Need help

[[Th...]]

Well since you insist, I will do my best...This morning was kind of yucky but after a while I was able to get a hold of things and once again made it through the day.... Thanks for the encouragement

I hope you are having a great day as well..

 

Waltor

 

Hi Waltor,

 

I see you made it through another day at work. I'm so proud of you. You are going to come through this, you are getting better and better!! 

 

 

T2

[[Wa...]]

I will take it hour by hour right now..and any good moments I have just makes me look forward to getting this poison out of my system for good....I hope your day went well and you have a good evening as well...Thank you so much

 

 

    Waltor

[[Lo...]]

Hey Waltor,

How did things go at the new pdoc? Haven't heard from you and wondering if you had a good day....hope so!! Write back and let us know what's going on. Hope you sleep good and when you wake up, you will have some of that old optimism back in you!!!

 

Lori

[[ba...]]

Hi Walter,

 

Thought I would drop by and introduce myself...I am Barb aka bagbarbara....I have been following your posts/story....in other words, lurking about. Didn't want to be mistaken for a stalker!

 

Just wanted you to know that my w/d symptoms are what awaken me in the AM and haunt me in the mornings as well. Totally sucks and if I don't work with the symptoms, it can set the tone for the day. Am getting better at breathing through a lot of the anxiety that comes with being abruptly awakened by a heart that is beating wildly and what feels erratic...then I start to breathe very shallow and quickly.....that is what I work with...taking deep breaths and I talk to my body...my furbabies (Rosie is a sheepdog, Patches a Lassa apso, Sera, a generic black cat initially thought I was talking to them...now they just roll over look at me, I swear each one of them rolls their eyes at before they exchange glances b/w each other and then settle back into sleep. I welcome the symptoms and thank my nervous system for its attempt at making it's way back...also give it feedback....as in, "okay, that was a bit of overcompensation!, keep trying". Am now experiencing some twitching muscles and of course escalated anxiety.....but I find that deep breathing helps with the anxiety and knowing that I am not dying....at least in that moment helps.

 

Thank you for sharing your journey, your raw honesty and candidness are much appreciated and have helped me through more than one rough spot.

 

I commend you on returning to work-I'm here for you.

 

hugs, Barb

 

[[Wa...]]

I am glad you stopped by I look forward to more conversation, I got to go but tomorrow I will fill you in on my day

 

have a good night

 

Waltor

 

I really enjoyed your post by the way

[[ba...]]

Hi Walter,

 

Will look forward to hearing from you. I had a window/respite on Wednesday that carried through yesterday...but today my nervous system awakened me with a news breaking bulletin..."more GABA receptors are awake"! After a night of disturbing/intrustive dreams...can't say I was taken by surprise...but being jolted awake by muscle tremors/fasiculations and with it anxiety is not my first choice of greeting the day. I was able to breathe through the initial anxiety...but am being stalked by lurking low level anxiety.

 

Will check in later...am going to lie down, have some soothing music on and try to go with the flow...actually am hoping to fall asleep. Sometimes I just want to escape, which I am sure you understand.

 

hugs, Barb

 

 

[[Wa...]]

I loved the way you described the new bulletin and  More GABA receptors are awake, I know its a good thing that there coming back around but I know for me after being dormant for so long, they are very tender...Ill have more later. Hope you have a great nap and evening as well tell those feisty GABAs to take it easy

 

Waltor

[[sc...]]

Hi waltor..I was just catching up on some of your posts. I just wanted to say you are doing great, and in just the short time you have been here, (I went back and looked at the begining) you have come so far! your attitude is improving by leaps and bounds! this is a REALLY great sign!

 

I wish you the best of luck Waltor!

-Scott

[[Wa...]]

Thanks a lot Scott, this morning is kind of rough but I am going to get outside and try to get my spirits up. This place has been a tremendous help to me and obviously too others as well. I reallly look forward to the feedback I get here because everyone knows what everyone else is going through.. Thank you very much

 

Waltor

[Guest [st...]]

Hey, Waltor,

 

Keep up the good work.  Did you cut on the 3rd?

 

Patty  xo

[[Lo...]]

Yeah, Waltor. Now that you have more pills, I was wondering what or if you have a new tapering plan??? Something that might be more bearable. I guess I am on the "wait and see" plan! Never go up, but take time going down!

 

Lori

[[Wa...]]

My new tapering plan will be to cut 0.5 mg of diazepam every 8 days instead of every 4 days..I am currently at 2mg(2 tab) at 9:00am and 1.75mg(3/4 tab) at 7:00pm I hope I made sense....Let me know....talk with ya later

Lori

 

Waltor

[[Lo...]]

So Amigo, about how long of a tapering process would that be for you? Mine looks like it will take about 4 more months at cutting a .125 every 14 days. But, if I feel good, I may cut at day 10. Just all depends on  what the body is doing and what life is throwing at me. Just wondering if we will be done about the same time? I think you will be done before me; not that this is a race or anything. Still so glad that you got more pills and don't have to cut every 4 days!

 

Lori

[[Wa...]]

