The Long Hold Support Group

[[Ca...]]

Hi Meems , I am very sorry.

 

Benzo withdrawal is awful but sometimes we forget about all the other horrible diseases and sufferings people have to go through.

 

:'(

[[Tr...]]

 

Hello meems,

 

I'm very sorry for you loss!

 

I wish you strength to cope with this. Knowing she isn't in any pain anymore perhaps may be a comforting thought for you.

 

Love to you XX

 

Trochsetter

[[ki...]]

Meems, You are so very right, she is at peace. No more pain or suffering. Sending you so much love and keeping you in my heart.

 

 

[[Sh...]]

Sending u so much love meems x

[[Me...]]

Hi all, thank you all for your love and support during this hard time.  I just got to walk through this and w/d one minute at a time.  Thank goodness that the vaccine side effects have gone away.  And I dont think I am in a wave, its probably just "real life" grief.  But I will holding for as long as it takes, especially through this initial grief period, especially cause Valium does tend to catch up to me even with small micro cuts.  and then I start to feel it.  thankfully not bad, but I do feel symptoms.  so a hold, possible couple months or so, is def. what I need to do. 

 

so thanks all, for your love and support. 

 

Meems

[[Au...]]

Meems, sorry for your loss. Looks like you have lots of love & support in this group.

 

[[Au...]]

Hey LHSG!

It's been awhile since I posted here. Life really has a way of getting in the WAY! I've been so busy with my little grandson. I babysit him everyday 5 days a week 10/11 hrs a day! I'm exhausted by the time he goes home. Weekends are for catching up on housework and going to the other grandchildren's sports events. I'm 58 yrs old and feel 98 these days🥱🥱🥱

 

I am making another cut tomorrow! I will be at .75 of my xanax when I do! I will be at this for a couple more years or so. Wish me luck my people!! 🙏🤞

 

Anyway, I want to encourage people here who think that their hold isn't working by sharing a little of my own experience. So when I first started tapering I was in very bad shape! My former Dr who decided he would just rip me off of 2 mgs of xanax in a matter of weeks almost damn near killed me! He wanted me to reduce by .5 every two weeks until finished!! You probably can't name a sx I didn't have. I was never so sick in all my life. So with the help of my dil who worked for a Dr she was able to get that Dr to take me on and let me lead my own taper. It was blessing from above! However, I remained very ill for about 3 or so months while I just held my then dose. My new Dr allowed me to just sit on my current dose until I felt well enough to taper again which I did after a 6 month hold. He actually would have just maintained me if that's what I wanted. So here's a list of some sxs I had for those 3 or so months on a hold.

Loss of appetite to almost looking anorexic from not eating.

Inner vibrations that were absolute HELL!

insomnia for weeks on end.

Heart palpitations galore and I had to wear a heart monitor for two weeks and would wear one a few more times during my taper.

Muscle twitches/jerks. Involuntary limb movements.

Chills and tingling sensations up and down my body.

Hot/cold sweating.

I developed dysautonomia aka POTS for POSTURAL ORTHOSTATIC TACHYCARDIA for which there is no cure. Let me note here that there are many who develop this during a taper and it goes away after you finish the taper and heal. So I'm hopeful. I also could have developed it from a virus or severe stress in which case it will be with me for life.

Mental sxs were numerous too! I'll list what I can remember.

Crushing depression of which I had never known before.

Mood swings.

Crying all the time.

Feeling like I wasn't attached to my body.

Feeling like I didn't belong on the planet!! Like I was a stranger to it! Feeling displaced. So weird and scary all that was!! I even spent half of a night in the psyche ward.

Guys I'm sure there are many, many more but the point is that if I didn't hold my dose,and believe me I wasn't sure at that time it was going to help, I don't know what would have happened to me. As I held my dose I got much worse and thought it was all for nothing and thought I would die but that's not what happened thank God! As I held through the weeks I guess at some point my body adjusted itself to the new dose and I started to gradually see subtle improvements. My hold was working even when I thought it wasn't! I honestly think the main key to a hold is PATIENCE! We all want to be better yesterday but unfortunately that's not how it goes with benzos. You have to go low and slow or you end up in a world of shit in plain English. I started this journey at age 55 I'm now 58 so this summer marks 3 yrs on benzo buddies for me. BB was so vital to my healing and the wonderful people I have met who were so willing to help me. Everyone needs support through this and people who understand how hellish this can be so stay connected here on BB it's a life saver. You can draw hope and strength here, I know I did. I love my people here and they know who they are. People I will always have a place in my for heart or as long as I live. So if you've gotten through this very long post of mine my message is to please, please, please don't give up on your hold! Be patient and persevere! Hang in on those tough days bc there will be many but you'll also see good days too! The clouds will part and the sun will come just hang in there people!! It's hard, it's brutal but holding is an amazing tool! I'm proof!!

