you.

 

Hi NoKlonoNo, I am so happy that you are free, how wonderful that you are so happy. I think its great that you keep posting updates. Not just for us.but for all those that unfortunately will come after we are gone. Your updates will give hope.

 

Jackie I think your idea is great and I agree with you that my problem now could be holding for too long. I think I've done that because suddenly having reached 3.mg I really wasn't sure of the way to go and have been agonising over what to do.  I am dosing once a day at 11pm.  Do you feel I would benefit from dosing twice daily  or keep as I am?

The reason I dose just a night is because I have been following Prof.Ashton's simple diazepam withdrawal and when she gets down low suggests taking only the nightly dose.  I am really pleased to have found this Ashton taper support group. It makes more sense to me than other taper methods which I feel are very fiddly.  I was quite confident, although not very well, until I reached 3mg and suddenly panicked and didn't know which way to turn.  I must say you all seem very pleasant, friendly Buddies and I will try my very best.

 

Thank you all,

Snow White

 

 

Snow White, I know what you mean about agonizing about what to do next. I did that until I reached about 2.5 mg, then I knew that .25 cuts would take me the rest of the way no matter what. If you have been dosing once a day for awhile I wouldn't change it now. I'm a believer in staying as steady as possible in my cuts and my dosing. Of course this is just my opinion.

 

You don't need to worry. You seam like you are in control of what your doing and you are being cautious. I always say listen to your heart or your gut feelings on what you should do. We are all here to help each other, make suggestions, and be a support through what we all know is somedays very ruff going. I have every confidence that you will do great and can rest assure that your healing is just around the corner.

 

Ellen, nice to see you here. You are a wonderful support to all BBs. I hope your day is going well.

 

Love Jackie :smitten:

[[li...]]

Hello everyone-

 

How are my buddies doing?

 

Some words of encouragement:

Try not to fear what will come as you get lower is your dose... just "go with it!"

 

I see many here that are getting low in their doses & don't benefit much from holds. I just want to say that this was how it went for me too.  As I got below 3mgs I started to really struggle.  From the many posts I have read it seems as if  going to slow can be just as detrimental as going to fast. I have read time after time where many choose to "updose" & lose the ground that they have covered. This can become very discouraging & is counter productive. It is & driven by FEAR... Ashton recommends to AVOID going backwards or "updosing"...

 

However, it is important in withdrawal always to go forwards. If you reach a difficult point, you can stop there for a few weeks if necessary, but you should try to avoid going backwards and increasing your dosage again. Some doctors advocate the use of "escape pills" (an extra dose of benzodiazepines) in particularly stressful situations. This is probably not a good idea as it interrupts the smooth decline in benzodiazepine concentrations and also disrupts the process of learning to cope without drugs which is an essential part of the adaptation to withdrawal. If the withdrawal is slow enough, "escape pills" should not be necessary.

 

With this being said PLEASE TRY not TO BE  afraid friends... do the very best you can & most importantly REACH OUT FOR HELP if you are struggling... We are here for you ....

 

Hey Benzy... go for it.... don't be afraid man.. for me I felt the same as I was tapering. Some symptoms were amplified for 4-6 weeks then EVERYTHING began to wane.. take a leap of faith dude. You will be glad you did. NO WORRIES... it will be ok...

Once off I can honestly say I continued to feel as if I were still tapering. There was an initial 4-6 week of amplified symptoms then things began to wane. It is crucial that you are in a fairly "good" place before you jump as thing CAN get amplified. Do not be afraid

 

[move][shadow=blue,left][glow=blue,2,300] LAZERJET3051... YOU DID IT ... CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR NEW FOUND FREEDOM... WISHING YOU A SPEEDY RECOVERY.... [/glow][/shadow][/move]

NoNo-

 

GREAT to hear that your recovery is going so well...  this news is  encouraging for those who may be struggling... thanks for sharing!

 

Jackie brown... you are Soo close... I have the parachute packed & ready for you my dear!

http://thumbs.dreamstime.com/z/people-parachute-smiley-face-20616952.jpg

 

[shadow=white,left][glow=white,2,300]KOKO...[/glow][/shadow] 

[[no...]]

