Xanax Madness

[[Be...]]

Well I started crossing over to Klonopin over the past couple days and today was the first time I didn't wake up shaking!

That is great news!  I know you are relieved to have started the crossover.  When you get a chance, would you please update your signature box?

 

Hope things continue to go well for you.  Thanks for letting us know where you are at in your taper.

[[Ge...]]

Hey Guys,

 

Just wanted to let you know that I have started that road back program and I have almost completely crossed over klonopin from xanax. I'll update my signature when I figure out my exact dosage. Ok so about the road back program... Yes I do feel different, that's for sure...Wasn't sure how to take it at first but i think I do feel a little better so far and I am following the instructions to the tee. I will lower the dosage if I feel negative results as it advises. While yes, its pretty dang expensive and you can probably find cheaper items other places, this work for me since now I have an idea what kinda helps. I haven't been 100 percent better but I have noticed some improvements here and there. My energy level has gone through the roof, there was one point yesterday when I felt a little wired and had some anxiety and the grocery store like always but it could have been worse...Not like coffee or anything like that. For everybody not familiar, this is to be taken with your meds for a "Pretaper." Feel better then taper, which has been my big problem. I'm going to knock on wood before I say this (knock, knock knock). But I think I'm feeling some improvement.... Interesting..... Well its a light at the end of the tunnel, I'll keep everybody posted....

 

George

 

 

[[Be...]]

Hey Guys,

 

Just wanted to let you know that I have started that road back program and I have almost completely crossed over klonopin from xanax. .... I'm going to knock on wood before I say this (knock, knock knock). But I think I'm feeling some improvement.... Interesting..... Well its a light at the end of the tunnel, I'll keep everybody posted....

George

 

That is great news, George.  I'm all for whatever helps you get through this without adding a new problem.  Do keep us posted. 

[[tr...]]

That's great George!  Keep us posted on how this is working for you, you may want to keep a day to day journal.  The program I was on took about 2 weeks for the symptoms to kick up.  I don't want to discourage you, I'm hoping this works out well, but just want you to be aware.

[[Ge...]]

Hey Guys,

 

Well I put the Road back program on hold. I found that switching from xanax to clonopin a little difficult. I think I'm taking about half and half... 1 MG of Xanax, 1 MG of Clonopin can't seem to switch over completely. I noticed that I am still feeling really sick and shivering upon awakening. I feel like I'm going nutz. I feel like I'm really emotionally numb and really not there. My mind is an extreme fog, I have a headache feel like I can't breath well, been twitching like nutz and my blood pressure went through the roof suddenly (155/102) so I started on some blood pressure meds again. Please note that I didn't have a blood pressure problem prior to taking Benzo. I don't think I feel depressed, just nothing really. I started shivering at work for the first time today in the middle of the day, then I felt really hot. I must be going through MANopause (joke)....... I also noticed that my vision is kinda shaky. I feel so out of it that I'm going to become delusional if I don't keep it together.

 

I just want this to be over, I was thinking of going to somekind of Rehab for my benzo problem. I don't think I can handle this craziness on my own and hate showing this ugly side to my loved ones.

 

I have no idea whats best, I just feel like I can't handle it. Oh man do I need advie.

[[tr...]]

my blood pressure went through the roof suddenly (155/102) so I started on some blood pressure meds again. Please note that I didn't have a blood pressure problem prior to taking Benzo. I don't think I feel depressed, just nothing really. I started shivering at work for the first time today in the middle of the day, then I felt really hot. I must be going through MANopause (joke)....... I also noticed that my vision is kinda shaky. I feel so out of it that I'm going to become delusional if I don't keep it together.

 

I just want this to be over, I was thinking of going to somekind of Rehab for my benzo problem. I don't think I can handle this craziness on my own and hate showing this ugly side to my loved ones.

 

 

High blood pressure readings are a pretty common wd symptom.  My dr. wanted to put me on some meds, too but I told her no, those meds have their own 'special' side effects.  I found other ways to deal with it and it eventually leveled out on its own. 

 

The shivering, hot, cold, and vision all are part of the wd process.  There are people who have tried rehab, but I have not heard of anyone recommending it.  In fact, they highly discourage it.  It's rough when we do it on our own and we have control, and it's rougher when someone makes us do it and takes the control away from us.

 

You will get through this.  It's the only way out, just take it one day at a time.  We're here..

 

 

 

[[Ge...]]

Thanks tropical soul, the last few days have been particularly hard on my mind, body and especially my spirit :'(.

