Water micro taper per Coach PLEASE READ

[[th...]]

So my body has decided to have a paradoxical effect to my dose after my 3 week reinstatement. I talked to Angie Peacock and we have decided to do a water titration so I can micro dose down. 

I am so scared I am shaking and I have been crying for hours. I am alone with just a cat and a dog. I have to work, I have to pay for this house until it sells so I can move home. I have to sell the house to be able to buy a camper to pull on my moms property so I can be close to family.

I thought I had time. I thought I would reinstate and then feel better, wait it out until my house sells and worry about it later.

 

I ran out of time...

 

I am devastated and so..so..so. terrified.

 

some positive comments  would be beyond helpful considering I am in terror and I have the horror stories in my head and I cant lose... I cant lose my house and I cant lose myself. I am already 99 pounds. I dont know how to avoid the weight loss. I lose it so quickly and fast. During my last 22 days of wd, I dropped to 87 in just 22 days.

I dont have friends and I dont have family. 

tips? Hope? Love? 

 

Help me.

Edited April 15 by [th...]

[[Bo...]]

Can you move into your mom’s house? Then have a realtor do the showing for people coming yo look at your house?

once that sells can then get the camper?

im guessing moving in her house is not an option though or you prob would do that. 
im very sorry things are so scary and o hope you can find a temporary solution soon. Angie is great and good at brainstorming and o hope others can chime in here

yiure going to be ok, this will work out somehow some way. It will. Extra breathing work and nervous system work to calm yourself way down even if it doesn’t feel like it’s working, do some 10min relaxing the nervous system videos. This is a lot and I am sorry. Many people have been thru this and found their way and recovered so hang abs hope ppl gave some tips. 

 

[[th...]]

@[Bo...] the fact you came here to tell me this makes me feel like I matter. 
 

I wish I could live in my mom’s house, but since I’m straight forward and like meeting people, I’ll explain. 
 

My brother paid for his wife to have weight loss surgery because she wanted it. He bought the house for her and raised her kid. When she lost weight, she ended up cheating on him. He couldn’t go back to his home due to the memories. Mentally he was not well, so he moved in to my moms temporarily at the time. It was about 5 years ago. Turns out, they needed him and he needed them in ways I can’t explain. He does the shopping, works in group homes and is a behavioral specialist. He drives my mom around since her eyes has gotten bad. My step dad had a massive stroke, so they took out my old room and made theirs bigger so he can have more room to try and move around without hurting himself. (Balance issues) plus for his issues, they needed the space for equipment and of course she put her dog kennels in their for when they leave the house. 
Another huge issue is I have an elderly dog. He use to love other animals, but in his ripe old age, has started throwing hands at all her animals. 
if I didn’t have him, absolutely my mom would me right now no questions. 
my dog and I are a packaged deal. I’m not able to have kids due to my uterus being in the rectum and my ovaries being so far down in my hips. Found out that when I was 27. So my dog is all I have ever had that is the baby I couldn’t have and for that, I’ll suffer and and ride in to battle if it means my boy and I do not separate.
 

a camper is as close as I can get.
 

WV though beautiful we live at or below poverty in most of the small towns here. But since we are the poorest state, our wages (like most everywhere) can not keep up with the price of food or basic living. Prior to Covid I could swing my whole house plus the cost of eating. But it keeps going up and our wages is the same. Our min wage is 8.75 in our town. You can’t live two weeks off that.
but also, I knew I would need them for support since I do live alone. Being alone during the last withdrawal is what got me to a point one night where I almost harmed myself. It was day 22 of wd and that was new. I never had thoes thoughts or feelings. I was not use to my brain telling me things. 
I called my mom at 3 am and told her I was going back on until I sold the house and could get to her quick. I love my brother and my mother and my dog more than I love myself. I thought I had time. 
 

found out today I don’t and it will have to be taken care of.
 

not gonna lie. Thought the next time I’d do this, I’d be comfy, living my best life on my mom’s farm land and then worry about the tapering. I was very wrong as I have found out.
 

im scared because my job is keeping the bills paid, but barley. I’m fortunate enough that I have an older brother who gives me money as a surprise gift. I’m blessed to have my mom’s smell as she holds me as I cry (I’m in my 30s lol) and her scent is of childhood. 
 

I want back to them. But sadly, looks like I’m about to battle the devil and I I’m not leveled up enough to face him. 

[[Br...]]

@[th...] I'm sorry this is such a rough time. On your roughest days you may just take it one hour at a time.  That's what I did.  I believe you'll find strength within yourself to help you get through this.  I found I had strength I never realized I had before benzo withdrawal forced me to dig deep.  I believe this will be true for you.  You can do this.  

There are many coping techniques.  Here's one them I found helpful:

Positive statements/Prayer - Place your hand on your chest and repeat: I will not feel this way forever - I am safe - I am healing - I am okay.

[[th...]]

@[Br...] I want this success story. I want it so badly… 

I want to be somewhat the old me. I feel she won’t return. My family feels the same way. Just earlier I called my family to tell her what Angie said and they said “ you need a facility now.” I tried explaining that isn’t how this works, but they simply have no concept and it’s insane. 

[[Ca...]]

Unfortunately, it seems that no one can really understand what this is like or even why a facility is not a good option despite trying to educate them. Try and take things a minute at a time if you have to and keep telling yourself that things will work out. Because the benzo mind can catastrophize very easily. And we really don't know what anything will be like tomorrow. Just keep posting....

[[Re...]]

1 hour ago, [[t...] said:

@[Br...] I want this success story. I want it so badly… 

I want to be somewhat the old me. I feel she won’t return. My family feels the same way. Just earlier I called my family to tell her what Angie said and they said “ you need a facility now.” I tried explaining that isn’t how this works, but they simply have no concept and it’s insane. 

Have Angie explain this to them. She does that well. Set up an appointment for her to explain this. She does that all day long. So does Dr. Jenn. A facility is the opposite of what you need. Facilities harm patients because they force taper them too quickly. Unless you have unlimited capital to go to a place like Inner Compass where they let patients taper at their own pace. But it costs I think $300k a year?? You can show them Dr. Jenn's video for friends and family members. I sent this to my friends and family and it opened their eyes.

[[...]]

I am so sorry that you are going through this rough time. Please continue to count your blessings. I will pray for you. Hope you stabilise and find comfort and a path opens up for you. 

[[Br...]]

12 hours ago, [[t...] said:

@[Br...] I want this success story. I want it so badly… 

I want to be somewhat the old me. I feel she won’t return. My family feels the same way. Just earlier I called my family to tell her what Angie said and they said “ you need a facility now.” I tried explaining that isn’t how this works, but they simply have no concept and it’s insane. 

You will feel like yourself again - it takes time to heal and recover.  I'm sorry your family doesn't understand.  I think it's just about impossible for others to understand when they haven't been through it themselves. It can make us feel more alone sometimes when the people close to us don't understand.  That's one reason why it's so important to reach out here for support.  Here, you're surrounded by others who totally get it.