Hello All,

Glad this thread was started. I have read all 27 pages and feel more confident now on continuing the Ashton taper method. Since I hit 10 mg I have gone to .5mg drops with ten day holds, so I may be going a bit slower than most here. But I hope to continue this pace until I am free.

 

I don't have too many posts here but believe me I am on this site more than what's healthy, 162 hours as of today, lol.

 

Thank you Koko for starting this.

 

NoNo Congrats! (Big fan)

[[La...]]

OK NoKlonoNo, I will also throw a post-Ashton jump update into the mix. Things seem to be changing so its still hard to make sense out of what is happening to me.

 

I jumped from 0.02mg lorazepam on 1/4/2014, this past Saturday, so I am just 72 hours into the post-acute phase. Close to zero sleep since the jump has really been difficult, especially with the job, appointments, etc. Its as if my brain (and body) were buzzing. Lying there trying to sleep was just not happening. No sleep really hits me hard and also exacerbates my other wd sxs. The first 24hr, I was exhausted and buzzing hard, moderate paresthesia all over my limbs, small brain zaps, and occasional spikes of fear. Since then I've still been exhausted, the though the buzzing, paresthesia, and panic are waning.  If I can actually get to sleep  , I predict I might feel near normal. Did I just say that?  The heavy bad vibe right now is mostly all insomnia-related. I'm holding out some strong hope here, pushin on through, and riding the changes as they come.

[[No...]]

Hello All,

Glad this thread was started. I have read all 27 pages and feel more confident now on continuing the Ashton taper method. Since I hit 10 mg I have gone to .5mg drops with ten day holds, so I may be going a bit slower than most here. But I hope to continue this pace until I am free.

 

I don't have too many posts here but believe me I am on this site more than what's healthy, 162 hours as of today, lol.

 

Thank you Koko for starting this.

 

NoNo Congrats! (Big fan)

 

 

Hey, nosery. I'm glad you're posting here.  (By the way, spellcheck changes your name to nosey. That's better than what it changes kook's koko's to, I think.)

 

Our tapers sound similar. How are you doing so far?

 

And ew ... we can find out how many hours we've spent on BB? I don't think I want to know that. I've probably been on here at least two or three hours. 

 

 

 

OK NoKlonoNo, I will also throw a post-Ashton jump update into the mix. Things seem to be changing so its still hard to make sense out of what is happening to me.

 

I jumped from 0.02mg lorazepam on 1/4/2014, this past Saturday, so I am just 72 hours into the post-acute phase. Close to zero sleep since the jump has really been difficult, especially with the job, appointments, etc. Its as if my brain (and body) were buzzing. Lying there trying to sleep was just not happening. No sleep really hits me hard and also exacerbates my other wd sxs. The first 24hr, I was exhausted and buzzing hard, moderate paresthesia all over my limbs, small brain zaps, and occasional spikes of fear. Since then I've still been exhausted, the though the buzzing, paresthesia, and panic are waning.  If I can actually get to sleep  , I predict I might feel near normal. Did I just say that?  The heavy bad vibe right now is mostly all insomnia-related. I'm holding out some strong hope here, pushin on through, and riding the changes as they come.

 

Laser, congrats again on the jump, but sorry to hear you're off to a sleepless start. You tapered from Ativan, so maybe it's hitting you sooner rather than later...? Blech. 

 

Sleep is absolutely crucial in withdrawal, isn't it? I think we heal while we sleep. Are you averse to taking something to help? Like Unisom, Benadryl, melatonin, or dramamine? (Yes, I know them all. I'm not proud!) I don't have to take something every night, which is a shock in itself, but I'm not at all shy about taking something if I think I won't sleep well otherwise. One of the weirdest things for me in withdrawal is that I take only half of what I used to and it works (except for one, very bad night post-jump). While I was still taking 2mg of Klonopin, *nothing* knocked me out.

 

Thanks for posting your update. Wishing you a great night's sleep and feeling normal tomorrow! 

[[Sn...]]

