Adrenaline surging terror upon waking

[[ro...]]

I am at a loss. I’m at 18 months clonazepam free from an ct after a long prescription and dealing with the most constant, every single day without any fluctuations whatsoever, waking in absolute end of life terror after 3-4 hours of sleep. Every single day. I wake and my heart booms out of my chest as soon as I gain consciousness at 3 am and it cycles for hours. Fear like I can’t describe. Looping thoughts and terror that don’t even give me a second to recover. I can’t focus my breathing. I can’t visualize anything peaceful or meditate or break this cycle. All senses amplified. Pit in stomach and intense pain and rumbling through my stomach and chest. I don’t know what to do. The fear and terror is just constant. These surges also happen when I try to calm my system throughout the day. Any time my body and mind is about to calm down a few percent, I am jolted with electricity and waves of pure terror and fear. Memories and positive thinking cause more pain when this happens. And it happens every single day, multiple times a day. I am not doing well. I have lost my job. I am unable to function in normal life. I do the bare minimum to just survive days and pray this will ease at some point but I’m just worse than ever. I fear I’m causing this. I’m stuck in this absolute loop of insane fear terror insomnia and internal akathisia type internal agitation. My brain feels totally fried. I never had anything like this before a cold turkey off a clonazepam prescription 18 months ago and a concurrent brief polydrugging from a Dr who just wouldn’t recognize withdrawal. Life makes no sense anymore. I don’t know what to do from moment to moment. I’m sorry guys I’m just so scared and I need to scream out into the universe. I feel there is no help for me. 
 

peace to all.

 

matt

[[Th...]]

Sorry you are dealing with this.  In my experience, some people take longer to heal.  You mentioned a recent "brief" poly-drug experience.  Your current symptoms may be a result of that?  Kindling is a theory that suggests that each subsequent reintroduction of a Benzo may reset your healing clock and make it harder and take longer to heal and recover?  Most of the evidence is anecdotal.  Do you get any windows or have you had any windows in the past.  What have the past 18 months been like overall?

[[ro...]]

The past 18 months have been horrific. I seemed to get worse around the 11 months mark. I get no windows. I was put on and taken off a couple ssris initially because acute withdrawal was such hell. A hell I don’t remember a lot of. I have extreme muscle wasting, weakness, hair loss, hormonal issues, you name it. My system just never calms down. I’m not taking any drugs except 1 mg melatonin and a tiny dose of Clonidine before bed. Otherwise I don’t sleep. It’s just insanity man. I’m a 43 yr old father and hisband. I never had fear or irrational terror and now it is all I know. The wakening and inability to rest or calm my system is just worse than anything I could imagine a human going through. Have I let it go on for too long? What have I done wrong? I fear this is just who I am now and my life is a torture I have to get used to.

[[Th...]]

There's nothing you did wrong or could  do differently.  Unfortunately some people get hit way harder than others when it comes to symptoms, symptom intensity and how long they last.  I've been on this forum long enough to realize that for unknown reasons, some people don't get significant relief until sometime between month 24 and 36.

All of your symptoms are pretty common in Benzo withdrawal circles.  I never had fear or irrational terror either until after I did a CT at my doctor's recommendation.  If you made it this far, keep going.  Relief could be right around the corner?  Please do not reinstate or you'll just reset your healing clock. 

This is NOT permanent.  It might feel like it at this time, but it will fade given more time.  You'll get your life back one fine day.  Peace!

[[Si...]]

Normal anxiety doesn't do this. Anxiety disorders don't do this... I promise it's not you.  I had some breathing exercises with body movements that helped a bit.  Also sedating antidepressants might help, or other medication.  I'm biassed but I truly believe this is the worst symptom and if you can find a med that helps it's worth it, just my opinion.  

[[Sl...]]

Same here brother. 43 yr old male. 13 months non stop. Can’t sleep, brain hurts, internal shakiness, burning brain , ears ,noise sensitivity, sore legs, muscle twitches/spams, night sweats, nightmares etc. 

I prefer to die rather than living life this way. 

I wish you peace and healing.❤️‍🩹 

[[Wi...]]

Same here. My story is a bit different because aka got retriggered by non psych meds after being almost recovered and it’s been getting worse ever since because I destabilised myself with antibiotics and other necessary meds plus I had a baby so all the hormonal issues also probably add to it.

For some reason it got the worst it’s been last month and it’s still morphing and changing (before that I had stable symptoms and waves and windows) so I don’t know if and when the exacerbation will stop. 
 

The last few days it’s electricity from my head, deep vibration down my back, head pressure and horrible head sensations, burning. 
 

It’s so hard but we have to hang in there. I cannot leave my baby.  

Edited February 4 by [Wi...]

[[...]]

18 hours ago, [[r...] said:

The past 18 months have been horrific. I seemed to get worse around the 11 months mark. I get no windows. I was put on and taken off a couple ssris initially because acute withdrawal was such hell. A hell I don’t remember a lot of. I have extreme muscle wasting, weakness, hair loss, hormonal issues, you name it. My system just never calms down. I’m not taking any drugs except 1 mg melatonin and a tiny dose of Clonidine before bed. Otherwise I don’t sleep. It’s just insanity man. I’m a 43 yr old father and hisband. I never had fear or irrational terror and now it is all I know. The wakening and inability to rest or calm my system is just worse than anything I could imagine a human going through. Have I let it go on for too long? What have I done wrong? I fear this is just who I am now and my life is a torture I have to get used to.

