Disappointed!

[[ja...]]

Mvbb.. I think you joined like 1 month ago.So that would deff excuse you lack of Knowledge and Experience with what I was saying.. If you knew me then you would know ..I would NEVER discredit any ones Withdrawl.Not EVER. I would apperciate if you dont try and turn my words around, They couldnt be further then then truth. I hope someone who knows me and how I treat people will chime in..This is wrong...

 

And I've been here seven and half years. Your point, exactly?

My point being ..She doesnt have enough time or experience with who I am to make statements about me trying to discredit anyone..If she had she would know I wouldnt do that. Are you having trouble seeing this? Any reason your targeting a few? Anyone here can say what they like and get a Thank YOU. Me KRock are being ..Pointed out. Why is this Colin ?

 

You miss my point! Maybe, since I've been here seven and a half years, running this forum, my opinion overrides yours? Of course, if I was to really say that your opinion doesn't count, because I've been here longer, that might be interpreted as being arrogant. Just because another member is a relative newcomer, this does not relegate their opinion to the sidelines.

 

It seems quite clear to me that your point about mvbb's lack of experience was general, and not about 'not knowing you'. mvbb's comments were obviously in reaction to your own words in this thread. mvbb was not referring to the whole body of your contributions to this forum - and you know it.

That was a ASSUMPTION on your part. I Never intended that she doesnt have a say. Or I Override due to Seniority. That's very Disturbing. If I wanted to say that you can trust I would have. I don't even speak like that Colin you shouldn't try and force your Interpretation as if its Fact.

I ment exactly what I said.. Nothing trivial .Nothing in between the lines. Just what I said

[[Sc...]]

I have taken some time to reread not only this thread, but also other threads what went down this path of confusion and disrespect.  I just want to make some points that are NOT directed at any member in particular.

 

This forum, like any other forum, was created to help others.  It's a "safe place" for all of us to visit and be with people who know what it feels like to wake up with nausea each day, shiver in the corner of a room, cry uncontrollably, live with extreme anxiety and fear, and/or suffer from aches and pains on a daily basis.  Some of us may choose a path that can involve a detox...others may choose to carry out a slow taper.  But none of us can say how someone else will feel or that one is worse than the other - although of course I do realize that there are more long-term issues linked to a detox or cold turkey.  However, someone like myself who completed a 10 month taper (that felt like years), I am 9 months out and in a great deal of pain.  I am managing and I keep my head up, but it's not easy.  As a person who completed a long taper, I can fully understand someone choosing to go to detox as the process of tapering is daunting.  However, it is also very important that members know the risks involved with completing a cold turkey - and the people who are most knowledgeable in that area are of course those who experienced it.  But just like people who taper can't know what it's like to c/t, those who c/t will never know how long of a process it is to taper (and often not much easier in some ways).

 

The problem, is that with any topic of discussion, things can get heated.  We are all very emotional and we're dealing with wanting to love and reach out to others - to protect them - but all while we are still quite possibly suffering ourselves.  Words can get misconstrued, and feelings can be hurt.  What one person may see has a sense of humour, others may see as rude and completely disrespectful.  There's a fine line. 

 

If I can lend any words of wisdom at my great age of 33,    it would be that when a member has confirmed that they are satisfied with the support they've received, and they've requested that the drama be left aside, then please respect those wishes.  Put personal feelings aside and instead of wanting to win the battle, focus on the member who was crying out for help in the first place.  By getting too involved with drama, we create a train wreck.  It doesn't get us anywhere and only creates confusion for the member who is asking for help.  How would have it felt to read all of the disrespectful banter and "I'm right, You're wrong, I know, You don't" talk, all while you were at your worst and most vulnerable?  Please think of that instead of trying to win or make a mockery out of other members. 

 

Also, I think people should try to think of the words they choose to use.  Humour is very difficult to get across on a forum and there is a time and place for it.  When someone is suffering, it's probably best to watch what is said.  They are at their most vulnerable.  With "humour", I also mean "tongue in cheek" banter.  Please leave the rude comments away from the forum.

