The Xanax Club, Let Us Know How You Are Feeling Today

[[La...]]

Well, a morning not full of dismay. Don't get me wrong, I'm up there but nothing like the past mornings of hell. I don't have panic this morning, only concern as I'll label it. My mind isn't racing, but it is cruising. This is a relief compared to what it's been like. Still room for improvement, but at least I'm not feeling like the world is caving in on me. There is some cog fog but again, nothing like it has been. I'm thanking the one above for this relief too.

[[Sl...]]

Hi all -

Just found this support group and glad you're here. Tapering down super slowly and was doing great (really), holding at 0.75 mg until a few weeks ago. Out of nowhere: heart racing in the morning, crying spells for no damn reason, feeling like I couldn't tolerate any stress, can't concentrate, and probably the worst - a feeling of despair, utter hopelessness and blackness.

 

Bumped up to 1.0 for a few days and it seemed to help - now at 0.875 and holding. Crossing fingers. I had gotten lazy about my 6 doses a day and would forget (or be too busy) and take two at once. So many days I'd just get three doses a day. I don't know, maybe that precipitated this wave.

 

Seems I'm coming out of the wave now - at least I'm not in the bathroom crying so my son doesn't have to see me. Yay! Sigh.

 

Please keep posting - the most helpful thing is to read what others are going through. It makes me feel so much less alone and scared.

[[va...]]

Slowly, Lakeside is a good person to talk to about the panic and despair.  He posts here on this thread a lot.

 

You take 6 doses/day?  Wow!  I can't even imagine!  I would forget all the time!  I only dose twice a day, so it's easy for me, but, there have been a couple of times when I forgot to take one, or I couldn't remember if I took it or not, and once when I accidentally took too much.  So I understand that.  The first time it happened I completely freaked out.

 

I'm sorry you're feeling so bad, especially after you were having a fairly easy time.  I hope things pick back up for you.  It might help if you start dropping at .0625mg instead of .125mg.  That is 1/4 of a .25mg pill. 

 

Namaste.

 

~K   

[[La...]]

Hi slowly, glad you found us and am sorry yet another human is enduring this hell.  You're sure cycling from anxiety to depression and back. I did a cold turkey myself, before I knew we should taper. But the anxiety and depression is still the same and it's no fun. When I'm down, as difficult as it is, I try to do something in the form of exercise. Whether it's walking or doing stretches, the activity helps with endorphins and  they're depressions worst enemy. Maybe even a bike ride if you live where it's warm. As for the anxiety, it's tough. Again, walking helps to relieve it some. When panic sets in, for me, talking to someone about anything other than what I'm going through pulls me out if rather quickly. The person you're talking to doesn't have to do more than agree and say you'll be alright and it helps tremendously. I would not recommend calling someone who appreciates telling people what to do. What is needed is an empathetic ear. I've had to limit my calls to two people and was lucky enough to just pick up a third. If you haven't anyone, I'm willing to be your "go to" for talking. Just try to remember that as real as all this seems to be, it is not real. The fear, the panic, the depression is not real and we WILL survive this hell. Welcome to BB. 

 

Hi K, looks like you're doing alright tonight and am glad of that. 

 

And how this day hasn't been like others, very different. I've had this high strung, confused, nervous feeling all day that did not dwindle much. Went for a really nice, long walk with my dogs this morning for about 1 1/2 hrs and that helped a lot. This wasn't a paralyzing feeling, but was close to overwhelming. I did get to town today and probably shouldn't have been driving, but I needed things. Currently my mind is really cruising and I still feel quite uncomfortable. Am hoping to get some sleep tonight. I know the depression is there waiting to kick in, as some thoughts are almost making me tear up.

[[Bu...]]

I could use 8 hours straight.  I miss that serene, comfy feeling I used to have when I got into bed.  I miss my shoulders being where they should be instead of up by my head from being uptight and nervous.  Feeling lousy seems to be a constant.  Bitching about it seems to be a constant, ha, ha.  I'm going to hold off on the next and final cut until my anxiety gives me a break.  Better days are coming...please, God. 

