Positivity Pledge. Please join me if you want !

[[An...]]

 

 

Hey Angel - I am praying you are right! I really think that at this point I am past the possibility of taking another benzo (with consideration of all the temptations one can have during the more difficult days!) It is true that insomnia is the biggest issue of all..I have a variety of other discomforts but I feel that if I were able to sleep well, then most of my other sensations would quickly disperse. I may consider the use of melatonin, as it once had a noticable effect on me. I've just been hesitant to take anything ever since ativan..I guess I can safely say that the experience has scared me off of any pharmaceuticals for the moment. Very very happy for you that your sleep is well, and without any assistance is truly wonderful.

 

I also had a question regarding your log..it seems that your sx gradually lessened, with a couple of waves, but at month 9 you were at a 7 correct? And then from then it just simply stopped..where would you say you're sitting at now?

 

Hearing you mention that after waves you generally improve, it reminds me to look back at my short 6 weeks. I have had what I would consider "mini waves" -- each week something is significantly different so far, and I also recognize that my windows are beginning to lengthen and my condition is better. Still some ways to go, but I'll get there.

 

Hope you both continue to do well, and thank you for all your kind and uplifting words 

 

Chantillie

 

Hiyas

 

I have had many symptoms including DP, DR, nausea, tingling, ear problems etc which have come and gone but the main one has been anxiety which stayed at a constant high level.  Funnily enough I never had insomnia.  My sleep has actually improved since this saga. As time has gone on, the bouts of anxiety have lessened and now the anxiety itself is weaker.  By the way I also suffered from weight loss in the early months and especially during a period of bad anxiety - it is all linked.  We have many GABA receptors in our stomach which are sensitive to stress.  Also until just recently, my stool was never normal or regular.  I was running all the time to the loo!

 

Since the bad wave at the between months 8 and 9,  I am having more days of feeling completely well and the remaining side effects which are pins and needles, morning cortisol rushes, and daytime nerviness are fading.  So I am obviously healing.

 

Of course this could be a window but I am hoping not!

 

I would say that I am at a constant 1.5 now (I class 1 as being perfect, with NO symptoms) so 1.5 is pretty darn good!  How many people can say they feel perfect ALL the time anyway??!

 

I am so glad you are already getting windows and seeing improvement and hope you recover quickly!

 

Angel

[[ho...]]

It's so nice to chat with you both!

 

I have some good news.... almost put this on benzo celebrations... but just between us gals (and whoever else reads this thread...)  I had a normal poo today!  Now this might seem like a weird thing to celebrate, but I have been waiting for this day for over 4 months!  I see this as a very positive sign that my GI track is finally healing.  I haven't had any bloating or pain or nausea today either.  So yeah!!!

 

I'm also feeling the most normal mentally today in a very long time.  I'm cautiously optimistic; knowing full well that I may get slammed again, but I am really enjoying today.  It is pouring rain and cold here, but I am one happy chickie today!

[[An...]]

I have some good news.... almost put this on benzo celebrations... but just between us gals (and whoever else reads this thread...)  I had a normal poo today!  Now this might seem like a weird thing to celebrate, but I have been waiting for this day for over 4 months!  I see this as a very positive sign that my GI track is finally healing.  I haven't had any bloating or pain or nausea today either.  So yeah!!!

Way to go!  Ain't it great!  Thank heavens for small mercies!! :laugh:

[[Fl...]]

I just realized you are all benzo free?  Congrats to you all!  I wish I could be there with you and have a benzo free ticker at the bottom.  Was this thread supposed to be for benzo free people?  Either way I am happy for all of you.  I like your wave rating system.  it is a great idea!

FB

[[An...]]

I just realized you are all benzo free?  Congrats to you all!  I wish I could be there with you and have a benzo free ticker at the bottom.  Was this thread supposed to be for benzo free people?  Either way I am happy for all of you.  I like your wave rating system.  it is a great idea!

FB

Hello Flutterbye

 

This thread is really for anyone who wants encouragement to use a positive attitude to get through this ordeal whether you are tapering or benzo free.  It doesn't make any difference.  It's far easier to be negative about all this and that doesn't help.  We ARE all going to heal so let's just  make the best of it whatever stage we are at.

 

I just started it on a whim when I was fed up with feeling sorry for myself.  Since then my healing has come on in leaps and bounds.

 

Hopefully some others who are still tapering or who have tapered may join this thread too to spur each other on.

 

Don't worry, you WILL get your ticker!

 

Luv

Angel

[[ch...]]