 

Like any forum out there, cliques can be formed, feelings can be hurt and words can be misunderstood.  Please keep in mind when responding to any thread, that you think before you type.  Think of the position the original poster is in.  Of course we don't try to "sugar coat" things here and honestly is best, but there's a way to come about it without putting others down. 

 

I hope this can all be pushed aside and people can move on.  This forum has been a lifesaver for people like me and I'm very thankful that someone like Colin had the drive and motivation in him to create it in the first place.  What Colin said NEEDED to be said as feelings were hurt and people were scared off by other members inappropriate behaviour - it was in no way meant to stir the pot once again. 

 

All my best to each of you, hugs and healing,

Schatje

[[...]]

Good morning,

 

I was not going to say anything, but I just hate to read all these he said, she said remarks, and accusations.

 

We are all good, and decent people here, albeit with differing opinions, and different ways in expressing ourselves.  We have all experienced the pain of Benzodiazepine withdrawals, no matter how we decided to eliminate them from our lives.

 

So, let's please return to the purpose of this site, which is to help, respect, encourage, and not judge one another who are dealing with the toughest, meanest, and most confusing battle they have ever encountered.

 

pj

 

 

[[ja...]]

Do you read what you write?  You stated the people coming down on you don't know or haven't been there.  Well the majority of us have!

No That my dear friend you are WRONG..Read the signatures they dont LIE.

 

This is something Colin how your allowing this. Reread  all my posts here. There Honest there respectful. And yet being attacked by not only Members but You as well. Your saying Rudeness is OK as long as its in response to another. I have been no where near Rude and Im being Layed out here as if I have been..  ..

 

 

[Guest [pu...]]

Colin,

 

I am not a person who would normally butt in to something like this, but I feel the need to stand up for some of your most valuable members.  Jenny, Krock, chrisw, wellness, and whoopsie are the kind of people you should be trying to keep around here, not offend.  I think that you are maybe a little out of the loop as regarding their personalities and experience and past contributions to the forum and are not interpreting their recent comments in the proper light.  I see great misunderstanding here on your part.  I hope that you will step back and reconsider your treatment of them.  I also see how you perceive that they are not "getting" your points about the selective bias, etc.  That would be expected from c/t survivors/sufferers, however. 

 

IMHO, the c/t survivors should be treated like royalty around here...otherwise who is going to be there for the next batch of terrified, clueless refugees?  Pamster used to do it with excellence, but now she is gone.  I would think it would be fairly hard to get good people to stick around when they don't feel appreciated like this.  I know that I don't want to stick around now.  Never felt like the c/t'ers and the protracted were treated very well anyway.  This is from an "outsiders" point-of-view, even tho I've suffered plenty. 

 

Please don't throw away some of the best people on the forum.  They are an encouragement to many.  Reprimand them and keep order here, but then, maybe, show them the appreciation they deserve?  I'm a little confused and surprised by how they are being portrayed and treated here.  They all are some of the most heroic, courageous people I have ever "met".  The desperate c/t'ers need them.  Who's gonna be there for KD if things go bad?  They will!  They have!  They need to be encouraged and appreciated and their experiences should be mined like gold...and they're willing to do it for free!  Wow! 

 

 

 

 

[[Co...]]

Colin,

 

I am not a person who would normally butt in to something like this, but I feel the need to stand up for some of your most valuable members.  Jenny, Krock, chrisw, wellness, and whoopsie are the kind of people you should be trying to keep around here, not offend.  I think that you are maybe a little out of the loop as regarding their personalities and experience and past contributions to the forum and are not interpreting their recent comments in the proper light.  I see great misunderstanding here on your part.  I hope that you will step back and reconsider your treatment of them.  I also see how you perceive that they are not "getting" your points about the selective bias, etc.  That would be expected from c/t survivors/sufferers, however. 

