Vent here

[[Li...]]

How can a small, sterile, lifeless pill do so much damage to the human body?!!!  How?  This is criminal that these pills are legal.  I agree with LifeInChaos.  These Big Pharma murderers need to go to jail.

 

I often think about the size of these pills in comparison to my own body and wonder how it is possible that they can do so much damage.  I have been injured way more by a tiny pill that I am thousands of times the size of than when I have gotten into physical fights with other humans who are over 400 pounds and was only about 205 pounds at the time.

 

The Big Pharma murderers definitely need to go to jail and be punished by taking their own medications that they prescribed, along with multiple ECT sessions per week.  However, I think there is so much blame to be placed on all levels of the mental health system.  There are scientists who invent these dangerous drugs, the authors who write books and create blogs that are pro-psychiatry, the FDA that gives their stamp of approval of "safety" on these dangerous drugs, the lawyers that defend these drug companies against class action lawsuits, the doctors and nurses that prescribe the medications, the inpatient psychiatric facilities for forcing or coercing people to take the meds, the pharmacists that fill the prescriptions, etc.  Hell, I'd even go as far as to blame the truck driver that delivers the drugs to the hospitals and pharmacies or even the janitor who cleans up the floors of a majorly corrupt pharmaceutical company such as Lilly.

[[Su...]]

Absolutely agree with where blame lays.  Usually all boils down to money for these people.  Also happy to find this spot.  Gee this is awful yes what do you say like the chronically ill and cane idea.  Anyway tapering just lost my cousin to cancer lived only a month and half after diagnosed.  Too young shocked .  made it to funeral barely then rushed home crashed all symptoms.  Now my mother is dying got a call last night she has fallen an broke her shoulder.  Her mind is not good on heavy morphine and some ementia.  I always there for Mom.  I'm a shell of who I was.  Not sleeping hard to eat grieving and tapering.  She does not know.  I actually stayed  2 weeks with her at Hosp every day a month or so ago it was unbelievably hard. Oh my so hard!!!!  Noi don't want to increase!!  My mother is looking for me.  My brother stepped I. Took advantage of situation and cleared out her bank acct which basically only her funeral money.  DONT know what to do what to say.  Help!!!  I don't want to up dose to cope.

[[be...]]

Well, I am furious this morning with having to go to my makeshift lab and pour and swish, measure just right, and then get it ready again for tomorrow

I am not upset about the Liq taper, I am upset that I have to go through these motions every morning and it could have all be avoided, if my ENT

Doctor had told me the truth about Valium, trust me I would have never started these Indian witchcraft pills, oh no, I would have just ventured on with

the good life I had, and the really silly thing, it did not help my dizziness at all, but I was hooked by the benzo beast thinking I could not stop taking it

Oh S--T, I am just plain  :tickedoff:

[[al...]]

It is probably not good for me to hate too much, but I really hate my undiagnosed sudden onset extreme sun-sensitivity problem. I have had it for 4 years now and it is keeping me in the house and away from the ocean and outdoors that I love. It is partially responsible for my taking too much Ambien as a way to escape into sleep where I can dream about standing like a normal person in the sunlight. Now that the intensity of my withdrawal is starting to subside, my full attention is returning to my hated condition.

[[Su...]]

Finally getting a break from many symptoms last couple days on day  11 wow trying to stay positive...then what about the next.  #### cut dread the thought  only 3 days from now.  Just feel peeved to have to put the mind and body through this.  Friends family have slowly pulled away or have I just been missing from life .  I look at my mother suffering and dying slowly,  why do I think I have it so bad.  Can't even go to bat for her or anyone much at all.  How useless.  I blame myself for not looking into these drugs and trusting this doctor.  Hes only a family doc.  Told him straight you have me addicted.  Of course he does not use that word, that might mean he has taken any responsibility.  What a  ### now I walk in tell him look  this is what I need.  No sense talking to him.  I don't even sit down there.  Can't believe when I realized what was going on he turned and said  well you know.  Unbelievable  robbed me of  8 yrs now of my life.  Well he's  on trips with family gifted by the  ####### Drug Company pushers.!!!!  I'm concerned about the children out there being given these mind  boggling drugs.  Now they have pumped so many out there all available on the streets. It's all about money!!!    No the public needs to be made more aware imagine the poor elderly in this.  I'm peeved would be worth writing a book.  Could be worse may have never found out and landed in the loony bin.

