Worst week ever - getting scared

[Guest [...]]

I was on that rat poison clonazepam for three months and tried to rapidly taper off. Got slammed with symptoms. Reinstated at half dose and spent a grueling 14 months tapering off of it. Been off of the poison for 14 months, but continue to get worse. Insomnia is a really big problem, and the reason I started taking that poison in the first case. What gave me insomnia has resolved, but the damage from the poison has not. I never get sleepy tired. I might sleep a couple of hrs per night, but that's all. My life is hell. The poison benzos alter the chemistry of your neurons such that they can no longer efficiently process GABA, which calms you down. For me it kicked off a neurodegenerative disease that is affecting everthing. My like has been destroyed. I am just waiting to die.

 

I’m sorry you’re suffering so badly, Skyglider, but please try and see yourself recovering… you are still within the normal 6-18 month recovery period. You may be one of those who don’t get the widows and waves (just one long wave), but one day it’ll all be over, the nightmare will end and you will have recovered. It may take you longer than 18 months, as it does for many, but chances are, eventually you’ll full recover. Just try not to dismiss the likelihood of a full recovery.

[[so...]]

So luckely i had some better nights the last week and a half. But since this week for three nights i got that weird feeling of being awake but sleeping. Also waking up lot’s of times a night. Max 2 to 3 hours sleep per night. Then this night zero sleep again.

 

It makes me afraid if my body can handle these minimum amounts of sleep.

 

Why is it in these paterns of multiple nights of no sleep at all in a row and then a few days of good sleep again. Nothing inbetween.

 

Also still missing that sleepy feeling.

[Guest [...]]

So luckely i had some better nights the last week and a half. But since this week for three nights i got that weird feeling of being awake but sleeping. Also waking up lot’s of times a night. Max 2 to 3 hours sleep per night. Then this night zero sleep again.

 

It makes me afraid if my body can handle these minimum amounts of sleep.

 

Why is it in these paterns of multiple nights of no sleep at all in a row and then a few days of good sleep again. Nothing inbetween.

 

Also still missing that sleepy feeling.

 

Your body can handle the lack of sleep, and you will get micro sleep, even if you don’t realise it. The issue is more around controlling your fear about not sleeping and the effect you fear it may have on your body. Try not to fight with insomnia in your mind. The fearful thoughts will only exacerbate the insomnia. Try to avoid constantly thinking about how you feel it’s affecting you. Try and bring acceptance to it and use distraction as a tool. Do things, even simple things that occupy your mind.

[[so...]]

I am trying to think like that but this night zero sleep again so for one week almost no sleep. The only thing i can think of is why am i not tired and what could be wrong with my body that i am not falling asleep.

[Guest [...]]

I am trying to think like that but this night zero sleep again so for one week almost no sleep. The only thing i can think of is why am i not tired and what could be wrong with my body that i am not falling asleep.

 

When you’re stressed or scared, you release fight or flight hormones (adrenaline), and because you’re constantly stressed about your sleep, your adrenaline release remains elevated. Sleep deprivation is one of the most common symptoms of benzo withdrawal, so it will be disturbed regardless of whether there are any other stressors or fears, but accepting that it is only temporary and not allowing your mind/thoughts to become overly focussed in on how you are feeling because of the lack of sleep can play a role in not exacerbating the insomnia. I know it’s incredibly difficult to do, especially early on in withdrawal, but we do gradually learn to find wrap some acceptance around our withdrawal experience, which does make a positive difference moving forward. But it is indeed a gradual learning process. I wish I could offer you a silver bullet for insomnia, but unfortunately…… 

 

Just know that most of us go through this at stages, so you are not alone in this. 

[[so...]]

I am really trying not to think about not sleeping but it is 03:00 now only slept one hour from 10:30 to 11:30. This is already my fourth night of not getting sleep. Just to relevate are there more people with four nights or more nights of no sleep or just one hour. I really have the feeling i have the worst kind. It really is so weird i will get the feeling of dozing off but then nothing happens. The sleep switch is not there.

[Guest [...]]

It’s very common, and you are no more than about 5 months into your recovery after a quick taper, so it’s possibly still early on in your recovery, going by the usual 6-18 month recovery timeline. You are not in the worst group when it comes to insomnia, you may just be going through a short bout of insomnia where some sleep will return soon. As there doesn’t seem to be much feedback from others here, it may be worth posting your questions regarding insomnia on the Post-Withdrawal Recovery Support Board, as you may get more replies from others who’ve been through a similar or longer insomnia experience to yours. Your sleep will improve, it’s just that we can’t know exactly when that will be.