I have some good news.... almost put this on benzo celebrations... but just between us gals (and whoever else reads this thread...)  I had a normal poo today!

 

Not weird to celebrate that at all!! I too have been waiting for the day when my poo returns to a lovely (healthy) brown colour!  I even check daily to see if there are any changes, honestly  haha! And Angel is right, it definitely has something to do with our GABA receptors.. I get GI issues when I start to worry or stress out a lot.

 

Congratulations Hope -- a clear sign of healing! So happy for you *hugs*

 

I have had many symptoms including DP, DR, nausea, tingling, ear problems etc which have come and gone but the main one has been anxiety which stayed at a constant high level.  Funnily enough I never had insomnia.  My sleep has actually improved since this saga. As time has gone on, the bouts of anxiety have lessened and now the anxiety itself is weaker.  By the way I also suffered from weight loss in the early months and especially during a period of bad anxiety - it is all linked.  We have many GABA receptors in our stomach which are sensitive to stress.  Also until just recently, my stool was never normal or regular.  I was running all the time to the loo!

 

Since the bad wave at the between months 8 and 9,  I am having more days of feeling completely well and the remaining side effects which are pins and needles, morning cortisol rushes, and daytime nerviness are fading.  So I am obviously healing.

 

Of course this could be a window but I am hoping not!

 

I would say that I am at a constant 1.5 now (I class 1 as being perfect, with NO symptoms) so 1.5 is pretty darn good!  How many people can say they feel perfect ALL the time anyway??!

 

I am so glad you are already getting windows and seeing improvement and hope you recover quickly!

 

Angel

 

No insomnia?! I have to admit I am quite jealous!  But at the same time, I know that your wd must have been extremely rough even without it.  But hearing that you're now feeling like you're at a 1.5 is amazing news.

 

I just realized you are all benzo free?  Congrats to you all!  I wish I could be there with you and have a benzo free ticker at the bottom.  Was this thread supposed to be for benzo free people?  Either way I am happy for all of you.  I like your wave rating system.  it is a great idea!

FB

 

Thankyou FB! I don't believe the thread was meant for benzo-free people..I think it was simply coincidental that we were  How are you doing lately?

 

Chantillie

[[Fl...]]

Hi Chantillie, I am ok.  Just got back from my ear Dr appointment where they stick pointy implements in and well we'll leave the rest unspoken.  Lets just say he has to remind me to breathe.  Kinda like labor and delivery without the cute baby in the end.  I go every 3 months but I asked to try 4 this time.  It is pouring rain here.  I love sunshine.  I made a small cut today and find I feel a bit snippy with people.  We were in the waiting room at the doctors office and a drug rep came out and I felt like putting my leg out and tripping him figuratively speaking.  Or grabbing him by the lapels and interrogating him about benzos.  Of course I just grumbled when he walked by and did neither but I feel short fused.  Interesting sx.  I should get a Biker jacket and put an emblem on the back "don't mess with me I just made a cut today"   Hope you are doing ok chantille. Have you tried melatonin for your sleep issues?  Wishing you well, FB

[[ho...]]

Hi All --- This is a wonderful thread -- so glad you started it Angel.

I really enjoy the conversation here.

 

Today is day #2 of feeling fairly normal.  Still not celebrating as I know what just might be lurking around the corner; waiting for me....  More healing!  More fun!!

BUT I am taking advantage of it --- This morning I put some makeup on; went to coffee with a friend; then even strapped on the skates and did a few laps around the ice.  Oh I may pay big for that couple hours of fun... We'll see. 

 

The crocuses have bloomed outside my front door.  I'm waiting on seeing the first robin.  Spring is coming

 

If you haven't already - stop by the thread "I look like hell" posted in Withdrawal and Recovery Support started by miniminnie.  She is very funny - the thread is entertaining.

[[ch...]]