[[be...]]

Well it is time again to scream and let some steam off. I am so tired of trying to figure out what I was like before  benzo came into my life, and

for the life of me, I can not remember, I know I had good times, because others tell me, I am not myself, but what makes friends say this, oh

well this memory thing must tie in to benzo and its Evil unforgiving attack to my good memories, I am fighting it the best I can with distracting, but

oh it keeps creeping in and I am so tired of it. I am so very tired of searching each day to get back to pre benzo's, and I guess I should really be

glad that is all I have to think about, when so many others have struggles so hard that leaving the world sometimes seems the right thing to do, but

if you do feel that way, please do not entertain that thought, as once again  benzo's want our life and soul. So I am going to stay angry and keep

trying to find the rainbow in a cloudy sky. until I can find my way back to [glow=red,2,300]ME.[/glow]. . :tickedoff:

[[Ja...]]

Was going to go to the Gratitude thread but who am I kidding. I am utterly so sick of this whole disgusting situation. I'm sick of the weather too. Have to go to my psych again. He's a nice guy but I can't wait for the day this is all over and I never have to see him again. I hate these drugs. I hate tapering. I just want to be done with this :tickedoff: End of rant

[[Be...]]

I'm so done with all this.

 

I feel so sick, so sleep deprived. I feel sicker every day. I have looping thoughts of how I'm not well, and can't find a way out, and can't imagine enduring this.

 

I see the functional medicine doc at 9 am. I am a mess. Barely awake, heart pounding and still unable to rest or sleep. Akathisia, limbs and torso buzzing.

 

F*ck benzos.

[[...]]

Perfect thread for my current mood & feelings  :'( I feel just so much pressure on me, I'm supposed to be "normal" and I've just received a message from my Dad implying my best is yet not enough. I'm sick of being sick, sick of having drawn the short straw and having to be punished for being ill... I just wish I could live a quiet life and feel like I don't owe anyone any justification. Pressure has driven me here and is not helping me get back on my feet...  :'(

[[re...]]

OK, finally I have to vent. I can't keep quiet about this any more.

 

I am sick to death of people who think BenzoBuddies is a good place to proselytize people with their pet political propaganda. That is not what BenzoBuddies is for. BenzoBuddies is a place where we are meant to support each other through the hardest time most of us have ever experienced, and nothing should come before that. You should not come here pushing your stupid half-assed political ideas, starting fights, making enemies, and generally being a self-centered twit.

 

THERE ARE OTHER WEBSITES, for crying out loud. Do we really have members here who are so stupid that they cannot find any other website for their political nonsense? Or do they just think we are a nice captive audience and it is their duty to try to brainwash us?

 

And it's not just electoral campaigns I'm talking about. Over the years I've see people post nonsense about the Trayvon Martin case, and the Ferguson Missouri case, and this and that other sensational politically charged case, and why? Does it help anyone get through benzo withdrawal and recovery? Is that why these people post this stuff here? Because they think they're helping us? GET REAL. They don't give a damn about helping anyone. They're just addicted to political propaganda, and I think they need to find another website for it, or just get the hell out of here for good.

 

And by the way, when I see someone post something like that, I make a mental note of who they are, and I avoid them thereafter - completely. I won't help someone who is willing to push everyone else into panic attacks, depression, rage, and what have you, just because they put their stupid, half-baked, ignorant politics above everything else.

[[al...]]

OK, finally I have to vent. I can't keep quiet about this any more.

 

I am sick to death of people who think BenzoBuddies is a good place to proselytize people with their pet political propaganda. That is not what BenzoBuddies is for. BenzoBuddies is a place where we are meant to support each other through the hardest time most of us have ever experienced, and nothing should come before that. You should not come here pushing your stupid half-assed political ideas, starting fights, making enemies, and generally being a self-centered twit.

