New here, short term Ativan user

[[go...]]

Hi Karlitok2003,

 

Wow! I had an incredibly similar experience in 2020 - my symptoms were a lot different than yours (I couldn't eat anymore because I felt so horrible all the time, which I think was an anxiety-related thing), but I ended up in the ER twice and getting a lot of tests done (CT, colonoscopy, endoscopy, abdomen x-ray, EKG) before finally being admitted to the hospital in September, where I started taking Ativan 0.5mg 3x daily. Later, I also had an MRI to check my brain out too!

 

I'm so happy to hear you discovered quickly that you needed to get off of the benzo and that you and your doctor made a good plan together. I'm sorry that the withdrawal still hit you hard, though. The good thing is, you're getting better and better!

 

I ended up taking benzos 3x day for about 5 months, which was long enough that my body became dependent on it. I'm struggling through the taper right now, but your post gives me hope!

 

Hope you are currently doing well!

[[Ka...]]

Hi Daffodilly,

 

I was able to split 0.5 mg pills into half (0.25 mg) and then those half’s into other halfs making them 0.125 mg. They split well when cutting, no crumbs.

 

Hope this helps,

 

Karla

[[Ka...]]

Hi Bluelake,

 

Congratulations on jumping!!!

 

Yes, you will see that things will get better and the symptoms definitely get more mild and more bearable. I am still in windows and waves, but the overall situation is that I DO feel better each day, especially when I keep busy, and when a wave hits, I try not to get anxious or panicky and just ride it out.

 

The strongest and longest waves for me are at night, which cause insomnia or wake me up a couple of times per night, but most of nights I get 6-8 hrs of sleep. I am super grateful for that.

 

My biggest annoyance in terms of symptoms is the EXTREME tinnitus and dizziness, but I do not panic as fast as before when the waves hit.

 

Yes, I post every 2 weeks to keep everyone informed on the shifts and changes of symptoms, with the hope that it is helpful for those who are wondering about their symptoms...

 

Wish u well in recovery, and give yourself time, and more time, and more time... 😀

 

 

[[Ka...]]

Hi Goldendood,

 

I wish u good luck in your tapering. I am not sure how fast u r tapering, but my taper worked as good as it could be... I do not remember actually needing the smaller doses during the taper as my mindset was just to stop them as soon as possible, but because I was afraid of experiencing severe withdrawal, I continued the 4-week taper. I had windows immediately after the jump, and the only reason I tapered was because the doctors insisted, and also because all the readings here 😀.

 

It was a constant struggle to become accepting of the symptoms as they hit, and my constant state of fear was undeniable. But each day I felt more confident in knowing this was all withdrawal, as all my tests and scans came back normal, plus I had never experienced such symptoms prior to benzos.

 

The toughest for me was the realization that this might take a while and that the recovery is definitely non-linear. But overall, each day does get better, and when a wave still hits (I am almost 3 months post jump and hard to accept those on/off waves), I do trust my body and brain to get through it and think positive and think that it is indeed healing.

 

Hang in there, all will get better as time passes 😀

 

Karla

[[go...]]

Karlitok,

 

Thank you so much for your hopeful message

 

Good for you for trusting your body and mind to get through everything! That is sometimes really difficult to do. I'm happy to hear that you are able to keep confidence and faith.

 

Hoping for nights of good sleep for you and continued recovery!

[[Ka...]]

Hi Goldendood,

 

I see you are still on the 0.25mg once per day. Not sure if you are afraid to go lower (0.125) or to jump. Based on my experience, things improved greatly after I jumped, even though I was a little scared to do so thinking that my body won’t be able to accept the drug-free state. However, I can tell you that being on the pills, they could also be a factor into your symptoms, and until you stop them completely, it’ll be hard to tell what is caused by the pills and what is withdrawal.

 

Trust your mind and body that no matter what your symptoms will be after the jump, every day further away from the pills is a day closer to healing.

 

Your advantage is that you are a short-term user, and the withdrawal most likely will be shorter rather than longer. You are already experiencing withdrawal symptoms so you know that your body can handle it as each week you took a lower dose.

 

I wish you the best in this recovery, and please write anytime you feel the need to share your experience.

 

Karla

[[Ka...]]

Hello everyone,

 

Here is my 3-month update. Can’t believe 3 months have passed since the last pill:

 

I am now 3 months off Ativan 🙂 short term use and the following has occurred:

 

Month 1: approx 18 days of windows 🙂 and 13 days of waves 😔

 

Month 2: approx 20 days of windows 🙂 and 8 days of waves 😔

 

Month 3: approx 21 days of windows 🙂 and 10 days of waves 😔

 

The windows: slight tinnitus, slight lightheaded, slight chemical brain, able to function normally (work, exercise, drive, socialize), broken sleep 7-8 hrs/night, feeling 80-95% well.

