I'd like to share this horrible but liberating part of my life.

[[Sa...]]

This is the story of love and pain to benzoadiazepines it has been my cross since I was 18 years old, I was at that time starting my civil engineering career in one of the most important universities in my country, (I am from Venezuela) by that time I was attending classes Math 2 and physics 2, those subjects were very difficult for me, the funny is that in high school I was doing well, it was not a prodigy but I was doing relatively well, but when you get to the university everything is totally different, the difficulty is multiplied by 3, I studied from 7 am that the university bus picked me up close from my house, until 5 pm that the same bus took us back, I had very long days and I got to continue studying, as you can see, it was very hard for me to adapt at first, all this gave me problems to sleep and relax because the only thing I thought about was the math and physics exercises I had to do and because at that time I did not know anything about life, you are very ignorant of everything, my mother being a bit hipocondriac person,she had a box full of medicines of all kinds and seeing me anguished and sad because I could not sleep and I was very anxious, she decided to give me a pill called bromazepam (I read is not available in USA and Canada anymore), I didn't even have a clue what I was taking, I think it was 3 mg, I don't remember if she gave me half or the full pill but well if any of you ended up here thanks to read till end,I must tell you that the rest is history. I continued taking those pills without any control, night after night ,Changing and mixing to the point that could die. I realized that after mixing all bezos that I could find in black market,bezos,hipnotics antipsychotixs everythin,then around 2016-2018 I tried to reduce slowly to this point that I am now.

 

When I came to Finland 2019. Finland has a strict regulation with any type of medication even with something as basic as ibuprofen However, I managed to obtain a few pills with a doctor confessing my insomnia and my problem with the pills but they no longer gave me more pills and attention,for this time I didn't wanted to insist any more on continuing to look for them because I know that is bad for me and then went to my country and I relapsed and bought more and my mother brought me more when she came visit me and because obviously she does not want to see me suffer I just take at nights,my own doses when I relapse is between 1-2 mg to make me sleep,but since I felt that I lost control again,I tried to get a doctor to help me and 6 months ago and we started a process of gradual detoxification with a similar medication we went from 2 mg to 0 mg of oxacepam in those 6 months but at the end the doctor trusted me and left me alone, and she called me 2 months later and I relapsed again due to the insomnia attacks, which is what affects me the most . I started again with 2 mg of Alpram all at once and about two weeks later I started to reduce again on my own. The doctor will ask for help for this addiction to benzos problem and will call me probably tomorrow or Friday 24-25/08/23 to agree what we will do next. I feel that I can't handle this alone. I don't know what to do anymore. I am 31 years old,I am struggling to give up these pills.I have spent many bad days without being able to rest, my body cries out for the drug but I do not want to indulge it. My life has become difficult for me, because the anxious when night comes is horrible, I am afraid of another night without being able to sleep. I have many rituals to go to bed such as showering, brushing, keeping my room tidy, very dim lighting, taking a cocktail of natural medicines to alleviate this situation. 

 

    

[[Pa...]]

Hello @[Sa...], welcome to BenzoBuddies,

I can see you’ve struggled with this a long time, I’m sorry you’ve been suffering for so long.  May I ask, just for clarification what your dose is now and what you believe will be your doctors recommendation going forward, I’m not quite clear?  And is insomnia and the anxiety associated with not being able to sleep your only symptom?  

We just need to get a clearer picture of your current status and it would help us help you if you filled out your medication history, here are the instructions. 

 

We’re glad you found us and hope we can help.

Pamster

[[Sa...]]

Thanks a lot for your answer,and I haven't been so accurate with the mg because I have started like 6 months ago serious taper with a doctor we went from December 2022 with 37,5 mg of oxacepam and we reduce 7,5 every month,I finished Middle of may but but I relapsed  again and now the doctor is trying to find some information how to help me, because she  does not know how to manage my relapse and he will ask to more  more specialized doctors then she will call me to re-taper again .

 

When I take the the Xanax (alpram for me) by my self I take 2 mg if I am basically dying to 1 mg to sleep. My others symptoms is that I can not breath properly at night when I lying down I don't know if my heart is to tired. Of if is the abstinence. I have racing of thinkings,attention deficit, very horrible and non controllable earworm,depression,stomach pain,gases,bad digestion, headaches,neck pain, shoulders pain,bad vision,on times when I don't sleep I feel that I will get crazy,that I will lose the control of my self. Is weird feeling. Like something is controlling me. Sorry I didn't find the link that you mentioned,you mean that I add this to the history of the profile? I am trying to understand the site still because I am new,sorry for that. 

[[Pa...]]

To add your history, you click on your picture which will bring up your profile then you select edit and you’ll be given options to put the information in your history. 

It sounds like you’re dealing pretty typical symptoms, miserable but normal. 

I suggest finding the smallest dose you can take each day and taking that consistently while you’re waiting for your doctors help.  Your brain craves consistency so being on a steady dose will hopefully help you and you’ll be in a better place to restart your taper.

We suggest reducing by about 5-10% every couple of weeks but what works better is using your symptom to guide you.  If your doctor will allow you the freedom to do this, perhaps you’ll be successful this time.  Remember, tapering off is just the first step, you now know that recovery can be just as painful as tapering so maybe knowing what to expect will help you stay strong after you complete your taper.