 

THERE ARE OTHER WEBSITES, for crying out loud. Do we really have members here who are so stupid that they cannot find any other website for their political nonsense? Or do they just think we are a nice captive audience and it is their duty to try to brainwash us?

 

And it's not just electoral campaigns I'm talking about. Over the years I've see people post nonsense about the Trayvon Martin case, and the Ferguson Missouri case, and this and that other sensational politically charged case, and why? Does it help anyone get through benzo withdrawal and recovery? Is that why these people post this stuff here? Because they think they're helping us? GET REAL. They don't give a damn about helping anyone. They're just addicted to political propaganda, and I think they need to find another website for it, or just get the hell out of here for good.

 

And by the way, when I see someone post something like that, I make a mental note of who they are, and I avoid them thereafter - completely. I won't help someone who is willing to push everyone else into panic attacks, depression, rage, and what have you, just because they put their stupid, half-baked, ignorant politics above everything else.

 

Please put me on your list of who to avoid. Thank you.

[[re...]]

OK, finally I have to vent. I can't keep quiet about this any more.

 

I am sick to death of people who think BenzoBuddies is a good place to proselytize people with their pet political propaganda. That is not what BenzoBuddies is for. BenzoBuddies is a place where we are meant to support each other through the hardest time most of us have ever experienced, and nothing should come before that. You should not come here pushing your stupid half-assed political ideas, starting fights, making enemies, and generally being a self-centered twit.

 

THERE ARE OTHER WEBSITES, for crying out loud. Do we really have members here who are so stupid that they cannot find any other website for their political nonsense? Or do they just think we are a nice captive audience and it is their duty to try to brainwash us?

 

And it's not just electoral campaigns I'm talking about. Over the years I've see people post nonsense about the Trayvon Martin case, and the Ferguson Missouri case, and this and that other sensational politically charged case, and why? Does it help anyone get through benzo withdrawal and recovery? Is that why these people post this stuff here? Because they think they're helping us? GET REAL. They don't give a damn about helping anyone. They're just addicted to political propaganda, and I think they need to find another website for it, or just get the hell out of here for good.

 

And by the way, when I see someone post something like that, I make a mental note of who they are, and I avoid them thereafter - completely. I won't help someone who is willing to push everyone else into panic attacks, depression, rage, and what have you, just because they put their stupid, half-baked, ignorant politics above everything else.

 

Please put me on your list of who to avoid. Thank you.

 

Actually, you've been on the list since March 9.

 

[[wh...]]

I am going to punch the Dr.  in the face when I am healed.  He basically C/T me.  Totally clueless and so was I.  So, I guess I will punch myself in the face too. 

[[Be...]]

I am going to punch the Dr.  in the face when I am healed.  He basically C/T me.  Totally clueless and so was I.  So, I guess I will punch myself in the face too. 

 

Just the doc....you've suffered enough.

[[wh...]]

I am going to punch the Dr.  in the face when I am healed.  He basically C/T me.  Totally clueless and so was I.  So, I guess I will punch myself in the face too. 

 

Just the doc....you've suffered enough.

You are right !  Why give him the satisfaction the SOB !  Ignorant !

[[be...]]

This is my first time to scream! Sorry if it is too loud. Err!

 

As some of you might remember, I had some knee surgery done two weeks ago. And I am a fast healer. But it felt worse every day. Good for me that I refused to take the opiates they gave me. Woo hoo! Well, it hurt more and more. So I got an MRI done again, and it seems that surgeon botched it and forgot to do some things. Is there a good doctor in any specialty?  So he had the nerve to say he would do it again. Like I would have him re-do it? I also told him not to bill me as I would not pay it. Next week is the 2nd event with surgery with a new do on Wed. Now comes my trouble with my valium taper.