 

Love to all and the best of luck!

Trishy♥️

 

 

Thank you for sharing your experience. I’m holding and really struggling. Like you said I feel like I’m getting worse. I’ve held for just over 8 weeks now. I feel like the hold is not doing anything but you and others have told me to keep holding and that’s what I’ll have to do. I really hope the hold pays off.

Thanks again for coming on here... perfect timing for me.

I’m glad you’re feeling more stable and can continue your taper.

 

Sofia

[[Ca...]]

Hi friends I want to share my struggle with you...

I posted on the insomnia group , I’m scared because don’t know why this cycle is going on . I c/o to a long life benzo ( prazepam ) Im back to my starting dose equivalence and still have this issue more and more .... need you help

 

Im scared what is happening I’m so exhausted

 

 

 

« I would like to know if some people experience what I’m going through.

 

I slowly developed insomnia before I updosed , I was having horrible adrenaline rush at night .

 

Now every other day I’m fearing « what if I don’t sleep » because the next days are really pure agony.

 

I don’t mind the lack of sleep, it is just pure agony in my body, impending doom, dark thoughts , something i never experienced before . It is not anxiety neither . Minutes seems hours, I can just watch the ceiling and try to survive.

 

It is so bad that I have ask to be inpatient, because those next day are so horrible that I’m exhausted , losing weight... then usually the day after I can sleep and when I sleep I feel almost 90% good.

 

I don’t understand how a night without sleep can put me in such an awful state. And do I don’t know how to get out of the loop of fearing those nights and next days.

 

As anybody experienced such a bad thing ? It is really traumatic to me and I don’t know how to overcome it  :'(

 

5.am here 0 sleep and tried everything , was sleepy, went to bed had this thought and boom , the fear is here , it is so hard to survive another day like this tomorrow »

 

[[Ca...]]

What I’m experiencing is clearly inner Akathisia , each time I don’t sleep , I can’t anymore  :'(

[[Tr...]]

Hi all,

 

my sister left this world at 1:40 am ET.  I am numb.  I don't know what to do with myself.  I am just going hold for as long as it takes. 

 

she has no more cancer.  Her radiant smile is back and her long beautiful hair.  one day we will dance again and laugh.  I know my dad met her at the light. 

 

It sucks to be in w/d and go through this. 

 

love you all,

Meems

So sorry Meme's 🙁 thinking of you my friend. 🌹🌺🌸😘💞💞

Trishy, 🙏♥️

[[Tr...]]

Hey LHSG!

It's been awhile since I posted here. Life really has a way of getting in the WAY! I've been so busy with my little grandson. I babysit him everyday 5 days a week 10/11 hrs a day! I'm exhausted by the time he goes home. Weekends are for catching up on housework and going to the other grandchildren's sports events. I'm 58 yrs old and feel 98 these days🥱🥱🥱

 

I am making another cut tomorrow! I will be at .75 of my xanax when I do! I will be at this for a couple more years or so. Wish me luck my people!! 🙏🤞

 

Anyway, I want to encourage people here who think that their hold isn't working by sharing a little of my own experience. So when I first started tapering I was in very bad shape! My former Dr who decided he would just rip me off of 2 mgs of xanax in a matter of weeks almost damn near killed me! He wanted me to reduce by .5 every two weeks until finished!! You probably can't name a sx I didn't have. I was never so sick in all my life. So with the help of my dil who worked for a Dr she was able to get that Dr to take me on and let me lead my own taper. It was blessing from above! However, I remained very ill for about 3 or so months while I just held my then dose. My new Dr allowed me to just sit on my current dose until I felt well enough to taper again which I did after a 6 month hold. He actually would have just maintained me if that's what I wanted. So here's a list of some sxs I had for those 3 or so months on a hold.

Loss of appetite to almost looking anorexic from not eating.

Inner vibrations that were absolute HELL!

insomnia for weeks on end.

Heart palpitations galore and I had to wear a heart monitor for two weeks and would wear one a few more times during my taper.

Muscle twitches/jerks. Involuntary limb movements.

Chills and tingling sensations up and down my body.

Hot/cold sweating.

I developed dysautonomia aka POTS for POSTURAL ORTHOSTATIC TACHYCARDIA for which there is no cure. Let me note here that there are many who develop this during a taper and it goes away after you finish the taper and heal. So I'm hopeful. I also could have developed it from a virus or severe stress in which case it will be with me for life.