[[La...]]

Man, it's that uneasy feeling once again. I woke up about 4:30 and got up an hour later and high strung. The anxiety was not easy to deal with and is finally beginning to let up some. Part of my problem is I am taking buspar for the anxiety. I have a pad of paper to write down the times I take it, as I'm not good with every 8 hrs. I didn't write down anything for last evening or the middle of the night, but I know I had to have taken it or I would not have gotten to sleep. But then, there were my two 10 mg tabs sitting on my table this morning. I finally just took 20 mgs to help relieve some of this. I just get so frustrated about it all. I know it will end and I know the fear part isn't real. But, this anxiety along with the cog fog involved is ridiculous.

[[Bl...]]

I am sorry you feel so rotten Lakeside. I can relate to what you are going through. My worst times were in the morning. Thank goodness the worst of it is behind me. It will be for you too.

 

Blue

[[La...]]

Hi Blue and thank you. The worst is behind me, or at least I hope it is. This here is so different though. I have quite the insecure feeling going on and it's not like the anxiety I'm so use too, as I think this has a fair amount of depression as well.....mass confusion. This has me really second guessing everything about me, what I've said to someone or done throughout the day. It's also keeping me from being able to pick up the phone and call anyone. I feel like I won't be able to carry on a conversation and would be extremely uncomfortable, thus making it all worse, as I'd begin crying. It's just that I feel so off balance, maybe it's from the lack of sleep for so many months now. I most likely hit the nail on the head with that. See, thinking out loud.....kind of. I really need some good sleep. If I could get 3-4 nights with 6 hrs of sleep, it would seem like heaven.

[[va...]]

Lakeside, I've done that before with my xanax... not sure if I took it, then having to decide what to do about it.  It really sucks.  And, I write everything down as well, and I wrote down that I took it, but I didn't remember taking it.  I ended up NOT taking it again, and I think I really didn't take it, because for a couple of days my tinnitus was uber loud and my anxiety was through the roof.  It calmed down after a couple of days though.  That was rough.

 

I'm sooooo sorry you are still suffering so bad.  It's really not fair, is it?      Wish I was there so I could give you hug, for real.  I'll call you in a little while.  I have to go pick up my mom's prescriptions.

 

Namaste.

 

~K   

[[La...]]

Hi there, and I'm off and going this morning too. I've been awake for about 1 1/2 hrs now and I have a grip alright but it's crazy is what it is. I've been high strung with some concern and worry this morning. It just doesn't want to let up.

 

Hi K and thank you ever so much for the call. Wish I could get a hug sometimes for just that feeling of security. Big cyber one...........

 

You might know just to add to this, my female dog (Yuri), is in heat now. Full heat and my male (Eqyu- E Q), is letting me know. I have them both kenneled and I don't like doing that. But I haven't any choice in  the matter. I find if I  let him out, he just walks around her kennel wining. When he's locked up, he shuts up.

 

Now, on top of this feeling, my upper back needs an adjustment from the chiropractor. I'm in no shape to be public and I know it. Hopefully it will break for me this morning and I can get in for an adjustment.

[[va...]]

Lakeside, it's really none of my business, but why don't you have the dogs fixed?  Do you breed them?  It does actually help keep them healthier, at least, that's what my vet says, and I trust her completely.  Plus, you wouldn't have the aggravation that comes with one being in heat, and the other one trying to get to her.  And, no accidental puppies. 

 

I'm glad you're feeling better.  It was great fun talking last night, and if I played some small part in helping, then I'm grateful for that.  I hope it continues. 

 

Have you been hanging lately?  I would imagine that would help with the back problem.  It always helps me.  I'm so glad I finally moved my inversion table out where I can get to it and use it. 

 

talk to you later.

 

Namaste, brother.

 

~K 

[[La...]]

