in a setback and thinking of an antidepressant

[[he...]]

I have been off K for 10 months after a 6-8 month taper. I feel like I am in a huge setback, I feel like I am losing my grip and if I am not already pushing people away they will just leave me anyway. I feel like all I do is complain about my husband and then feel immense guilt bc to me talking shit is a form of betrayal. It's likely normal that women vent about their husbands but is it normal to feel like you always want to leave? I just constantly want to run from everything. Or is it the benzos protracted withdrawal? The guilt over so many things, day in and day out has just changed me, I don't even know who I am anymore. Really not the person I used to be. I am debating going back on an antidepressant but it's been two years. I just feel so drained from running from myself. I have done vagus nerve exercises, CBT, somatic therapy, TMS (on my second round) NAD infusions etc. Is this just me now? Unable to handle any normal situation, I just feel so toxic. Toxic and just unsure. I have been taking ovastol which is d-chiro and myo inositol for a month and a half and I think it may be a part of why I am in a set back. I have been avoiding all meds but I just feel so awful now. I plan to wait a few days for the ovasitol to get out of my system, and then if that doesn't help i will ask for wellbutrin. 

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@[he...], hi) I think you're still in the withdrawal and wouldn't call it protracted yet, just most common, which is supposed to last up to 2 years and more in some cases, as i read. All you've written about is understandable. I feel this way too sometimes but my benzo withdrawal moods keep swinging: low/ high . We're all different and the wd symptoms can vary. The feel of guilt over so many things, yes, i know it too as well as the desire to run away from everything and hide.  Think it's natural in a way but now it's multiplied by times bc of the wd. Sure it will pass or, at least, go down into some reasonable frames over time. Think most of the responsibility for the torturous thoughts go to our still changing while coming back to natural biochemistry. No fault of our own yet.

I'd suggested waiting a bit longer but if nothing changes and becomes unbearable, i guess it's ok to take antidepressants to help yourself. It's just difficult to find the one that works exactly on you. I've been taking mirtazapine to cover the withdrawal. It helped. Now i'm tapering it too.

Good luck to you!) Any way, everything is going to change to the better one day Hope soon)

Edited April 20 by [...]

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Of course it's very individual, but my very sensitive nervous system caused horrible symptoms when starting antidepressant. I got so sick for 2-3 weeks, and could neither eat nor sleep. My body felt like a pressure cooker. This happened month 14. Of course I don't want to scare you, but a horrible reaction an oversensitive nervous system.