Post Benzo Protracted Withdrawal Support Group

[[Au...]]

Hi Whoopsie!

I was wondering when you would chime in!

 

Thanks for the support... they say all you have to do is ask, right? 

 

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oh and L123, forget to say... I hope your depression has lifted and that you're feeling better. 

 

Thanks August.  The very severe and chronic depression has lifted.  It started happening about 26 months off and then would come and go in bullet like waves, pretty severe.  In the past two months it has gotten progressively better and now it is mild enough that I can work my way through it using positive talk, exercise, etc...all the stuff that benzo wd depression is normally resistant to.

 

I also wanted to let you know that I suddenly started having bad anxiety and panic attacks at 2 years off and thought it was odd so far out.  They went away. 

[[Ho...]]

Well today makes 28 months benzo free for me.

 

I was really hoping to have a success story written by now, but looks like I'm still a long ways off from that. As most already know, I'm in the middle of a really bad wave again, having some symptoms I haven't had since 4 months off. This is so frustrating, and discouraging. I know I will eventually heal, but when is the million dollar question. Everyone that gave me hell before (the non believers) are now starting their crap right back up again, in disbelief that I can still be going through this. I have become very short tempered with those attitudes and have already told one of them what I think about it.

 

Symptoms right now are:

 

swirling black lines in vision

floaters

nerve pain

spasms

body feels like one big irritated nerve

acid reflux with a vengeance

heart pounding

legs get fatigued easily

anxiety

depression

fear of future

preoccupied with thoughts of death

muscle twitches in legs

painful burning cramps in biceps and forearms

occasional tinnitus and spells where it like ive got cotton in my ears

 

 

I probably missed some but those are the worst. 

 

 

[[be...]]

Man, Donny,  Sorry to hear that your  in a wave again. 

 

I'm still not out of the woods either.  But healing is happening like Ashton stated.  My windows are getting longer and clearer, waves are for shorter periods.

 

Hopefully this rollercoaster ride will fizzle out soon for us.

[[km...]]

Donnie,

I'm almost 24 months and right there with you.  My symptoms are all mental and so very scary at times.  Hang in there we have to get better.

Hugs

Kristin

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Hang in there Hope.  I am still in my current wave too.  Last week had a couple of days of feeling pretty great but then with some stress over the weekend, it all came back on me this week.  So trying to take it easy for now in hopes that this will soon end.  I am almost at 25 months off and right now the dizziness, sinus pressure (but no infection), visual tracking/pressure, tinnitus, head itching and nerve pains, and vivid nightmarish sleep are all wearing me out.  This has been one heck of a wave but I am hoping it could be one of the last ones.  I did a search yesterday for dizziness and saw a ton of posts from people 20-26 months out having the exact same issues so that was somewhat comforting to me that this is just another stage of healing and will pass eventually.  I really could relate to your post so just wanted to let you know you're not alone.  You hit that body feeling like one big irritated nerve thing right on the head.  It has to calm eventually right??  Stay strong!

[[km...]]

Dizziness hit me at about the 20 month mark and it's getting better but slowly. Now it comes and goes instead of being constant.  The new thing I have is chest pain when I feel any stress.  This scares me a bit but I will keep an eye on it and see if it gets worse.

Hugs

Kristin

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Hey Kristin....I had that chest pain for a loooong time.  I only get it on occasion now but like you it used to worry me until I realized it couldn't be due to anything except what I can figure are healing nerves in that area.  I would even wake up with an oily chest right in the place where I would get that burning and squeezing pain so I figured it was healing overnight maybe like our bodies tend to do.  Sometimes I would try heat and cold on it and it would help but other times I just had to wait it out.

 

Yeah this dizziness really threw me for a loop.  I had always wondered what people meant about all the dizziness but this has been awful and has kept me from doing things.  Then this morning I took a shower and just like in the old days of early withdrawal my eyes were stinging (as if glass were in them) and blood red from the steam.  There is definitely some vascular component to all this withdrawal.  So try not to worry too much about the chest pain unless your blood pressure is up or you have other signs of something else.  It can be very uncomfortable I know but it WILL get better! 

[[re...]]

I am 4 months too early to be a real protracted but I assume I will officially be here one day. I cant see this lifting in 4 months. Heck, I can barely see it lifting in 4 years, but praying it does.

 

My sx are: tinnitus, bone pain that travels but loves my hips and ankles, muscle aches, twitches and spasms, electric feelings in body, eye pain and pressure, weakness, fatigue, mouth/jaw/teeth pain, burning skin, full body tingles, bottom of feet pain and tingles, loose stools occasionally, really bad DR some days makes driving hard, benzo belly, fingers being pulled to one side, easy bruising, wasted muscles slowly rebuilding, anxiety, panic, depression, looping thoughts, obsessional thoughts, fear, old memories resurfacing with fear, doom gloom thinking, terrified this is the old new me, and on and on and on. 

 

I wake up dreading the start of a new day but yet somewhere deep inside I know healing will take place. I know I wont be this messed up forever. But I know its going to take a very long time.

 

I wont keep posting here since I dont meet the guidelines, but yall please leave a light on for me, ok?