Mental sxs were numerous too! I'll list what I can remember.

Crushing depression of which I had never known before.

Mood swings.

Crying all the time.

Feeling like I wasn't attached to my body.

Feeling like I didn't belong on the planet!! Like I was a stranger to it! Feeling displaced. So weird and scary all that was!! I even spent half of a night in the psyche ward.

Guys I'm sure there are many, many more but the point is that if I didn't hold my dose,and believe me I wasn't sure at that time it was going to help, I don't know what would have happened to me. As I held my dose I got much worse and thought it was all for nothing and thought I would die but that's not what happened thank God! As I held through the weeks I guess at some point my body adjusted itself to the new dose and I started to gradually see subtle improvements. My hold was working even when I thought it wasn't! I honestly think the main key to a hold is PATIENCE! We all want to be better yesterday but unfortunately that's not how it goes with benzos. You have to go low and slow or you end up in a world of shit in plain English. I started this journey at age 55 I'm now 58 so this summer marks 3 yrs on benzo buddies for me. BB was so vital to my healing and the wonderful people I have met who were so willing to help me. Everyone needs support through this and people who understand how hellish this can be so stay connected here on BB it's a life saver. You can draw hope and strength here, I know I did. I love my people here and they know who they are. People I will always have a place in my for heart or as long as I live. So if you've gotten through this very long post of mine my message is to please, please, please don't give up on your hold! Be patient and persevere! Hang in on those tough days bc there will be many but you'll also see good days too! The clouds will part and the sun will come just hang in there people!! It's hard, it's brutal but holding is an amazing tool! I'm proof!!

 

Love to all and the best of luck!

Trishy♥️

 

 

Thank you for sharing your experience. I’m holding and really struggling. Like you said I feel like I’m getting worse. I’ve held for just over 8 weeks now. I feel like the hold is not doing anything but you and others have told me to keep holding and that’s what I’ll have to do. I really hope the hold pays off.

Thanks again for coming on here... perfect timing for me.

I’m glad you’re feeling more stable and can continue your taper.

 

Sofia

Hang in there Sofia!! It takes so much time but you will improve. 🙏♥️

Trishy

[[Tr...]]

Trishy, it's good to see you post girlfriend!!  I am sorry I haven't pm'd.  Pain has pretty much taking up my days.  I am trying all these different stretches, exercises, massages and then Tim does a message at night.  It's been rough, but I am working on it.  I miss you.    Will your daughter be off for summer, so you get a baby break 👶❣️?  How is the rest of the family?  Did you read Stut's post?

Her wrist is still giving her trouble  .  We got 9.5 inches of rain from last Thursday to this past Monday.  My yard was a mud pit    But we really needed it, all of TX was in some form of drought.    You enjoy you great hubby, are you getting the pool ready?  I love ya Trishy, miss you too.

I have slowed walked my way to 5.7 mgs.  We will walk off very close together I hope , Mary

🙋🏼🙋🏼🙋🏼😘😘😘😘🙏🙏🙏🙏♥️♥️♥️.    Happy Mothers Day, beautiful woman  :smitten:    💐💐💐🌹🌷🌸🌸🌷

Hey Mary!

No worries about pm'ing me all I care about is that you take care of yourself!!

Wow!! That's a hell of a lot of rain you guys got😮 it's been pretty ugly here seems like it rains every other day😏

Rich will probably start getting the pool ready in about a couple more weeks, it's just still to cool here.

I had a very nice Mother's Day. Saturday I went shopping with a friend and we had lunch at a restaurant and we are inside. Sunday the kids stopped by in the morning and then Rich and I took off shopping for the day and we also had lunch inside of a restaurant. I can't help but be a little nervous about eating inside both days.. We're fully vaccinated as you know but I'm still a little worried about it😳 I hope you had a nice Mother's Day! I hope Sly got his mommy something really nice! 😊🐶🐾🐾🦴♥️

Love you girl, please take care of yourself!! And our poor Stut!! Uhgg, I did not know she was having trouble with that wrist still. Tell her I'm thinking of her and love and miss her. I did post a shout-out to her.

Talk soon girlfriend,

Trishy♥️

[[Di...]]

Hi all...well I think I messed up!  I had been holding for 10 weeks thought I would start back slow with my DLMT.  I dropped .001mg after 4 days I feel terrible could that small of a drop cause so much trouble?

[[Tr...]]

 

 

Hi Diane,.

 

Probably not, but...in Benzoland anything is possible. Try to tell yourself it's just a hick-up and it'll be Okay soon.

 

I react very quickly to even the smallest reduction too. So, I can feel you.

 

 

Stay strong and keep hope!

[[Tr...]]

 

Hi all,

 

Hope you're having a better day!

 

Today I 'm down to 0,6 mg of Diazepam!  Yeah!

 

Just one more month to go.

 

Stay safe and strong!

 

Trochsetter

[[Gi...]]

Hi all...well I think I messed up!  I had been holding for 10 weeks thought I would start back slow with my DLMT.  I dropped .001mg after 4 days I feel terrible could that small of a drop cause so much trouble?

 

Diane,

I reacted to even small decreases too, but not every time.  Sometimes I think my fear of wd sx caused them more than the dose decrease.  Looking at your signature I think you are doing very well. I actually decreased by .0005 for a time.  It's so much a mind game, at least it was for me.

Give yourself some grace, you will get there, I'm sure of it.  Ginger

[[Gi...]]

Meems,

I agree with Mary.  Tapering is difficult enough when our lives are stable and going well.  You have so much going on, a hold is best under the circumstances.  You are so very close to 4 mg now, that I feel sure you will reach it.  After a long hold I was able to taper faster for a time.

 

We have to work with what life is, not what we wish it would be.  I'm very sorry to hear about your sister.  Take care of yourself during this time.  Ginger

 

GM, I keep meaning to let you know how good it is to see you posting.  You are so supportive and we have missed you.  I hope you feel better each day.    :smitten: ♥️🙋🏼

 

Thank you Mary.  I'm doing okay.  Good days and not so good but each one brings me closer to complete healing one day.  I'm sorry you are having so much muscle pain.  My daughter asked me which sx bothered me the most.  I told her whichever one I was having at the time. 

Sometimes I need to take breaks from this forum to get my mind off the benzo subject.  One day it will all be a distant memory for all of us.  Ginger

[[Di...]]

Hi all...well I think I messed up!  I had been holding for 10 weeks thought I would start back slow with my DLMT.  I dropped .001mg after 4 days I feel terrible could that small of a drop cause so much trouble?

 

Diane,

I reacted to even small decreases too, but not every time.  Sometimes I think my fear of wd sx caused them more than the dose decrease.  Looking at your signature I think you are doing very well. I actually decreased by .0005 for a time.  It's so much a mind game, at least it was for me.

Give yourself some grace, you will get there, I'm sure of it.  Ginger

 

Gingermint thank you sometimes I just don't know what to do.  I wish I had a magic wand.

[[Di...]]

 

 

Hi Diane,.

 

Probably not, but...in Benzoland anything is possible. Try to tell yourself it's just a hick-up and it'll be Okay soon.

 

I react very quickly to even the smallest reduction too. So, I can feel you.

 

 

Stay strong and keep hope!

 

Troch thank you.  This is so hard.

[[Tr...]]

 

Hi all 

 

Hope you're having a better day!

 

Today's my Birthday!  Turned 66...

 

Last Birthday on Diazepam: hope to be off in a month from now!

 

Have a grand old day!

 

Trochsetter

[[Gi...]]

 

 

Hi all 

 

Hope you're having a better day!

 

Today's my Birthday!  Turned 66...

 

Last Birthday on Diazepam: hope to be off it in a month from now!

 

Have a grand old day!

 

Trochsetter

 

Happy birthday Trochsetter!!🎉  One more month and you're free of Valium.  I'm excited for you.  Have a great day.  Ginger

[[se...]]

Happy birthday!!  You have so much to celebrate!!

[[Tr...]]

 

Thank you, ladies! 

 

I had a wonderful day. Nice company and lovely May weather!

 

Hopefully your day was great as well!

 

29 days to go and counting! Yay!

 

Trochsetter

[[St...]]

Happy birthday Troch woohoo 🎊🥳🎉 not long now what a great birthday present 🎁.Well done honey you have earned it.X

Morning Twiny and all here have only time for a quick hi will try to post in the next couple of weeks.Back to work and swamped with crap so will take time to get up to speed.love you all.

A special shout out to Meems l am so sorry for your loss sweetheart.Be kind to yourself and give your poor wee mum a hug from me.love you.X

[[Tr...]]

 

 

Hi Stut,

 

Thank you so much!

I had a wonderful Birthday celebration. Nice company and lovely weather. 😎

 

It's going to be strange, not having to weigh and shave off tablets this time next months. But after a few months to recover from all this, there's still Paxil to get rid of. For now, I 'm really happy the last stage of the Diazepam taper is going so well!

 

Try taking it easy now you're back at work, Stut!  Easy does it. It's simular to tapering; don't overdo it.

 

Stay safe! X X