 

IMHO, the c/t survivors should be treated like royalty around here...otherwise who is going to be there for the next batch of terrified, clueless refugees?  Pamster used to do it with excellence, but now she is gone.  I would think it would be fairly hard to get good people to stick around when they don't feel appreciated like this.  I know that I don't want to stick around now.  Never felt like the c/t'ers and the protracted were treated very well anyway.  This is from an "outsiders" point-of-view, even tho I've suffered plenty. 

 

Please don't throw away some of the best people on the forum.  They are an encouragement to many.  Reprimand them and keep order here, but then, maybe, show them the appreciation they deserve?  I'm a little confused and surprised by how they are being portrayed and treated here.  They all are some of the most heroic, courageous people I have ever "met".  The desperate c/t'ers need them.  Who's gonna be there for KD if things go bad?  They will!  They have!  They need to be encouraged and appreciated and their experiences should be mined like gold...and they're willing to do it for free!  Wow!

 

Hello Puffin,

 

Maybe all members should be treated like "royalty", don't you think?

 

I don't know if you read the thread that caused me to start this thread: http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=53259.0.

 

I should like to point out that I named no names in my post, and, for the most part (with just a couple of exceptions), there has been a respectful dialogue between those that feel as I do about this matter, and those that went (sometimes by their own admission) overboard in some of their comments to KD.

[[...]]

Do you read what you write?  You stated the people coming down on you don't know or haven't been there.  Well the majority of us have!

No That my dear friend you are WRONG..Read the signatures they dont LIE.

 

This is something Colin how your allowing this. Reread  all my posts here. There Honest there respectful. And yet being attacked by not only Members but You as well. Your saying Rudeness is OK as long as its in response to another. I have been no where near Rude and Im being Layed out here as if I have been..  ..

 

Skyy c/t'd and so did I.

[[ja...]]

Do you read what you write?  You stated the people coming down on you don't know or haven't been there.  Well the majority of us have!

No That my dear friend you are WRONG..Read the signatures they dont LIE.

 

This is something Colin how your allowing this. Reread  all my posts here. There Honest there respectful. And yet being attacked by not only Members but You as well. Your saying Rudeness is OK as long as its in response to another. I have been no where near Rude and Im being Layed out here as if I have been..  ..

 

Skyy c/t'd and so did I.

Sky has not come down on me at all.Its just you .

[[KR...]]

The "Great OZ" (Colin) has spoken!!!!  Now everyone go find the yellow brick road before you get lost.

[[BY...]]

 

 

This is something Colin how your allowing this. Reread  all my posts here. There Honest there respectful. And yet being attacked by not only Members but You as well. Your saying Rudeness is OK as long as its in response to another. I have been no where near Rude and Im being Layed out here as if I have been..  ..

 

Hey listen, he has already heard what you had to say......read  his responses.  He said thank you for all of your input.  Enough already.....RUDE

Take it Down a Notch this has NOTHING to do with you!!! Did you think it did?A bit Presumptuous on your part.  LOL

I think by you trying to STOP any of Us who take this more then serious to is quiet Superior of YOU..

Try not to Speak for others Its not very nice .. Yes KD heard and Hopefully this very nice young boy will actually hear US.And not what YOU think he HEARD..Ya feel me?

 

If anything is RUDE ..Its you coming on here telling Us what You think We should do!

Now Carry ON

 

Kinda of disconcerting,  she seems to have lost track of which way is up.

 

I see Krock has come full circle too.

 

A sorry state of affairs, for sure.

 

Colin, you have the words. If I was to say something, it wouldn't come across as well rounded.

[[ja...]]

 

 

This is something Colin how your allowing this. Reread  all my posts here. There Honest there respectful. And yet being attacked by not only Members but You as well. Your saying Rudeness is OK as long as its in response to another. I have been no where near Rude and Im being Layed out here as if I have been..  ..

 

Hey listen, he has already heard what you had to say......read  his responses.  He said thank you for all of your input.  Enough already.....RUDE

Take it Down a Notch this has NOTHING to do with you!!! Did you think it did?A bit Presumptuous on your part.  LOL

I think by you trying to STOP any of Us who take this more then serious to is quiet Superior of YOU..

