How long off and how are you sleeping?

[[ak...]]

I'm 3 months off and sleeping 6-9 hours usually with a few interruptions.  I am however taking Tylenol PM every night.  I try going to sleep with out it and I lie there for a couple hours and eventually get up and take some.  The Tylenol PM doesn't always work so I started taking it with Neurontin again.  I have read that Neurontin can have really bad w/d symptoms when stopped so now I feel like I've put myself in a predicament again...whoever thought sleep could be such a complicated issue until we stopped sleeping?

 

In the first several weeks of w/d I was only sleeping 1-2 hours a night even with the neurontin and Tylenol PM so maybe I am getting better at sleeping on my own.

[[Ho...]]

Jittery, I think what we're both experiencing is perfectly normal at this stage. I still don't have a night of sleep that's unbroken. I read some of that book we both bought - I love it! That's what inspired me to finally give up the traz.... sleeping pills are so not worth it in any shape or form. At least according to her lol Hope you're doing well!! 

[[...]]

6 months off and sleeping anywhere for 4 (on a really bad night) to 8 (on a really good night). Typical has been 5 or 6, usually 5. I ALWAYS wake up at least once, usually more. For a while I was waking with a pounding heart, boom boom boom boom, but that finally let up, thankfully.

 

I also wake up to pee a lot. The more I wake up to pee, the worse my insomnia is that night. Does anyone else have this?

 

Also, do you guys get akathisia on bad nights? On bad nights it's not only that I can't sleep, but I am also uncomfortable. I toss and turn and curl into a ball and it's extremely uncomfortable.

[[Sa...]]

I've been occasionally following how my fellow insomniacs are doing and I wanted to let people know I'm still around. I happened to check in and noticed Maltesmom's message wondering what happened to some of the former posters.

If you missed my news from a few months ago, I am pregnant---am 17 weeks as of yesterday!

Jittery I am so sorry to hear you are still struggling. I think all that you've been through benzo-wise, combined with being a new mom = longer recovery time. Your system is already so hyper-aroused, and then it's hyper-aroused even more too because you're anticipating the baby waking. Whenever my daughter is sick and especially when she was younger, I never sleep deeply. I am always on edge. Many nights when she was sick I barely slept a wink, and this was pre-benzo.

I agree I believe our insomnia cases have a strong physical component but also a very large mental component, and they work in tandem.

I think I may have lucked out on the physical component. Everyone in the insomnia group knows that earlier this fall I would be awake for days at a time. I felt like I was having a slow-motion breakdown. It was a nightmare. And for the first few weeks after my surprising pregnancy news I continued to have horrible insomnia. Around 7 weeks I began sleeping very well and continue to do so--uninterrupted deep sleep that I never thought would be possible for me again. I don't know what to attribute my success to. Part of me wonders if this is pregnancy progesterone and that's the singular reason for my improvement? Part of me wonders if another component has been the giant, earth-shattering news of a baby---it was enough to jolt me out of my obsessive loop of fear and anxiety over sleep.

Anyways, iF my success is laregly progesterone-derived, I hope it's not just delaying the rest of my benzo recovery and once the progesterone drops I'll regress back to insomnia! Then again, I have months of poor sleep ahead of me with a new baby due in June, so either way this period of good sleep is just a temporary thing!! Even as I say this though, I'm not really freaked out about it.

I should note that I don't worry about sleep anymore. I just drift off. Even after getting stressed out about something I'm able to fall asleep.

There is something else worth mentioning. I have never been into self help books, laughing at them as being new agey. I have never been very religious. But I bought The Healing Codes book, out of desperation, and have actually been quite overwhelmed by what it did for my state of mind. My insomnia improved, not after I got pregnant, (for I was pregnant weeks before I stopped having sleep issues) but a couple of weeks after I started doing the codes. Coincidence? Possibly. Pregnancy hormones finally kicking in? A good chance. But sometimes I wonder if those positive beliefs I began directing toward myself was a major factor. I still practice the codes occasionally when I feel stressed or worried. It is a book worth checking out.

Anyways, I just wanted to let you know I'm still here. I haven't posted because I feel my situation has been so unusual.