Hey there Amigo, I havnt done the math yet, I will do it tonight and let you know. That would be really cool if ends up around the same time. I know it wont be the end of the war, but at least a major battle will have been won. And that puts us in great position to win the war on benzos...Ill write more later...I hope you have had a great weekend. Tomorrow its back to work yuk!..Any way, see ya My Amigo...

 

Waltor 

[[Lo...]]

Hey Amigo,

How was back to work today? Are you having any w/d s/x right now? I had a pretty good weekend. Saw Bangkok Dangerous on Sunday night (Nicholas Cage)....DON'T GO SEE IT!! It was terrible. I closed my eyes thru some of it and if I was there by myself, I would have gotten up and left because it was boring and predictable. Wait till it comes to video, so you don't spend so much $$ on it it you really want to see it. Did you have a nice weekend? When is your next taper?? I am going to wait till this Saturday or Sunday to do my next .125mg cut. I think that if you are tapering at the rate you said every 8 days, you will probably be done before me. But, I am going to listen to my body and may taper on day 10 if feeling alright and you may have to wait longer than 8 days on a cut, so we might finish about the same time. It is such a day to day thing that it is really hard to guess right now. I know ONE DAY we will be done tapering!! Alright, talk to you later!!

 

Lori

[[Wa...]]

Amigo!!!!!I hope your day went well, Mine started off yukky(nothing new there) and yes I feel like I am in a constant roller coaster of w/ds some worse than others but I managed to be semi productive at work. I had a few stressful moments, and wow was it hot and humid...Well If stay strict the the code of cutting every 8 days I will be through on oct 28th But I am going to count out how many tabs I have and try to maybe make smaller cuts if possible, anything to ease out of this nightmare and then begin the actual healing part. I get so angry and upset with myself for allowing myself to get into this position. but like most of us here we put our trust into the hands of professionals and look what happened. I swear when this is in my past I am going to have a very different outlook at the medical and pharmaceutical industry. A lab rat I will be no more. And I dont want My Amigo to be one either   I want this poison gone for every one here and anywhere else in the world who are suffering..It a disgrace..Ok I vented....So the move was totally predictable?  Its really a drag because there are few movies now days that bring forth a good story and plot...I watched an older movie last night  "The negotiator" with S Jackson and K Spacey...I had seen it before but thanks to the benzos I couldnt remember much of it. I really liked it (again)   Well Im starting to ramble...  I will check back with you in a little while.....may the Force be with you....

 

Waltor

 

[[Be...]]

I get so angry and upset with myself for allowing myself to get into this position. but like most of us here we put our trust into the hands of professionals and look what happened.

 

At least it didn't take you nearly 20 years to figure it out. 

 

...I watched an older movie last night  "The negotiator" with S Jackson and K Spacey...I had seen it before but thanks to the benzos I couldnt remember much of it. I really liked it (again)    Well Im starting to ramble...  I will check back with you in a little while.....may the Force be with you....

 

 

         

[[Lo...]]

Hey #1 Amigo,

October 28th doesn't sound that far away in the big picture. I guess after being on this poison for 7 years (me), a few months of tapering is nothing! I don't know about valium since I am on klonopin; maybe a cut every 8 days is not so bad??  But, I know that I don't start feeling normal again until about day 8 or 9 on a cut; that's why I am going to wait for 10-14 days. If you wait a bit longer, you might have a few "window" days and get some sanity back!!   But, then you get a little spoiled and when the bad days come, it is more frustrating than anything else. OK, I had to LOL a little bit about your comment about not being a lab rat anymore!!   I already have a very different outlook about the medical and pharmaceutical industries. I mean, there is a time and a place for medication, but people who take benzos, should be highly warned by drs. and their pharmacists that they are not to be taken for more than 2-4 weeks and that you can suffer from side effects and with drawal symptoms if you do. I guess each of us needs to be in charge of our own health and not just assume that drs. are so concerned for us or that they are looking out for our bests interests (unfortunately)!

 

I know what you mean about movies. Good ones are few and far between. There's a good one coming up with Robert DeNiro and Al Pacino, I think it's called Righteous Kill (not sure). Both of them together in a movie...it's got to be good. Maybe over Thanksgiving and Christmas some good movies will come out. Our big thing is going to the movies.

 

Take all the rest you need tonight, amigo! Hope work goes well tomorrow. How hot is it where you live?? Talk later....

 

 

Lori :oXo: The 2 Amigos battle on!!!

[[Wa...]]

#1 Amigo....I am looking forward to that movie too "Rightous Kill". saw the preview when we went to see Tropic Thunder(It was hilarious but def not a kid movie) RK looks great your right about them 2 in a movie together its gonna be great...I may stretch my cuts out to every 10 days. Ill just have to see how my body feels..It almost seems surreal, like I am viewing life from a very different perspective. almost like I m not driving but merely a passenger.. I know your probably thinking   I know its strange. Oh well my Amigo...Oh I forgot Im in houston Tx and its been averaging the low to mid 90s but the humididty has been through the roof...ewww  well I am going to finish watching Contact, its an older movie but I like it..