Try not to Speak for others Its not very nice .. Yes KD heard and Hopefully this very nice young boy will actually hear US.And not what YOU think he HEARD..Ya feel me?

 

If anything is RUDE ..Its you coming on here telling Us what You think We should do!

Now Carry ON

 

Kinda of disconcerting,  she seems to have lost track of which way is up.

 

I see Krock has come full circle too.

 

A sorry state of affairs, for sure.

 

Colin, you have the words. If I was to say something, it wouldn't come across as well rounded.

This is a Completely Different thread. I already had apologized for my Rude response . What does this have to do with whats being said Here?

I think your reaching and Its already been delt with.

 

I have 1800 plus post..1 just 1 was a bit rude in a Response to someone else being Rude.

[[ch...]]

  Use the force Jenny!! 

[[KR...]]

Jenny. I think you should bow out of this thread before the "Great Wizard of OZ" gets REALLY mad. You remember in the movie when they went to see wizard and the little dog pulled the curtain open to reveal him? He was just a small little short dude pulling a bunch of levers and creating alot of smoke. He was not real and really had NO power. Same thing is going on here behind the computer. Enjoy your day. I'm sure you have alot of catching up to do now that your feeling better.

 

As far as me coming full circle. I've always been full circle. I was dazed and confused for a while but the real me has always been here. I'm not fake and I'm not going to be intimidated by anyone here. Ive always said it just like it is. The people that Im freinds with here know this. If you want to keep going with this thread bring it.

 

Rock

[[Re...]]

It isn't like me to get involved in these types of threads. I'm sorry this one got started. I wish it could have been dealt with differently. I have never c/t so I can't begin to try to understand that. I did a slow taper and did come of very well after an 11 month taper. I know many aren't so lucky. I had time where I considered just stopping it and now if I had I would hope someone would fly here to stop me. I know I'm off topic here but I have gotten such great help by the people in this thread. They are passionate and that is carrying them far to help  people.

 

The people that have c/t are going to go above and beyond to make sure that someone considering the same route has every ounce of information available. That was all I saw until Skyy posted "Hey listen, he has already heard what you had to say......read  his responses.  He said thank you for all of your input.  Enough already.....RUDE". That is hard to take a back seat to. I think if KD had felt that was enough he would have said.

 

I just hope this ends soon.

[[Ch...]]

I hope it ends too Real Deal.  What most people missed is that all KD was looking for was moral support and encouragement.  He stated over and over again that he was fully aware of what he might be facing.  He just wanted people to stop arguing over it and they couldn't.  Skyy pointed this out early on so she is not to blame.  It takes a lot of guts to hear what could possibly happen to you and still do it because of your principles.  KD should be proud of his decision no matter how bad it gets.  He has a big heart and is trying to prevent what's happened in this thread to happen in his home with his loved ones.  The two threads stopped being about him a long time ago though.

[[...]]

Real Deal, please don't quote me out of context.

 

It isn't like me to get involved in these types of threads. I'm sorry this one got started. I wish it could have been dealt with differently. I have never c/t so I can't begin to try to understand that. I did a slow taper and did come of very well after an 11 month taper. I know many aren't so lucky. I had time where I considered just stopping it and now if I had I would hope someone would fly here to stop me. I know I'm off topic here but I have gotten such great help by the people in this thread. They are passionate and that is carrying them far to help  people.

 

The people that have c/t are going to go above and beyond to make sure that someone considering the same route has every ounce of information available. That was all I saw until Skyy posted "Hey listen, he has already heard what you had to say......read  his responses.  He said thank you for all of your input.  Enough already.....RUDE". That is hard to take a back seat to. I think if KD had felt that was enough he would have said.

 

I just hope this ends soon.

If you read the entire thread, I was the first person to post to KD. Later, I replied to his answer and offered to support his decision.  Then followed a several page diatribe involving numerous horrific stories from forum members.  KD understood the responses and reiterated this.  I simply made the comment "Yikes, I think he gets it.....  At that point he was being badgered about his decision.  Follow the comments from there.  Please do not quote me out of context....

 

Thank you

[[Sc...]]