In an unrelated note, the pregnancy is going very well and everything appears very healthy and normal so far, according to my doctor. We find out in January if it's a boy or girl! 

Sending everyone wishes for restorative peace and sleep.

- Sarah

 

[[Sa...]]

(I should clarify that when I said I began sleeping well at 7 weeks, I meant 7 weeks of being pregnant.)

[[we...]]

That's it, we need to get pregnant !

[[Sa...]]

I assume and hope that was a joke! I probably shouldn't have posted anything. I just saw that someone was wondering what had happened to some former posters in the insomniac group, including me. I wish my situation/improvement was more relevant or valid.

[Guest [CM...]]

I think it was a joke, Welly has quite a sense of humor. I was thinking the same thing. I have been afraid to even think about it. We were trying when this all started over two years ago and now I wonder if it will ever be possible. I'm 39.

I am one year out and sleep is still an issue, and it never ever was before. It is improving and I do get nights of 8-9 hours, hormones set off sleep issues as does any bit of stress. It's so weird how much these drugs change our bodies. I feel like I'm fighting off menopause!

Sarah, thank you for sharing, I will check out the book you mentioned. I am drinking herbal infusions with Nettle and Oat Straw and finding nice success with both of those.

Wishing you a happy healthy joyous pregnancy and beyond.

Thank you for sharing!

Much love

melo x

[[ji...]]

Hi Sarah

 

Good to hear from you! I'm happy that both your pregnancy and sleep are both doing well! I bought the book you are speaking of but my cog fog is creeping in and I'm confused. When doing the code are you supposed to focus on the current issue, past memory, happy picture...what? It mentions all of those...

 

Keep us posted on how you are doing?

[[Sa...]]

I agree I think that part of the book was confusing! At the beginning of a session I would repeat the prayer (on page 221) and insert my fears about insomnia into that. But that prayer is long and hard to remember.

So during the code, right before I did each position, I would think a more simple thought to myself that was positive, possible and easy to remember. Something like, "My insomnia can be healed." (This mantra has changed based on whatever is currently occupying my thoughts, i.e. baby's health, etc.) After that I just let myself think of ANYTHING that made me happy. I could envision being hugged by my family or parents. A memory of childhood or a superficial pleasure like jumping into a swimming pool or the skyline of San Francisco, which I miss dearly. I didn't restrict it to anything spiritual, just let my thoughts wander---as long as the thoughts were generating warmth, happiness and positive energy, (which is the whole idea, as you're channeling this energy back into yourself through the positions. ) Then I would switch positions, say this one-liner again to myself and let the positive thoughts take over. At first that was hard to do and I was crying through the whole thing. But once I was able to actually dredge up some memories of happiness, the process got easier and even enjoyable.

I think that it's worth a shot because I think positive energy can really help, and certainly can't hurt. The act forces you to at least temporarily shift your focus and not give attention to worries and fears, which were dominating all my thoughts.

Like I said, I did the code once or twice a day for a couple weeks before I really began noticing a difference.

 

[[ji...]]

Thanks Sarah!! I wasn't sure if I was supposed to try to figure out every hurtful experience and try to match it with a current issue, lol!

[[we...]]

1 year sleep update

 

Sleep history since January 20th 2011, all times are approximate.

 

For the first two weeks after my last lorazepam dose, I slept very little.  Over the next several weeks I slept in 5, 10, and 15 minutes increments, mostly hypnagotic sleep, waking me up with sounds, bangs, jerks, panic attacks, and pounding heartbeat when I slept at all.  I had many, many nights of zero sleep, sometimes getting only four hours of disrupted sleep in 72 hours.  After a few weeks, I started getting some nights containing a couple of hours of deep sleep.  Sleep hygiene helped, but did not increase this amount of sleep.

 

In Month 2, I started dreaming regularly, but still had many nights of zero hours of sleep, I was typically sleeping three or four hours a night, still divided in small increments of time of less than one hour.  I was still shaking violently, and getting regular rapid heart rate episodes during the night.

 

Around Month 3, I started getting regular periods of deep sleep a couple of times a week.  The remaining sleep was still disrupted, and I had regular nights of zero hours. Around this time, I started “cycling”; one night sleeping six or seven hours discontinuous, and the other night sleeping zero, one or two hours. This cycling lasted several weeks.