 

The waves: EXTREME tinnitus, EXTREME ears hissing/pressure, dizziness, nausea, strong head vibrations, strong inner tremors, feeling anxious, palpitations, broken sleep approx 5 hrs/night, feeling 50-60% well.

 

Overall feeling for month 3: generally, the waves were more brutal than month 1 or 2, and I am hoping that was because the brain was healing more... looking back at all the symptoms from previous months, there are only 7-8 symptoms still experiencing when I get the waves, and they are listed above.

 

What is constant: every night I wake up 4-5 times, mostly due to extreme tinnitus and inner vibrations, however I am able to fall back asleep... I am still waiting for a night of sleep with no waking up at all.

 

I am hopeful that things will continue to get better, and wishing all benzo buddies a fast and healthy recovery.

 

Karla

[[go...]]

Thank you for the update!!

 

You are fighting through this and doing so well! I'm so happy to read that you are an upward trend. You got this!

 

 

And thank you for the lovely reply - it made me feel a lot better about the situation.

 

[[Pa...]]

Love your updates, I've alerted another short timer about your posts, hopefully he'll stop by.

 

Don't be discouraged if you don't feel improvement month to month, its one step forward two steps back around here, this non linear healing is pretty frustrating.  I can see you're doing your best to stay positive, this is a huge accomplishment and a factor in recovery.  Most everyone agrees that positivity can be beneficial in almost any situation and this is one of them.

 

Keep coming back, what you write here will help the next person traveling your path.

[[bl...]]

Love all these updates. Thanks for continuing to post. Weird how your month three was a little worse than month two. Hopefully month four is much better.

[[Ka...]]

Hi bluelake,

 

You are about 2 weeks post jump.

 

How are you feeling?

 

Yes, during month 3 my waves felt more brutal, more intense head symptoms of tinnitus, tremors, vibrations, electric brain. But my perception is that the brain was really working hard this month toward healing

 

But overall, I feel like the worst is behind me.

 

Hope u heal fast!

 

Karla

[[bl...]]

Kind of been all over the place. The first two weeks showed linear progress and included 5 really good days where mind was clear. This week, I am jittery with anxiety and harder to concentrate on work. Just so frustrating and disappointing. And it's so hard knowing that all I need to do is take a pill to make it feel better.

[[Ka...]]

Bluelake,

 

It’s awesome that u had good days since week 1. I felt instantly better after the jump. However, windows and waves are still happening for me in month 4, which started today 🙂

 

What I do feel along the way is that even now when I get the waves and feel the terror that I will faint due to my symptoms, but somehow I feel less fearful knowing that it’s been several months, and nothing like fainting has occurred. And overall I would say the waves are less frequent and less intense. I mean, I even drove almost 3 hours during a wave cause I had to get somewhere... I would’ve never driven during a wave in month 1 or 2. So, I guess I’m more courageous and less panicked when they occur.

 

Hang in there. Don’t even think of taking another pill, as that will only make things worse. Trust your mind and body that they will heal. Just be patient, as it takes longer than initially thought.

 

I can’t wait to post a success story, and u will as well!

 

Karla

[[Pa...]]

I'm relieved the two of you are talking, nothing like someone who's been there to help guide us through the hard parts.  I had someone when I recovering who quit Klonopin cold turkey just a few days before me, we held each others hands, well she held mine since I was more of a basket case than she was.   

[[Ka...]]

Hello all,

 

Just wanted to post a short update with wonderful news! Last night, exactly 3 months and 1 week post jump, I slept 9 hours without any interruptions or broken sleep 🙂! I feel like I have been waiting for this night forever, and it has finally arrived.

 

For those of you still waiting for this, I hope this gives you hope that it may arrive soon!!!

 

Wish you all a fast and healthy recovery!

 

Karla

[[Pa...]]

Its wonderful to hear you got so much sleep, recovery is magical, I still remember when I realized I'd made it through this and coming here reinforces my gratitude.  Thanks for letting us share your good fortune. 

[[Su...]]

Hi,

 

As Pamster is aware I am a short term user.  I basically took 10 pills (.05) either whole or in half for about 3 weeks.  I had my medical procedure and then stopped.  Four days after stopping I was SLAMMED with intense fear, sweating, anxiety, thoughts and unable to do much.  That being said, I started to do a taper of .125 2 times a day and have been for the last 4 days.  Today I took a .125 and am going to try and do this just this morning and then for the next 3 mornings and then jump.