Unfortunately he (KD) DID request for it to end on his thread - even suggested locking it if need be - but people chose to carry on...as they are on this thread as well.  Colin did what he had to do based on the complaints WE receive as team members.  People were not happy with the tone of some members and it needed to be addressed.  I hope people can see that and realize that Colin can't just sit back and not acknowledge the tone of some members if it's bothersome to others. 

 

It's unfortunate that people can't see the full story here.  In this case, he's (KD) a young man - but obviously is very bright has thought this through.  He's being smart about it, and is doing what he needs to do based on his personal life (with family).  He's in a unique situation.  He asked for advice, and everyone gave him wonderful information.  When some members became very detailed and harsh with the reality of c/t detox (which is not a bad thing to do), other members became defensive (as many would) - not for themselves but for KD.  That's a normal reaction.  Some people want to "tell it how it is", others want to "protect and nurture".  Neither are wrong, UNTIL they begin to banter with childish remarks and utter silliness. 

 

If anyone wants to take the time to read the long-winded response I made to this thread on page 6, I suggest it.  Perhaps people can now put egos aside and continue on with their day.  I normally do not respond to these threads as it typically doesn't go anywhere, but being someone who sees all that happens on the forum, I had to respond by saying Colin was not out here to create further problems, but to answer to the complaints we had received based on some members choice of tone and words, and to prevent future problems such as this. 

 

In the end, this forum rarely has to encounter problems like this, and when you put hundreds of people together who are suffering at some level, something negative is bound to happen eventually.  But lets all try to move along - this forum helps so many people live through this difficult benzo journey, so lets keep it going that way. 

 

All my best to each of you,

Schatje

[[jr...]]

Hi Schatje-Can you just lock this thread to prevent more insults and accusations from being thrown around?  I, too, am disappointed with all of this.  We need to respect the decisions of fellow members, regardless of our own opinions.  Thanks,  Jenn

[[pi...]]

if KD had felt that was enough he would have said.

 

 

There is a lot of misinformation being bantered around.  KD did indeed feel that the thread had gone too far and contacted the moderation team.  We are not merely looking for ways to scold or criticize members, this matter was brought to our attention.

 

 

Please respect my decision, and don't bother telling me "I don't know what I'm in for, and it's your mistake," or negative comments or scare tactics such as this, as I have made up my mind - and you are just reiterating posts that I have already responded directly to, or taken on board. I can't be bothered with anymore flaming comments, or negativity as I already have a tonne of that throughout this thread, and will have some more to endure through detox.

 

If anyone wants to post anything supportive, feel free

 

As far as I'm concerned, to the Mods & Admins out there, you can close this thread.

 

 

pianogirl

[[KR...]]

Unfortunately he (KD) DID request for it to end on his thread - even suggested locking it if need be - but people chose to carry on...as they are on this thread as well.  Colin did what he had to do based on the complaints WE receive as team members.  People were not happy with the tone of some members and it needed to be addressed.  I hope people can see that and realize that Colin can't just sit back and not acknowledge the tone of some members if it's bothersome to others. 

 

It's unfortunate that people can't see the full story here.  In this case, he's (KD) a young man - but obviously is very bright has thought this through.  He's being smart about it, and is doing what he needs to do based on his personal life (with family).  He's in a unique situation.  He asked for advice, and everyone gave him wonderful information.  When some members became very detailed and harsh with the reality of c/t detox (which is not a bad thing to do), other members became defensive (as many would) - not for themselves but for KD.  That's a normal reaction.  Some people want to "tell it how it is", others want to "protect and nurture".  Neither are wrong, UNTIL they begin to banter with childish remarks and utter silliness. 

 

If anyone wants to take the time to read the long-winded response I made to this thread on page 6, I suggest it.  Perhaps people can now put egos aside and continue on with their day.  I normally do not respond to these threads as it typically doesn't go anywhere, but being someone who sees all that happens on the forum, I had to respond by saying Colin was not out here to create further problems, but to answer to the complaints we had received based on some members choice of tone and words, and to prevent future problems such as this. 