 

WS

[[so...]]

It’s my 4th night of no sleep. Before that 3 days of weird light sleep. I am exhausted but sleep won’t come. Only sleep i got was yesterday at 05:30 to 09:30. I’m getting scared again since it feels like my mind just does not know how to sleep anymore. Every night i am awake and when there is some kind of feeling i could sleep a burst of adrenaline comes in.

 

I am tired but sleep won’t come.

 

I don’t want to freak out but 4 days of no sleep is not normal. Are there people that had even longer periods of no sleep. It is weird but i can already feel that tonight will be sleepless again. For now i jist hold on the 4 hours sleep i got yesterday at 05:30.

 

I don’t want to go back to benzo’s again but i need some kind of reassurance i know how to sleep.

 

When will this all be over because i just want to enjoy life again.

[Guest [...]]

It’s my 4th night of no sleep. Before that 3 days of weird light sleep. I am exhausted but sleep won’t come. Only sleep i got was yesterday at 05:30 to 09:30. I’m getting scared again since it feels like my mind just does not know how to sleep anymore. Every night i am awake and when there is some kind of feeling i could sleep a burst of adrenaline comes in.

 

I am tired but sleep won’t come.

 

I don’t want to freak out but 4 days of no sleep is not normal. Are there people that had even longer periods of no sleep. It is weird but i can already feel that tonight will be sleepless again. For now i jist hold on the 4 hours sleep i got yesterday at 05:30.

 

I don’t want to go back to benzo’s again but i need some kind of reassurance i know how to sleep.

 

When will this all be over because i just want to enjoy life again.

 

I’m sorry you’re having such a hard time with the insomnia, sonic, and I wish I could tell you exactly when your sleep will improve, but unfortunately i can’t. No one can. All we know is that it will either gradually return over time, or you may go through bouts of insomnia as part of your waves and then have windows of better sleep. The answer to your question is, yes… there have been worse cases of insomnia, but you haven’t proved to be one of them at just the 4 days. Please remember, the more you panic, the more likely you will push sleep away. You don’t want to be feeling sleepy only to panic and trigger one of those adrenaline surges. You will find that you are more likely to get some sleep if you can make peace and accept that you may or may not sleep. You will always have a better chance of sleeping if you’re in a state of non-resistance.

I often hear many people say that after 4 or 5 days they finally get some decent sleep, hopefully you will be the same. But whatever happens, your sleep will eventually return.

[[al...]]

Withdrawal insomnia is not unlike broken leg or other serious injury. You want to get back to a normal life as soon as possible but you just have to temper your expectations until you do. It also takes a lot longer to heal than you would like, but it eventually does.

[[so...]]

So after a really bad week 5 days of no sleep i started taking melatonine time release and antihistamine. I had really good nights for the last 3,5 weeks. Suddenly again that feeling of not being able to sleep and all happens over again. No sleep for a few nights already. Sometimes falling asleep for 2 hours but now 2 days fully awake again. Melatonine 5 mg does not work anymore and no sleepy feeling.

 

What to do. Take more melatonine. Even 10 mg does not make me feel sleepy. And i had really good weeks on 5 mg. Will melatonine lose it’s effectiveness after 3 weeks? Or are these the so called waves.

[Guest [...]]

So after a really bad week 5 days of no sleep i started taking melatonine time release and antihistamine. I had really good nights for the last 3,5 weeks. Suddenly again that feeling of not being able to sleep and all happens over again. No sleep for a few nights already. Sometimes falling asleep for 2 hours but now 2 days fully awake again. Melatonine 5 mg does not work anymore and no sleepy feeling.

 

What to do. Take more melatonine. Even 10 mg does not make me feel sleepy. And i had really good weeks on 5 mg. Will melatonine lose it’s effectiveness after 3 weeks? Or are these the so called waves.

 

Hi Sonic

 

I would say it’s the result of both…

 

For me, Melatonin only worked for 2 nights, then nothing, so I don’t even bother with it. Having said that, I’m sleeping ok, about 4-7hrs a night with a sleepless night here and there. I if things got bad, I would probably pull the packet out of the draw, but from my understanding, members find that no sleep aids work for very long at all. They simply lose their efficacy.

