I'm not going to get better. I can just tell.

[[li...]]

I'm sure you guys have read my other posts to see what my symptoms are so I won't repeat them all. I'm just not going to make it. I don't think there is getting through anything. I'm pretty sure this is just how it is and I can't take it. And I'm so sensitive this guessing game of medication doctors might try so I'm scared of taking a chance on something that could make things way worse. Just 6 months ago me and my wife were doing great, both had good jobs, and life was getting started. Now I don't know if I'll ever be able to work again, my wife will probably lose her job very soon since she has to keep taking care of me and I can't be alone, and that big bright future is gone. I don't see friends or family anymore, can hardly read, play games or watch tv. I just suffer and stare waiting to get better but nothing changes. I'm losing and the stress, pain, sadness, depression, isolation, guilt, weakness, and loss of my mind is killing me. I've fought so hard but I don't have much left. I'm damaged. I'm sure most people would think I need mental help, but I know that not it. There is some kind of chemcical, nerve, physiological thing going on here but it's too much and no sign of it going away. I don't know how to keep watching it all fall apart and keep hoping for something that is t happening. I don't even know why I get on here and say these things. I just don't know what else to do. I want my life back.

 

Response to bold.

 

Perhaps you are depressed, after a fashion ?  I don't mean 'clinically depressed' as in psychiatry.

You had a good life. You're trying to distract yourself, but I know from experience that only works up to a point.

 

Distractions cannot replace a vocation/job or a normal social life.

Perhaps it's catching up to you  ?

If you can break out of that cycle and do something that is meaningful to you, and find a way to make sure that your near future is 'ok' (financially and otherwise) that MIGHT make all the difference.

 

About the suggestion in another post to drink as much water as you can: there is such a thing as drinking too much water. In the most extreme case 'water posioning'. Drinking too much water can upset electrolytes in the blood and perhaps more. There is a danger in the mindset that more is always better.

[[li...]]

Thank you everyone. I swear I'm trying. I just keep feeling like I won't get better. I have the hope I  will but the pain and mental stuff is telling me it won't get better and it must be something else and what if I don't do something to fix it now. I feel like I'm suffering to no end and it will just make me worse the more I go like this. But I'm also scared to take meds that may make things worse or prevent healing so this is my only existence.

 

How bad is the pain ? Can you take something relatively safe for pain ?

 

There may be 'medication' that will help, but you can't be sure what will help and what will set you back.

 

I wonder if there is not some kind of interaction between the encephalitis, the opiate (taking and withdrawal) and the Klonopin.

 

I'm not sure, you used pot/cannabis too ? There may be interactions but I don't have the expertise.

[[pa...]]

Klonkers - that was an excellent list.  You are very talented in this and would make a great therapist.

 

Coop - This does get better. I wish I could show you a home video of me at 3 months. I know you do not think I could be as bad as you were. But I was. I thought I was going to die. My brain couldn't do anything, much less sleep.  You are actually probably better than I was.  I took my kids to my moms' house several times because I just couldn't function during the day. Other times, my dad came over to stay with me. It was SO bad.  I know exactly how you feel.  Let your wife go to work. Try to allow your rational mind inside talk you through what is smart in that regard.  And just stay home on the couch. Many buddies, including me, stayed home on the couch and that's all we could do.  That's totally okay. You will NOT die from this.  I don't say this to be cold, but to be rational, as that is what the brain needs to see. Your brain is on super high overdrive and basically a "glutamate storm".

Please let me explain.

 

There are basically 2 major neurotransmitters at work in every aspect of function (I mean, there are many, but these 2 are the biggies).

There's GABA - the "calming" neurotransmitter AND

Ther'es Glutamate - the excitatory neurotransmitter.

 

It isn't so much that GABA just "slows you down" or Glutamate "speeds you up". It's more that in EVERY transaction between neurons and in fractions of a millisecond, the nervous system is exchanging these 2 neurotransmitters.  When you reach out to grab a flower out of a vase to smell it, it is BOTH GABA and Glutamate that are at work on a micro-cellular level to smoothly allow your arm to reach out for that flower in a controlled, non-shaky way - to target it and grab it. GABA AND GLUTAMATE work together to "push/pull" each and every though, intention, motor act of reaching, sensory act of touching, smelling - all of it.  Both neurotransmitters are necessary in a balancing act to make this a normal transaction in the nervous system.