 

Around month 4, I was still waking up most nights with my heart pounding, typically between 1 and 4 am, this subsided by September.  Around this time (April – May), what I can best describe as my sensation to pain started to come back after eight months of little or no sensation in most of my body.  During the next couple of months, whatever sleep I did get was interrupted by pain, mostly in my upper back, shoulders, neck, arms, lower back, and sciatic pain in both legs. I took the maximum allowable dose of acetaminophen throughout the night. My doctor prescribed an NSAID, but unfortunately it didn't help.

 

In month 7, I suddenly started getting one or two nights of 5+ hours of contiguous sleep a week. One of those nights was at the sleep clinic. The rest of the nights I slept as little as one hour and as much as four hours but always broken. I still took acetaminophen at night to sleep.  Other parts of my body reconnected to pain during this time, including my hips and knees and feet, and skin.

 

At nine and a half months off, my sleep was improving but still disrupted with several awakenings lasting several minutes, sometimes hours, most nights. I had vivid and lucid dreams during the night. I feel I was getting some deep sleep almost every night, however I was having intense fatigue throughout the day every day and never felt rested.  Sleep was very erratic, with no discernible pattern. I cannot nap during the day.

 

At one year off, I now sleep four nights a week for 5+ hours. The other nights my sleep is still broken and disrupted. I occasionally sleep 7 or 8 hours, maybe once a week, and on those gems, I wake up feeling rested. The feeling of rest lasts about one hour. I have intense chronic fatigue, and still feel very tired the entire day, but it is not as bad as it used to be. Mentally I can function for about 15 minutes spurts, either reading, listening to someone talk, chatting, or watching a little bit of television, a movie, or doing administrative stuff like paying bills and claiming insurance stuff. After that, I have to take a mental break.  I have to lay down every afternoon for about one hour and a half but I cannot nap yet.

 

[[Su...]]

Wellness...slowly but surely it's improving for you...I am in my 17th month and I just started being able to take a nap!

[[ji...]]

That's wonderful wellness!

[[Ti...]]

Welness--great progress!  I bet you are so fatigued from all those months of sleep deprivation.  Do you get the "sleepy" feeling yet?

 

Sunny--naps!!  yay!!  You give us hope

 

Did/do any of you have this issue going on:  When you try to rest/nap/sleep, your heartbeat actually starts beating quickly, as if its telling you there is lion around the corner--so get up and RUN?  I literally have to get up and walk around.  It's the opposite of what it's supposed to do--instead of calming down--my heart is accelerating as I try to relax.  I also never feel sleepy   Miss that feeling a lot.

 

By the way, I am SURE I am repeating myself in posts.  If so, soooo sorry.  I am just so sleep deprived--I know you understand.  Going to give Trazadone 25 mg. a try tonight...

 

Tina 

[[Su...]]

Welness--great progress!  I bet you are so fatigued from all those months of sleep deprivation.  Do you get the "sleepy" feeling yet?

 

Sunny--naps!!  yay!!  You give us hope

 

Did/do any of you have this issue going on:  When you try to rest/nap/sleep, your heartbeat actually starts beating quickly, as if its telling you there is lion around the corner--so get up and RUN?  I literally have to get up and walk around.  It's the opposite of what it's supposed to do--instead of calming down--my heart is accelerating as I try to relax.  I also never feel sleepy   Miss that feeling a lot.

 

By the way, I am SURE I am repeating myself in posts.  If so, soooo sorry.  I am just so sleep deprived--I know you understand.  Going to give Trazadone 25 mg. a try tonight...

 

Tina 

 

Yep, up until this last month that was what I experienced every time I tried to nap...I called it "toxic sleep"...I hated it!

[[we...]]

Tina,

no I do not feel sleepy. It is the oddest thing. I hope and trust that my brain knows what to do. If I lie down during the day I don't sleep, but if I do exactly the same thing at night, after about an hour I fall asleep. I have no idea how this works because I'm not sleepy, but I am exhausted.  I was talking to another buddy, who is 30 months off, and now feels sleepy in the evenings. This sort of snuck up on him.

 

Sunny, congratulations on being able to nap, that is a true measure of healing. Do you still get fatigued, and did you ever feel rested?