 

I just can't think clear or feel a tad bit of happiness. Just utter absent minded and I hide it at work and home. No body in my life quite understands what I'm going through. They just think I'm depressed and I should go exercise to fix everything. The drugs have numbed my mind to emotions but I sure can feel pain and everything else though. It's just sad because I feel like I'm having so much difficulty just to switch to clonopin. Its hard to imagine anymore pain, that why I'm so scared taping down more. I just hope that I don't feel like this for a really long time.

 

I noticed that I must take a dose every six hours, its my natural/unnatural alarm clock to wake up at the crack ass of dawn. The early morning doses have just started a little over a month ago.  I am one for my sleep, and its always been great except for the last month. I'm so hesitant to take every dose, because it makes me feel gross. I feel like my body is toxic or something.

 

I want to cry my eyes out from all the pain and frustration but I'm so numb that I can't do it. That really drives me crazy! And I can't stand this weird depersonalization, I'm scared if I'll ever find/feel my self again.

 

My doses aren't high by any means which drives me nuts because I'm so close, but so so soooo far away from this being done. I just watch some of the youtube videos and I see people who say they only really started to feel better after a year of stopping. Good god, I think to myself! I don't know when and even if that little count down has started for me. I wish there was somebody I could just talk to in person, a voice or something. All I think about from the second I wake up to the moment I sleep are my pills and this nightmare.

[[tr...]]

George, I know your pain, I really do.  It will not take a year of this.  I am almost 9 months off a large ct and I have felt better this last week than I did a 1 1/2 years ago. 

 

When you are in the dregs of this and the monster has your mind all messed up it seems that it will never end and you will never be the same but it's not true.  You are much closer to the end than you feel.  What is true is hidden behind the drugs.

 

To some extent benzos are like dirty street drugs, it messes with your mind telling you lies.  The problem is that it's easier to get off street drugs, it's harder to stay off them but the wd is much quicker.  Getting benzos legally means you are getting the pure stuff and it's much stronger, and if you are getting the brand name it's even purer.

 

Don't think that once you're off you will have months and months of symptoms.  Some people don't.  Tapering gives your brain and body some healing time but it can wreck havoc on your emotions and what's real.  What's real is that you are close to the finish line and you don't know if you will have a lot of symptoms after that.  Take it one day at a time until you get to the end and see where it goes from there.  You may be pleasantly surprised.    I do know this, worrying about 'may' happen will make what you are going through right now worse.

 

You hang in there George, we're right here with you.    Ts

 

 

 

 

 

[[Ge...]]

Wow, that is some true words of inspiration that have touched me . Thank you so much. I think I'm going to print that post up so I can occasionally read it when times are rough.

 

Thanks for all your support tropicalsoul, your an angel .

[[tr...]]

   

[[Be...]]

 

I noticed that I must take a dose every six hours, its my natural/unnatural alarm clock to wake up at the crack ass of dawn.

 

Hey, George -

 

I'm sorry things are so rough now.  I, too, would have expected the crossover to klonopin to go smoother since it is longer acting. 

 

I used to wake up every morning at 5 am, plus or minus 15 min., for my .5mg fix of lorazepam.  I didn't see how I would ever get off this stuff since I was obviously so dependent on it.  I was taking it 5x/day and sometimes would be checking my watch to see if it was okay to take my next dose.  I was terrified of running out.  I started tapering on Feb. 4, 2008, and finally dropped the last (.125mg) 5 am dose on 6/14.  Surprisingly, I started sleeping through the morning although I continued to wake up several times during the night.  Little by little, my body and brain have needed less of this poison to function.  Not that it has been easy, but I am alive and down to .125mg/day.  It was one day, sometimes one hour, at a time throughout.

 

When you are in hell, keep going. 

[[ha...]]

hi George,

I hope you are feeling a little better. It sounds like you are having a really hard time :'( It will end at some point and you will feel so good when it's over. I'm now off 20 days and the world is wonderful. My withdrawal was not as bad as yours, but I do know what it feels to be a prisoner to a pill. You can do this and we are all here cheering you on. Even if the people around you don't know what you're feeling keep telling them, because they are trying their best to help you however they can. None of this is your fault, just like you probally hope they never do completely understand, that would mean they are going through the same hell as you. So take strengh and courage where you can get it and believe you can do this. :thumbsup:We will be here for you. Kel

[[Ge...]]

Hey Cool Cats,

 

Since we have last chatted I have been attempting to switch over to Valium as suggest in the Aston manual. My doc was pretty cool about the idea but advised if I wasn't successful I may have to seek a treatment center for medical detox...

