Any help please!!

[[Go...]]

I’m in my 7th month, and today has been as bad as Day 1.  What is going on, I just want some pills to relax.  Please don’t tell me “you’re still early on”.  I’m 6+ months, I’m not early on.

[[Ho...]]

I know what you mean! I'm at 11 months and feel like I should be further along.  I keep asking myself, am I better or just getting used to feeling badly?

For me, around your time-frame I noticed that I didn't feel horrible in the mornings. I didn't bound out of bed with vigor and excitement for the day, but I wasn't shaking on the inside. That was huge.

So there's been absolutely no progress at all in all that time? Has anything gotten worse? Less bad?

I'll bet you want to relax!! Are you anti-every medication, or are you open to trying something?

[[Je...]]

I totally understand. I have been using some natural herbs and what not to help me keep calm and it’s been pretty helpful. 

[[Gl...]]

I know you are having such a hard time, but you're still sticking with it, and I'm proud of you for it.

You went CT, right?  So it will take some time.  

I mean, it takes time either way, but you're suffering hard because of going CT, and you just need to give it time.  

Just get through one day at a time and one night at a time.  

It's what I tell myself every day, and it helps.

I'm sorry you're suffering so much.

Time keeps moving on.  Someday you'll start having some windows. It will happen.

And then you'll have some random good days, and they will increase with time.

[[Th...]]

Unfortunately you are "early on."  Ashton says most recover in 6-12 months.  Some take less time, but many take more time.  I was at my worst for symptoms and intensity at months 6 and 7 off.  Each WD and healing/recovery experience is unique.  So you can't say 6 months is a "long time" for you.  In my experience most start to get significant relief around month 18?  That doesn't mean symptoms and symptom intensity are like day one until month 18.  Symptoms wax and wane until they even out for good.

[[Go...]]

12 hours ago, [[H...] said:

I know what you mean! I'm at 11 months and feel like I should be further along.  I keep asking myself, am I better or just getting used to feeling badly?

For me, around your time-frame I noticed that I didn't feel horrible in the mornings. I didn't bound out of bed with vigor and excitement for the day, but I wasn't shaking on the inside. That was huge.

So there's been absolutely no progress at all in all that time? Has anything gotten worse? Less bad?

I'll bet you want to relax!! Are you anti-every medication, or are you open to trying something?

I’m open to medication.  I personally think it is absurd not to take advantage of modern medicine.  I’d still be on Klonopin if it weren’t for all the negatives.

[[Ho...]]

2 minutes ago, [[G...] said:

I’m open to medication.  I personally think it is absurd not to take advantage of modern medicine.  I’d still be on Klonopin if it weren’t for all the negatives.

I was given a prescription for clonidine .01 mg. I only used it once, but it definitely calmed things down. Too much, for me! But I took a whole pill, and I've read here that some only took 1/2. I've also read that some have prescriptions for gabapentin, which is another calming drug. It seems like people often try to use it sparingly to make sure they don't have another withdrawal to navigate. Others used meds regularly and felt it was worth it to have some relief.

My personal belief is that if your CNS is unstrung and thrumming, taking something to stop the thrumming for a brief time can calm things in the long run. Sort of like a string instrument. If you strum a guitar, it keeps vibrating for a long time. If you strum it and then put your hand on it, it stops the vibrating. 

My doctor put me on remeron and lamotrigine. Each helped a teeny tiny bit but not very much at all. That's how desperate I was. Now I'm tapering off them and it's harder than I expected. I have to go super slow, and I suspect I'd be further along in my recovery if I didn't have to constantly throw myself back into acute when I titrate down. I did my best at the time, though.

That's all I know! Thinking about you and hoping for better things, Gonzo!! 

[[Go...]]

On 05/08/2023 at 12:36, [[T...] said:

Unfortunately you are "early on."  Ashton says most recover in 6-12 months.  Some take less time, but many take more time.  I was at my worst for symptoms and intensity at months 6 and 7 off.  Each WD and healing/recovery experience is unique.  So you can't say 6 months is a "long time" for you.  In my experience most start to get significant relief around month 18?  That doesn't mean symptoms and symptom intensity are like day one.

