Need support please, regarding panic & anxiety

[[Ya...]]

I am 2.5 years out and had marvellous windows where I totally forgot about Benzo and never opened BB and felt completely healed (just remaining symptoms weren't bothersome such as benzo belly, fatigue etc) . I hit a rough setback 2 month ago due to either taking supplements or strength training or not following a great diet, im not sure what was the exact cause. I also had a hysterectomy back in July, after the procedure got hit with a wave but overall it subsided within 6 weeks. But this has been the roughest wave/setback similar to the symptoms I had back in acute which really bummed me  

This setback got me freaked out about anxiety and panic, my benzo mind is making me believe I have developed this new panic disorder and its not benzo related, im becoming paranoid about panic attacks, they freak me out , i think im traumatised from it cause the reason why i went on benzo was bec I got 1 panic attack that scared me (due to a traumatic scene) and let me rush to see a doctor. 

Im sorry im rambline but I just need reassurance . forgive me 

I tried applying DNRS (interrupting the panic) or Claire weeks (let it pass) but im just so afraid, should I make all this effort as its not easy specially when there is chemical anxiety constantly in the background? or will it pass on its own? I never had this ocd around panic, in the previous waves I had OCD on other thoughts but this thought I dont know why im fixated on it and I cant brush it off . I get so triggered as I was hearing a benzo coach say that someone people develop panic disorder due to the benzo. 

Your reassurance or advice would be greatly appreciated. 

[[Th...]]

Late waves are not uncommon.  I've had many since jumping back in 2016.  Some have lasted close to 2 months and some are only a day or 2.  Regardless, they always even out over time.  

People can develop new symptoms during WD.  The fact that you had long windows means you'll  have them again.  Some people, for unknown reasons, take longer than 30 months to completely heal.  And it's important to remember that healing from Benzos doesn't heal preexisting conditions.  You said you went on a Benzo as a result of panic attacks, so they could come and go even after you are completely healed.  

I went on Benzos for sleep issues and after I healed, I still get hit with random insomnia waves as I mentioned above.  Try not to overthink this.  It too will pass given enough time.  

[[...]]

13 hours ago, [[Y...] said:

I am 2.5 years out and had marvellous windows where I totally forgot about Benzo and never opened BB and felt completely healed (just remaining symptoms weren't bothersome such as benzo belly, fatigue etc) . I hit a rough setback 2 month ago due to either taking supplements or strength training or not following a great diet, im not sure what was the exact cause. I also had a hysterectomy back in July, after the procedure got hit with a wave but overall it subsided within 6 weeks. But this has been the roughest wave/setback similar to the symptoms I had back in acute which really bummed me  

This setback got me freaked out about anxiety and panic, my benzo mind is making me believe I have developed this new panic disorder and its not benzo related, im becoming paranoid about panic attacks, they freak me out , i think im traumatised from it cause the reason why i went on benzo was bec I got 1 panic attack that scared me (due to a traumatic scene) and let me rush to see a doctor. 

Im sorry im rambline but I just need reassurance . forgive me 

I tried applying DNRS (interrupting the panic) or Claire weeks (let it pass) but im just so afraid, should I make all this effort as its not easy specially when there is chemical anxiety constantly in the background? or will it pass on its own? I never had this ocd around panic, in the previous waves I had OCD on other thoughts but this thought I dont know why im fixated on it and I cant brush it off . I get so triggered as I was hearing a benzo coach say that someone people develop panic disorder due to the benzo. 

Your reassurance or advice would be greatly appreciated. 

Support for you friend, I understand what you mean, today I had a similar situation of panic and my mind was still clouded, everything was like a fog, anxiety and panic. I also have OCD, which gets worse every year, I can no longer tolerate these thoughts in my head, these rituals constantly force me to do I can do the same actions over and over again. It is unbearable. I started reducing and immediately removed 50% and paid with poor health. Now I couldn’t stand it and on the second day I took a double dose of benzodiazepines. My English is bad, or rather, I’m writing here through a translator, I’m from Ukraine. We simply don't have such support forums. We don’t believe at all that benzodiazepines can cause addiction. I'm 12 years old on benzodiazepines. Now I will reduce it by 10% per month, one more try, I don’t know if I can do it. 

[[Ya...]]

@[Th...] 

 

   But my question is do these panicky thoughts become manageable once you are healed, i know the answer is yes but i kind of need reassurance  As when I am in a window, i dont feel anxiety and any unhealthy thought can be easily brushed off. I m just worried that my brain made the association of certain things w fear and will continue to haunt me. I know what I am saying sounds ridiculous but its what I am feeling during this harsh setback or flare of symptoms. 

[[Th...]]

Yes, the looping and intrusive thoughts become manageable because they fade and end and even if they don't completely end, you will develop coping skills so you can deal with any lingering symptoms.  The main problem is your mind always thinks the worse and goes to the extreme negative.  IMO that is another WD symptom.  Even though you can logically acknowledge that anxiety and panicky thoughts won't last forever, your mind and thoughts lie to you and tell you these will be permanent.  During a window you easily see past these lies, but in a wave it's very hard to believe. 