 

Check out my signature below, that's pretty much were I stand. I'm still getting withdrawals, and the more xanax I take (and valium) the worst I feel. I just want the s@%# out of me. I'm sure many of you can relate.

 

I have been unable to sleep well, I wake up early in the morning from a combo of things... My nerves are on fire and all I want to do is contract all my muscles. Plus I usually feel weird and almost delusion from the pain, lack of sleep and the insane and just odd Lucide dreams that are usually nightmares. I feel like I am stepping backwards a bit and it sucks.

 

I don't have confidence that I can manage to come off these drugs by myself. God, I hope I don't have any other odd phycological problems going on that is adding to my garbled thoughts and these feelings.

 

With that said I'm considering entering a medical detox, I know it sucks and its really not suggested but at least they can monitor me while I'm going insane  . Insane you may ask? If I am feeling like this while still taking this much xanax plus valium now, it should be interesting what happens when its quickly taken out of the equation. I think I will likely go a little crazy for a few days and wouldn't be surprised if I started hallucinating and becoming delusion, the whole shabam, (note: that I don't really hallucinate and that jazz

 

Anyhow, I think I would rather have it done in front of doctors when I start to freak out instead of my girlfriend, friends and family. They have all been very supportive of the idea. By the way I believe this place is like a 14 day medical detox and up to 30 day stay. I can't even have a cellphone in there though, just a payphone. Bleh!

 

Anyways my relationship is on the skits because the way I feel and so is everything else. Simply because progress has been little. We all have our breaking points and I think I must have broke mine miiillllees down the road behind me.

 

Not to sure when I am going to do this, I want to make sure I have all my finances and girlfirend taken care prior. Not to sure how to approach it at work (I work for Apple/iTunes) doing reaaaallly well too, considering my situation. Going to try and go on some kind of disability.

 

I have been chosen out of seven people to go launch new iTunes sites in places from Onterio Canada, Denver Colorado even Atlanta Georgia. Never had a fantastic opportunity like that before so god knows this is just about the worst timing EVER.

 

Life throughs you interesting curve balls sometime...

[[Ja...]]

Hi, Before going in to any seven day detox thingy i would sure want to know what kind of taper they have in mind.

If their taper goes too fast it may be a lot harder than it needs to be. These decisions are, of course, between you and your docs. You have make your own best call. Good luck. From what others have told me, most detox situations don't display a grasp of  how a long slow steady taper can make getting free more doable. Detox centers have time constraints (7 days!). They have to consider their profit margin. 7 days seems real quick. Good luck whatever you decide!

[[tr...]]

Hi George,

 

Congratulations on your job opportunities!!  That's awesome!

 

George, a lot of people have tried the detox route and it was disastrous.  I haven't heard one good report about it.  They basically do a cold turkey on you, benzos aren't like the street drugs they normally deal with.  It's much more difficult. 

 

I think you need to get on a scheduled taper and come off these drugs smoothly.  It may take longer than detox but in the long run it will benefit you more.  Coming off smoothly gives you more of normal life, and it sounds like you like your life , coming of ct in detox can have long term effects. 

 

If you are determined to do the detox I would suggest taking the trips with your company first.  Coming off high doses of xanax and valium won't be pretty.  But whatever you decide we are here to support you.  We just want you to be the best you can be.

[[Av...]]

I really hate that stoned floaty feeling too.  My boyfriend keeps thinking I'm mad at him, but I just can't make myself feel sometimes.  It sounds like you went from a very high dose to a low dose rather quickly.  I understand how you feel, although, I have had to taper more slowly.  There is no easy solution but I truly believe that there is life after benzos.  There are all sorts of breathing exercises you can do to help with the uneasy feelings.  Sometimes when I get that spacey emotionless feeling and sometimes I just snap or say out loud "stop".  I know it's not that simple but but someday this will be behind us. 

[[Ja...]]

"someday this will be behind us.  "  Amen!

[[ja...]]

Amen to that JackCrabb!!. Sometime I still find it hard to believe that ONE pill can change your life TEMPORAILY. I'm still in the stage where I'm trying to except its the pill that is making me think and feel this way. I know its the pill, but I cant believe I have become a worry wart within a few months. WOW. "Xanax Madness" this is for sure!!! :o

[[Ja...]]

It really is the pills.

[[Sh...]]

You say you have tapered with no withdrawl symptoms? What miligram are you on now?