Hi there everyone,

After reading all your helpful replies yesterday I regained a lot more confidence in my decision to taper the Ashton way.  So I read her 'simple diazepam withdrawal' schedule again and made the decision to carry on.  Originally I was taking diazepam for many years 'as needed' and my dosage was anything from between 5 to 30mg per day, depending on how I felt - which was, of course, in the end, a right mixed up mess.  Anyway I didn't feel brave enough to reduce by 1mg each time as she suggests, but reduced by .50mg every few weeks depending on how I felt.  I didn't agonise about the drops too much - just made them.  However, when I hit the 3.0mg for some reason I started to panic, really don't know why and in October I joined B.B  I must be honest and say that I then got even more anxious and my mind has been consumed with my next drop.  I think I read a lot of things which in retrospect didn't do me any favours and I have become more and more nervous - exploring other tapering methods and starting to fear the cut and hold.  A few days ago I saw this thread, read your replies to my post and suddenly felt that I knew what I was doing again.

No-one was telling me to updose [which I wouldn't have done anyway] and I suddenly felt back in my comfort zone.

After being stuck on 3.0mg for many weeks, afraid to move, I made the decision last night to move on and continue with my .5mg cut which I did.  In Prof.Ashton's schedule she suggests cutting 1mg every couple of weeks which I felt was too fast for me, but I will continue with the .5mg cut, see how I feel and if I then need to reduce the size of cut evaluate the situation then.  I am sitting here with burning eyes, a mouth full of ulcers and really painful joints, but also with a feeling of relief that at last I am back on track.  Have only been 'speaking' to you for a few days, but you have helped in putting me back in the place where I feel 'OK I've got to do this - it might be hard, but no more shilly shallying around looking for other methods - I'm doing it the Ashton way, whatever it takes. Will keep you updated on my progress.

[[el...]]

Hi NKN-

 

I'm sorry that I missed your benzo free date.  CONGRATULATIONS! 

 

I for one will appreciate your post-jump posts.  It will help give me more confidence when I do take that step myself.

 

Thank you!

 

Ellen

[[Sm...]]

Small,

 

If I may speak for NoNo (who sort of hinted at this, I think, in a former post here), I see a pattern developing here on this thread, too. Your attitude is amazing. Truly, truly amazing. There is no doubt in my mind that whatever speed you choose for yourself, fast, slow, medium... you're going to make it through this no matter what. Of that I am certain.    I'm seeing that in everyone who posts here.

 

You know, that's great that you pushed through and walked your dog. Sometimes the things that we used to think nothing of, or take for granted, become pretty huge things for us to do now. I hate walking my neighborhood, dog or not, and I won't do it because it's too hard for me right now. But then I go out and walk the mall, grocery shop, run errands, drive my daughter to school every day, blah, blah, blah. Doesn't make sense, right? But benzo w/d doesn't make sense so, whatever.

 

I guess, like you, I shrug a lot of stuff off, too, and have the same sort of mindset as you. Like what you said, "just ride it out and see how it goes."

 

Oh, and since I'm running off at the mouth here anyway, I might as well ask 'cuz I'm curious: Are you working while going through this w/d?

 

Have a terrific day or night ... (I have no idea where you live so whichever it is, have a good one!) ....

 

 

koko

 

Hey Koko,Sorry ive only just replied but ive got a bad cold and feel crappy.

 

Your correct I am going to do this no matter what,Its not been an easy week but im doing ok,The cold has made the withdrawal a lot worse I think.

 

Had one night of no sleep but never mind!

 

Have had a lack of desire to eat great amounts but im still eating.

 

Anxiety has been bearable and mood swings..........Well abit swingy!!

 

Little bit of strange thinking if I let my mind wander so trying to keep it active with the tv and convos with my wife and family, Although one day I really didn't feel like speaking to anyone???

 

Any way to answer your question,Im self employed am im not at work at the moment so im using this as a positive to take time out to recover.

 

And it would have been a goodnight as I live in England .

 

And last but not least how are you doing?

 

PS:Thanks for being my 1st BB friend and taking time out to chat:).

 

 

[[...]]

Thanks for those updates, NoNo and Laser.

 

Those are the types of posts that are going to make a world of difference to newbies, oldies, and everybody between, who haven't jumped yet. I think all of us still on the train are very wide-eyed about what it's like on the other side of all of this. And, of course, scared, too. So, thanks for giving those of us still tapering a glimpse of the "beyond".

 

I hope you'll keep updating us in future. 

 

 

koko

[[ha...]]