Day 1 of taper - anxiety, dark thoughts, nervous

Day 2 of taper - same with a window, but a few waves

Day 3 of taper - less anxiety, appetite is back and less waves. 

Day 4 of taper - less anxiety, appetite is ok, a few dark thoughts, slept good

Day 5 of taper/today - took .125 this morning.  Got some work done.  Reading posts here.  A bit nervous but not horrible - comes and goes.  Tired but able to function. Feeling more gratitude and less fear.

 

Question:  Should I continue the now tapered down dose to of .125 tomorrow morning and the next few days or go every other day or jump?  I just want this CRAP out of ME!!!!

[[Ka...]]

Hello summerfun,

 

Sorry for not replying sooner, I just read your message.

 

Since you were such a short-term user, I would jump ASAP, especially since you are at 0.125 dose now. I jumped at 0.125 taking once every other day in the last week of tapering. Do not be afraid to jump because in my experience, I felt instantly better after the jump; it is possible that some of the symptoms you are feeling now may be due to the pills themselves and not withdrawal.

 

Do not be anxious to let go of this small dose, your brain, even if dependent on the pills, it can handle the jump much more than you realize. And just take it one day at a time, keeping stress very low and keep as distracted as you can. Distractions are the main thing that save me from overthinking and from putting too much emphasis on every symptom that I feel.

 

Now being in my 4th month, the waves are way less frequent than before (on average 1 wave/week now), most days are windows and most nights are decent to good sleep. So I hope my message finds you well, and gives you a little encouragement in being less fearful of jumping. Your brain is a lot stronger than you think 🙂

 

Feel free to write anytime. I am on this forum everyday. Just this weekend I was out of town and did not get a chance to read my posts.

 

Let me know how you feel. I still write down my symptoms daily to monitor the changes. They DO change as the months pass by... but some of the symptoms that are still around are: anxiety, tinnitus, vibrations/tremors, tingling of feet, lightheadedness. The symptoms used to be a lot more and very intense during waves, especially during months 1 and 2. But overall, I do feel healed for the most part, it’s just that it takes time...

 

Hang in there! Just remember: every symptom is a sign of healing.

 

Karla

 

 

[[Pa...]]

Great advice for another short time user Karla, thank you for being so encouraging.  It's good to hear you're doing so well, and you're right, we and our brains are stronger than we know but the fear this process generates is pretty powerful.  This is why it's so important we have each other to dispel the lies the drug tells us.

[[Ka...]]

Thanks Pamster,

 

I really like to provide encouragement and positivity as we all know the terror and fear we go through every time the symptoms hit us. I am a lucky example of short term use, but even though I have a very positive nature, when the symptoms hit, I still get just as fearful as day one! The fear comes on so suddenly, the only thing that keeps me going is the hope for the complete healing and the knowledge that so far, no matter how awful the symptoms got, I did not land in an ER or worse...

 

It’s still very shocking to me how LONG this healing takes, and there is really nothing to do but wait and wait and wait 😔

 

I am glad to help in any way possible, whether providing a list of symptoms or timeframe to windows/waves, I am happy to give others hope. It is essential that we help each other as much as we can, since obviously, the doctors were no good.

 

You know what is frustrating? Every time I tell a friend or a family member about my waves, I find myself having such a hard time even explaining the electric brain and hissing and tinnitus and overall feeling of just feeling weirdly sick... I feel like others who have not gone through this, cannot possibly understand what I am going through... but the people here DO, and so we need each other as much as possible while going through this awful nightmare...

 

But, everyday is better, every window is longer, and we CAN and WILL get to our success stories 🙂

 

Karla

[[Ka...]]

Hello everyone,

 

Here is my 4-month update. I am now 4 months off Ativan 🙂 short term use and the following has occurred:

 

Month 1: approx 18 days of windows 🙂 and 13 days of waves 😔

Month 2: approx 20 days of windows 🙂 and 8 days of waves 😔

Month 3: approx 21 days of windows 🙂 and 10 days of waves 😔

Month 4: approx 24 days of windows 🙂 and 6 days of waves 😔

 

The windows: slight tinnitus, slight lightheaded, slight chemical brain, able to function normally (work, exercise, drive, socialize), broken sleep 7-8 hrs/night, feeling 80-95% well.

 

The waves: EXTREME tinnitus, EXTREME ears hissing/pressure, dizziness, vibrations, inner tremors, feeling anxious, broken sleep approx 5 hrs/night, feeling 50-60% well.

 

Overall feeling for month 4: generally, the waves were less brutal than previous months. Feeling more healed, less scared of the waves. Also, I am way more busy with distractions and that helps immensely.