I'll be back.

If I am wrong I'll come back and post a recant of this prediction.

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Hey RCB   

 

Just a 29 month update:  feeling great.  Hopefully it will last.  Will keep you posted.

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L123,  Thanks for posting your updates, it give me hope that I too will heal in year 2.  I'm 19 mo and so much better, but still really sick, you know...

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What a day!  So here the past couple of weeks I thought I was coming out of this wave that has lasted for weeks and has been one of the roughest in years.  So this week I have been doing more, taking on more.  I know I am not back to my plateau state yet and the wave is still present but I thought it was almost gone.  Then I woke up today, went to an appointment, and felt what I can only guess is a full blown anxiety attack come over me!!  I haven't had one of those in at least 2 or 3 years!!!  Now I always have some anxiety that is the physical stuff but I usually could push through it!  I almost had to get up and leave the place!  I just felt this warmth go over me, then the dizziness was intense (even more than the stuff I have had in this wave), my skin was crawling, and I felt like I could have passed out! My muscles ached and the head pressure is horrid. Crazy!  I truly hope this is the last nightmare of a wave I have and that there is some complete healing around the corner!  If I hadn't had every medical test in the book I would really wonder if something was wrong with me.

 

How in the world does someone go from a 7 month plateau able to push through and live life at about 80% to this??  I am just stumped.  And I have to admit it scared me.  How in the world does this happen???  Does this happen to us long timers???  Most of my stuff is usually physical.

[[ta...]]

Hey to my long lost buddies. At about 30 months out I am back to say I was doing great for a few months and then major job stress came my way plus some sinus, allergy issues where I took a very strong allergy med, and here I am. I have gone from crazy heart palpitations to a major case of benzo belly. Throw in a couple of minor panic attacks and some tingling feet and hands and I am not a happy camper. I had the heart checked out and all was good. I guess it's time to get the belly looked at now.

 

Anyone else have benzo belly this far out?

 

Thanks!!!

 

Tarheel86

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Hi tarheel86,

 

Yes, the benzo belly stayed with me until recently.  I cut out carbs and dairy and no longer have the horrible bloating.

 

This is a crazy journey, for sure.  Congratulations for being 30 months out.

 

Patty  xo

[[Ho...]]

Sorry you're back in it, Tarheel. Do you notice things keep building up? When I go back into a wave, symptoms slowly come back over a month or two until im in bad shape again. Feel better soon.

 

 

Donny

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Still in this mega wave that isn't giving me any rest.  I can't believe how long this one has lasted but am really hoping that this is the last big one!  I can't believe I went for SO long functioning well, pushing through all the symptoms daily.  Toting my kids from place to place, running errands, etc. to being down for the count for almost a month now! 

 

What I am currently dealing with now is this debilitating dizziness/vertigo and boaty feeling!  It's also as if I have no balance!  I can't walk straight forget driving!  I wonder how many people had this this far out and when did it leave??  I can actually hear water sloshing in my right ear but of course my ent says no infection just inflammation and no way I am taking a steroid to see if it helps!  I just wonder how long this goes on??

 

So as of now I am dealing with....

 

Dizziness/Vertigo/Balance issues

Forehead/head pressure

Burning nerves in my nose always worse upon waking

Fatigue/Weakness

Burning skin off and on although I think it's on the way out

Lower back/kidney type pains although I think this one is going too

Tinnitus-this had completely gone for me but has been back with a vengence

Front teeth pain

Burning mouth

Sleeping 7 or 8 hours but not restful and some weird dreaming

Abdomen spasms/pains but this seems to be easing up some too slowly...

Anxiety for no reason, hard to explain-this had pretty much gone for me too but had a horrid anxiety attack last week!

Weird vision/overstimuation/tracking issues

 

I just have to have hope that this will end soon.....this is the first time I have ever had a really hard time keeping faith that this too will pass because it is lasting so long.  I will report back and let others know what happens so that it may help someone in the future.

[[ro...]]

Hi Stronger,

 

I so understand,I am 28 months off and the past 6 weeks for the most part I think have been the hardest so far.I just don't understand how awful I feel,my head feels like it weighs 100 pounds and the fatigue and weakness is quite intense.

I have never had many great windows just partial reprieves at a time but this wave tops everything curious if this means I am gaining any new healing?

I too understand and feel for you,it is harder going this long and get sicker,any observations you have heard please share-maybe this is getting near the end,MAYBE!!!!

 

Rondo

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Yes Rondo!  You're right with the fatigue!  I can't believe the fatigue!  Seriously it's been all I could do to get up the stairs at times!  Or just doing normal every day stuff.  It HAS to be healing going on or more receptors coming back online I would think.  I have so much experience with these patterns since the ad and now the benzo and they have been so similar.  But I haven't touched any other meds so I am very much aware of this being that same pattern of withdrawal.  But that is what stumped me!  I have been so active and participating for the most part in my everyday life with a plateau of head symptoms for so long and then got hit with this out of nowhere and it's lasted for weeks.

