Sitting here waiting for withdrawal to start

[[Pa...]]

Its very common for our symptoms to wax and wane, and it's so frustrating because we never know how we're going to feel from one day to the next which makes it difficult to plan anything. 

 

Its so sad to see members get more and more drugs prescribed and more labels attached to them when its the benzo causing the problem, if only the medical community would acknowledge us and what we go through. 

 

Hey, if you can remember the other medications you're on plus what your current dose of Klonopin is I can put it in your signature. 

[[or...]]

Half the meds I don't need to be on because I'm pretty sure I'm not bipolar. My old nurse practitioner said I was.

 

zoh how familiar that sounds, corgimom! My 1st psychiatrist was certain I was bipolar and prescribed a bunch of meds, including lithium, which makes you dumb as a box of rocks. The 2nd shrink agreed with her and prescribed a new bunch, including lamictal. Funny how that old bp didn't remit over 5 years of treatment/mistreatment. Because I didn't have it. I had writer's block and some anxiety over the block. When I got rid of all my  meds and got some talk therapy, amazing but my bp disorder left the building . . . and so did my writer's block.

 

I got an NP to prescribe my valium. The last thing I needed was another shrink. 

 

Just a cautionary tale.

 

Katz

[[An...]]

Pam said>>

 

Detox facilities can get their clients safely off the drug by using adjunct medications, many of our members have gone through this and say the process works well until they get home.  Most members I've worked with through the years will reinstate when they get home because they're in so much pain.  This is because they no longer have the medications the detox facilities used so yes, while they're safely off the drug, they now have to deal with extreme symptoms, much the same as my cold turkey.  Many of these facilities tout these methods as successful to recruit more people to use them.  The problem is, recovery from the drug can't be guaranteed by these same facilities because recovery can't be rushed, your brain has to make the repairs the drug has disrupted and this takes a long time.

 

I can personally attest. This is 100% true. They just force-feed you all these other psychotropic meds and then claim a successful detox once you are released. Nothing could be further from the truth IMO. These places should stop lying to ppl about protocols they use for painless drug detoxes. There is no such thing. Like Pam said, it is a lot of marketing hype. These are for profit businesses and they need a stream of steady customers to stay open. I hated my entire stay there in 2006 and will never go to one again.

[[An...]]

You're in a tough spot, 8 different medications, that's awful.  Since few doctors understand benzodiazepine tolerance and withdrawal they just keep prescribing more meds and giving you more labels, its a terrible situation.

 

Have you showed your new doctor this document?  Colorado Consortium Benzodiazepine Deprescribing Guidelines

 

This is so horrible what they do to ppl by adding med after med after med.....then, they wonder why you are so sick.

[[Ta...]]

Yep! 8 meds.  I feel so drugged out most of the time.  I managed to taper off Abilify on my own. 

Half the meds I don't need to be on because I'm pretty sure I'm not bipolar. My old nurse practitioner said I was. She is full of BS. I have none of the symptoms at all.

I'm on Cymbalta, trazadone, serequel, lamictal, vyvanse, klonopin..I know I'm missing something....

I don't care for the FB groups.  Too many horrible stories. I try to avoid those. Plus...it can get too intense on there.  Some aren't so supportive.

I like this site.

 

I was a drugged out mess most of the time too and I had no idea. I slept like 12 hours a day! I barely ate. I was on Trazodone, Wellbutrin, Lexapro, Lithium, Lamictal, Lamortrigine (by the way, same drug as Lamictal!), Adderrall, Clonazepam.

 

I have never been bi-polar in my adult life but this doctor diagnosed me as BP so he gave me all those mood stabilizers. I was just having side effects from all the anti-depressants and stimulant...so they gave me mood stabilizers. And then all those drugs made me anxious so he gave me the benzodiazepine. And he would get so frustrated with me that I kept complaining about how sick I felt.

 

We get caught in a vicious circle of drugging. When the underlying cause may have been depression or anxiety or trauma, but if we had learned proper tools to address these issues, we may have been able to manage ourselves naturally and holistically. You are at the beginning of a whole new way to take care of yourself, but first I hope you can find a prescriber to help you with this...

Congratulations on getting off Abilify! I tried that one too but I felt like a flatlined heart monitor.

[[or...]]

We get caught in a vicious circle of drugging.

 

So true, TT! I'm VERY glad I'm out of that cycle. You, too!

 

Katz

[[co...]]