 

As many of you know, I am on a whopping 70 mg. So one day a few weeks ago I dropped 3.5 mg, or 5%. Remember, I am not used to feeling any s/x, so this was new for me. My main problem was I could not sleep at all. Not a wink. So I reinstated and saw my pdoc. He told me my drop was too much and suggested I drop, as a test, by 1 mg. So I did. This time I felt much worse. I had D/P, D/R, those horrible brain zaps, insomnia, anxiety and RLS. From 1/70th of my dose? Ridiculous. I of course went back to 70 mg. Then I forgot to tell him, that on some nights I sleep very well, with no wake-ups. And then bam! I can't sleep much. I go to sleep at 5 am and wake up at 7 am. So he said I have delayed acute, as I never felt any symptoms post taper for four months. So he told me that I should wait until the acute period in over, and then make a .5 mg drop. But I don't want to do that, as I don't know how long it will last.

 

He also didn't know at the time I had that botched surgery. I'm sure he would have told me to not make any drops. Anyway, I don't want to be tapering forever, but now I get what Oscar is talking about. So I am going to be an  and make a small drop the day after my surgery. But he said, "Betsy, you aren't going anywhere and neither am I. I won't retire until you are off all drugs. You are my special case." That's odd because when I first starting seeing him, he kicked me out of his office a lot~~within 10 minutes of my 50 minute session and still charged me the full amount. As I told Bennie on another thread, he's a very serious guy and doesn't think joking is appropriate. But I still kept joking and finally one day I saw him cover his mouth with his hand and laughed. After that, all went well. I just cannot imagine not having him. So my troubles are quitting ciggies, my knee and my valium taper. I wish to God I never took any Valium! I'm still waiting for the moment I can call my pdoc Jeffery, instead of Dr. Lustman. I tried to ask him once if I could do this, and he said, never! He needs a woman to train him. Ugh. I need a raft and a swamp. This ciggie quitting isn't helping matters.

 

[[Su...]]

  . Gee thought I would be fearless today.  No way have to see the doctor today.  Got times mixed ready 3 hrs late.  Doctor appts.  worryingscarey neverknow his mood.  I have to be diplomatic.  I hate that this dr  has me over a barrel.  No idea what I've been going through.  I get 10 min with him.  It's unreal I have other health issues cast aside over all the tapering.  It's like walking in the dark.  I have to feel myway through.  Easy for him to say drop 5mg every 2 weeks.  Oh sure my life has been a shambles until I stopped that severe cut.  How am I going to get this point across!!!  So irritable today about all of this..  I wouldn't even go if  I didn't have to have the medication.  Meanwhile he is not treating my osteoporosis,  arthritis siatica low back.  With withdrawl pain is much worse as more sensitive.  Oh can't wait to get this over with.  On top of it I was the one who insisted on taper.  He never mentioned it.  He would have left me like that.  He is not consistent.  He would not entertain Ashton manual.  Ridiculous.  Best to all of you venting here.  Good topic.

[[Be...]]

Stupid phone appointment with doctor. Said he could not recommend ice or Tylenol over the phone without examination (for head pain). I had exam yesterday but forgot to ask about the Tylenol or ice or any other suggestion. Or maybe I don't remember. This doc said it would be unethical to suggest anything. Really? Then why does Kaiser have advice consultations by phone? He was dismissive, aggressive. Since he talked over me, I talked over him, so he stopped talking. I thanked him for calling, said goodbye, and hung up. So if I get stabbing head pain, I am to go to ER. It may seem no brainer to do ice and Tylenol, but with my records in front of him, surely he would be able to review this one issue. Apparently I am insured for maintaining my crappy health. I really hate the "health care" paradigm of healthy until proven otherwise. It's not enough to have chronic symptoms.

[[Be...]]

I need to vent.  MY LIFE SUCKS!  I feel like shit, physically, mentally, emotionally, etc. etc.  Every cell of my body is sick.  Everything in my life works against me.  I'm dying from damage from these effing drugs and other illicit drug use damage from when I was younger.  I want it all to end. 

[[be...]]

I need to vent.  MY LIFE SUCKS!  I feel like shit, physically, mentally, emotionally, etc. etc.  Every cell of my body is sick.  Everything in my life works against me.  I'm dying from damage from these effing drugs and other illicit drug use damage from when I was younger.  I want it all to end.