Hello friend, I am writing through a translator, so something may not be clear. Well, first of all, I read your messages and immediately saw myself. I have the same anxiety and panic attacks. And especially in the morning when I wake up, but the worst things usually happen between 2 and 3 am. I can't explain why at this particular time. Now I started taking magnesium B6 anti-stress anxiety has become less, I’m from Ukraine, I don’t know if you have vitamins like this, but I think the only thing is that consult a doctor about your physical health before taking it magnesium since there are contraindications if, for example, there are problems with the kidneys, it is not advisable to drink it. Personally, these vitamins have greatly reduced my anxiety and panic and other symptoms; magnesium is also responsible for convulsive conditions.With a small amount or lack of magnesium, twitching convulsions and things like that occur. And how did I already recognize benzodiazepines when taking them? And as I already wrote, benzodiazepines wash out magnesium from the body during administration. To summarize, if your doctor gives you permission and you have no contraindications to magnesium, it will solve the problem with many symptoms. It helps me a lot and yes it has a cumulative effect, so don’t wait that from the first pill you will feel better, I began to feel improvements on the third day of taking it. I wish you health and well-being.

[[Si...]]

Hi @[...] I am also taking magnesium and B6.  I was wondering how many milligrams of b6 you are taking?

[[...]]

1 hour ago, [[S...] said:

Hi @[...] I am also taking magnesium and B6.  I was wondering how many milligrams of b6 you are taking?

I take 400 mg per day.

[[...]]

But magnesium and I have B6 complex in one tablet.

[[Le...]]

Hi Robin,

I'm really sorry for your suffering. How are you doing now ? My wife has very similar syptoms as your, 8 months off benzo (after C.T.)  Hard to stand it , also for me although I do not surffer that way.

Hope you doing better now. Give some post please.

Health and peace to all.

Leszek

 

 

[[Co...]]

Hello @[Le...]. Welcome to BenzoBuddies.

[[Le...]]

Hello Colin, welcome too although it is sad that we have to meet due to such a bad things. Hoping to find some support as my wife (Alice) has very serious symptoms ...and it is not any better since 8 months...rather worse.

[[Co...]]

Hi @[Le...]

Please start your own thread - you will receive better feedback and support this way.

Be sure to include some information about the dose and the type of benzodiazepine your wife uses. And some details about her particular symptoms.

There are other carers at BB - you are not alone.

[[wi...]]

On 03/02/2024 at 08:31, [[r...] said:

I am at a loss. I’m at 18 months clonazepam free from an ct after a long prescription and dealing with the most constant, every single day without any fluctuations whatsoever, waking in absolute end of life terror after 3-4 hours of sleep. Every single day. I wake and my heart booms out of my chest as soon as I gain consciousness at 3 am and it cycles for hours. Fear like I can’t describe. Looping thoughts and terror that don’t even give me a second to recover. I can’t focus my breathing. I can’t visualize anything peaceful or meditate or break this cycle. All senses amplified. Pit in stomach and intense pain and rumbling through my stomach and chest. I don’t know what to do. The fear and terror is just constant. These surges also happen when I try to calm my system throughout the day. Any time my body and mind is about to calm down a few percent, I am jolted with electricity and waves of pure terror and fear. Memories and positive thinking cause more pain when this happens. And it happens every single day, multiple times a day. I am not doing well. I have lost my job. I am unable to function in normal life. I do the bare minimum to just survive days and pray this will ease at some point but I’m just worse than ever. I fear I’m causing this. I’m stuck in this absolute loop of insane fear terror insomnia and internal akathisia type internal agitation. My brain feels totally fried. I never had anything like this before a cold turkey off a clonazepam prescription 18 months ago and a concurrent brief polydrugging from a Dr who just wouldn’t recognize withdrawal. Life makes no sense anymore. I don’t know what to do from moment to moment. I’m sorry guys I’m just so scared and I need to scream out into the universe. I feel there is no help for me. 
 

peace to all.

matt

@[ro...]Man, you ARE my twin!!

I hate to see you suffering because I get everything 100%.  And I wouldn’t wish this level of suffering on anyone.
 

I still owe you a reply to your message.

its been crazier than usual on my end. Getting eye surgery tomorrow and had to have an emergency visit at the dentist today.

so you can imagine my brain is out of control. Frankly, I’m surprised I could even write this.

Hang tight. I know this is beyond what most people can imagine, even on here.  The mental and physical are always on .

 I mean it, every sentence you wrote…so real to me.

🫂

Edited February 14 by [wi...]

[[Pi...]]

Matt: I feel your pain. Everything you are feeling I have felt but not at your intensity. I'm thinking I took less of the drug than you. I know this may sound crazy but I used Melatonin fairly successfully for sleep and still do but I'm trying to reduce usage. It does contribute to foggy head in the morning.  I used to take it before the dentist (not a large quantity) but it did take the edge off. Be sure to have someone drive you. I'm not a doctor so take my advice for what it is but I assumed it was fairly safe to do. Much healing!

[[Le...]]

Yes Colin, I'm starting my own thread right now. Thank you.