Tater Tot,  you story sounds a lot like mine.  It started out with depression.  I've suffered from it for nearly 30 years.  It started out with antidepressants and eventually all of these other meds were prescribed over the years.  None of them ever helped with anxiety or depression. I was diagnosed with the bipolar 2 as well.  I know I don't have it.  I was on a FB group for those with bipolar 2. OMG they were a hot mess. I am nothing like that at all.  I believe I have ADHD though.  I've. never been tested.  I'm no Vyvnase and it really does help me.  Unfortunately the nurse practitioner I see now won't prescribe benzos or amphetamines so he wants to wean me off both.  I'm fine with detoxing off klonopin, but not so sure about the vyvanse.  At the rate we are going I will be hot mess all year long...possibly longer.  Right after tapering off benzo he wants to taper off Vyvanse.  That's too much for me.  It's so frustrating.  I never knew that all these drugs were making things worse for me.  I"ve done a lot of research and reading on this board.  I never knew benzos were so bad for a person.  I'm upset with the doctors who have prescribed all this stuff for me and never explained the symptoms of taking it.

[[Ta...]]

Our stories sound eerily similar! Even the timeline is the same. It certainly is a long time to suffer, isn't it? But thankfully we are finally seeing the light...and may we recover to live our lives on our own terms more healthfully.

 

As you are able to lower your dosages on the other drugs, it is good to be aware that if you keep the Vyvanse at the same dose, it may effect your nerves in a negative way, because all the drugs dampened the dose of the stimulant. It could then be too high. You may have to lower it to adjust for going lower or off of the others. I learned the hard way. As I tapered (albeit too fast) and went off Trazodone, Wellbutrin, and Lexapro my doc kept the Adderrall dose the same, and the nerves in my scalp were on fire until I lowered the dosage of Adderall. Just something to keep in mind.

 

I really hope that your NP will work with you regarding the Vyvanse because if it is helping you, by all means, he shouldn't throw the baby out with the bathwater. It is necessary for doctors to keep learning and keep evolving with new information...medicine is dynamic field and should be treated accordingly. This whole process could take awhile, but take it easy on yourself and know you can get though it. We are here to help and support you in any way we can.

 

I'm so glad you are here and informing yourself. You are not alone in not knowing the damage these very powerful drugs do to us. I think we all can claim regret and sadness the loss of so much time and health. Hopefully our lives will be long enough where we have lots left to enjoy after this awakening.

[Guest [...]]

Hi corgimom,

 

I hope things have been easing or levelling out for you…

 

Since I replied to your post, I see there has been much advice offered by other members, and I absolutely concur with Pamster and the many others.

 

Since much has been covered in this thread, I just thought it may help to share a little of my own minimal experience to this point in my taper.

 

After I cold turkey for 19 days from 1mg of K per day, my doctor did a direct switch to diazepam 10mg (half the equivalent dose of the k) which just seemed to keep me trapped in cold turkey for weeks, and to this point, I still have not stabilised (nearly 9 weeks). I have some days better than others now, but the changes seem to be so incremental that it’s difficult to gage where I’m at in terms of stabilising. I guess I have to figure out what stabilising is for me. Over that time I’ve been internally shaking, tension headaches, intense anxiety, extreme lethargy and fatigue, and everything in daily life seems to be experienced through a filter of fear, including watching tv. I do get dizziness, but my worst bout of this happened one particular morning after waking 3 weeks after switch to diazepam. When I got up, I had to find my way through the house using the walls to hold myself up. Everything was moving….the flours, the walls and other inanimate objects. Luckily it didn’t last longer than one day, and decreased throughout that day. 4 weeks into the diazepam, I made my first 1mg cut, and although it wasn’t as difficult as that large cut I experienced switching to only 10mg diazepam, it still hit me pretty hard about a week later. Everything became more difficult. As it was, I had been navigating small intestinal bacteria overgrowth and multiple food sensitivities to histamine and salicylate as well as mast cell activation syndrome. The problem with this is that I have to eat selectively and freshly cooked, no prepackaged or takeaway. I’m basically living on fresh veg, chicken and tofu right now, and most days I struggle to find the energy, drive or patience to cook myself a meal, let alone eat it (loss of appetite). But I have been pushing myself to do it. I guess what I’m trying to get at here is that many of us are dealing with multiple issues alongside the benzo withdrawal (including yourself) which can make it very difficult to see up from down. For instance, tonight my symptoms skyrocketed after cooking with extra virgin olive oil (very high salicylate) rather than the extra mild olive oil I usually use. The point being, this creates much confusion because any reaction to food seems to exacerbate my withdrawal symptoms much like stress or overthinking the tapering and withdrawal process. There are so many days that I wonder if I’m feeling worse because of something I ate (as careful as I usually am), rather than just some random wave of symptoms. I guess what I’m trying to get across here (through thick brain fog and cognitive impairment) is that I understand that we want to live our lives while we’re going through this extremely difficult ordeal, but we also have to acknowledge that our central nervous systems are fragile and so we have to pace ourselves. There can also be a grief process we have to go through in letting go of the more active lives we once lived in order to adapt to and make peace with the healing process we must go through. Acceptance and surrender meditations are a good place to start. I know it was for me. I live a very limited life at the moment. My day consists of getting out of bed and doing a 40min meditation to ease anxiety and fear, breakfast, a 75min walk listening to an Anxiety & Benzodiazepine Withdrawal Affirmation on YouTube for the duration of the walk, shower, preparing and cooking my next two meals for the day, another 40min meditation, lunch, visit my sister for awhile if not too agoraphobic, dinner, and then another 40min meditation before bed. It doesn’t sound like much of a life, but it’s all I’m capable of doing at the moment. There is frustration, as I’m a musician who has lost all feel, creativity and interest in music whilst going through this process. I still jam and write songs each Thursday night with a close friend who is very understanding of what I’m going through, but as someone who once picked up the guitar for hours every day, those days are gone for now, it’s just too frustrating to no longer feel creative emotional energy flowing through my body. So instead of getting out amongst life (so to speak), I try and focus on inner growth and healing instead of the usual external pleasures I once enjoyed… the more active outgoing life.