 

What has happened in our case is that we have GABA - but we have not enough places on the neurons for that GABA to "land".  GABA should be able to nicely fit into the receptors on the neuron. But in our place, the benzo has TEMPORARILY made it less possible (not completely impossible, but MUCH less possible) to fit anywhere. So we have the GABA available - but the receptors aren't yet healthy enough to attract that GABA in a way in which it will "fit" where it needs to. 

 

So, what we have left is a storm of glutamate.  In absence of the calming neurotransmitter, we have an overabundance of exchitory (glutamate) neurotransmitter.  And EVERYTHING you are experiencing is for this reason at a basic level.  There is a glutamate storm going on that makes everything seem in hyperoverdrive.  All parts of the brain and many parts of the CNS are affected. Memory, fear response, muscle movement (for many people), sleep, thinking straight. It is as if you have had 1000 cups of coffee and cannot come down from it. That is basically the jist of it.

 

In ONLY A FEW MONTHS, the GABA will begin to re-upregulate and SO MUCH OF THIS WILL BE MINIMIZED. You will no longer feel liek you are dying and you will get through it.

 

In the meantime, let your rational brain do what is important. Let your wife go to work. Ride it out with us here.  Cry. Be on the couch. Read this email. Remind yourself that this is a neurophysiological insult that will change simply as time passes.  Read what everyone is saying to you.  Let your rational mind accept and absorb it even though it FEELS so bad. I know it does. I have been there. But once the GABA starts to re-attract, it will start to be very doable.

 

I love you, Coop.

You are going to make it.

I promise you.

:)Parker

[Guest [...]]

Hey coop

 

whats doing.  Your head is totally messed up thats all its the medication that is doing this.  Ill give you an example like i dont know if you saw my post this morning when i think i trashed the under 4mg of valiums blog with all my negative thinking i was sitting there crying and writing all this negative stuff like im gone blah blah blah and now guess what im functioning again.  I know you are bad trust me im hearing you i was curled up in the laundry screaming like a caged animal on saturday and my mum was going to call the ambulance the next day i was doing my sons 21st birthday party admittedly with help but still did it.  Yesterday was his actual birthday and i felt like crap and certainly not what i had envisionaged (however the hell you spell that word) after waiting all this time for it.  But you know what i couldnt help it just like you cant help whats happening for you.  You are not alone.  You have had many wonderful suggestions here today but i hear them to and sometimes you just cant help but think this is not going to work for me because im worse than anyone.  Let me tell you we all think we are worse than others at times.  Because the irrational mind tells us anything and we believe it.  Coop let your wife go back to work.  You have us stay on here all day while she is gone.  She needs a break to.  Carers get burnout and you dont want her burnt out and you sick as well.  My husband has to go to work sure i could have him here all day but whats he going to do at the end of the day they cant make us feel better only time will .

hugs to you

 

 

Lizzy

[[...]]

Thank you everyone. I swear I'm trying. I just keep feeling like I won't get better. I have the hope I  will but the pain and mental stuff is telling me it won't get better and it must be something else and what if I don't do something to fix it now. I feel like I'm suffering to no end and it will just make me worse the more I go like this. But I'm also scared to take meds that may make things worse or prevent healing so this is my only existence.

 

How bad is the pain ? Can you take something relatively safe for pain ?

 

There may be 'medication' that will help, but you can't be sure what will help and what will set you back.

 

I wonder if there is not some kind of interaction between the encephalitis, the opiate (taking and withdrawal) and the Klonopin.

 

I'm not sure, you used pot/cannabis too ? There may be interactions but I don't have the expertise.

 

I keep having burning in places on my feet, legs, arms, and shoulders. I also feel like my body needs to sweat but can't and this very unpleasant feeling in my body all the time. It feels like it will never ever go away. It sounds like neuropathy but at the same time I've read that anxiety can cause neuropathy symptoms. It's scary.

[[li...]]

I burned all over to.  That is mostly gone.  Hang in there.

[Guest [de...]]

Klonkers - that was an excellent list.  You are very talented in this and would make a great therapist.