Hi Chantillie, I am ok.  Just got back from my ear Dr appointment where they stick pointy implements in and well we'll leave the rest unspoken.  Lets just say he has to remind me to breathe.  Kinda like labor and delivery without the cute baby in the end.  I go every 3 months but I asked to try 4 this time.  It is pouring rain here.  I love sunshine.  I made a small cut today and find I feel a bit snippy with people.  We were in the waiting room at the doctors office and a drug rep came out and I felt like putting my leg out and tripping him figuratively speaking.  Or grabbing him by the lapels and interrogating him about benzos.  Of course I just grumbled when he walked by and did neither but I feel short fused.  Interesting sx.  I should get a Biker jacket and put an emblem on the back "don't mess with me I just made a cut today"   Hope you are doing ok chantille. Have you tried melatonin for your sleep issues?  Wishing you well, FB

 

I'm sorry FB. Sounds like that day wasn't the best for you--I hope by now things have gotten a little better. I know on some days I also feel impatient with everyone around me  . sometimes the physical/mental sx can become too much to bear. I remember a time when anything could tip me over the edge. I was extremely sensitive..so sensitive to the point that when my boyfriend was talking to me in a neutral and normal tone, my receptors reacted as though we were fighting. I would find myself in a frustrated panic, for what seemed like no reason. I later realized my mind simply couldn't take much stimulus..a sx from my poor CNS I assume.

 

I was doing really well yesterday! After all the poor sleep earlier, I really really fell into some heavy sleeping the night before yesterday. That made me incredibly happy and relieved, and set me on course for a great day  Then last night the sleep was not so great again, but I feel relatively good still So I won't let it get me down. The weather is wonderful, it warmed up a lot ever since last week and I look forward to going out during the weekend!

 

I have tried melatonin before I took ativan..but I only took melatonin a few times. It had a noticable effect on me, making me feel drowsier, but never successfully "put me to sleep". I might consider using it if I'm having more trouble later, but for now I'm going to try and stick to things like sleep restriction and proper sleep hygiene to see if that will fix up my situation for good.

 

Hi All --- This is a wonderful thread -- so glad you started it Angel.

I really enjoy the conversation here.

 

Today is day #2 of feeling fairly normal.  Still not celebrating as I know what just might be lurking around the corner; waiting for me....  More healing!  More fun!!

BUT I am taking advantage of it --- This morning I put some makeup on; went to coffee with a friend; then even strapped on the skates and did a few laps around the ice.  Oh I may pay big for that couple hours of fun... We'll see. 

 

The crocuses have bloomed outside my front door.  I'm waiting on seeing the first robin.  Spring is coming

 

If you haven't already - stop by the thread "I look like hell" posted in Withdrawal and Recovery Support started by miniminnie.  She is very funny - the thread is entertaining.

 

Agreed..so happy that I joined into this conversation with you all Thank you for being here with me. 

 

Hope, I'm really happy to hear about your progress. To think that just a couple months back, feeling "normal" felt like an impossibility. And here you are now, getting back up on your feet, going out and doing the things that you love once again. Time is truly a miraculous thing. I hope that this time around, you won't be left with the few days of returned wd after your day. It could be that the "exercise" flares up your sx, but maybe it'll be different this time. Crossing my fingers for you!

 

Had a great laugh at miniminnie's thread too thanks for sharing!

 

Chantillie

[[An...]]

I'm pleased with this thread too.  I am still suffering awful cortisol rushes in the morning .  Today was pretty bad ... so jitttttery and nervy.  But tried to forget about it and carry on and am okay now.

 

So happy you are both making progress.

 

I hope we get some newcomers to join ... we could do with some who are tapering to encourage each other too.  I often wonder if I had accepted a longer taper if I would have had it easier ..  who knows? .. but when you start feeling well you forget about all of that, taper or no taper.

 

Have a great day!

 

Angel xxxx

[[ho...]]

Good Morning Positive Buddies!

I am happy to report that I am continuing to do well (!)....  I'm still cautiously (very cautiously) optimistic....    Oh please Lord!!!

Last evening I had some mild anxiety and tinnitus; very broken sleep, awake 1.5 hour period, but got 7-8 hours total, so not bad.  Woke feeling fine.  Just a little head pressure.  Nothing to complain about.  Poo back to sand, but belly is not as bloated as before.  The dreaded dizzies have not come back.  These are my worse sx and my very worse fear.  I can deal with any of the other sx, but the dizziness really freaks me out.  Anyway -- so a good report from me this morning. 

 

Angel -- can you describe the cortisol rushes?  I think that is what I must occasionally experience.  I feel very, very strange -- I can't describe it.  Afraid that something bad will happen.  I do all of my coping to get through it.  They used to last a long time, but now only come occasionally and last 30 minutes or so.  Please don't beat yourself up over your taper; you did whatever it took and are benzo free!!!  That is the important thing.  Regardless, each day you are moving toward total health. 

I often think that I should have reinstated and tapered once I found Ashton and this board, but what is done is done.  It seems in reading all the posts from so many folks on different benzos with different off plans -- seriously it doesn't seem that any way is easier.  I think it is so very individual.