Many on this forum worry about "PTSD" type symptoms lingering after they are healed.  I rarely see that happening.  I associated my bed with not sleeping for the longest time and I thought to myself "even after I'm healed the bed will trigger insomnia."  That simply is not true.  After my sleep returned, I had no lingering issues with sleep anxiety or looping or intrusive thoughts or any type of PTSD.

What I learned to do, and it took some time, was to act as if I was an outsider looking in.  Even though I was personally experiencing the anxiety, depression and looping thoughts and I could feel them all, I trained my mind to believe they were happening to someone else.  I was feeling what they could feel.  They couldn't hurt me because they were not really happening to me...in my mind anyway.  It didn't make them go away, but it did make them a lot easier to deal with.  You'll get past this for sure.  

[[Ya...]]

I can't thank you enough , I kept reading what you wrote over and over , you can't imaging when someone is in the wave , those words of reassurance are all what they want to hear 24/7 .

Although my setback is lasting nearly 2 month now but its rather different from my previous waves , new Intrusive thoughts and extreme focus and fixation on panic and anxiety .I get so triggered when someone suggests that ontop of wd we have to endure a life long panic disorder, I know those is NOT the case as when in a window (last window lasted 6 month) when I thought I was out of the woods and benzo was behind my back .

I just get Intrusive thoughts of times where I got panic and anxiety before benzo and that maybe something is wrong w me , but I know that the anxiety before benzo is NOTHING compared to benzo anxiety. I keep reminding myself with that. So this must be just a wave 

But this setback just broke me again. 

I really do appreciate your reply. 

[[Br...]]

@[Ya...] - I can really relate to everything you describe & I imagine a lot of our members can relate.  Anxiety, panic attacks and insomnia were what brought me to benzos in the first place.  I would say that while benzos helped initially ultimately the impact on my CNS of benzos, tolerance withdrawal and then withdrawal after I was put through a rapid taper - all of this made my anxiety and panic disorder a thousand times worse than they were in the first place.  I

'm almost 4  1/2 years out now.  Since the first year after I jumped I haven't had any panic attacks (whereas I had clusters of them in the last year of taking benzos and during the first months of withdrawal).  But, after a major surgery and then a big move I had several months with heightened anxiety, often severe, which I attribute to intense emotional and physical stress.  In both instances, the waves passed.  

My take is that my CNS is still sensitized but it continues to heal.  And I still have an underlying anxiety disorder.  But it is manageable and the coping skills I developed during the trial by fire of withdrawal help me enormously.  Things like meditation and getting out for exercise in nature every day.  

I think it will help to remind yourself this is simply a wave doing its thing, the crippling anxiety and intrusive thoughts are just benzo lies rearing their ugly head, and that your wave will dissipate.

[[Fo...]]

I'm 2.4 years out and I'm now having this too, intrusive thoughts,  panic and some other neuro stuff. I was doing good until I got the flu.  

[[Ya...]]

So I guess it's just a temporary setback or wave . I just hope these new fears dissipate by time and so does the sadness and anhedonia . I see miniscule improvements so I hope this means progress.  @[Fo...] did u feel healed prior? Before this I totally forgot about my previous waves . 

Before the setback, benzo was completely forgotten and I was living my life but w fatigue which was OK and manageable. 

Now during this setback I have wierd fears like fearful of my bed, food, tom, future,  and most of all fear of panic! It's like a waiting for a panic attack or either in one 24/7 but slightly lesser than a month ago 

I know its stupid and keep telling my brain that this is a false alarm but the anhedonia isn't helping. 

But I'm v hopeful this is just a temporary blip since 100s of People going thru the same waves n setbacks and heal couldn't be wrong .

 

 

 

 

 

 

Edited February 14 by [Ya...]

[[Ya...]]

3 hours ago, [[F...] said:

I'm 2.4 years out and I'm now having this too, intrusive thoughts,  panic and some other neuro stuff. I was doing good until I got the flu.  

Was only the flu or did u take any medication or supplements 

[[Ma...]]

This thread is a gift to me tonight. @[Ya...] I so relate to everything you wrote. I also had anxiety before this, but never like this. I was prescribed Ativan for a neck injury… worse decision of my life. I’m  3.25 years off and up until 2.5 months ago, I thought I was healed. I had lots of work/life stress and NEVER felt like this. A combo of covid, supplements and medications have sent me back into waves that feel so scary and also have me wondering ‘is this my future?’. The fear is huge.

 @[Th...] I always get so much comfort reading your posts… they are so valuable. You articulate things so perfectly…. Thank you. It brought me great comfort tonight. To be affirmed and know that it’s not just me, and that this is not my forever…. Just, thank you.