Very afraid to even think of taper

[[...]]

I'm feeling crushed by the thought of it. I'm just one human on the face of earth. I had a good life in many ways but a lot of stressors too. My husband and I are empty nesters. Son is away beginning his life. I do have responsibilities and had dreams for a peaceful future. 

I never needed this medication in the first place. I've hit tolerance. That's the only reason the medicine has my attention now. Otherwise it was quietly in the background of my life. I never knew it was so dangerous. 

Everything I hear about getting off this is so scary. I'm a wimp at heart, I admit it truthfully. I don't have it in me to get onto this long journey. 

These last two weeks, all the research I have done about people battling and fighting this out has me so worn out already. I'm waking up with fear and anxiety about this situation and the feeling stays all day until those very pills bring some relief at bedtime. 

I have given up already.

[[Di...]]

For me, doing the taper was difficult and it still is 14 weeks off completely. There are good parts too; in between all of my symptoms, I can actually remember things from a long time ago better & I don’t feel like I need this stuff just to live anymore. From time to time, I feel like my old self (before benzos)

The best part for me is that I know that I’m not at risk of “running out” of Xanax or a Dr. Messing up and not getting my refill in on time. I ended up in the hospital because my Dr at the time went on vacation without refilling my Rx. By the 3rd day, I ended up in ER feeling worse than I ever had.

I am free of that risk and that makes it worth all of this junk now! You can do it

[[Ra...]]

Nlav

please don’t give up already. I took K for 32 years. I was in tolerance for 6 hrs till I was told that the K was causing all my issues. It took about 16 mos when I really broke through. Ups and downs. It’s not easy but you can do it. Many many others have as well!!

Ranch

[[Nu...]]

Hi @[...]. I believe you're looking at this the wrong way -- your story is not their story. There are zero guarantees that your story will share any similarities to theirs. Don't get ahead of yourself. You're here, learning, getting education, and preparing in ways that few do. Take comfort in that. Learn, prepare, and you've got this.

[[Bu...]]

Hey @[...],

@[Nu...] is right, you're preparing for this, many of us didn't.  I think that if I had found this site before my taper it would have been very different.  And, IMO, it is so very worth it to be off.  As @[Di...] said, not having to worry about refills or a doctor or pharmacist or whoever making a mistake is just such a relief.  And many issues that I had health wise that I didn't even think were benzo related are slowly fading away.  Just take it a day at a time.  And we're all here for you. 

[[St...]]

It is true that many of us have had a very rough time, but that doesn't mean you will have the most horrible experience as well.

You are reading what happened to other people and getting scared by the stories, but by doing research and preparing, you are in reality already setting yourself up to handle things much better than many of the people you are comparing yourself to!

Everyone reacts differently, but with knowledge and a slow taper you are increasing your odds of making the journey tolerable by a lot!

I wish you courage and smooth sailings

[[Ma...]]

I can relate! Last year (taper crash on antidepressive) I researched every corner of the internet looking for a wat out and positive stories. I got a lot of info, but also saw the most horrendous stories. Those ramped up my anxiety and despair.

I’ve just started tapering and learned:

- you are the director of your taper
- let your body lead, not the timeframe

So there are things you can do to prevent the aweful stories. Find yourself a good prescriber that is willing to go at your pace. Keep doing what you can, without pushing it. So destract your mind, keep moving, keep social contacts, form a small support network, eat heathy, no alcohol, careful with supplements, practice acceptance&commitment or mindfulness, remind yourself of the good things daily.
 

And start with tiny first steps so you can ‘dip your toes in cold water’ and get confidence that way. 
Never look more than 1-2 months ahead. You’re here now. 
 

(I’m still learning myself, but wanted to share the good advices in advance. And yes, sometimes all is crappy, but let’s give ourselves a gentle kick in de right direction to keep going.)

[[Re...]]

[[...]]

I am utterly breaking down in fear. 

Makes my stomach queasy, feel nauseous, losing two hours of sleep, feeling zombie like all day. Utterly hopeless before anything started.

 

[[Ru...]]

@[...] have you started your taper? Maybe you've answered this somewhere and I just haven't seen it.

 

[[...]]

1 hour ago, [[R...] said:

@[...] have you started your taper? Maybe you've answered this somewhere and I just haven't seen it.

No. I haven't 

[[Bu...]]

Hi @[...],

We all just take this a day at a time.  Do you have a doctor on board to keep prescribing for you to taper at your own pace?

[[Ch...]]

[[ra...]]

If you can, if at all possible, look for a behavioral health clinic that can assist in withdrawal. Not a rehab, but behavioral health. In my experience, most of them have someone on staff who is knowledgeable about benzos and their withdrawal. Most of them are free, and a Dr. or even a Physician's assistant can assist you at every step, and counselors are there for your support. They will monitor every cut and see how you are feeling. I've been doing this for a year and a half, and it has been relatively smooth, with some physical symptoms, but few emotional ones. 

I have seen that many people who try it on their own, may go too fast (even though it doesn't seem so) and get in trouble. Many don't have an option to be assisted. I am, for lack of a better word, lucky. I have experienced many, many wd symptoms in the past from inadvertently running out of a prescription because of forgetfulness, or missing an appointment, or mail-order pharmacy mix-ups, etc. over the years.

P.S. I had been on prescribed benzos for 26 years before I began my taper in January 2023.

[[...]]

@[ra...], I'm in India. I don't think I will have such helpful resources. 

@[Ch...], @[Bu...], thanks for your supportive words.

There is a doctor. He will prescribe. I can't begin this until june. There are so many family responsibilities and stressors. I'm afraid I have spoilt everything for the family. Reading so much has tuned me into thinking this is going to be way too hard or I will relapse or have some kind of bad experience and suffer.

 

[[ra...]]

Slow and steady. You will absolutely know if you are going too fast. Then hold until they dissipate.

Try and find a Dr. who knows about this first, if you can.

[[Bu...]]

@[...],

I didn't have a doctor to help me with the taper either, I just had one who would prescribe.  There are a lot of very knowledgeable people here who can help you plan a safe, slow taper.  And if a problem comes up we can support you through that too.

You haven't spoiled anything.  This can be done with minimal issues.  Certainly, all of the planning and knowledge you have before you start will be a huge benefit.  Most of us here did not have the information and support that you have found.  And as everyone has said, you have all of us here to help you.