 

It also makes sense that you are having waves of insomnia, so I would try and remain as calm as possible (so you’re not pushing sleep away) and just wait for the tide to turn. I hope sleep returns to you soon 

[[Co...]]

I haven't slept since cortizone withdrawal in August. Only light sleep here and there. No dreams. No rejuvenating sleep. It's what led me to clonazepam as so called "safe sleep aid" from my therapist and GP. Took it 12 days to "sleep" but it's just been awful sedation and now awful withdrawal. Any doctor I talk to now would not have prescribed it. Ugh. I take melatonin once a week when things get very bad. But it doesn't really work either. I'm still alive so far though. I regret even complaining about sleep before. It was horrible but less bad than now. I hope we all get good sleep again soon.

[Guest [...]]

I haven't slept since cortizone withdrawal in August. Only light sleep here and there. No dreams. No rejuvenating sleep. It's what led me to clonazepam as so called "safe sleep aid" from my therapist and GP. Took it 12 days to "sleep" but it's just been awful sedation and now awful withdrawal. Any doctor I talk to now would not have prescribed it. Ugh. I take melatonin once a week when things get very bad. But it doesn't really work either. I'm still alive so far though. I regret even complaining about sleep before. It was horrible but less bad than now. I hope we all get good sleep again soon.

 

So sorry, Cocodot, I sure hope some quality sleep returns to you soon 

[[Co...]]

Thanks Winters sun 

[[LO...]]

So sorry and I totally understand and can sympathize with your fear. I feel it, too, and when bedtime comes, the fear creeps in. I hope it gets better for us both but know you are not alone and not crazy. Peace

[[sp...]]

That adreneline rush right when you fall to sleep that zaps you awake is normal for alot of folks. If i go through bad stages where i cant sleep with 0 sleep for a day or two ill get that. It drives me nuts, as far as ive been able to figure out that is basically your subconscious waking you up because it knows theres a problem, it doesnt quite understand WHAT the problem is with sleeping....but it knows its become quite a problem so its waking you up (basically a defense mechanism) to say HEY! dont fall asleep!!! Theres a problem!!

 

Yeah thanks brain i needed that reminder. Thanks for waking me up over and over when i finally fall asleep. One time i went for 3 days in a row with Zero sleep....i literally thought i was going crazy.  I smoked alot back then and all i would do is walk around the neighborhood for hours smoking because of anxiety about it. It was worse than horrible, it was PTSD causing horrendous. I started hallucinating and seeing tracers everywhere, my wife was basically crying cause she didnt know what was wrong with me. God. I feel for you, but just know that EVERYTHING you are experiencing is normal coming off this garbage. You are NOT going crazy, its just withdrawls. If you have any kind of symptom, yep chalk it up to getting off this crap, the list is endless what this can cause. But it wont hurt you or kill you, you wont go crazy....and once your off this stuff you heal and will look back like WOW that sucked.

[[Le...]]

I have many similar fears..on the 3rd night of no sleep I start to really panic and believe I will never know how it feels to be sleepy again. Like all of a sudden forgetting how to eat, or walk or do all of the other things you automatically know how to do. I just stopped remembering how to sleep.

In the last few days, I have decided that the only way to get through this (I've been on this rollercoaster for the past 6 months) is to accept two days in a row of no sleep, and then proactively take hydroxyzine on the third night (early, like 2 hrs before you think you'll try to sleep) to prevent that 3rd day of no sleep. Then, if I am still awake in 1 hour, take more...(I start with 20 mg, so I have room to "safely" increase), then again if necessary. Know that your next day will be trashed because of the long half life of hydroxyzine, but at least you will sleep. Then start over again, after 2 (or 3) days of no sleep, followed by a night of sleep with a drug. Have you tried this? hydroxyzine is not a Benzo, or a Z drug- it's an antihistamine that they give patients in hospitals the night before surgery because it is the safest drug that induces sleep. It also is the only antihistamine that has an antianxiety component. So better than other OTC antihistamines some people use for sleep (Tylanol PM etc) Of course- I try to not take more that once every 3rd night- or less. Emergency sleep only- so you won't think you're going crazy.

BTW- I've tried EVERYTHING else.

[[ia...]]

Hello

 

So after tapering 3 months ago with some sleepless nights i slept so good. 8 hours.