Hi Koko and everyone,

 

I've been on  ativan at the very most 3 months...was taking .50 mg pretty much daily during that time, then tapered to .25mg for nine days.

 

Been six days on 10 percent cut on .25mg and the next step could be to cut .25mg in half which would be. .125mg. (or cut 25 percent off .25mg which could be a slower option)

 

Does this seems like a good point to jump? Seriously, I should be and hope to be able to after doing a few days at .125mg?

 

I just wondered about this and would appreciate feedback from other BB's. Not rushing but hopeful and thinking.

[[...]]

With this being said PLEASE TRY not TO BE  afraid friends... do the very best you can & most importantly REACH OUT FOR HELP if you are struggling... We are here for you ....

 

Hi Joey,

 

Thanks for the words of encouragement. I tell you, there can't be too many of those flying around!

 

I was at the grocery store today (you know that's my most dreaded place!) and I started feeling the heart palps and stuff. *groan* And I knew that they were coming on from fear. So, I stopped in the middle of the aisle, did some deep breathing IN FRONT OF EVERYONE  , and had a little inner-talk with myself about how I need to stop fearing the fear and all that. And I remembered your words from here and, damn, if I didn't get through it just fine.

 

Thank you, dear Joey. 

 

 

koko 

[[...]]

Hello All,

Glad this thread was started. I have read all 27 pages and feel more confident now on continuing the Ashton taper method. Since I hit 10 mg I have gone to .5mg drops with ten day holds, so I may be going a bit slower than most here. But I hope to continue this pace until I am free.

 

I don't have too many posts here but believe me I am on this site more than what's healthy, 162 hours as of today, lol.

 

Thank you Koko for starting this.

 

NoNo Congrats! (Big fan)

 

Hi nosery,

 

Okay, okay, *I* want to know how to figure out how many hours we've spent on here!   

 

I hope you'll start posting a little more so we can see how you're doing as you drop further and further down the ladder. I think your taper sounds like a really good one. Over the holidays I had to slow down a few times so I could get through the days in one piece. No big deal, really. A few days here, a few days there. Whatever it takes just so long as we're going down, down, down, right?

 

27 pages doesn't really sound like much to read, does it? But I read a thread last week that was about the same length and it took me over FOUR hours! Am I slow or what? Well, at least I know I've spent more than 4 hours on here, anyway.

 

I hope to see you around more, nosery. And congrats on getting down as far as you have. No small feat, for sure!

 

 

koko

[[...]]

Hi there everyone,

After reading all your helpful replies yesterday I regained a lot more confidence in my decision to taper the Ashton way.  So I read her 'simple diazepam withdrawal' schedule again and made the decision to carry on.  Originally I was taking diazepam for many years 'as needed' and my dosage was anything from between 5 to 30mg per day, depending on how I felt - which was, of course, in the end, a right mixed up mess.  Anyway I didn't feel brave enough to reduce by 1mg each time as she suggests, but reduced by .50mg every few weeks depending on how I felt.  I didn't agonise about the drops too much - just made them.  However, when I hit the 3.0mg for some reason I started to panic, really don't know why and in October I joined B.B  I must be honest and say that I then got even more anxious and my mind has been consumed with my next drop.  I think I read a lot of things which in retrospect didn't do me any favours and I have become more and more nervous - exploring other tapering methods and starting to fear the cut and hold.  A few days ago I saw this thread, read your replies to my post and suddenly felt that I knew what I was doing again.

No-one was telling me to updose [which I wouldn't have done anyway] and I suddenly felt back in my comfort zone.

After being stuck on 3.0mg for many weeks, afraid to move, I made the decision last night to move on and continue with my .5mg cut which I did.  In Prof.Ashton's schedule she suggests cutting 1mg every couple of weeks which I felt was too fast for me, but I will continue with the .5mg cut, see how I feel and if I then need to reduce the size of cut evaluate the situation then.  I am sitting here with burning eyes, a mouth full of ulcers and really painful joints, but also with a feeling of relief that at last I am back on track.  Have only been 'speaking' to you for a few days, but you have helped in putting me back in the place where I feel 'OK I've got to do this - it might be hard, but no more shilly shallying around looking for other methods - I'm doing it the Ashton way, whatever it takes. Will keep you updated on my progress.