I'll say good evening as it's the best part of this day for me. I've been up, out and down there all in one day. It's been one helluva day to be honest. I've been high strung with anxiety and depressed as well. Confused, but managed to keep from aggravation. I was to far out to call anyone and am glad my sister called me at lunch time for a few. Then another friend of mine who is withdrawing from opiates, pain pills calls me and we talked for about 2 hrs. I almost couldn't answer the phone but knew with it being him, that I had a chance to be able to converse, as he understands. It pulled me through, pulled me out and got me in a much better state of mind. Much like a conversation I had with you K, fun and relaxing.

 

And yes K, you played a huge part in my wellbeing. Talking to someone who understands is such good medicine for me and I hope it continues as well. You're easy to talk too, smart, friendly and well rounded. Lol, been hanging quite well, thank you. I am having a little trouble with L4, L5 right now, but hopefully tomorrow morning will get it. My back adjusts much easier after a night of sleep as the muscles are relaxed. Just isn't easy getting out of bed, rattled and hanging upside down. Fingers are crossed for tomorrow.

 

As for the dogs. I've had my male, Eqyu ( E Q), for 5 yrs now and over the years I've had friends say if he ever were to father a littler, they would like a pup. He's really an awesome dog and not just because he's mine, he has a vocabulary of 88 words now. I have hand signals I can use from across the yard and he obeys. I'm not his owner, I'm his pack leader and it makes a difference in our relationship. He's an extraordinary dog and his mate, Yuri is as well. She's only 1 1/2 yrs old and is a pound rescue. I believe she is a Blond Lab/Pit or Blond Lab/Shepard and he's a Shepard/Belgian Malinois. But they look alike. Awesome watch dogs, great friends and all that unconditional love. I may have her fixed after a litter next summer. I would post a pic of them, but after 10 minutes of attempting, I give, lol.

 

Thank you so much and I'm so glad my mood has changed this evening for the better.

 

Talk soon

 

 

[[La...]]

Oh, I wanted to ask, has anyone else lost their appetite during this ? For four days now, all I can eat is a banana for breakfast and one for dinner. I have zero appetite and no desire for food at all. Mind you, I am a rather good chef in the kitchen and on the grill. Don't know what brought this lack of hunger on, but I could stand to lose a few lbs anyway. So I'm not gonna complain any, just curious.

[[va...]]

Lakeside, sometimes I don't eat anything all day.  Sometimes I eat a little, and sometimes normal.  But, I have lost a little weight.  Not much, maybe a few pounds.

 

I remember now, you actually told me that story about the dogs and some of your friends wanting puppies, so sorry I brought it up again.  My memory sucks sometimes. 

 

Your mood seems really good today, so YAY! 

 

Later.

 

~K   

[[La...]]

Oh K, you don' have tot apologize for the memory thing, as I full understand and maybe all to well. 

 

My mood is 180 degree's of what it was all day long, thank you. I had actually thought about calling, but when this anxiety or depression hits, it's like dialing is hands off. But I can answer the phone Ok...weird.  Talking helps me tremendously and I just don't want or wish to be a bother to anyone. When I'm like that, all I feel is how much I am not in tune with the world and it shuts me down. Then when I begin talking, it takes my mind off the negativity.

 

This not hungry things is not like me at all. I mean, I'm in a mmj friendly state and have my card. I smoke to relieve the stress of what this is and it also induces munchies that I usually have to stave off. Now, I go to the fridge and nothing looks appetizing. Have chicken breast, steaks and Chinese food in the freezer and nothing is gets my attention, except bananas. Be swinging from the tree's if I keep this up.

 

Catch ya later

 

 

 

[[va...]]

Lakeside, give me a time approximation of when it's OK to call you.  If I get the sense you're having trouble, I'll call you, since it's sometimes hard for you to pick up the phone and dial.  I just don't want to call too late if you're already in bed.  Since you already spoke with a couple of people today, I got the feeling that you were OK and I wasn't worried about you.  <3

 

Talk tomorrow?  (If you need to talk, I'm up.  It's a little after 11 pm now.)

 

Namaste.

 

~K 

[[La...]]

