Hello

[[Be...]]

My name says it. Was first on Xanax for one month in '88 for anxiety when living in another state. Moved back home and saw my old doctor because I was having more anxiety and my doctor explained it was w/draw from the Xanax, and instructed me on how bad benzos were: interdose withdrawal, tolerance, discontinuation syndrome, etc. He had stopped prescribing benzodiazepines by that time.  After I developed complications from a surgery in '92 I I developed anxiety and depression. Was put on Prozac, Sinequan and meprobamate. No counseling really, which in retrospect was bad. I stayed on that through to 2005 pretty much. No doctor told me I needed to stop or offered a referral for a counselor. I didn't know enough then to ask. One doctor tried Klonopin, but that was a nightmare. Took it for just a few days, realized it was a benzo and was put back on meprobamate. At that point I learned more, and I bought some self-help books on panic and anxiety and counseled myself. I started practicing Yoga and made some new friends.Docs would only order meds and therapy sessions were not structured. So, I used the tools from the books, Yoga, walking and self-talk to stay off of meprobamate for a long time. This was in NY. Then I moved to Fl after some struggles in NY and was not using my coping mechanisms.  New doc there switched up meds: switched Prozac to Lexapro. She would not prescribe mepro, only Klonopin. I resisted, but later in a moment of weakness, I agreed. My coping skills were not enough and I didn't know what else to do. An extremely bad decision. She left the practice and another doctor decided to take me off of all medications because I was still anxious and wanted to see what the real cause was. No taper. Nothing. The withdrawal was a nightmare of epic proportions. After 2 months of agony and being housebound and on a LOA, I ended up finding a good neuro who put me back on my original meds and I found a counselor who actually got me back on track with techniques to cope. I did not need the meprobamate. I moved back to NY to get another baccalaureate (in Nursing) and live near family. While here I was under stress from nursing school and caring for my mom who was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer. In retrospect, I realize I lacked the confidence to trust my mind and body to cope w/ the normal anxiety and panic that are a part of life and a part of life's events. I did not use any of the coping skills I had acquired. I realize my mistake now. I was still on Prozac, but nothing for anxiety.  Well, I found a doctor here and was put on Xanax, which I thought would be short-term.  It never is, really.  She would not order meprobamate. So, I was on it from 2009 to 2015 (last dose was 6mg). I always knew benzos were bad news. I knew I had to go off. I never felt good, was developing all the side effects- it was awful. So, I did a direct taper with the doctor's supervision and was off in 3 months- and it was manageable. I don't recall it being bad. I think I posted here but cannot remember by old name. I found the site valuable but scary at times. I had a relatively easy time and moved on.  I knew better to never go back on a benzo, but what I did not do was exercise my set of coping mechanisms and rebuild my self-esteem.  So, you guessed it: yep, in late 2017 I went back on Xanax, partly out of boredom and laziness w/ sleep hygiene. I did not grow from my last experience. I only took .25mg at bedtime for a year. Then, I developed tolerance, and went up to .5mg. My dad and I were the only family living in this state. I have only a few friends, so my support system was not great at the time. His health declined and I was his caregiver and companion. His well-being was my primary concern. The stress and sadness of caring for my sick father coupled w/ a lack of confidence in my ability to cope, led me ask the Dr. to increase the Xanax last year to .75mg, which she did. When my dad died last Oct. I went up to 3.5mg. Now, I want off for good. I realize how much harm this med does, how bad the side effects are, and how it limits me. I put my tapering plan in my profile. This time I made the decision and commitment to never take another benzo again, under any circumstance. Not even for surgery induction. I am committed to utilizing the tools I have gained along the way (+ self-talk, exercise, deep breathing), and adding more tools to toolbox.  I am building up my coping skills now before I taper and am committed to using them the rest of my life, so I never have to rely on a drug to cope with normal human emotions. And, anxiety, stress, panic and sadness are all normal emotions that I have a history of running from. Well, no more running. I wrote down my goals and plan, and I have started a journal to document the journey and to use it the rest of my life to keep me accountable.

[[je...]]

Hi there Been!

 

I'm so sorry about the passing of your father and that you find yourself in this position again. I can see you are determined to stay away from the benzo's.

 

I am a little concerned about your timeline stated in your signature. 4-6 Months taper for 3.5mg X is very fast and making linear reductions is generally not recommended. However this is your taper and we'll support whatever you are comfortable with. 

 

I also want to check if you're familiar with Kindling?

 

We know this journey can be difficult so please reach out for support. We are there for you!

[[Be...]]

Hi, thank you for your condolences. I think I'll be OK with the timeline.  I previously tapered off of a dose of 6mg X back in 2015 over 3 months, and I don't recall it being too bad. I had some residual tinnitus, but that resolved within a year. However, you are right about the kindling. Because I have previous benzo exposure, this taper might be more difficult. But, it's a small dose, .875mg (3.5 tabs of .25mgs). less than 1mg of X. I plan to take it slow and decrease every 2-3 weeks and hold if necessary. I don't want to do shaving because after a pill is cut in the scored area, it becomes iffy about the distribution of the active ingredients in the remainder of the pill. I'd by the time I cut a .25mg it becomes .125mg, which is barely detectable. It's almost a placebo effect at the point in the taper because the receptors have been adjusting the decreases, if that makes sense. At least, that was my last experience.

 

I will keep everyone posted and am grateful for the support and what I have learned from everyone on this board!!

[[je...]]

I'm glad to hear you're willing to go slower if it gets tough. We just don't want to see you suffer through this. Please keep us updated, ask questions and reach out for support as you need it.