4 years off, doing much better and now pregnant

[[Tr...]]

On 23/01/2024 at 22:56, [[j...] said:

Congratulations! I am so happy for you! I am sure you don't mind being sleep deprived. 

I didn’t sleep for many months while sick so I am used to it yes. I still have fear of not sleeping but I fall asleep easily once my son is asleep. Now I’m sleep deprived because of a crying baby, not because my mind is stuck… and this I can definitely handle. :-) and I use tools I learnt, like reminding myself this is only temporary…. 

[[Tr...]]

On 26/01/2024 at 16:54, [[m...] said:

congrats I was a short term user 2 or three weeks here too. this post gives me hope thank you

i will be two years in feb. looking foward to that relief haha

It’s not easy but you are so close. Any day now you will wake up feeling even better… you are over the worst part of this experience, that’s for sure. Hang in there…

[[Tr...]]

2 hours ago, [[W...] said:

Congrats ♥️ It must be amazing to be a normal parent after such ordeal.

I wish I were in the same spot. Had my baby in the thick of it and now barely able to take care of her. 

I’m sorry to hear this. This experience steals so much from us. You are doing your best under very difficult circumstances so give yourself grace. You will one day be able to look after your little one the way you would like to. Hang in there and be patient with yourself.

[[Tr...]]

On 29/01/2024 at 17:12, [[K...] said:

I also took for a short amount of time – now I'm tapering (although I don't want to stay on it too much longer) and already getting horrible symptoms. I am struggling so much with fear of what's to come and so much ashame and anger with myself for taking these pills. If only I hadn't been so desperate. I don't know if I'll ever get over the shame I feel towards myself, it's overwhelming. I am so happy you recovered, but the time it took is heartbreaking. ♥️

Please don’t feel shame for trusting Drs and taking these drugs. We all made the same mistake. We didn’t know, how could we have known? We trusted medical professionals. Be angry for being harmed, not for taking the meds. Don’t carry any shame for this. Good luck with the rest of your tapering and know it will one day be better. It’s not easy, it’s long, it’s brutal but you can do this. 

[[he...]]

Congratulations on getting off this stuff and on your baby boy! May you continue to get better and better!

[[At...]]

Oh! Congratulations! Now I have some hope! Thank you! 

Question: how many years post taper did it take for you to start to feel ' normal '  ... whatever normal is;  a setting on the dishwasher I think? Haha

Edited February 13 by [At...]

[[Tr...]]

3 hours ago, [[A...] said:

Oh! Congratulations! Now I gave some hope! Thank you! 

Question: how many years post taper did it take for you to start to feel ' normal '  ... whatever normal is;  a setting on the dishwasher I think? Haha

The first 3 months were an emergency… the next 9 months were terrible, I still wanted to die. The next 12 months I pretended to be feeling better, although most of the time I was still struggling. Year 3 saw good relief, I could function without pretending to be okay although I had to be careful to not set myself back with stress, foods, exercise etc. Year 4 I could really stretch myself and felt strong, I stopped reacting to stress and could function at my job really well. That’s how I knew I turned a corner. I also had to take some meds during my pregnancy and was not set back at all… and I think pregnancy and giving birth have helped with my healing as well.

[[ka...]]

Pregnancy was healing. How beautiful is thst 💕

[[Ju...]]

Congrats. You can be one of the few people that says 9 months of pregnancy is a piece of cake, compared to what you just went through.

You're going to have a baby with an indestructible mind, natural survival of the fittest mindset, with all the new genetics that were just created from surviving benzo withdrawal.

I'm looking at this like the opposite of doing drugs with babies, instead of the baby coming out with problems, it's going to come out like superman (like the survivor parent). Take care.

 

[[Tr...]]

On 06/02/2024 at 13:51, [[k...] said:

Pregnancy was healing. How beautiful is thst 💕

I actually sleep better since giving birth, it’s like giving birth released hormones that help my sleep. My baby sleeps decently so if I didn’t wake up to breastfeed him, I think for the first time in a very long time I could sleep throughout the night without waking up at all. My son is now 6 weeks and it’s such a beautiful time. I can’t believe how wonderful life is now, 4 years ago I thought my life was over, my life now feels like a miracle. 

Edited February 29 by [Tr...]

[[Tr...]]

On 23/02/2024 at 08:24, [[J...] said:

Congrats. You can be one of the few people that says 9 months of pregnancy is a piece of cake, compared to what you just went through.

You're going to have a baby with an indestructible mind, natural survival of the fittest mindset, with all the new genetics that were just created from surviving benzo withdrawal.

I'm looking at this like the opposite of doing drugs with babies, instead of the baby coming out with problems, it's going to come out like superman (like the survivor parent). Take care.

Wow this is so beautiful, thank you for your kind words. My son is six weeks old now and it’s surreal to hold him in my arms. 4 years ago I thought my life was over, that I could never carry a child… That I was going to die…

I gave birth naturally at home with a midwife and it was the most amazing experience. It was intense and when he was coming out it was painful but I would give birth naturally, unmedicated 20 more times before I choose to go through withdrawal again. My body is strong now, my mind is also strong and I can look after my son well, I’m so stable, finally. 4 years ago I was broken into a million pieces and over the 4 years I’ve slowly been put back together again. I’m a different version, a wiser and stronger version and am so happy I held on to eventually get to this point… I didn’t believe it when people said it would get better, but it finally has. 

