Hi ! I'm finally here, what would you do ?

[[sa...]]

Hi all. I'm finally here. Pushed it aside for too long but
 i need to plan to go off the benzo which i need to get rid of
Dr is putting a lot of pressure...
BUT
I need to end my celexa withdrawal before - withdrawal which i started in 2019 !!  
I'm so close to the end of it yet i feel my whole body aches and my brain is fried.
Its pretty brutal.
Though i feel the benzo tolerance is acting again up again since i
went under the bar of 3mg of celexa.
So i'm here now to plan the next phase.
Does that make sense ?
Am i going too fast ? Do the brain needs a rest before moving on ?
The thing is that in the meantime i still need to take the benzo because of dependence...
So still poisoning myself slowly. (Crazy !),
And.. Still need that prescription
still need to deal with the Dr and pharmacist. Thats not a problem but dealing with them is.   
Though i went off benzo cold turkey in the 90's i didn't do my homework's i went back on
it in 2003. I did a CBT in 2005 with the top therapist of my province (Canada) and they never questioned any of the drugs
I had no clues and for some troubling personal reasons i brushed it away
(its a sad and complicated story from which i could write a book about)
I've been on 0.5 mg of clonazepam for 13 yrs and then in 2016 i experienced some crazy
insomnia and gastrointestinal probs which sent me to the hospital...Idk how many times i
went to the hospital with issues and the benzo was not even looked at, no questions
were asked but they raised the dosage to 1mg. So 7 more years of clonazepam now.
Someone from the BIC once told me each of my health probs - its a long list which involves every
part of my body - probably came with the benzo tolerance. Anyway i need to face the music but
i'm not in my 20's anymore, got heart issues and many more etc
What would be more convenient ? Its only 1 mg right ? :-(
But 21 yrs is a long period which surely affected that region of the brain and more.
I'm now disabled and not even out of the wood yet.
I could get access to the compounding pharmacy but to deal with the people
who constantly looks down on you like you're a demanding freak, a narcissist at times.
I hate repeating myself a 1000 times to people who aren't interested in learning. These are
the people i had to deal with for the last 5 yrs.
Sorry for being all over the place. Intrusive thoughts - memories is constantly popping out
night and days + iI'm on my way for more blood tests for more medically unexplained symptoms (again!).
Chills, fever, tiredness, lethargy, constant headaches but nothing else.
Its never the drugs. NEVER

[[Re...]]

Hello @[sa...], Welcome to BenzoBuddies,

I am so sorry you have been struggling with your medications. 

As I understand correctly you are getting to the end of your celexa (citalopram) discontinuation. The withdrawal symptoms of antidepressants may have a significant overlap with the withdrawal /tolerance symptoms of benzodiazepines. 

Have you though about finishing the antidepressant taper and wait until my symptoms get better and you stabilize first? That might take a few months after the discontinuation of the antidepressant, but tapering more medications simultaneously is generally not recommended. Our nervous system might be destabilized after stopping these medications (ADs, or benzos). 

You are doing a very hard job, I know that from personal experience. Pleas let us know how we can help and support you. 

Take care, 

RR

[[sa...]]

Thanks RR
your message means a lot to me.
Yes i thought about taking a break. I didn't expect the AD withdrawal to take
that long and the ending to be so difficult.
I get that a break would be good for me but my Dr putting pressure on me to go ahead
soon - even though he knows nothing - not even the Ashton Manual"
I might be able to buy some time but he could cut down the prescription
as he's one of the few who likes to prescribe benzos.
And don't forget i come from where that "Prescription Nightmare" doc was filmed.
Drs here are all avoiding to get reprehended.
That said taking a pause is not the idealized scenario because i got to live with the shame and feeling
of "having done this to myself" by not taking action sooner which is ssso hard to live with...
+ the fact that there's i want more that to end this benzo dependence.
Seems i'm affected psychologically more than phys 
Besides us taking notes of it,
I
If you could explain more about this below and how it happens
I always tried to stay a the lowest dosage cause i thought i was "safe" but
it wasn't.
"The withdrawal symptoms of antidepressants may have a significant overlap with the withdrawal /tolerance symptoms of benzodiazepines. "

Thanks

Thanks

[[PE...]]

Hi and welcome to benzobuddies

Many that had withdrawal, or having, from benzos gets spiked symptoms either just when starting AD in withdrawal or after. Not all though!

Therefore it's better to taper one at the time.

 

[[sa...]]

Hi PEPPE
Thanks for replying.
I'm not up for withdrawing both at the same time.
I'll have to take a big decision if i'll wait or not once i'm done with the AD withdrawal.
I know my brain needs a break, but its my soul and being that
want to move on from the benzo. 
It constantly reminds me of so much negativity of 20 yrs = all the reasons why i'm still
taking it. + I know the benzo is acting on my mind and body.
Its really hard to deal with.