Hi K and thank you so much. I managed to fall asleep around 12 and woke up at 4:30 but went back to bed until 6:00 and got up flying and in a panic and that's where I'm at. It isn't quite as bad as it was, as I talked to my sister for a few minutes already. I was at a point of trembling and the fear was becoming overwhelming. I'm now settling down quite a bit from where I was just 10 minutes ago. The fear was building rapidly and just talking to sis got me grounded. The panic has now gone down, not gone, but has lessened considerably. I've been writing this little bit for 15-20 minutes now, my mind keeps wandering. Hope I can either get my back adjusted or be able to go to the chiropractor later. Those chills are now subsiding a little. Wow, was that a tough wave. It's now subsiding to where I'm not full of panic or confusion. I am still a little jittery and kind of spacey with some of that kind of trembling.

[[La...]]

Well, I went and hung upside down and got my aching back adjusted. Was considering going to the chiropractor if my mind would allow it. I was hurting, but it wasn't anything compared to what was inside my head. I am still trembly, but my mind isn't full of anxiety, fear and frustration. I'm beginning to have muscle spasms in my back now, but I can live with those. What had begun once again as an extremely difficult day, is now leveling out. Took a little more than 2 hrs to get myself together enough to not feel disassociated. Don't get me wrong, I still feel distant, but the overwhelming feeling of being out of place that causes the fear isn't there.

[[Bl...]]

I am sorry you are having a rough morning Lakeside.

 

Blue

[[La...]]

It's been a different day for sure. As much as I push to get past this, it's not easy as we all know. My day was filled with anxiety, but this was self induced. I belong to another board and have been getting to know people there too. I made plans for one gentleman to come over today and I knew it would be difficult for me, but he understands what I/we are all going through. He's kicked barbs twice and has been down that road. He's going to be teaching me meditation to help further my recovery. It wasn't easy inviting someone into my home, but I managed and it went well. Was nice to be human, even if it was difficult.

 

Now, if I can just relax enough to get to sleep. It's 2:11 now, fingers are crossed.

[[La...]]

Was a night of little sleep. I'm exhausted right now too and wish I could just go to sleep. I'm feeling the blues, but not real bad, just the hopeless, despair feeling. I am jittery and have some chills. Walked my dogs a couple of miles and that was nice. Just wish I could get some sleep, then I can calm down some.

 

 

Thank you Blue, I appreciate it very much.

[[va...]]

Lakeside, if you're interested, I can write out a couple of different meditation techniques, one for channeling/containing energy and one that might help you fall asleep.  Just say the word.

 

Namaste.

 

~K 

[[La...]]

Well, I managed to get some sleep, 4 hrs anyway and am slightly better this morning. The cog fog isn't as bad, nor is the anxiety. On my 10 scale and the past mornings I'd label 6's, this one is a 4. I'm far from good, but it's improvement and I'll gladly take it. Once I'm more with it, I need my inversion table for an adjustment. It's still where I'm in need of getting a grip too. I almost texted my sister to call me, but refrained and am pulling through.

 

Hi K and yes, I'm interested in meditation techniques. So I'm saying the word, please help me with it and thank you ever so much. I see I'm not Mr. Wordy this morning.

 

[[va...]]

Sorry I haven't been back on to leave the instructions for the meditations.  I promise I'll get to it soon.  I've been avoiding time on the computer the past 2 weeks or so.  I hope everyone had a lovely holiday, and have a safe and Happy New Year. 

 

Namaste.

 

~K   

[[La...]]

Hi K, it's Ok about the meditation hun. I've been listening to You tube videos about it. I don't think my mind is in the right place to be able to meditate right now. But I am going to learn it and make it part of my life, thank you.

 

I've been going through hell to be honest. High anxiety, low depression and loads of confusion. I push and have to push extremely hard to make it out the last few days. I had begun drinking tart cherry juice that was Ok for a couple nights and then...all hell broke loose ! Woke up in a fit to be tied and my whole day was upside down. Don't know what or why, but I haven't drank any since and that terrible feeling of despair hasn't returned to a point of that. So, I'm back to the basics now and just enduring. I pushed to get out today but it was not easy. I get back home and I feel so out of place. I'm tired, I'm almost winey and my back is killing me. Other than that, it's just ducky.