 

Jittery, my sleep was really bad as well, I see a lot of myself in your posts. I hope you get some much-needed sleep soon.

[[Ti...]]

Hi Welness,

 

Yes, I sure miss that sleepy feeling too.  It's like something has changed in my brain   I really, really, really hope it comes back!!  I hope it returns for you too.  Keep me posted if/when it does!!

[[Su...]]

Tina,

no I do not feel sleepy. It is the oddest thing. I hope and trust that my brain knows what to do. If I lie down during the day I don't sleep, but if I do exactly the same thing at night, after about an hour I fall asleep. I have no idea how this works because I'm not sleepy, but I am exhausted.  I was talking to another buddy, who is 30 months off, and now feels sleepy in the evenings. This sort of snuck up on him.

 

Sunny, congratulations on being able to nap, that is a true measure of healing. Do you still get fatigued, and did you ever feel rested?

 

Jittery, my sleep was really bad as well, I see a lot of myself in your posts. I hope you get some much-needed sleep soon.

 

I still very fatigued..but I figure, I've been sleep deprived for almost 2 years..of course I'm gonna feel fatigued! But that fatigue has slowly started to lift the last month or so.

 

Guys..I know you all feel SO broke and that this is never going to end..I thought I was permanently broken..but I'm not! I'm healing every day and really doing amazing most of the time...I have a bad day here and there (usually related to my menstrual cycle or stress)..but the constant day in and day out, every second of the day suffering..IT'S OVER!!!

[[Ti...]]

Sunny--Thank you so much for keeping us hopeful!   That is such wonderful news.  I cannot wait until I feel that way--just not sure how much longer it's going to be...

 

Tina

[[re...]]

I am 7.5 months out from a c/t.

I get sleepy around 11. I fall asleep within a few minutes of getting into bed. I wake up once or twice and go back to sleep. I wake up between 6- 7 30 for the day. My dreams are vivid again.

 

I dont wake up feeling super rested as I wake up to a laundry list of body and mental sx, but I know that will come soon enough.

I am grateful I have as good of sleep as I do. Mine was horrible in my taper, bedtime was 6 am slept till 10 am. It was a night mare.

 

[[re...]]

No matter how frightened we get because our healing seems so slow-  it's obvious we are indeed healing.

 

Wellness I'm so happy for you.  Each month your sleep is improving.  It won't be long now before every night will be restful and restorative.

 

You inspired me to look back at my sleeping history.  From December 2010 (when I jumped)  to April 2011 I was a mess- I don't think I had many nights where I had more than 2-4 hours of sleep at best.  The first few months I had to change my nightgown 3 or 4 times during the night because I was drenched in nightsweats.  I wasn't even capable of keeping a log.

 

I began a sleep log at the end of April-  At that time I was getting 4 maybe 5 hours and waking in constant panic.

 

Sometime in May I began having the occasional 7 hour night-  even an occasional 8 hour-  but I still had many bad nights and nights when I would lay awake for hours.

 

Things began to turn in July- I began getting solid 7-8 hour nights and was less anxious in the morning.

 

August & September were even better-  I had several stretches of a week or two in a row where I experienced solid, restful sleep.

 

For some reason I stopped keeping my sleep log in September-  but October, November, December & January have been continual improvements.

 

Lately I have been getting 9-10 hours a night!  I fall asleep absolutely exhausted between 9 and 10 pm and sleep straight through the night-  and the sleep feels 80%  "normal"

 

It definitely feels like my body is repairing itself and my healing is accelerating.

 

Hang in there buddies!  Never give up hope.

 

love,

B

[[re...]]

I wanted to add a few comments about the things that I think have helped me most with my sleep.

 

I really believe that exercise is critical !

 

I also believe that natural sunlight and fresh air really help.  Nothing has felt as healing to me as feeling the sun on my body.  Try getting out in the light in the morning and don't wear sunglasses ! 

 

"Sunglasses can block from 20% to 80% of the sunlight entering our eyes. Additionally, most people who wear sunglasses wear them when they don't even need to.

 

As light plays an important role in maintaining body's internal clock and healthy sleep, wearing sunglasses makes it harder to maintain the proper sleep-wake cycle.