 

 

Hi FB -- love the biker jacket idea.  Sometimes I think we should have tee shirts made.  I don't know what they would say.  Remember years ago (well many years ago when my kids were little) there were these signs people would put on their cars "Baby on Board"  In my first couple of months I told my husband that we should get a "Zombie on Board" sign....  Yesterday there was a car the the parking lot at the rink that had a "I (heart) Zombies" bumber sticker!!! 

I would have been tempted to trip that drug rep too! 

 

Chantillie - your sleep will come back.  I know it will.  Be patient.  I agree with you to not take anything including melatonin (sorry FB).  If you research it you'll find its not so good either.  Getting a good circadian rhythm going -- sitting in the sun in the morning; closing down the electronics 2 hours before bed, etc will help as will carb snack before bed.  The internet has all kinds of great non-med/supplement sleep suggestions.  You are doing great.  Stick to your plan.  Have the Dr. Steve or Delta sleep CDs helped?  I still use mine most nights. 

 

I would love to be able to have tea (decaf) with you all! 

XOX  (HUGS)

 

 

 

[[An...]]

Hi Hope

 

It is hard to explain but I wake up with fear ... very nervous and my teeth chatter - haven't heard of anyone else with this symptom (chattering teeth). It tends to wear off quite quickly but today I had GI problems like you and I think it is all linked.  The worse the cortisol rush, the worse the GI and loo problems!  I thnk it is a pretty common symptom though, a lot has been written on it if you do a search.  It is not, or rather, I now don't allow it to be overwhelming!

 

Sorry you think you get it too!

 

Luv

Angel

[[Fl...]]

Angel, My very first symptom years ago was a "hiccup' sensation in the solar plexus area like the feeling you get going over a bump in the road.  It came out of no where and I would say "OH" what was that and go about my day.  Fast forward I then get this feeling of "dread" upon waking in the morning like the Texas chain saw guy is standing over me when I open my eyes.  That bad.  Now I know what it is from.........the benzo.  Here is what I have been doing about it.  I listened to an audio book by a (I think she is) a Buddist nun.  She spoke to her teacher about this weird feeling she was getting and he told her oh that is "dakini delight"  I am paraphrasing but the idea was to change her perception on it.  Kind of a shift of sorts.  Hers was not like ours but I just connected the thought process.  Now when it happens I know the Texas chain saw guy is not there and I say oh dakini delight or greet the day and try to fool my brain into thinking I am excited about some happy thing that is going to take place that day instead of the dread fear place it wants to go.  Hope that rambling all made sense. maybe think about the feeling you got when you were a child on Christmas morning , that happy excitement ( if you celebrate Christmas or something like that idea).  Hope: funny you should say that about the zombies.  I used that word to my counselor today.  I'm all in for the Tee shirts or we could design a whole line of stuff.  Maybe sneak it into the drug reps suitcase and he can help us with sales

[[An...]]

Angel, My very first symptom years ago was a "hiccup' sensation in the solar plexus area like the feeling you get going over a bump in the road.  It came out of no where and I would say "OH" what was that and go about my day.  Fast forward I then get this feeling of "dread" upon waking in the morning like the Texas chain saw guy is standing over me when I open my eyes.  That bad.  Now I know what it is from.........the benzo.  Here is what I have been doing about it.  I listened to an audio book by a (I think she is) a Buddist nun.  She spoke to her teacher about this weird feeling she was getting and he told her oh that is "dakini delight"  I am paraphrasing but the idea was to change her perception on it.  Kind of a shift of sorts.  Hers was not like ours but I just connected the thought process.  Now when it happens I know the Texas chain saw guy is not there and I say oh dakini delight or greet the day and try to fool my brain into thinking I am excited about some happy thing that is going to take place that day instead of the dread fear place it wants to go.  Hope that rambling all made sense. maybe think about the feeling you got when you were a child on Christmas morning , that happy excitement ( if you celebrate Christmas or something like that idea).  Hope: funny you should say that about the zombies.  I used that word to my counselor today.  I'm all in for the Tee shirts or we could design a whole line of stuff.  Maybe sneak it into the drug reps suitcase and he can help us with sales

 

Flutterbye - I love that "dakini delight" idea!  Will try it tomorrow morning.

 

I don't know if anyone has read Benzo Wise by Baylissa (Bliss) Johns.  It was really helpful when I was going through the worst.  Bliss runs the website Recovery Road.  She is also on Facebook and I am one of her zillions of buddies - she has sent me really encouraging messages when things have been rough and also assured me everyone but EVERYONE recovers.