 

That's excellent, Snow White! I'm so glad that you feel (relatively) comfortable enough to get back on the saddle. I know how scary it is. Believe me, I do. But if we stop tapering because of the fear then we'll probably be stuck on this stuff forever and none of us wants that, for sure.

 

I know what you mean about reading BB to the point of scaring ourselves to death. I used to do that a long, long time ago and it had the same effect on me. For months now I've pretty much stayed away from the scary threads and now keep myself on the positive threads and try not to overanalyze my w/ds. As much as I can anyway. It's helped a lot. Surrounding myself with positive buddies and reading the lighter threads has probably been the smartest thing I've ever done for myself. So, yes, I do understand how easy it is to fall into that trap.

 

Can I ask you about your mouth ulcers? I tell you, over the past 21 months that has been one of my biggest problems and I haven't seen many others who have had as hard a time as I have with it. Are you getting a lot of cancer sores? Excess or not enough saliva? Teeth clenching, jaw tightening, gum seepage, film on the top of your tongue? I get all of those things. Not all at once but it is a constant problem for me. Since you get the ulcers I was wondering if you ever experience any of those other things? Thanks.

 

I'm glad that you've joined us here and I'm looking forward to your next update. Let us know how you're doing, okay?

 

 

koko

 

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Hey Koko,Sorry ive only just replied but ive got a bad cold and feel crappy.

 

Your correct I am going to do this no matter what,Its not been an easy week but im doing ok,The cold has made the withdrawal a lot worse I think.

 

Had one night of no sleep but never mind!

 

Have had a lack of desire to eat great amounts but im still eating.

 

Anxiety has been bearable and mood swings..........Well abit swingy!!

 

Little bit of strange thinking if I let my mind wander so trying to keep it active with the tv and convos with my wife and family, Although one day I really didn't feel like speaking to anyone???

 

Any way to answer your question,Im self employed am im not at work at the moment so im using this as a positive to take time out to recover.

 

And it would have been a goodnight as I live in England .

 

And last but not least how are you doing?

 

PS:Thanks for being my 1st BB friend and taking time out to chat:).

 

Hi Small,

 

I'm sorry that you've got a cold. Ugh, I know how that feels. I got fooled by the last one I had. I had no idea it was coming on and thought that I was going through a sudden HUGE wave. I was scared! But then the runny nose and cough started. I was never so relieved to have a cold in my life! ha! I hope you get better soon. It's so insulting to be in the throes of withdrawal and then have to get sick on top of it, isn't it?

 

Oh, don't for one second think that a day of not feeling like talking to anyone is anything out of the ordinary. No! When that first happened to me I thought it was so weird. I just couldn't talk to anyone or even post on here or anything. And then some of the other buddies here kind of laughed and joked with me about it because apparently it's very, very common during w/d. We go DAYS without posting because, out of nowhere, suddenly we feel as if somebody has pushed a Mute Button on us. It's the strangest thing, it really is. But at least it feels better to know we're not the only ones. Small, you're definitely not the only one. You can come sit by me on the Mute Bench anytime you like and you don't have to say a single word. I'll understand exactly what's happening to you. 

 

Oh, that's a good thing that you're not having to work right now. I can't even fathom having to work while going through this. For me, never! But there are a LOT of buddies who do have to work and w/d at the same time. Can you imagine? Wow. I'm completely dumbstruck by those amazing buddies that can manage that. 

 

Okay, you're in England. My husband comes from there. He was born in Aberystwyth and then moved to Cardiff and then Lymington and then finally to London for college. Oh, and then of course, here to America. You should hear his accent...it's a right mixture, for sure! lol So, I guess it's 2am for you right now. I hope you're having a good sleep!

 

I'm doing okay, actually. Not bad at all. I thought I would be a total mess at 10mg and had prepared myself fully for it. But, it's strange, really, I'm feeling pretty good overall. I still have the general yuckiness and derealization, had a migraine yesterday (not out of the ordinary for me)... oh, and the mouth issues that I posted to Snow White, but other than that, I'm pretty good. Thank you for asking.

 

You take care of yourself and post back when you feel able. And, like I wrote, don't worry about the "mute" thing. I do believe most all of us have experienced that before and will probably experience it again in future. Not to worry, Small. Thanks for posting back what you could!

 

 

koko