Many insomniacs receive a boost of better sleep and energy throughout the day simply by wearing their sunglasses less often, or eliminating the use of them completely. "

 

 

[[we...]]

Thanks Rebecca, that was a great contribution to that thread.

[Guest [CM...]]

Tina,

no I do not feel sleepy. It is the oddest thing. I hope and trust that my brain knows what to do. If I lie down during the day I don't sleep, but if I do exactly the same thing at night, after about an hour I fall asleep. I have no idea how this works because I'm not sleepy, but I am exhausted.  I was talking to another buddy, who is 30 months off, and now feels sleepy in the evenings. This sort of snuck up on him.

 

Sunny, congratulations on being able to nap, that is a true measure of healing. Do you still get fatigued, and did you ever feel rested?

 

Jittery, my sleep was really bad as well, I see a lot of myself in your posts. I hope you get some much-needed sleep soon.

 

I still very fatigued..but I figure, I've been sleep deprived for almost 2 years..of course I'm gonna feel fatigued! But that fatigue has slowly started to lift the last month or so.

 

Guys..I know you all feel SO broke and that this is never going to end..I thought I was permanently broken..but I'm not! I'm healing every day and really doing amazing most of the time...I have a bad day here and there (usually related to my menstrual cycle or stress)..but the constant day in and day out, every second of the day suffering..IT'S OVER!!!

 

Hi Sunny (and Wellness - thanks for the thread).

Welly reading your summary of sleep reminds me so much of myself. I too am getting better and better.

I have many days where I am nearly symptom free. I say this because while I have many many days free of the pain suffering and total agony that is benzo and remeron withdrawal, I am still left with the PTSD of it all. I still have to pick myself up and deal with the aftermath, the loss of years, life, looks, health, friends, family, home, so many things. Rebuilding self esteem and getting back to life after being taken out for over two years is a task in itself.

 

My sleep was just as bad as Welly described. I started to get more sleep when I hit 9 months. I am not officially 14 months off and last night I slept almost 9 hours, woke once a little heated (have my period). Nothing like the old days of being drenched in a soaking sweat that smelled like cat pee or burnt tires.

I'm also sleeping better and better now, I get 4-5 nights a week of 8 hrs sleep. When I don't sleep well now it's just as Sunny mentioned, cycle or stress or both. It all comes back slowly.

I can relate to what you say about 'sleepy', i rarely get that feeling, oh how I miss that feeling.

I am tired, wiped out, fatigued and I do fall asleep, some nights I get in bed and know it takes me 30-45 minutes to fall asleep. But some mornings I wake up and have to think, Oh I fell asleep, I don't think it took me long last night, I don't have a memory or that laying awake and waiting feeling...But it's not yet like I just crash out from sleepy feeling. Like falling asleep on the couch or taking a nap.

I'm not where I want to be but Im so so so much better.

I'm working a lot from home (still in Brazil, two months here so far), spending time with family and friends, cooking, baking organic treats, taking long walks, yoga, driving, seeing movies. I have many days where i feel normal. I'm eager for the fatigue to leave permanently and I can't wait to wake up after 8 hrs and feel ready to GO. I do have a lot of fire, so I'm a Doer, and when i sleep I DO, I Go.... I have lost too much time to this.

I've also found great relief in mindfulness meditation. I do it EVERY night now for the last 2 plus weeks before bed. (I've slept 7.5-9 hrs all nights but 2) One was major stress and the other was period and working too late on computer. I sit there and meditate, I have trouble clearing my mind, but I try my best. Thoughts come into my head and I try not to be bothered by them... not easy... I visualize myself sleeping soundly curled up in a little ball in my bed, I even visualize myself sleeping in my nice big giant blue bed at home (back in the States). I picture things in my head that I want to be and do. I know it's powerful, I've seen it work wonders for many many people. I'm new to it and giving it my best shot.

 

Overall, I am 100x better than i was one year ago. I believe by two years I will totally and completely healed. 14 months and 1 day today.

Wishing everyone lots of health and healing.

Much Love

Melo x

 

Thanks for your friendship Sunny, you've always been and continue to be an inspiration for me!!!!!! xoxooxo Beijos