Today is 7 months -- don't throw me a party yet

[[Re...]]

Someone congratulated me on seven months today. I am not excited to celebrate; if anything, I feel confused. In the last week, I have considered reinstating more than ever. I am not taking any action. I am considering all of my options, given my circumstances.

 

While I am grateful to have made it this far, the journey is not over yet. I am hoping for a miracle. I would not call myself stable and functional yet. In the last week or so, I radically changed my diet, which helped some of my symptoms. So I am thankful for a bit of relief.

 

Last night somehow, I had about 12 hours of broken sleep despite akathisia, an inner vibration, skin sensations, tinnitus, and more.

 

The plan is to focus on diet for the next month before tapering the 28.5mg of Seroquel I was put on for sleep. That med seemed to be worse than the benzo to taper, and the source of the terror I have experienced since tapering has been the most challenging part of all of this. Not sure if it was masking the benzo taper or what, but either way. Who wants to feel stuck on a med? The dilemma we all know so well.

 

I am bone-crushingly depressed today with lots of mental stuff from the trauma of a painful time I do not know how to suss through. I am writing positive affirmations before I go to sleep. And I will probably retire from these online groups if I can until I come back to write a success story.

I am starting to wonder if my thoughts are my own anymore.

 

I feel so lonely not participating in life, yet it is nearly impossible in this state. Every feeling in this state may be exaggerated. I am not sure.

 

I intend to be healthy, happy, and well again and wish to turn a significant corner soon. I hear about people who wake up one day, and all the symptoms are gone. Please, dear God, let that be my experience.

 

In the meantime, I am thankful to have been brought this far.

 

 

 

 

[[Be...]]

7 months is a good milestone. Be proud of your progress so far. Plenty of healing still to come but it will happen. The depression will go away, I know it's brutal but it's temporary. You will fully recover, that's a fact. It takes time but we will get there.

[[Re...]]

Thanks. My issue and the root of the depression has been that I now have to taper 28.5mg of Seroquel given for sleep during benzo wd, and those symptoms have been worse than the benzo. I envy the people who walk off that stuff because there are many who just get off the stuff. If I were healing without anything else in my system, I would be thrilled with the progress from benzo healing. It's a shame that I listened to doctors and took this other drug. I hope and pray that I turn a corner and taper easier soon. PLEASE, DEAR GOD. You are fortunate you have nothing else in your system.