How is that even possible!!!!!! Worse after 6-7 months!!!!!!! I swear some people are on here just to troll us and make us think of doing the unthinkable.  They just keep telling you that you get worse!!  First it was 6 months, then 12, then 18, then NEavER!!  

[[Gl...]]

3 hours ago, [[G...] said:

How is that even possible!!!!!! Worse after 6-7 months!!!!!!!

I can't imagine what you're going through.  I couldn't do CT. 

Have you read the success stories? 

It takes months and maybe years to fully recover. 

But it should get better in the next several months.  

[[or...]]

I get it, Gonzo2504, that you want "some pills to relax". But those pills (we all know what they are) are the devil's bargain, aren't they? Speaking just for myself, I explored CBD marijuana and found that it helped me relax. Nothing dramatic (like xanax, which I loved), but it took the edge off my anxiety in the afternoons. Sometimes I used it as a sleep aid, also. You might look into this.  I took about 50 mgs of CBD in an edible . . . I liked the way calm kind of sneaked up on me. I don't use it any longer, but it was very helpful when I needed it. Just be sure you order/buy from a reputable dispensary. 

Hope this helps,

Katz

[[Go...]]

On 05/08/2023 at 13:03, [[H...] said:

I was given a prescription for clonidine .01 mg. I only used it once, but it definitely calmed things down. Too much, for me! But I took a whole pill, and I've read here that some only took 1/2. I've also read that some have prescriptions for gabapentin, which is another calming drug. It seems like people often try to use it sparingly to make sure they don't have another withdrawal to navigate. Others used meds regularly and felt it was worth it to have some relief.

My personal belief is that if your CNS is unstrung and thrumming, taking something to stop the thrumming for a brief time can calm things in the long run. Sort of like a string instrument. If you strum a guitar, it keeps vibrating for a long time. If you strum it and then put your hand on it, it stops the vibrating. 

My doctor put me on remeron and lamotrigine. Each helped a teeny tiny bit but not very much at all. That's how desperate I was. Now I'm tapering off them and it's harder than I expected. I have to go super slow, and I suspect I'd be further along in my recovery if I didn't have to constantly throw myself back into acute when I titrate down. I did my best at the time, though.

That's all I know! Thinking about you and hoping for better things, Gonzo!! 

I’m on .03 clonodine twice a day!!  This is why I know I’m worse than everybody, and I NEED mental help.  What works for everyone else (clonodine) does nothing to help me!!!  My thoughts are much more severe and constant than everyone e else.  Medicines that work on you do NOTHING to help me.  I’m logging off for good.  Every time I come back and check here, it just confirms that I AM the one person that this doesn’t apply to.  I am so messed up from such a high dose, I won’t get better. Thank you for the help, but BB is for normal doses and time frames.  I need a mental hospital with this fear.  It’s non stop and everyone else has moments it doesn’t affect them, or they work, or have spouses to talk to,  etc.  I am a waste on society.  I can’t do this.

[[Ho...]]

Oh Gonzo, I'm so sorry to hear the frustration in your writing! You know, I have a feeling that clonidine wouldn't work as well if I took it regularly. It made me sit in a chair or lay on a couch and I couldn't get up. 

I don't know what the normal time frame is! I also don't know anyone who actually worked through all of their withdrawal and recovery. Looks like you do, but I think that's rare. I think you will get better. I think you're doing the same thing many of us do; catastrophizing. I write calmly but in my head and heart I struggle every day and almost every moment and suspect I won't get better and that others at 11 months off are almost healed, while I'm definitely not.

Anyway, I wish you the best and believe for you, even if you can't believe just now. 

[[wi...]]

Gonzo, the truth is what you are experiencing is sheer and absolute torture, and I know how easy it is to feel minimized when comparing our experience to others.