 

Since last week for 8 days now i have a really bad sleep and getting scared about the consequences and if i will ever sleep again. The feeling of falling asleep is gone. And instead when falling a sleep a strange and frightening feeling came instead. Like a buzz in my stomach.

 

Also the feeling of sleepiness is totally gone at night. I just wait patiently but no sleep. And definitely no micro sleeps. I'm sure of that.

 

Mo - Zero hours

Tu - Zero hours

 

Wed - 8+ hours

 

Thu - 1,5 hour from 03:00 till 04:30

Fri - 2 hours from 05:30 - 07:30

Sat - Zero hours

Sun - 2 hours from 05:30 - 07:30

Mon - Zero hours

 

I just can not fall asleep and am wide awake and when getting sleepy a weird like adrenalin pulse comes and I'm wide awake and scared what is happening.

 

Sometimes i can fall asleep in the morning but that is a real struggle but that is the only time i feel a bit sleepy.

 

Does anybody recognize this. I am so scared that i will just collapse or get some kind of psychotic attack. Also that my mind can overrule my sleep that i need is really scary.

 

The most scary part is that i have the feeling i was quite relaxed about this since i had some other episodes. But this one just not changes. And since today i am getting scared. I used to fall asleep really quickly but that is totally gone now. Even if I'm tired at the beginning of the evening when going to sleep i will get sleepy but then this burst comes and it is all over again.

 

Sometimes i think it is all in my head. But this episode is so extreme if it is something physical between my ears sleep would take over. And that is not happening.

 

And taking new benzo’s is not a option. I worked so hard to come here.

 

Thank you!

 

Thank you for sharing. I'm so sorry for what you've experienced. From reading your signature - you have been through so much. Take heart... you've made it so far and homeostasis in your body and circadian rhythm will return.

 

So I have a question for you about this sensation in your stomach. Does it feel kind of like an electrical surge/adrenalin surge coming up through your abdomen? Does it come on out of nowhere? If so, I have ALSO experienced this. I experienced this when I was going through opioid withdrawl. It was SO uncomfortable and someties frightening. Eventually it DID go away for me. It lasted a couple weeks but did go away. I remember doing some research and asking my naturopath about what to do and she recommended vitamin B. I cannot speak to if I implemented this regime long term but it seemed to help. I know how frightening these symptoms can be... and they come on SO quickly. Your body has an amazing way of healing itself. For some encouragement (not to minimize what you're going through), think about the symptoms you did have... previously, and of those symptoms which have gone away?  Hang in there.

[[Th...]]

Hi, I am experiencing th same. 55 days off lorazepam, with a 19 day window I just got caught up by a wave with 3 nights of 1-2h sleep max.

I also think it is wd, and it is tough to accept that, especially after a long window.

Stay strong, it will pass...

[[Th...]]

You're lucky to have a 19 day window so early in your WD.  My worst insomnia kicked in month 3 after I quit CT and was pretty severe until month 10. I would have given anything for 1-2 hours per night early on.  You're actually doing really well.  Good luck.

[[Pa...]]

I had been sleeping pretty well during my taper, especially once my dr put me on gabapentin as well.  My son had just died, and the taper depression and insomnia were and are too much for me to bear as well, so I willingly took the gpent, knowing I will have to taper it later as well.  Even though my dose of gpent has been increasing, my sleep has gotten so much worse now.  Only one night of sleep in the past five, even with adding more gpent.  I am still grieving my dear son"s sidden death and am already not myself psychologically, even without a taper!  I am feeling like I can't go on, even though I am now at 2.5mgs of valium, down from 11.5 in 3 and a half months.  I was only on the valium for one month before the taper.

[[je...]]

Hi PaulaDee

 

I can't begin to imagine what it must be like to lose a child. My heart goes out to you. You've done so well in your taper. I'm sure the depression is aggravated by  withdrawal and lack of sleep. Just take it one day at a time. You can do this. You are an amazing person and there's an amazing life waiting for you. 

[[Pa...]]

Thank you so much for those kind words, Jelly.  I'm feeling great today after a 10 hour sleep last night and a 1 hour nap today!  Almost feel like myself again.  I can see the light at the end of the tunnel now.

[[je...]]

Thank you so much for those kind words, Jelly.  I'm feeling great today after a 10 hour sleep last night and a 1 hour nap today!  Almost feel like myself again.  I can see the light at the end of the tunnel now.

 

That is wonderful! So happy for you. I hope the sleep continues.