 

Talk to ya later Amigo

 

Waltor Lori

     

[[Ki...]]

It almost seems surreal, like I am viewing life from a very different perspective. almost like I m not driving but merely a passenger..

Very well put!    Like you're just a passenger...along for the ride. I often found it difficult to explain, so would say "It's like that feeling you have when you have a bad case of the flu...like you're watching yourself do things because you feel so out of it." 

[[Lo...]]

Hey there Amigo,

I think that you will see a BIG difference if you wait 10 days to do a taper. I think that is smart. I am seeing that 14 days is almost too long to wait (atleast at this point), so 10 days is a good balance. I am proud of you for making that decision. I can get impatient and just want the tapering to be overwith and not to put anymore of "the poisons" into my body, but if rushed, it is harder on the body to taper and it might even make the healing process longer?? (and I know how you feel about these poisons, so you probably just want it to be overwith quickly as well) So, good for you and your decision. I am so glad that you have found a pdoc who gave you more meds. and will even give some more till you are done tapering.

 

I don't think that you are  about the feeling surreal thing. That is one of the w/d s/x from coming off benzos. I think that it is called depersonalization. It will pass, just like the other symptoms.

 

That is pretty hot and humid!! We have a lot of humidity here in GA. But, we are getting some rain right now which helps cool things off a bit!

 

Hey, Righteous Kill comes out this Friday! I don't know if I will be able to wait until our movie night (Sunday) to see this one; may have to go Friday night! If you see it before me, don't tell me who the killer is. I want to say from the previews that it is Robert DeNero, but that would be pretty obvious. Maybe it's the main lady in the movie?? Gotta go paint a sign for my son's truck for the Homecoming parade! Hope you start feeling better. What day into your last cut are you? Keep on fighting my amigo!!!

 

 

Lori  Waltor....The 2 Amigos!!

[[Wa...]]

I think 10 days will better also...The depersonalization (thats a big word) Is weird..It really gets annoying as do all these crappy s/x s ..Maybe Ill try to go see Rightous Kill the same night and we can give each other reviews...I think the butler did it   hehe  I am on day 7 so I will cut again on fri I think..Not a math wiz   I just would like to wake up feeling good once..Its strange because everytime I feel a little better I start thinking ok here it comes....Oh well the day ended up ok..I got my teeth cleaned and No cavities   see.  Ok Amigo until we type again

 

Amigo out

 

Waltor  Lori  in "ATTACK of the benzos"

They will be defeated  talk to ya later AMIGO

[[Lo...]]

Hey there amigo,

Yes, I am quite proud of myself for know such a big word as depersonalization! Just hoping that that's the right word for it? If not, still sounded pretty good. I know that it is easy to dread the w/d days, but we know they will come, but let's not focus on them. Let's try to focus on the positive/good days because pretty soon, we will be having more good than bad days. Isn't it so inspirational to read how well that Patty and mal are doing? We will be like them one day, Waltor. We just have to be patient and do this taper safe and slow and we can then look back on it all and actually be stronger people because of what we have been thru. I know that my life has changed just since I made the decision to go off the klonopin. Like, hey little pill, I am not going to put my trust in you. I don't need you! Know what I mean, Waltor?

 

Because of stuff going on this weekend, we won't go to see Righteous Kill until Sunday nite. So, if you can go then, go and we'll talk about it after that. Who do you think the killer is? I don't think it is Robert or Al...I think that that would be too obvious.

 

You are cutting on Friday. How much again? I am going to cut .125mg off my am dose on Saturday am. So, we will probably hit those rough waters about the same time. We can do this, amigo!! I'm not crossing the finish line without YOU!!!!

 

 

Lori  May the force to beat the benzos be with you, amigo!!

[Guest [st...]]

Hi, Lori Lee and Waltor,

 

Figure I would write to you both on one site.  You two are so cute together.  It really helped me having Keith and Mal doing the taper at the same time and roughly the same mg (and the same med).

This withdrawal process is a tough nut to crack.  Absolutely horrible!!!!  But I am here to tell you that is so worth going through all that h*ll to be where I am at now.  I am feeling great with just some minor stuff going on (blurred vision, a little stomach problems, decreased energy and what's up with the skin looking so funky?).  I am not sure if I will get hit with a 'wave' again but these waves are very mild now.  I am basically back to my old self.  Hooray!!!!  So you see, you guys are not far from a happy ending.  Oh, the decreased energy is from not doing anything for the past few months.  I have to build up my strength.  Life is good!!!!!

 

Patty  xoxoxoxox

[[Lo...]]

Patty,

You are doing so great. And I agree that it is nice to have someone who joined BB about the same time and isn't almost done tapering, so you can cheer each other on. And, I know that Waltor and I both feel the same about the poisons, even though he is on Valium and I am on Klonopin. (We are cute together....aren't we Waltor??  ) Patty, I noticed how you and mal and Keith check up on each other and thought it was great when someone said you were the 3 Amigos. Now, all 3 of you are off the benzos and doing good (with little bumps in the road) in the healing process. Any time you have any advice for either or both of us, please give it to us!! Thanks Patty!

 

Lori