 

What has changed: the sleep is overall better, waking up on average twice per night, able to fall back asleep though.

 

I am hopeful that things will continue to get better, and wishing all benzo buddies a fast and healthy recovery.

 

Karla

[[Pa...]]

Its good to hear from you again, I like month 4, it looks promising, I'm thrilled to see you're getting some good sleep.  I wonder if next time you pop in you might visit some of the folks here on this thread, they're short time users like you who could benefit from hearing your experience.  http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=130001.0

[[Ka...]]

Hello everyone,

 

Here is my 5-month update. I am now 5 months off Ativan 🙂 short term use and the following has occurred:

 

Month 1: approx 18 days of windows 🙂 and 13 days of waves 😔

Month 2: approx 20 days of windows 🙂 and 8 days of waves 😔

Month 3: approx 21 days of windows 🙂 and 10 days of waves 😔

Month 4: approx 24 days of windows 🙂 and 6 days of waves 😔

Month 5: approx 24 days of windows 🙂 and 7 days of mild waves 😔

 

Longer windows: slight tinnitus, slight lightheaded, able to function normally (work, exercise, drive, socialize, go on vacation) decent sleep 7-9 hrs/night, feeling 90-95% well.

 

Mild waves: tinnitus, dizziness, vibrations, inner tremors, feeling anxious, mild headaches, broken sleep approx 5 hrs/night, feeling 60-70% well.

 

Overall feeling for month 5: generally, all the waves were milder than previous months: waves felt more like ‘just ok’ days with no panic or anxiety attacks, and was able to function almost normal during them. Feeling pretty much healed. The fear factor has dropped immensely during this month. I am basically back to normal doing things that I couldn’t dream of doing just 3 months ago!

 

What has improved: the sleep is basically back to normal, waking up on average twice per night, but able to fall back asleep. Waking up energized and feeling great. Back to drinking coffee from decaf to caffeinated 🙂

 

Not sure what to expect upcoming months, however I will post at least once/month to keep everyone updated on my progress. Based on my symptoms, I am feeling very optimistic 🙂

 

I am hopeful that things will continue to get better, and wishing all benzo buddies a fast and healthy recovery. Don’t give up, healing is truly happening 🙂. Best advice I can give is: push yourself to do things (working out, driving places, seeing friends, cleaning the house, etc) even if feeling like crap, because it’s helped me immensely in decreasing my fear, decreasing anxiety, and healing faster.

 

Karla

[[Pa...]]

Month 5 looks like a good one, its great to hear your sleep has returned and thank you for advocating more activity while recovering.  Its so important to distract but more than that, you're keeping your life intact while waiting for full healing.  Eventually we heal and we need to have a life to step back into and you're doing a wonderful job of doing just that. 

[[Ka...]]

Hello everyone,

 

Here is my 6 month update. I am now 6 months off Ativan 🙂 short term use and the following has occurred:

 

Month 1: approx 18 days of windows 🙂 and 13 days of waves 😔

Month 2: approx 20 days of windows 🙂 and 8 days of waves 😔

Month 3: approx 21 days of windows 🙂 and 10 days of waves 😔

Month 4: approx 24 days of windows 🙂 and 6 days of waves 😔

Month 5: approx 24 days of windows 🙂 and 7 days of mild waves 😔

Month 6: approx 22 days of windows 🙂 and 8 days of mild waves 😔

 

Longer windows: slight tinnitus, slight lightheaded, able to function normally (work, exercise, drive, socialize, go on vacation) decent sleep 7-9 hrs/night, feeling 90-95% well.

 

Mild waves: strong tinnitus (the most bothersome symptom of all) lightheaded, mild vibrations, mild inner tremors, feeling anxious, broken sleep approx 5 hrs/night, feeling 70-80% well.

 

Overall feeling for month 6: generally, all the waves were milder than previous months: waves felt more like ‘just ok’ days with no panic or anxiety attacks, and was able to function almost normal during them. Basically living life as before and doing activities like before. Feeling pretty much healed.

 

What has improved: the sleep is basically back to normal, waking up on average twice per night, but able to fall back asleep. Waking up energized and feeling great. No more insomnia at all!

 

Not sure what to expect upcoming months, however I will post at least once/month to keep everyone updated on my progress. Based on my symptoms, I am feeling very optimistic 🙂

 

I am hopeful that things will continue to get better, and wishing all benzo buddies a fast and healthy recovery. Don’t give up, healing is truly happening 🙂. Best advice I can give is: push yourself to do things (working out, driving places, seeing friends, cleaning the house, etc) even if feeling like crap, because it’s helped me immensely in decreasing my fear, decreasing anxiety, and healing faster.

 

Karla