 

Coop - This does get better. I wish I could show you a home video of me at 3 months. I know you do not think I could be as bad as you were. But I was. I thought I was going to die. My brain couldn't do anything, much less sleep.  You are actually probably better than I was.  I took my kids to my moms' house several times because I just couldn't function during the day. Other times, my dad came over to stay with me. It was SO bad.  I know exactly how you feel.  Let your wife go to work. Try to allow your rational mind inside talk you through what is smart in that regard.  And just stay home on the couch. Many buddies, including me, stayed home on the couch and that's all we could do.  That's totally okay. You will NOT die from this.  I don't say this to be cold, but to be rational, as that is what the brain needs to see. Your brain is on super high overdrive and basically a "glutamate storm".

Please let me explain.

 

There are basically 2 major neurotransmitters at work in every aspect of function (I mean, there are many, but these 2 are the biggies).

There's GABA - the "calming" neurotransmitter AND

Ther'es Glutamate - the excitatory neurotransmitter.

 

It isn't so much that GABA just "slows you down" or Glutamate "speeds you up". It's more that in EVERY transaction between neurons and in fractions of a millisecond, the nervous system is exchanging these 2 neurotransmitters.  When you reach out to grab a flower out of a vase to smell it, it is BOTH GABA and Glutamate that are at work on a micro-cellular level to smoothly allow your arm to reach out for that flower in a controlled, non-shaky way - to target it and grab it. GABA AND GLUTAMATE work together to "push/pull" each and every though, intention, motor act of reaching, sensory act of touching, smelling - all of it.  Both neurotransmitters are necessary in a balancing act to make this a normal transaction in the nervous system.

 

What has happened in our case is that we have GABA - but we have not enough places on the neurons for that GABA to "land".  GABA should be able to nicely fit into the receptors on the neuron. But in our place, the benzo has TEMPORARILY made it less possible (not completely impossible, but MUCH less possible) to fit anywhere. So we have the GABA available - but the receptors aren't yet healthy enough to attract that GABA in a way in which it will "fit" where it needs to. 

 

So, what we have left is a storm of glutamate.  In absence of the calming neurotransmitter, we have an overabundance of exchitory (glutamate) neurotransmitter.  And EVERYTHING you are experiencing is for this reason at a basic level.  There is a glutamate storm going on that makes everything seem in hyperoverdrive.  All parts of the brain and many parts of the CNS are affected. Memory, fear response, muscle movement (for many people), sleep, thinking straight. It is as if you have had 1000 cups of coffee and cannot come down from it. That is basically the jist of it.

 

In ONLY A FEW MONTHS, the GABA will begin to re-upregulate and SO MUCH OF THIS WILL BE MINIMIZED. You will no longer feel liek you are dying and you will get through it.

 

In the meantime, let your rational brain do what is important. Let your wife go to work. Ride it out with us here.  Cry. Be on the couch. Read this email. Remind yourself that this is a neurophysiological insult that will change simply as time passes.  Read what everyone is saying to you.  Let your rational mind accept and absorb it even though it FEELS so bad. I know it does. I have been there. But once the GABA starts to re-attract, it will start to be very doable.

 

I love you, Coop.

You are going to make it.

I promise you.

:)Parker

 

Nice work. Excellent scientific explanation.

 

DS

[[Kl...]]

Dear Coop,

 

I want to let you know that I am thinking of you.

 

I am writing this with a good case of brain fog and d/r.

 

I have my notes in my hand and I am saying each affirmation out loud.  It is

helping me stay grounded.  I think this will be helpful to you as well.

 

You will heal.  We will all heal.  Your good Buddie, Klonkers

[[Ho...]]

Dear Coop,

 

I want to let you know that I am thinking of you.

 

I am writing this with a good case of brain fog and d/r.

 

I have my notes in my hand and I am saying each affirmation out loud.  It is

helping me stay grounded.  I think this will be helpful to you as well.

 

You will heal.  We will all heal.  Your good Buddie, Klonkers

 

Klonkers, I know you are suffering right now, right along with me and Coop and many others. I hope we all start to feel better very soon. I'll be thinking about you and hoping for your recovery. Take care

 

Holly

[[sm...]]

Two things: One....Jackie Brown are you from Az??

And two....Coop I thought of something that could help you pass the time and maybe earn some money, I know you are tired and have no motivation, I know, but there are a bunch of companies that allow you to work from home.  If it is too overwhelming right now...forget it, but if you think it will help I say go for it.  Trust that in a few more weeks you will see improvement and things will start to lift. "allow it" Allow your body to heal, it needs time.

[[sm...]]

 

listen to this over and over and over