 

Me too. Now I have a sinus infection to boot. And I still have no clue how to taper my Val. I tried twice, once a very tiny amount, and felt like crappola.

 

Bennie: That's just insane. Ice. Need a doctor for that?

[[Be...]]

I need to vent.  MY LIFE SUCKS!  I feel like shit, physically, mentally, emotionally, etc. etc.  Every cell of my body is sick.  Everything in my life works against me.  I'm dying from damage from these effing drugs and other illicit drug use damage from when I was younger.  I want it all to end.

 

Me too. Now I have a sinus infection to boot. And I still have no clue how to taper my Val. I tried twice, once a very tiny amount, and felt like crappola.

 

Bennie: That's just insane. Ice. Need a doctor for that?

 

This is a whole lotta suck we are going through.

[[al...]]

I need to vent.  MY LIFE SUCKS!  I feel like shit, physically, mentally, emotionally, etc. etc.  Every cell of my body is sick.  Everything in my life works against me.  I'm dying from damage from these effing drugs and other illicit drug use damage from when I was younger.  I want it all to end.

 

Well Becksblue, the good news is...it can only get better. Hopefully it will for you soon.

[[Ph...]]

I need to vent.  MY LIFE SUCKS!  I feel like shit, physically, mentally, emotionally, etc. etc.  Every cell of my body is sick.  Everything in my life works against me.  I'm dying from damage from these effing drugs and other illicit drug use damage from when I was younger.  I want it all to end.

Hey Becks, I don't blame you for wanting to vent.  A question just occurred to me.  Do you have access to some social services through your city, county or state?  Put your taxes to work for yourself!  Contact social services and ask about support groups.  Not internet stuff...actual groups of people that have the same kinds of problems who meet (with the supervision of a counselor) and talk about their issues.  I think it would help you, and you might find some new friends, too.  Just a thought, hon.  Take care.

[[Ph...]]

 

A little micro-vent here.  I saw this link posted on the news item thread.  It's about the use of gabapentin as a tool to assist in the tapering of benzodiazepines.  But that's not what called for a micro-vent.

 

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/26962719

 

From the linked article:

 

"CONCLUSION:

 

In outpatient methadone-maintained patients with benzodiazepine use disorder, gabapentin did significantly decrease benzodiazepine use relative to placebo. The small sample recruited for this trial may have limited the ability to detect a group difference."

This cracks me up.  The medical establishment, funded as it is largely by Big Pharma, can't bring itself to use the term "benzodiazepine addiction."  Instead, they invent the vague, watered-down term "benzodiazepine use disorder."  What??  Oh, so now it's a use disorder, is it?  That's right, let's imply that the "user" has a "disorder."  Far be it from me to accuse a pharmaceutical company and a stooge doctor of actually getting someone addicted.

 

Of course, I could be showing my lack of progressive sensitivities.  Has the term "addiction" or similarly, "addict" now been added to the list of taboo micro-aggressions?  It might be that those terms are now too harsh.  Are we now supposed to use the term "use disorder?"  If so, please let me know because I'm all about sensitivity.  I'm thinking maybe we can change "withdrawal" to "discontinuation syndrome." 

 

[[no...]]

I am sick of people posting about famous people dying when lots of people on here have a terrible death phobia or think their dying and constant panic attacks from the same things due to withdrawal. WTF??? Avoid stress and what's causes anxiety?

 

READING ABOUT DEAD POP STARS AND POLITICIANS ARE NOT CONDUCIVE FOR HEALING BRAIN DAMAGE!!! IF ANYTHING THEY ARE THE WORST SHIT FOR ANYONE IN A STATE TO BE READING ESPECIALLY SHIT ABOUT PEOPLE DYING!!

 

THANKS FOR THE HUGE ANXIETY IT CAUSED (F-IN NOT) AND REVV UP OF SYMPTOMS!! WTF HAS IT ALL GOT TO DO WITH HELPING TO HEAL FROM BENZOS!! :tickedoff: :tickedoff: :tickedoff: I'M FURIOUS AT SOME PEOPLES STUPIDITY!!!! :tickedoff: