29 months off, Now I’m nearly back to normal….Banana Man.

[[Ba...]]

Time and again I hear that people do in fact recover from benzos, but remember when one is in the throws of benzo withdrawal all they can think and read is that they will never recover, it’s all a trick on your mind and just another symptom most of us believe in.

Again, you will all recover from this eventually, all it takes is time, maybe weeks or months and sometimes even years, but trust in yourself, you really will get better, that’s always the final outcome.

 

Banana Man.

[[Ku...]]

 

    Banana MAn!!!!  Hello, hope you are doing well and dinging bowls in the English cottage. It certainly is kind of you to reassure us once again that we will recover from this challenge.  I’m looking sooo forward to having my normal life back too. So glad you stopped bye.  Your friend by the beach in

California    Kudos2 

[[Ba...]]

……………………………………………………………….

The story of my symptoms "Censored!" 31 months!

Update added to my ss 1.1.2022

 

So what were my symptoms? It’s not something that I’ve ever really spoken about, I kept it all to myself, partly because i live on my own in a remote part of the country. Well in the first few days I felt drunk, just very light headed, dizzy and just drunk and thought well this ain’t too bad, but as the days passed by it started to hit me hard! first of all was the worst hangover feeling I’ve ever felt in my life and this was all day and night, I sweated profusely, terrible shakes, panic, fear, hyperventilating, my heart felt like it was going to explode, it was absolutely terrifying, anxiety and fear was the worst imaginable, I looked into the mirror and I was so pale, my face was twitching and twisted, my lips were dry, cracked and peeling, my tongue was white and trembling, I was absolutely shattered and could hardly stand and look at myself, mostly because my legs were trembling so bad and then I nearly collapsed as I retched into the toilet uncontrollably. My belly was twisted and contorted, I was in complete agony, but worse was to come as I slowly lost sleep night by night. This torcher seems to carry on forever, it was murder!

As the weeks turned into months the psychotic, paranoid episodes began, the sleep deprivation played tricks on my mind, I thought I was seeing things and the fear of fits and suicide plagued me, I was an absolute mess up until the 4 month mark with just strange short sleeps and woken by nightmares and sweating, palpitations and anxiety just wore me back to weird naps throughout the days and nights.

I waxed and waned like this for many months but ever so slowly getting a little bit better, I was able to eat ok by six months and began to put weight on, even through all this I managed to drag myself out of the house and up the lane for walks, it was very slow going with many rests but I just needed to walk,  I have always walked and just felt I needed to do this to keep myself alive! And am so glad I live in the middle of nowhere that I rarely see anybody and I can avoid seeing anybody at all at certain times of the day, so I felt safe, but still in fear if that makes any sense. So I felt walking and eating was all I need do and hopefully a little sleep would follow and get me through this insane feeling.

Months went by until I reached a year and still it waxed and waned, different symptoms come and went of every nature imaginable and yet still I kept it quiet from any family and friends and the BBs I knew, I always came on BBs and never told anybody else about my suffering, I always talked and wrote positively, it’s easy to hide behind a computer but much more difficult to hide from friends and family, so I’ve been so lucky that since I went ct June 2019 Covid came along and allowed me to hide the worst of my suffering and that’s the only good this dammed virus did, but that’s another story.

So even when I was up to the 18 month and then 2 years off I still was suffering with windows and waves and even the windows were never met with normalcy, just better than waves and this has slowly gotten better up until I felt I needed to write my success story at 29+ months.

Today is exactly 31 months and even though my ss is wrote I still have just a few niggling symptoms, probably not even to do with recovery, maybe a reminder left by the benzo monster so as I never ever pick up those pills again.

Today life is good, I am happy with myself and had an enjoyable new year with my family. I am happy to be me once again.

Banana Man …aka…Colin.

………………………………………………………………..

[[...]]

Thank you so much for the update Banana Man.  I always found your posts to be so encouraging and inspiring.  I never knew how much you were suffering and glad to hear that you have recovered even if it is 95%.

 

I recognize all of those symptoms.  Had most of them during my withdrawal period and even worse in my new setback.  I still go back to your posts for uplifting messages. 

 

Thank you so much for all that you wrote.  It helped me so much!

[[Ba...]]

JBen021

 

Thanks, I’m so happy to hear that my posts help you along, it was never a good idea to write about my suffering, that just wouldn’t help anybody, but then again it needs to be said. I feel that we all suffer in much the same way, just like we all eventually heal! Just keep at it and the rewards will come.

 

Colin.

[[He...]]

Thank you once again Banana Man! It actually helps to know that we are all similar. I went through much of the same you have been through.  I'm slowly getting better just like you have done.  It's wonderful of you to come back and remind us that there is hope even from dreadful beginnings.  Keep on improving. I'm pulling for you.

 

[[An...]]

I enjoyed reading your success story Banana Man. Congrats. on your recovery. Anyone who is still suffering terribly and thinks I will never get better should read this board periodically. Withdrawing from these drugs does make you think you are literally dying sometimes.

[[Ba...]]

Well let me bump this one…

 

Thank you all for your comments 

 

It’s just over 32 months for me now. I stopped diazepam June 2nd 2019 and I stopped my antidepressants 15 months prior, I was on 120mg of amitriptyline and I suffered terribly, I think this is what caused me to suffer so much when I ct my Diaz.

 

Well that’s all in the past now and as each month passes by I feel more and more improvement, I sort of thought it could take years to recover because 17 years ago I stopped drinking alcohol, (i am an alcoholic and drank very heavily from a young age) it took me many years to completely recover. I have cirrhosis and slight brain damage but it’s all stable and I should still live quite a normal life so long as I stay dry.

 

So basically I feel we can all recover from the benzos given enough time.

 

Good luck and Bless you all…

 

Banana Man.

[[He...]]

Thank you Banana Man!!  I need to hear this sort of encouragement almost non stop lately.  It's a long road to recovery for some of us and knowing you made it through boosts my morale. 

 

Very thoughtful of you to remind us again!

 

Take good care of yourself.

 

Helen

 

[[Li...]]

BananaMan,

 

I know it's been months since anyone posted. But I just wanted to say how encouraging your success story was for me and all of your comments as well. I thank you from the bottom of my heart! Hugs!

 

LiveLife

[Guest [Fr...]]

felt the exact same around that time wrote a success story then BAM ...benzo belly and everything came back again.

[[La...]]

At 2 years and 2 months off, I needed to read this again to remind myself that the best is yet to come. It’s very hard sometimes to imagine a new life without these waves/ symptoms. As I’m watching tv or talking to other people doing things, thoughts flood my mind whether I’ll ever be able to fly on a plane again, visit a waterfall, travel for hours by vehicle, golf, bowl, enjoy restaurants or going out, etc. They seem like a dream…a far away dream. I want so badly for these vestibular issues to go away for good so that I can go for a normal walk. All I am doing is holding on to faith. I wake up every morning praying this is finally gone. Can’t help but wonder sometimes, when is my turn to be completely healed….26 months and still waiting.

Just like you, I’m trying to push myself to walk more and further. My mind wants to just go do things but my brain won’t allow my body to accomplish it. Maybe one of these days I’ll be able to put on my workout clothes put in my earbuds and go for a walk without being so unbalanced and boaty. I’ll be able to walk more than 5 minutes and as far as I want. Yesterday I was remembering how I used to get up in the mornings to go to the lovely park and walk the walking paths with my gospel music in my ears. I’d take a lunch and my art supplies to spend the day there once a week. I had a favorite spot over by the roses. Nicely shaded with a two person swing. That was the highlight of my days. Honestly I started crying. Not only can’t I even think of getting behind the wheel to drive but I still can’t tolerate riding in a car. Let alone walking in a park. Wow it is astonishing the condition I’m still in compared to just 2 years ago. I’m so ready to finish the rest of my healing. My park swing is calling me.

[[Be...]]

LadyDen, it will get better.  It just takes time.  At two years off I couldn't even go and get my haircut or do much of anything. 

[[La...]]

Thank you Becks for the encouragement! Very kind of you. I’ll hang on to that. 🌹❤️🌹❤️

[[Ma...]]

I am really glad for you. I hope you all will be well in the future.

[[La...]]

Max I hope you will be well too. Thank you. 😊

[[Mo...]]

Thank you Banana Man. I really needed to hear that. I am 24 months off and in the worst wave ever after taking antibiotucs. I feel so ill with it all. I believe I will be like you and get through it.

Thank you so much.

[[Tr...]]

I just want to say thank you for this post. Maybe you won't see it as you have a happy life now.

 

I am still 2 months off ALL brain drugs. Currently in a wave. I wanna win this so bad.

[[...]]

I'm 13 months clean, and most of my symptoms gone. The ones I cannot shake are dry mouth, severely dry lips and heart palpitations which may actually be from having had COVID 18 months ago. More and more they are discovering COVID alters the mechanisms for heart rate. I'm able to deal with that with medication, but the dry mouth, throat and lips occupy my mind all the time. I drink a ton of water, but the secretions in my throat and my lips are downright sticky they are so dry. I pray this eventually goes away. I cough so badly sometimes because it almost feels like I'm choking. I think because I sleep through it that it is definitely a benzo symptom. So, 13 months clean, and hoping to feel completely healthy again. Your story is inspiring me to hang in there. 

[[st...]]

congratulations, its such a great feeling to look back on the healing done in the past months.