 

I also have a long time friend that is 5 years off a benzo and only 4 I think off of an ad and she is going through something similar although not as intense I don't think.  Surely it can't just be coincidence!  I will say that I have had hormones tested and thyroid, etc. and all but one came back looking very normal when at one time they were all abnormal so that is the hope I am hanging onto that this has to be near the end....I hope. Although I'm sure if they checked my cortisol or other adrenals/endocrine levels they wouldn't be normal.  If this is not the end, I will gladly take back that plateau with some improved symptoms lol....It's been such a long journey.  I just don't want to get my hopes up.  Hope this helps some! 

 

And the head pressure...yes like a 100 pound head.  Hang in there Rondo and report back how you are doing too.  I hope things really improve for you!

[[ro...]]

Thanks Stronger,

Is this fatigue heavy head stuff a real stage for recovery or just more random symptoms,not sure what to think.Was there a sort of pattern for you,if so what was the last awful symptoms you had before feeling alittle better.

I also would gladly take my normal crappy plateau back ,I am a 9 plus on the suffering scale ,my plateau was around a 6,at least I was able to drive,shop,do basic chores etc. broke up the day-now either I am in bed on on the couch,or pacing and sobbing off and on -not goood!!!

The minutes feel like hours-you probably are familar with what I am whinning about-sorry!

 

Thanks,

Rondo

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Ok I am four years off of benzos. In may I had a physical and my bone density was less and my vitamin D was at 23. I started on 2000iu a day for a month and went down to 1000iu a day for another month. After a month I was feeling good but a couple weeks after that I started feeling nauseated and lightheaded. I continue for another 30 days and by the end of the month I was very sick. I have had all kind of symptoms. Nausea, no appetite, shakes and jitters a few times during the night, fatigue, weakness, dry mouth, metallic taste. Ive lost 13 pounds. I am thirty days off and seeing some improvement. This all reminds me of withdrawls. I had been doing really well for awhile with just a few blips here and there. I am wondering if I have had some kind of flare up this far out or if this is just caused by the vitamin D I took. Drs. Are also treating me for adrenal fatigue which I am sure they needed a boost but wonder how much of it is benzos, adrenals or D or all of the above. Feels like I made a visit back to the hell I went through. Any thoughts out there? I see an endocrinologist next week. Not sure what to expect.

 

mal

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Mal,

Sorry to hear you are hurting once again,for what its worth I am by far no expert,anyway I am 28 months off and currently in a very bad wave past 5 weeks plus,worst than anything previously-my point 6 weeks ago my Doc I should go on 3000iu Vitamin D daily,I really wasnt that low but I have colon health problems and D can be beneficial along with calcium.

So a week goes by,and the vertigo dizziness starts,thought I was past this symptom than everything else got really intense-could be a relationship or maybe I was due for a bad wave at 28 months off.

By the way Mal how long before you really turned the corner towards feeling better,did you take awhile like me or did feel better earlier on looking for any reasurrance ,sorta scared right now big time.

 

Thanks,

Rondo

[[...]]

Oh my gosh this thread depresses the hell out of me.  Mal, Rondo and Stronger so sorry to hear you are feeling so poorly.  This is beyond unreal that people should have to be so sick for so long and have no idea when they might heal.  I am just so sorry for us all. 

 

I was doing okay at 29 months out until the week before my period.  It's not what I would call a "wave" per se only because I refuse to use that term anymore.  I'm DONE with it.  BUT, it would definitely pass for extremely severe PMS.  MY GOSH. 

 

I am so done with this.  SO. DONE.

 

<end rant>

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I want to say my best was 3 to 4 year mark. That's why I am so upset with what is going on now. It really was my four year mark everything went to crap. My anniversary is July 29 and August 1 was when I really got sick. I did pretty well my 2 to 3 year mark but remember getting a few strong hits. So you started D too and things got worse. Well this helps me a bit and I hope I can give you some help too. Hang In there. No one gets this but us, the ones that have gone through this. Finding out how sensitive we are and realizing this could take awhile before we get strong again. Thanks for the response. I really need some support and maybe a bit of insight too.

 

mal

 

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L123 we will get through this!! It can be very depressing but your better days are coming. I had been functioning pretty normal. I was living my life. Had a few off days but nothing like before and nothing like this now. I tend to believe it is the vitamin D. Drs won't necessarily agree but I am thinking its the D from what ive researched. My calcium levels went up when the D started to rise and I was at 10.9 when I felt my worst. When calcium goes high you can get hypercalcimia. I have all the symptoms of that but not sure what level you start getting that at. I am going to see an endocrinologist just to try to get some answers. Better days are coming for you but be very careful what you take our bodies are sooooo sensitive.

 

mal

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Hmm...I'm sure I should not be reading this thread as I'm only 11 months out but when I read mal's posting about vit. D issues I thought of hypercalcemia...and then read mal referring to it in the next message. I've had mild hypercalcemia for years on and off (pre-psych drugs). And when I get it I get dizzy, nauseous, fatigued (and sometimes anxious though not terribly so). Ugghhh! I forgot that vitamin D affects calcium absorption -- I better avoid it especially now in withdrawal. I now wonder how my calcium levels are in withdrawal...hmmm...better find out!