[[sh...]]

33 minutes ago, [[T...] said:

Wow this is so beautiful, thank you for your kind words. My son is six weeks old now and it’s surreal to hold him in my arms. 4 years ago I thought my life was over, that I could never carry a child… That I was going to die…

I gave birth naturally at home with a midwife and it was the most amazing experience. It was intense and when he was coming out it was painful but I would give birth naturally, unmedicated 20 more times before I choose to go through withdrawal again. My body is strong now, my mind is also strong and I can look after my son well, I’m so stable, finally. 4 years ago I was broken into a million pieces and over the 4 years I’ve slowly been put back together again. I’m a different version, a wiser and stronger version and am so happy I held on to eventually get to this point… I didn’t believe it when people said it would get better, but it finally has. 

I am sooo happy for you❣️❣️❣️

Thank you for giving us hope 🍀

[[Ju...]]

13 hours ago, [[T...] said:

Wow this is so beautiful, thank you for your kind words. My son is six weeks old now and it’s surreal to hold him in my arms. 4 years ago I thought my life was over, that I could never carry a child… That I was going to die…

I gave birth naturally at home with a midwife and it was the most amazing experience. It was intense and when he was coming out it was painful but I would give birth naturally, unmedicated 20 more times before I choose to go through withdrawal again. My body is strong now, my mind is also strong and I can look after my son well, I’m so stable, finally. 4 years ago I was broken into a million pieces and over the 4 years I’ve slowly been put back together again. I’m a different version, a wiser and stronger version and am so happy I held on to eventually get to this point… I didn’t believe it when people said it would get better, but it finally has. 

"Giving birth unmedicated 20 more times over benzo withdrawal", that's a good comparison. I'm not a female, but I would say I'd rather be thrown in prison and electrocuted and set on fire 20 times, than go through benzo withdrawal.

I'm glad you found your inner strength and mental stability, you're going to be a good parent. I wish the best of luck.

[[Bl...]]

That is so amazing to hear!!! I’m 14 months off a short term clonazepam use and doing much better however not fully healed. I also just found out I’m pregnant and I’m nervous. Your post is helping me 🥹 any advice is so appreciated 

[[Tr...]]

4 hours ago, [[B...] said:

That is so amazing to hear!!! I’m 14 months off a short term clonazepam use and doing much better however not fully healed. I also just found out I’m pregnant and I’m nervous. Your post is helping me 🥹 any advice is so appreciated 

I have responded to your private message…  

[[Sh...]]

Amazing sweetie. So happy for you. New beginnings ❤️ U deserve every happiness 🤗

[[Rh...]]

Congrats to a baby boy and celebrating your 4 year off mark!  It’s amazing and so inspirational!

I’m 9 months off an antidepressant and 4 years off my benzo and hoping by my one year mark I’ll feel improvements…but I now know healing might take longer but it’s inevitable!  Thank you & enjoy your baby and all the wonderful things this world has to offer!

[[ap...]]

On 01/01/2024 at 07:25, [[T...] said:

It’s amazing how life can get better, I thought I would die from what these drugs did to me…. Exactly 4 years ago I was severely sick with all the symptoms you can think of… Dec 2019 was the month I figured out what happened to me… I was poisoned by my Drs, I took these dangerous medications on and off over a period of 6 weeks and was on them for 3 weeks in total, so I was a short term user but the damage done to me was unimaginable. I found this forum and lived on here for almost 3 years. 
 

When I say I cried every single day in 2020, I am not exaggerating. I wanted to die every day in 2020 and the only thing that kept me going was the hope that things would get better plus the fear of actually killing myself. Someone told me to trust the power of a year, and that a year can make a huge difference… for me it was the power of 2 years! At the 2 year mark I started to feel better, a lot of the symptoms were better and I was working full time again with minimal flares or issues. The 3rd year saw my baseline get even better and now on my 4th year I’m thriving. As we go into 2024, exactly four years since this traumatic experience, I am 9 months pregnant now waiting for my first child to be born. We are so happy and excited and cannot wait to meet our son in the the coming days/week/s. I come here to let you know that things really do get better…. It can be slow and it is really painful but things do get better…. I thought my life was ruined forever but I have managed to rebuilt and am happy and thriving! I only have tinnitus left, and one or two symptoms will pop by for a day here and then if I really over exert, nothing I can’t manage... I work a Director role, travel to different countries for work, sometimes do long hours and am managing fine. I have however learnt to listen to my body and limit myself when needed…

Please hang on, dig deep and trust in the power of a year!! Or two!!! Just hang on because life will get beautiful again. I see colors and hear music and feel joy and love fully. I enjoy things like going to restaurants, the movies, hanging out with friends again and traveling for pleasure. I am so grateful for my life and health and will never take it for granted, I appreciate what I have.

Please Keep going, you can do this. 

This bought tears to my eyes. I'm 21 mo ths off a 13 year dose of Xan.Gabap.AD. I'm still very sick and barely walk. It took me 3 years and 8 months to get off the benzo. I'm 68 and I feel horrible. .But your delightful story is like a shining light