 

In the end, this forum rarely has to encounter problems like this, and when you put hundreds of people together who are suffering at some level, something negative is bound to happen eventually.  But lets all try to move along - this forum helps so many people live through this difficult benzo journey, so lets keep it going that way. 

 

All my best to each of you,

Schatje

 

Give me a break. If you guys were receiving SO many complaints about certain members and posts why didn't you contact the members doing it? I mean geez. SOOOO MANY people were complaining as I read it. Wouldn't the admins or Moderators PM them or something?? Make direct contact with the member doing it? I'm sure this didn't happen. Did it. Tell me, what is your protocol when it comes to this? O I know what it is. Its to call the members out on a open public forum like this. To show POWER. Well now you know what happens when you take this route. You can try to sugar coat what happened all you want. The way it all went down is BS. This all could of been handled behind close doors if you would of just contacted the members directly via PM in the first place. Way to go team. 

 

Rock

[[pi...]]

Give me a break. If you guys were receiving SO many complaints about certain members and posts why didn't you contact the members doing it? I mean geez. SOOOO MANY people were complaining as I read it. Wouldn't the admins or Moderators PM them or something?? Make direct contact with the member doing it? I'm sure this didn't happen. Did it. Tell me, what is your protocol when it comes to this? O I know what it is. Its to call the members out on a open public forum like this. To show POWER. Well now you know what happens when you take this route. You can try to sugar coat what happened all you want. The way it all went down is BS. This all could of been handled behind close doors if you would of just contacted the members directly via PM in the first place. Way to go team. 

 

Rock

 

I will tell you that I did in fact try to PM you after the first report was received.  My PM's were blocked by you.  There was nothing else to do but respond on the thread.

 

pianogirl

[[KR...]]

That's funny. Eljay which is a admin PM'd last night about a different topic. It worked fine. You should of had someone with authority handle it. Someone obviously higher than you.

[[Sc...]]

This really needs to stop. 

 

We don't work on a hierarchy system here on Benzo Buddies.  We are ALL volunteers, and many of us are still recovering ourselves.  We are trying to keep this forum a "safe place" where people feel comfortable coming to express their concerns regarding their own recovery.  Not once did I say there were "SOOOOOOOOOOOO many complaints", but the complaints received were serious and appropriate action was taken. 

 

Pianogirl would not lie about approaching you through a PM.  If she tried and it did not work, then that's what happened.  End of story.  The volunteers on this forum lead lives outside of Benzo Buddies, and if someone "with authority" is not available to help, then we have to take matters into our own hands.

 

I ask for this to stop and to move on with only providing support for others.  Support is what each of you have needed at some point, and I'm sure at your worst would not have appreciated such drama. 

 

All my best,

Schatje

[[Ch...]]

Showing power is contacting somebody through PMs and scolding them.  Here in the open forum, we are all on an equal level.  You are being called out by more people then just the team.  You are way out of line on so many levels here and it has nothing to do with the rules of this forum.  It goes way beyond that.  The sad part about your arguments is that you make no valid points at all.  Detox is bad?  Cold turkey is bad?  Tell the forum something they don't know.  Advice can be bad? Well so can no advice at all.  Your feelings are hurt?  You scared the crap out of some kid who only wanted support and acknowledgement.  He didn't tell you or anyone else to go to detox did he?  It's not your story, it's KD's.  Move on already.

[[KR...]]

And for ALL you moderators out there. Members have a choice of how there PM box is set up.

 

1)Click on profile.

2)Scroll Down to personal messaging

3)Go to the box Receive Personal Messages from

4)Click the setting : Buddies and Administrators Only

 

This setting says nothing about Buddies, Administrators AND Moderators. It appears as long as members have their accounts set up like this the moderators can not PM or get through. I didn't set it up this way. The owner did. You might want to think about adding the Mods to that setting to reach people in the future. Or they can have one of the admins handle it. But as it stands now moderators are blocked. But again. The mods can always contact the admin and get something handled if need be. That's a fact.

 

Rock