 

I’m not saying give up everything you would normally want to do, just find that balance where you don’t put your central nervous system under too much pressure and exacerbate your withdrawal symptoms.

 

You can get through this -

 

It may encourage you to know that my mother is just coming out of acute withdrawal without ever knowing she was in tolerance withdrawal from benzodiazepines.

 

She had suffered from anxiety and depression 12 years ago and was put on Ativan up to 10mg a day as anxiety increased. Over the years she had been on many benzodiazepines and antidepressants which eventually led to 5 suicide attempts over the last 6 yrs. We tried everything to find what was wrong with her, including every antidepressant you could think of, holistic functional medical practitioners who tested for everything including things like food intolerances, celiac and gluten intolerance, but nothing came back positive. After her most recent suicide attempt 6 months ago, she was hospitalised for a period of 10 weeks as they detoxed her of all meds before putting her on another antidepressant. Only this time, for reasons unknown, they didn’t reinstate a benzodiazepine. And hey presto, 6 months later, although she has waves of symptoms return here and there, she’s also having wonderful windows of experiencing her old joyful self. She went through hell for those weeks in hospital going cold turkey (without knowing it), but now she’s on the way out the other side. Just dumb luck I guess. We may never have known why all of a sudden she was getting well without going through this similar experience myself and researching and seeking knowledge from sites like benzo buddies. Suddenly it all just added up!

 

It’s one day at a time for us.

 

Be gentle

 

Love and healing

 

J

 

 

P.S. My doctor urged me to do a 2.5 mg cut, but luckily I talked her around to 1mg. It’s been two weeks since my cut and I’ll be waiting another 2 weeks before I cut again. I’ll reassess as I go based on symptoms from there.

 

Only YOU know your body.

 

[[co...]]

Winters Sun,

 

Wow! I'm so sorry about your mom. What an awful experience.  I hope she gets better soon.

 

I swear these psych meds mess you up even more. All the changes in meds and the benzos. They don't really help. At least it's been that way for me.  I still have depression/anxiety.  My depression is worse than the anxiety.

 

I know all of us experience different things during detox. So far, I've been fairly lucky that my symptoms have been fairly mild. Except for my one horrible experience of vertigo.  that was horrible and scary. I'm still dealing with that lightheadedness, some nausea off and on, sweating and headaches.  But, it's only been a month.

 

I'm staying on 1.5mg for another month.  Not sure where will go from here. I know the withdrawal is only going to get worse the lower we go. I'm scared.

 

I like what you are doing with the meditations. I have never tried that before.  But, I'm going to give it a try.

 

I like the way you plan your day. You are taking care of you. I need to do that. I'm so random about my day. No structure. 

 

I really never thought about how food can affect you. I've pretty much lost my appetite. The only thing that appeals to me is sweets or junk food.  I don't feel like cooking at all.  It seems like a HUGE effort.  But, my husband needs to be fed. LOL. I will take a few bites and I'm done.  I'm trying to only drink 1-2 cups of coffee in the AM. I drink decaf in the afternoon.  That has helped.

 

I've gained a lot of weight over the years.  Despite not eating my body isn't losing weight!!!! UGH

 

Basically I've isolated myself. I don t like going out much now.  The fuzzy brain stuff makes it hard to drive.  All I want to do is sit and watch TV.  Moving seems to make symptoms worse. But, I have chores I need to do around the house. I pace myself now. May take a few days to get stuff done, but I can't do it all at once now.

 

Sleep hasn't been an issue because I'm on sleep meds.

 

I just feel trapped.  Too scared to move.  I hate feeling like this.

 

I want to go to the gym to workout, but I've heard that can upset your nervous system even more.

 

Sometimes I feel like cold turkey would be easier. I know it would be brutal, but I just want off this stuff.

 

I can't believe I let myself get so overmedicated.  What was I thinking? Over the past 20 years I've been on so many psych meds.  No doctor has ever told me the side effects or long term effects of these meds. My new doctor is the only one who has explained to me the dangers of what I'm on.

 

Thanks so much for your advice. I really appreciate it. I love reading about how others got through this. 

 

I