 

Enjoy the rest of your day everyone.  It's almost bedtime where I am so am off to zzzzzzzzzzzz

 

Angel x

[[os...]]

Can i join in? I am feeling positive!!!  :yippee:

 

Oscar

[[Fl...]]

Good morning all, Hope: I understand about the melatonin, I am not taking it regularly.  I only keep it on hand for a really bad night and I take a tiny chip off the pill. ( cut it down).  Angel thanks for sharing that web site.  It looks great!  I wish I could call the number to talk to someone but it looks like UK?  Good info on there and I will have to get the book.  Hope I am rereading your feeling and it sounds like what they call "hypervigilance".  Not a full blown panic attack but that feeling you describe,  soldiers in the battlefield get like that and then when they come home cannot turn it off.  Then have to figure out how to deal with it.  Also people who have grown up in abusive households become hypervigilant and grow up not understanding it.  It messes with the cortisol and adrenal glands. Sometimes there is PTSD from it.  I was like this from my childhood and perhaps still am but am aware of it now which is the first step.  I never heard the term before until I read an article written by Ashley Judd the actress and when they described it I knew that was me.  I think the benzos mess with the adrenal so much it does basically the same thing.  A paradoxical turn on of the fight or flight switch and we have difficulty turning it off again. Ok so on the positive side knowledge is power and no pop quiz tomorrow

[[An...]]

Can i join in? I am feeling positive!!!  :yippee:

 

Oscar

 

Oscar

 

With pleasure you can join in !!!  So good you are feeling positive.      How are you doing?

[[ho...]]

Oscar -- Welcome!!

 

FB -- Thanks for the info on "hypervigilance"  Very interesting.  I'll do some research.

[[an...]]

Reading all of your posts here I am still surprised that bad WD is being experienced without long term use! I worry about my daughter but she says to please STOP; I am driving her crazy, and that she is worrying about it too!

[[An...]]

Hi Anastasiarobyn and welcome

 

You are right to be concerned for your daughter.  I used to think like her too  but I've discovered that it is possible to get dependant on benzos after a few days use. With me it was less than a week and I am not alone. I honestly would never have believed it before. 

 

The withdrawals have been very unpleasant.  Not everyone will react the same but this has definitely been a wake-up call.

 

I don't know the circumstances your daughter is taking these drugs but they can be very dangerous.

 

Perhaps you can persuade her to read some of the stories on here like you did and if she decides to get off them, she will get full support on here.

 

All the best

 

Angel

 

 

[[An...]]

Hi positive peeps

 

How's everyone doing?

 

I am feeling loads better now.  Not quite there but almost I think.

 

In case you didn't see the thread someone wrote on Bliss Johns (also known as Baylissa Frederic, author of Benzo Wise), you can contact her for support via the Recovery Road website or by Facebook and ask her to add you as a friend.  Whilst on Facebook if you search Recovery Road Wellness, you will see posts a daily affirmation to all of us which I have found really helpful.  You can also post a message to her on that site and she always responds.

 

The long and short of it is that everyone heals!

 

Have a great day.

 

Angel

[[An...]]

Reading all of your posts here I am still surprised that bad WD is being experienced without long term use! I worry about my daughter but she says to please STOP; I am driving her crazy, and that she is worrying about it too!

 

Hi again Anastasia

 

Is the signature your own benzo history?  What's with your daughter?  What is she taking?

 

Best wishes

Angel

[[an...]]

Angel.

I'm sorry for the confusion; that's MY signature, but she's on Klonopin as needed for anxiety. I AM having sx but don't want her to! I just emailed her more info from this forum; I hope I don't overwhelm her! She's an adult, so I can only give her what I think is accurate  information.

 

If I had to taper again I'd never do it in 2 weeks. But one of my dr.s and pharmacists said 2 weeks was fine. I think now at this point I'd rather endure this WD than take another benzo ever again--I've been burned!!

[[An...]]

Hi sorry. Was very confused!

In the UK they are aware that Klonopin is a bad drug and they only give it in rare cases for epilepsy. I can't understand why it is so 'popular' in the US.

 

I was given Xanax in Spain for one panic attack and told to take 3mg indefinitely!  How stupid is that! That's how I got caught. I got dependant very quickly.

 

Everyone heals though but we have to go thru' this awful process.

 

Wishing you all the best and hope your daughter doesn't get trapped too.

 

Angel

[[an...]]

Good for the U.K.! Thanks. I hope so too.