Now hear this, please:  YOU ARE NOT A WASTE ON SOCIETY!!  No person should have to deal with what we go through.  I wish, oh how I wish I could wave a magic wand and stop your suffering.  I get those same thoughts that you have about being one of the unlucky people who are never going to heal, or that I've done everything wrong and that I belong in a mental institution.  Not true.  We are going through torture, for real.  The fact that we are still here, although miserable, is a testament to how strong we are inside.  I know in benzo and med withdrawal it feels like everyone else is suffering less than we are at times, especially when our brains are looping nothing but the worst self-blame and understandable negativity.  Don't you dare feel ashamed of that!! You are not being rude by bluntly expressing your feelings..that is your real experience.  I celebrate you for being brave enough to do that with no sugar coating.  

To be honest, we all go through being what would qualify as "mentally ill" in taper/withdrawal"-our brain is the leader of our nervous system and it is temporarily damaged and injured..so we are "mentally ill".  I know that is a stigmatized and loaded set of words.  We may appear crazy, but we are not truly off our rocker.  I hope you get that I'm trying to validate you..I want nothing more than your heart, soul and spirit to feel some love and peace, if only for a moment.

And remember this please: we never know the truth about what people are really thinking or feeling on sites like this.  That is why I applaud you for just coming from your gut in your post.  That is where true healing comes from in my opinion..the beautiful lotus grows only in the unsightly mud...and the diamond is formed in scalding hot volcanos deep within the earth, and in perfect time is released from the dark black carbon based rock.  So, I have to believe we too will be shining again someday, as for now, we are in the muddy darkness.  I am choosing to believe that over and over in my head, even though my life is full of fear , terror, intrusive dark thoughts, depression and no rest or good sleep.  Say it with me..that sucks!!

The pill cravings are normal and I get them, too..especially the last few days.  Who wouldn't want relief from this?  And benzos got us there before, so our mind is trying to solve the problem by creating cravings and thoughts that say give me a damn benzo! The choice is always ours to make, and I've gotten so close to giving in, but I know for me, just for now, I can't do that and feel good about myself.  I'm a wounded survivor of being poly-drugged for 26 years by psychiatrists.

I grew up in the prozac and pill era of the 1980s.  Enough words for now.  Please know I feel your pain and suffering, really I do. You are loved.

I will pray for your healing and peace. I will be sending you good thoughts.  I wish I could do more.

God bless you and keep you safe.

[[gr...]]

stay the course. it does get better. 

[[Th...]]

Quote

 

Gonzo, the drugs that you believe are "absurd" to not consider taking are exactly what is causing ALL of your symptoms and problems.  Benzos are designed for short term use ONLY.  No more than 2-4 weeks maximum use, but doctors prescribe them for much, much longer.  Less than half of the people coming off Benzos have issues with WD, so they don't see the danger of prescribing them for years or decades in some cases.  I now consider Benzos no different than "rat poison."  Why?  Because they can't cure any underlying condition that might be the actual cause of anxiety, etc.  All they can do is "mask" that issue.  In my case, I took them for sleep and they worked great for about 4 weeks until they didn't.  Then I reached tolerance and had to increase my dose to get the same effect.  It got to the point where even 3mg of Xanax could only put me out for an hour or two.  I realized that Benzos and almost all Rx drugs are a dead end road, so I quit CT at the advice of my doctor.  Then all hell broke loose.  Like you, I thought I'd never heal, but I completely healed by 24 months off and had significant relief around 10 months off.

[[B1...]]

Gonzo I know you probably still do not want to hear from me and again I am very sorry for my misunderstanding of what you posted. I was in a terrible wave that day and couldn't understand what you said properly (I grew up multilingual so sometimes I misunderstand certain phrases in English!)

I am here to validate you that not everything is benzo withdrawal and I don't think it's fair that many say it is. Sometimes we are dealing with pre-existing issues and they are blown out of proportion during withdrawal. Unlike benzo withdrawal that gets better with time, OCD or intrusive thoughts/fears get worse if not treated by a professional. Therapy for OCD has helped me and I truly believe it could help you too because your fear is something that rings to me very similar to thoughts I have or thoughts other people with OCD have. Great news is you can recover from OCD if that is what you have. An OCD therapist will surely tell you that your specific fear is (1) not unheard of and (2) be able to help.  ERP therapy is the way to go. Good luck. 

