6 years on, 2 months clean

[[az...]]

Hello Benzobuddies,

I'm happy to say I'm 2 months clean from 6 years use of xanax then valium.  I started with xanax and ended up on valium to taper.  Little did I know at the time, my transition to valium was actually a setback in progress, OOPS!  Initially I tapered 25% every 3 weeks until I reached 50% of my starting dose.  I then made the mistake of a 50% reduction to 25% of the starting dose.  That was pure hell for several weeks.  I felt shell shocked and decided to slow way down to assess the damage.  Reset my taper strategy to better cope with life while doing this because it wasn't working out well.  Many life events delayed the process but I finally jumped at .25mg. Started to feel pretty decent by week 3 post jump.  I became a hypochondriac throughout the taper, convinced there was something else potentially killing me at the same time.  I still struggle with these thoughts but less frequently.  I also notice my diet or alcohol consumption can still trigger a brief unpleasant anxiety wave but it's nothing I'm not already used to at this point.  My gut is still healing and I have to give it a rest from my favorite non-nutritious foods.

The place I'm at now is definitely further than I'd expected to be only 2 months post jump.  I'd read a few stories about unbearably long PAWS and it really freaked me out.  It motivated me to do anything in my power to accelerate the healing process.  I ordered a micronutrient panel to figure out what vitamins, minerals, amino acids I'm deficient in.  Started working to replenish these nutrients and support my MTHFR genes, which TBH might have been the source of the anxiety pre-benzos.  Things are going pretty great and I have a new appreciation for the phrase "health is wealth".  Much respect to you folks going through this experience as well, I feel like we have a shared nightmare phase of life that nobody else can relate to.  It only makes us stronger in the end 

Significant life events caused by the taper

• Spoiler

  • Quit my decent job due to emotional instability
  • Conducted myself very poorly with friends and family
  • Lost a bunch of friends
  • Adopted out one of my two dogs
  • Wasn't able to help a dying family member in times of need
  • Freaked out at a random neighbor in a way I can't undo
  • Probably forgetting some stuff

Taper & WD Symptoms

• Spoiler

   

  • 24/7 anxiety
  • Irrational phobias
  • Aggression
  • Intrusive memories
  • Paranoid thoughts
  • Depression
  • Tinnitus
  • Impaired memory and general cognitive function
  • Perceptual Distortions
  • Agoraphobia
  • Muscle Pain and stiffness
  • Balance difficulties
  • Weakness
  • Tremor
  • Hypersensitivity to sound and light
  • GI problems
  • Shortness of breath
  • Weight changes (up and down)
  • Headaches
  • Nightmares

   

[[...]]

Good withdraw list, very correct. I would add social anxiety in my case

[[Sw...]]

Is your symptoms list current symptoms? So glad you feel stable! I was a user for 6 years too and I felt pretty stable right away. But have lingering symptoms.

[[az...]]

6 hours ago, [[S...] said:

Is your symptoms list current symptoms? So glad you feel stable! I was a user for 6 years too and I felt pretty stable right away. But have lingering symptoms.

Those symptoms were just during the taper and maybe a few weeks post jump.  The symptoms dwindled down to almost nothing 2 months post jump.  I still get subtle waves of anxious thinking and wake up anxious some days but that's basically it.  I did a slow taper after getting down to 25% of my starting dose too quickly, probably 10-12 months of tapering if I had to guess. Felt like an eternity though!

[[Sw...]]

Amazing work it’s not easy! I am glad you came back to share your success with our community