[[Go...]]

On 07/08/2023 at 02:58, [[B...] said:

Gonzo I know you probably still do not want to hear from me and again I am very sorry for my misunderstanding of what you posted. I was in a terrible wave that day and couldn't understand what you said properly (I grew up multilingual so sometimes I misunderstand certain phrases in English!)

I am here to validate you that not everything is benzo withdrawal and I don't think it's fair that many say it is. Sometimes we are dealing with pre-existing issues and they are blown out of proportion during withdrawal. Unlike benzo withdrawal that gets better with time, OCD or intrusive thoughts/fears get worse if not treated by a professional. Therapy for OCD has helped me and I truly believe it could help you too because your fear is something that rings to me very similar to thoughts I have or thoughts other people with OCD have. Great news is you can recover from OCD if that is what you have. An OCD therapist will surely tell you that your specific fear is (1) not unheard of and (2) be able to help.  ERP therapy is the way to go. Good luck. 

Thanks B1rdie:

   Don’t worry about it!!!! I had completely forgot.  Thank you for the info.  
- Gonzo2504

[[Fa...]]

On 05/08/2023 at 21:36, [[w...] said:

Gonzo, the truth is what you are experiencing is sheer and absolute torture, and I know how easy it is to feel minimized when comparing our experience to others.

Now hear this, please:  YOU ARE NOT A WASTE ON SOCIETY!!  No person should have to deal with what we go through.  I wish, oh how I wish I could wave a magic wand and stop your suffering.  I get those same thoughts that you have about being one of the unlucky people who are never going to heal, or that I've done everything wrong and that I belong in a mental institution.  Not true.  We are going through torture, for real.  The fact that we are still here, although miserable, is a testament to how strong we are inside.  I know in benzo and med withdrawal it feels like everyone else is suffering less than we are at times, especially when our brains are looping nothing but the worst self-blame and understandable negativity.  Don't you dare feel ashamed of that!! You are not being rude by bluntly expressing your feelings..that is your real experience.  I celebrate you for being brave enough to do that with no sugar coating.  

To be honest, we all go through being what would qualify as "mentally ill" in taper/withdrawal"-our brain is the leader of our nervous system and it is temporarily damaged and injured..so we are "mentally ill".  I know that is a stigmatized and loaded set of words.  We may appear crazy, but we are not truly off our rocker.  I hope you get that I'm trying to validate you..I want nothing more than your heart, soul and spirit to feel some love and peace, if only for a moment.

And remember this please: we never know the truth about what people are really thinking or feeling on sites like this.  That is why I applaud you for just coming from your gut in your post.  That is where true healing comes from in my opinion..the beautiful lotus grows only in the unsightly mud...and the diamond is formed in scalding hot volcanos deep within the earth, and in perfect time is released from the dark black carbon based rock.  So, I have to believe we too will be shining again someday, as for now, we are in the muddy darkness.  I am choosing to believe that over and over in my head, even though my life is full of fear , terror, intrusive dark thoughts, depression and no rest or good sleep.  Say it with me..that sucks!!

The pill cravings are normal and I get them, too..especially the last few days.  Who wouldn't want relief from this?  And benzos got us there before, so our mind is trying to solve the problem by creating cravings and thoughts that say give me a damn benzo! The choice is always ours to make, and I've gotten so close to giving in, but I know for me, just for now, I can't do that and feel good about myself.  I'm a wounded survivor of being poly-drugged for 26 years by psychiatrists.

I grew up in the prozac and pill era of the 1980s.  Enough words for now.  Please know I feel your pain and suffering, really I do. You are loved.

I will pray for your healing and peace. I will be sending you good thoughts.  I wish I could do more.

God bless you and keep you safe.

Man...I needed that read right now.  Thanks, Wide.  

[[wi...]]

Glad I could help my friend !